How to talk to your parents about why I was Circumcised?

[B_NineInchCock_160IQ]

Why does it even matter?

Are they planning on having more kids and you want to save these children from the same dilemma? probably not.
Is it going to help you get your foreskin back? No, of course not.
Do you just want to make them feel bad?

If they're religious, that's probably why they did it. If not, then the fact that you are 23 and American is probably why they did it. Just a very normal thing to do, especially 20+ years ago. They probably didn't put much thought into it at all, or if they did, it was probably something like they didn't want you picked on in gym class for being different, or they believed some of the things they heard about circumcised penises being healthier or cleaner, or they wanted you to match your father, or it was just the normal thing to do and they didn't see why not. Probably not that complicated. I'm sure they weren't trying to cause you any grief, why try to get back at them now?

 

[B_NineInchCock_160IQ]

To all: Since the O/P was born well after ~1970, one or both of his parents certainly had to sign a consent form which was separate from the other forms. Hence, they would have thought about it, for at least a moment, whether or not to do it. It wasn't "automatic" nor a "custom" in the early 1980s. One or both definitely knew he was to be circumcised, unless the hospital messed up.

born in 1979 myself and I didn't see my first uncircumcised penis until probably my fifth or sixth year of avid porn watching. It's still pretty common in the US, and it's now 2008.

 

[snoozan]

To all: Since the O/P was born well after ~1970, one or both of his parents certainly had to sign a consent form which was separate from the other forms. Hence, they would have thought about it, for at least a moment, whether or not to do it. It wasn't "automatic" nor a "custom" in the early 1980s. One or both definitely knew he was to be circumcised, unless the hospital messed up.

Sort of. Even as of 2005, in the hustle and bustle of a delivery and all the various and sundry paperwork you have to sign (usually while you're in active labor) it can be something that gets missed unless you're pretty set on not doing it before you go into the hospital. This is why discussing circumcision long before you have a child is important.

With that said, and all due respect to the OP, I don't see what you'd get out of interrogating your parents. No amount of information can take back the past, and I'd venture that obsessing over it is going to be unhealthy for you. I think some better questions would be to ask yourself why all this information and why your circumcision status is so important to you. If it keeps coming up and you can't settle with it and move on, it may point to some more serious issues that you have with yourself or your sexuality.

I didn't circumcise my son for various reasons that I've gone into great detail about on this forum elsewhere. I don't know how many young men have PMed me about how they are so unhappy with their circumcision status that they are extremely angry at their parents and can't enjoy sex to its fullest. Those emotions are destructive and self-fueling. The truth is, your parents probably didn't think all that much about it since it's still a standard procedure in the US. They did what they thought was right, and I imagine what they thought was that circumcision was both normal and somewhat inconsequential. I don't agree with that myself, but 20+ years ago that's just how things were.

You can belabor all these points with your parents, but I don't know that it's going to fix anything or make you feel any better about your penis. I'd concentrate less on what happened and more on what you can do to feel good about the equipment you have.

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

I'm not trying to be rude, but I have also wondered why some men are so upset about being cut when they have no way to know what it's like to have foreskin, nothing to base their anger on for not having it.

That's basically my feeling, though I wasn't circumcized till I was in elementary school. (I was born quite prematurely, and preemies didn't get circumcized in the hospital I was born in. My foreskin, later on, began cracking, giving me recurrent minor infections.)
It has simply never been an issue for me.
I never, never think of it.

 

[mindseye]

I know there is no way that I can get a foreskin back, so thats not my hangup, I just want to know why they decided to do it etc.

Let me suggest that now's not the time to ask. Would you want to be called upon to defend a decision you made 23 years earlier? They acted at the time in what they thought would be your best interests, and bringing up the subject with them now will only lay a guilt trip on them.

You can bring it up tastefully when you're about to father a son yourself; something along the lines of "the baby's due in a couple of weeks, and I'm sure the doctors will ask if we want him cut or not. What went through your minds when they asked you about it?" Until then, don't turn your preoccupation into a form of torment for them.

 

[Principessa]

Why does it even matter? It doesn't, he is obsessing.

Are they planning on having more kids and you want to save these children from the same dilemma? probably not.
Is it going to help you get your foreskin back? No, of course not.
Do you just want to make them feel bad? I don't think he is thinking about their feelings only his own.

If they're religious, that's probably why they did it. If not, then the fact that you are 23 and American is probably why they did it. Just a very normal thing to do, especially 20+ years ago. They probably didn't put much thought into it at all, or if they did, it was probably something like they didn't want you picked on in gym class for being different, or they believed some of the things they heard about circumcised penises being healthier or cleaner, or they wanted you to match your father, or it was just the normal thing to do and they didn't see why not. Probably not that complicated. I'm sure they weren't trying to cause you any grief, why try to get back at them now?

Agreed!

A friend of mine was angry at being circumcised as a baby. he approached his parents about it, but it turned into a drama and now they dont speak !

neo-natal circumcision is not done in the hospitals in NZ, but there are some dodgy private surgeons that provide the surgery still.

:lmao: I think it's interesting that only a dodgy private surgeon would do a circumcision.

I am not clear what you want to achieve by asking them? The simple answer to your question: "Why was I circumcised?" is that it was the custom back them. Is that not enough of an answer for you? Cut guys are still in the majority in USA and I don't think it is a problem.

You are correct!

Pot, meet kettle!

What a mean, nasty response. You REALLY need help!

Why is my response so mean and nasty, because I am not a man? There have been plenty of men who disagreed far more vehemntly with the OP in various posts.

 

[2322]

I told my mom I was active in an intactivist group, working as coordinator. I thought she would be happy that I was finally, "giving something back to the community," but no. She thought it was weird. I then explained in great detail why circumcision is wrong on so many levels and so I asked her as part of that conversation why they had me circumcised.

I was born in a navy hospital in Port Deposit, Maryland. There were no OB facilities there at the time and the doctors didn't know what to do. I was born with [SIZE=-1]hyperbilirubinemia, essentially infantile jaundice and was immediately baptized, put in an ambulance, and sent to Bethesda. A week later my parents could finally see me and when I arrived back in their arms, I was circumcised. They didn't think anything of it, never discussed with each other, and back in 1966 it was completely standard. There were no consent forms to sign for anything. I was at Bethesda for a full three days before my father arrived back on base. My mom was still in the base infirmary recovering from the birth, and so basically I was on my own. Neither of them signed any forms for treatment but nor would they have to since my condition was considered life-threatening.

I explained my anger at having had part of me cut off without my permission and done at a time precisely when I was unable to give consent. I believe I used the analogy of, "What if I had you tied down and a perfectly normal, healthy, functioning, part of your body cut off because I thought it was a good idea?"

In retrospect I admit it was not the best thing to say but it got my point across. I really can't hold my parents responsible as neither of them were there to give consent to anything. My mom says she talked on the phone to doctors but nobody ever mentioned circumcision nor did it even cross her mind that an ill infant would have such a thing done. They were worried about keeping me alive.

This caused more friction when my sister decided not to have her son circumcised largely based upon my experience. It was very difficult for her as both my parents urged her to do it, her in-laws urged her to do it, and her husband's step-father, a urologist, urged her to do it. After talking to her husband about it and my concerns, I agreed that when my nephew turns 18 and if he wants it done, I will pay for it at the finest doctor money can buy including travel, medication, and whatever else is necessary. On that promise, he agreed and now my nephew is a happy (and intact) little boy whom I love dearly.
[/SIZE]

 

[BIGBULL29]

That's basically my feeling, though I wasn't circumcized till I was in elementary school. (I was born quite prematurely, and preemies didn't get circumcized in the hospital I was born in. My foreskin, later on, began cracking, giving me recurrent minor infections.)
It has simply never been an issue for me.
I never, never think of it.

Yeah, I agree.

It really boils down to this: You can't miss what you never had.

On ne peut regretter ce qu'on n'a jamais connu.:wink:

 

[2322]

But ya did Blanche! Ya did have it!

Your foreskin was there and everytime you look at your penis you see a scar to remind you of what's been taken from you.

Whether we miss it or not, the point is that someone cut off part of your body; a normal, healthy, functioning part of you for no other reason than they wanted to. In any other circumstance, that's assault and battery, just not this particular one because our society says that a boy's foreskin isn't something he should be allowed to keep if your parents don't want you to have it. What if they don't like your pinky? Your earlobe? If they have the right to have part of your body cut off, then there's nothing but social acceptance to prevent them from cutting off any other part. Sure doctors would call social services if a parent asked for anything other than a foreskin to be cut off but, even now, when circumcision has, at best, questionable benefits, we're still doing it. Objectively, it's bizarre.

Yeah, I agree.

It really boils down to this: You can't miss what you never had.

On ne peut regretter ce qu'on n'a jamais connu.:wink:

 

[yarraman]

Yeah, I agree.

It really boils down to this: You can't miss what you never had.

On ne peut regretter ce qu'on n'a jamais connu.:wink:

ever heard of the "rights of the individual"???

Why do Americans support the mutilation of a baby without there concent

?

 

[BIGBULL29]

ever heard of the "rights of the individual"???

Why do Americans support the mutilation of a baby without there conSent

?

It's just not an issue for me. I can't miss something I never had. I never experienced an orgasm having my foreskin.

I'm out of this silly thread.:biggrin1: It's not interesting to me. I'm happy with my penis the way it is, though it was mutilated without my consent.:tongue:

 

[Ed69]

Recently the fact that I was circumcised has really started to bother me again. I've tried to shove it to the back of my head time and time again but it keeps surfacing with the same questions.

I know there is no way that I can get a foreskin back, so thats not my hangup, I just want to know why they decided to do it etc.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I could ask them questions such as:

Why did you choose to have me circumcised?
What do you remember about the day it was done?
Where did the procedure take place?
What was the doctor's name who did it?
Were they male or female?
Do you know what method they used?
Do you know what they did with my foreskin once it was removed?


I really wish I could get my hands on the medical records from it, but my guess is that they have long sense been destroyed as I am now 23 almost 24 and I've heard that hospitals only keep them on record for 7 years.

Any help or ideas anyone can provide are greatly appreciated!!

As you can see by now with the responses you're getting it's pointless to ask your parents anything about it.These perfect strangers react defensivly and say you need help!Trust me I tried with my parents and they reacted just like these people!

Now day's when my mother gets freaked about my latest tattoo I remind her that she started the body mods.I have asked though why she didn't have a Prince Albert done with my circ.No answer as of late!

 

[Garth33]

It's just not an issue for me. I can't miss something I never had. I never experienced an orgasm having my foreskin.

I'm out of this silly thread.:biggrin1: It's not interesting to me. I'm happy with my penis the way it is, though it was mutilated without my consent.:tongue:

also agree Bigbull...what happened to me when I was 2 days old was WAY out of my control. Maybe that's why you have to be 18 to vote in most countries - it eliminates trying to interpret the flailing arms! I'm cut....never thought another thing about it and and I've never questioned what "could" have been. I don't think there's anything to be gained from questioning your parents when, at least in the US at the time, it was mostly a cultural, not parental, decision. I have seen mistakes though and that would suck but fortunately the doc that did me apparently knew what he was doing...

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

Females: you have no business commenting on this thread. Or, we can discuss female circumcision. It's the same thing: involuntary mutilation.

We have every right to comment on this thread, we're the ones who give birth to babies. Not sure if you were aware of that.

 

[bearman66]

There was a time in the United States it was simply done, and for a great deal of the 20th century, much of the English speaking world advocated circumcision. The majority of circs were Routine Infant Circumcisions(RIC) and part of the post-natal care, even after the emergence of informed consent. Most parents do what is advised by a doctor, after all he is the medical professional, and much of the medical community's reasoning for circumcision was considered valid, even at the present, RIC is very common in the US. Most parents do what they think is best, including following the mainstream and medical advice(if any was indeed given).

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that circumcision is far less painful than childbirth, and being born and removed from the womb, having the umbilical cord cut and taking the first independent breaths may be more traumatizing to any child of any sex.

Myself, didn't know that being circumcised caused me any mental trauma and anguish until I was told so. I didn't know I was lacking something I never knew I had or experienced the use in its natural sexual function, but I 've been told I do. Most of the time those sentiments are implied, rather than implicit and personally I find them more harmful than any possible "damaged goods" that being circumcised leaves me as having. If I'm missing out on arousal potential, then what I do experience makes me wonder if I could tolerate more arousal.

I'm sure you didn't known something was wrong with you and you were lacking the ability to truly experience what sexual arousal should be because your parents allowed a stranger to remove part of your body without your consent.

Yes there were botched circumcisions and RIC may truly be unnecessary, but be thankful that you are healthy and understand your parents believed they were doing what was best for you given what they knew.

By the way, the only way a male circumcision would equate to female circumcision, i.e. infibulation/genital mutilation would be if the entire penis was amputated intentionally for the sole purpose of eliminating sexual pleasure. FGM is a procedure that is far more medically dangerous and definately more traumatizing, with insidious intent as its motivation.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

]
I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that circumcision is far less painful than childbirth, and being born and removed from the womb, having the umbilical cord cut and taking the first independent breaths may be more traumatizing to any child of any sex.
.

This isn't a valid defence, there isn't any choice when it comes to being born, there is a choice about circumcision.

 

[Garth33]

This isn't a valid defence, there isn't any choice when it comes to being born, there is a choice about circumcision.

Hi SP...but there really WASN'T a decision in the 60's and 70's in the US...it was just ASSUMED you wanted it done and it was...there really was no vote...like I said before, it was a cultural thing

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

Even in the 60's and 70's there were some kids who must have escaped being circumcised, I really can't in any circumstances see me allowing a doctor to chop bits of my baby.

 

[Garth33]

I'm asking why it bothers him now, or has it always bothered him, knowing that the majority of hospitals circumsized men at the turn of the century.

I'm not being critical, and I think that is a question his parents would likely ask him as well. That's my only intent here is to understand.

I wasn't asked but it never bothered me...no complaints and, like you, I don't understand why anyone would complain now. You play the hand you're dealt....done deal!

 

[Garth33]

Even in the 60's and 70's there were some kids who must have escaped being circumcised, I really can't in any circumstances see me allowing a doctor to chop bits of my baby.

My parents told me..."it was just DONE!" - I didn't question it...didn't want too...didn't feel bad or resentful or "mutilated!"...just went on with life....an guy that brings this up to his parents NOW is a bitter, angry individual....just my opinion...