How to talk to your parents about why I was Circumcised?

Discussion in 'The Healthy Penis' started by matt121matt121, Feb 10, 2008.

  1. matt121matt121

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    Recently the fact that I was circumcised has really started to bother me again. I've tried to shove it to the back of my head time and time again but it keeps surfacing with the same questions.

    I know there is no way that I can get a foreskin back, so thats not my hangup, I just want to know why they decided to do it etc.

    Does anyone have any suggestions on how I could ask them questions such as:

    Why did you choose to have me circumcised?
    What do you remember about the day it was done?
    Where did the procedure take place?
    What was the doctor's name who did it?
    Were they male or female?
    Do you know what method they used?
    Do you know what they did with my foreskin once it was removed?


    I really wish I could get my hands on the medical records from it, but my guess is that they have long sense been destroyed as I am now 23 almost 24 and I've heard that hospitals only keep them on record for 7 years.

    Any help or ideas anyone can provide are greatly appreciated!!
     
  2. VeeP

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    I'd say it may be wise to not venture past the first question unless you're certain they won't have you committed. Mine would.
     
  3. SteveHd

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    That can be a delicate topic to some parents; you should approached it carefully. Start gently with a question such as "How old was I when I was circumcised?". If they snap angrily you may have to drop the matter. If you proceed be careful with the discussion and try to minimize your dissatisfaction.

    At best they will be defensive; at worst, hostile. If they become angry or hostile, say something like "I know it was 'the thing to do' then, I don't hold it against you now" or to that effect.

    Your questions:

    Why did you choose to have me circumcised?
    It's a fair question but don't open the discussion with it.

    What do you remember about the day it was done?
    Not really relevant.

    Where did the procedure take place?
    What was the doctor's name who did it?

    Possible opening questions.

    Were they male or female?
    Not relevant.

    Do you know what method they used?
    Do you know what they did with my foreskin once it was removed?

    It's likely they weren't told either of those. If you find out who the surgeon was, you can ask him. His office might still have some of your records.

    Again, be gentle. Best wishes.
     
  4. Principessa

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    I think you need therapy, you also need to get a life.
     
  5. Rugbypup

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    Why is it common practice for non jewish American males?
     
  6. SteveHd

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    That wasn't nice.

    To all: This is a "support" group and he asked support-type questions in "The Healthy Penis" forum. Be respectful.
     
  7. D_Kaye Throttlebottom

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    Can I ask why this bothers you?
     
  8. MH07

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    I hope your experience is more pleasant/successful than mine was. When I mentioned the topic to my parents (having had a "spirited discussion" with my sister and her husband over this subject when they decided to have their son circumcised at birth), my parents' attitude was basically, "What's it to you? It was our decision and we made it." This caused a rather sizeable quarrel, as I would suggest that cutting off part of me without asking me about it pretty much makes it "my business."

    Females: you have no business commenting on this thread. Or, we can discuss female circumcision. It's the same thing: involuntary mutilation.
     
  9. Northland

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    "How to talk to your parents about why I was Circumcicised?"


    Why exactly would you want to talk to my parents about your being circumcised? I don't really think they had anything to do with it.



    Besides which, they're both long dead.



    If it's a concern to you (your circumcision) then just ask them outright why it was done. End of story.
     
  10. ZOS23xy

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    Doctors in America began doing in routinely in the 20th century because it was thought it was a deterrent in cases of self abuse. It became traditional. It became automatic. It became part of the bill. My parents probably had no say in it.

    Ask your parents? Only if you're so obsessed with it you can't let it go. I wouldn't.
     
  11. Northland

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    They like to blend in comfortably when summer resorting in the Catskills.
     
  12. D_Kaye Throttlebottom

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    Good lord.

    I'm going to respectfully disagree, the post isn't about circumcision as a topic. The author is asking for advice on how to talk to your parents on _____. That is what was asked for and I'm not being insensitive; rather the opposite. I want to understand why he writes that he is bothered by it again.

    I also, understand your feelings mean that male circumsion is involuntary mutilation and you had a defensive conversation about it with your parents. I am sad they were not sensitive to your feelings about it. However this thread isn't about you and your feelings on it, it's about his and he wants a successful outcome.

    I just want to ask why it bothers him (again) and hear his reasons, before I would recommend any way to talk to his parents. Like it or not, one of his parents that had a hand in making that decision is a female and a female will be on the receiving end of his inquiry...his mother.

    There are mothers on this board and I remember reading about one on another thread, that specifically wrote about the guilt she had about having her sons circumsized, and relented becauase her husband's family was in favor of circumcision. You don't think her p.o.v (should she chose to comment) would be of any benefit to him, in how to approach the subject with his mother? At least that is woman that has had some conflict about the decision and at a minimum would have some insight on how he feels or can give him some comfort on how to approach his mother (how she might feel if her sons asked her about it one day?)

    I don't mean to be harsh to you, but he asked for help to talk his parents about it, not a discussion about whether it's right or not.

    Male circumcision and female circumcision aren't even in the same zipcode and belong on another thread.

    I'd like to keep it in the tolerance for which he asked, how do you talk to your parents about it.
     
  13. Jason

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    As you are 23 years old and your parents have not talked with you about this topic I'm guessing it would be a problematic issue to raise now.

    Why go there?

    Probably they did it just because it was the thing to do within the culture and society in which they were living. Possibly they had a religious or other belief that it was beneficial for you. Do you really need to know which it is? Your other questions are unlikely to have left a record. In Britain patients do not have access to their own medical records - maybe it is different in the US - but even so I doubt there would be much recorded.

    Possibly you want to tell them that you are not happy being circumcised. That's a different thing - it is a statement, not a question. If this is the case then this is a major issue - the obvious thought is why go out of your way to hurt them? Maybe there is a reason (eg they are encouraging their children to circumcise their grandchildren), and if there is such a reason then perhaps you should speak out. But only if there is a reason.
     
  14. dolfette

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    if i'd had something like that done, i'd want to know why.
    obviously his folks thought they were doing the right thing...whether they'd been convinced he would be teased or suffer health issues etc.
    but he does have a right to know.

    in reply...
    can't you request access to your medical records? most of the info should be there.
     
  15. D_Kaye Throttlebottom

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    I'm asking why it bothers him now, or has it always bothered him, knowing that the majority of hospitals circumsized men at the turn of the century.

    I'm not being critical, and I think that is a question his parents would likely ask him as well. That's my only intent here is to understand.
     
  16. D_Jurgen Klitgaard

    D_Jurgen Klitgaard Account Disabled

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    I'm cut. I've never wondered why, wondered what if, I've never questioned it. I don't care. All I know is my penis works and it feels good.

    I'm not trying to be rude, but I have also wondered why some men are so upset about being cut when they have no way to know what it's like to have foreskin, nothing to base their anger on for not having it. I know all about the extra nerve endings and sensation and all that comes with foreskin, but I also know there are some problems people have with it being too tight and the retraction thing. There is also the extra care needed to keep it clean. Some parents just don't want that hassle. Me personally, I am happy with the decision my parents made.

    Now if I had my foreskin up until last week and they took it from me, then I would be pissed.
     
  17. kirbster

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    Pot, meet kettle!

    What a mean, nasty response. You REALLY need help!
     
  18. Jory

    Jory New Member

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    I am not clear what you want to achieve by asking them? The simple answer to yr question: "Why was I circumcised?" is that it was the custom back them. Is that not enough of an answer for you? Cut guys are still in the majority in USA and I don't think it is a problem.
     
  19. SteveHd

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    To all: Since the O/P was born well after ~1970, one or both of his parents certainly had to sign a consent form which was separate from the other forms. Hence, they would have thought about it, for at least a moment, whether or not to do it. It wasn't "automatic" nor a "custom" in the early 1980s. One or both definitely knew he was to be circumcised, unless the hospital messed up.
     
  20. yarraman

    yarraman New Member

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    A friend of mine was angry at being circumcised as a baby. he approached his parents about it, but it turned into a drama and now they dont speak !

    neo-natal circumcision is not done in the hospitals in NZ, but there are some dodgy private surgeons that provide the surgery still.
     
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