HellsKitchenmanNYC
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Well if he wanted to fall he wouldn't have asked for advice. I only offered it b/c I've know people in that situation.
How to tell for sure if the straight guy is actually bi or gay?
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Xcuze
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I dont think this is a difficult thing to deal with. If u fancy the guy then respond favourably to his come ons. Ask if he wants to go for a drink after work etc
If u dont fancy him then just dont encourage him to touch or wrestle with u. Especially in the workplace. Its not difficult.
Only u can tell whether his flirting is sincere or not so its up to YOU to make that judgement call.
If u dont fancy him then just dont encourage him to touch or wrestle with u. Especially in the workplace. Its not difficult.
Only u can tell whether his flirting is sincere or not so its up to YOU to make that judgement call.
HellsKitchenmanNYC
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You left out one piece....this guy supposedly is attached. You think it's ok to play w/someone that is?
Some gay men are masters at identifying and seducing straight-identified guys who aren't entirely straight. By the same token, some not-entirely-straight guys know how to send signals out to gay men they'd be willing to hook up with, but the burden is ulimately on the gay man to make it happen. If the straight guy has to work at it too hard...well, that kind of diminishes his straightness.
If a straight-identified guy seems to be flirting with me, I generally dismiss it as "he's just being friendly" while simultaneously engaging in all sorts of wishful thinking that he's really gay (if I'm attracted to him) and will one day realize his love for me. Even if it obvious that he is indeed flirting with me, the expectation on his part seems to be that I'm going to be the one who takes a chance and makes the first move. Sorry, buddy, put your cards on the table or bug off. I've got better things to do than play your games. By the way, how's your wife?
[Sigh] The truth is, I'm too damned insecure to take advantage of such opportunities when they arise. If a guy is interested in me, I need him to say so. I'm no good at the subtleties of flirting. Even when I know it's happening, I haven't a clue how to respond in kind, how to signal back, "Yes, I'll fuck you discretely and send you home to your wife with your straight identity intact and no one but us will ever know. I'll even service you regularly, if that's what you want, or it'll just be a one-time thing (whichever is less threatening to you). Either way, no strings attached."
Honesty and integrity are not conducive to getting laid.
Last night I watched a Bavarian film called Summer Storm. One of the supporting characters is the type of gay guy who has a high success rate at seducing straight guys. There are a couple of scenes in the movie in which he's working on a particular straight guy, who is a bit homophobic, and it was amazing to watch the way he put the straight guy at ease and gradually gained his trust. I've known guys just like this. I don't really like how aggressive and manipulative they are, yet I'm envious of their ability to know just the right things to say, the way to say it, and their mastery of body language.
Here's a scene in which the gay guys mess with the head of a homophobic guy (starting at 6:18), which then leads into the first secution scene (starting at 8:17). It's in German, but watching the body language, you get the gist of what's going on.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40XxHmrpbZY&feature=related
Here's another clip. The seduction scene begins at about 4:36 and ends at 6:22.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n467S-7opw4&feature=related
Apparently, seducing straight guys involves touching your own chest a lot.
Sorry, I strayed off-topic.
If a straight-identified guy seems to be flirting with me, I generally dismiss it as "he's just being friendly" while simultaneously engaging in all sorts of wishful thinking that he's really gay (if I'm attracted to him) and will one day realize his love for me. Even if it obvious that he is indeed flirting with me, the expectation on his part seems to be that I'm going to be the one who takes a chance and makes the first move. Sorry, buddy, put your cards on the table or bug off. I've got better things to do than play your games. By the way, how's your wife?
[Sigh] The truth is, I'm too damned insecure to take advantage of such opportunities when they arise. If a guy is interested in me, I need him to say so. I'm no good at the subtleties of flirting. Even when I know it's happening, I haven't a clue how to respond in kind, how to signal back, "Yes, I'll fuck you discretely and send you home to your wife with your straight identity intact and no one but us will ever know. I'll even service you regularly, if that's what you want, or it'll just be a one-time thing (whichever is less threatening to you). Either way, no strings attached."
Honesty and integrity are not conducive to getting laid.
Last night I watched a Bavarian film called Summer Storm. One of the supporting characters is the type of gay guy who has a high success rate at seducing straight guys. There are a couple of scenes in the movie in which he's working on a particular straight guy, who is a bit homophobic, and it was amazing to watch the way he put the straight guy at ease and gradually gained his trust. I've known guys just like this. I don't really like how aggressive and manipulative they are, yet I'm envious of their ability to know just the right things to say, the way to say it, and their mastery of body language.
Here's a scene in which the gay guys mess with the head of a homophobic guy (starting at 6:18), which then leads into the first secution scene (starting at 8:17). It's in German, but watching the body language, you get the gist of what's going on.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40XxHmrpbZY&feature=related
Here's another clip. The seduction scene begins at about 4:36 and ends at 6:22.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n467S-7opw4&feature=related
Apparently, seducing straight guys involves touching your own chest a lot.
Sorry, I strayed off-topic.
HellsKitchenmanNYC
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Thankyou all for your responses....i have decided this:- being that i am the older one, the single one and the gay one then i should forget about it.....if outside of work a relationship develops then so be it but its not going to happen even then whilst there is any chance that his young lady would get hurt....i cannot be a tool for him to explore his sexuality
I don't know Mitchy. You're pretty cute. A lot of straight identified guys would still find you attractive. The way I see it, straight identified guys find many women and a few men attractive whilst gay identified guys find many men and a few women attractive.
HellsKitchenmanNYC
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I think that's what I was trying to say. Don't let him use you..esp while he's still w/another. If he wants tofind out for sure let it be w/another guy..b/c the guy he USES to find out once and for all if he likes it or not will prob be the first one out the window on his way to finding alot of guys when he comes out.
There's a lot of double standards when it comes to gender, not all of them in favor of men. I suppose this one comes from being a still largely patriarchal culture though. If two girls make out, that is titillating to the majority of males. If two guys are playful or touch each other even in a silly friendly way, that's waving the rainbow flag. To touch another guy in a male dominated culture you better be spanking butts on the ballfield or nothing.
yeah, he's hot and curious but don't let him toy you around.
better yet, don't fall for any illusory dream that he'll return the warm feelings you have for him.
he may not be totally straight, so, maybe help him discover this BUT not in a sexual way.
if you can help him come out, you don't have to be the sexy object to do it, instead be the "friend" and help him confront his curiosity, be there for him (fully clothed! lol)
seems like you are nice guy, don't go getting your feelings hurt, it's never worth it.
better yet, don't fall for any illusory dream that he'll return the warm feelings you have for him.
he may not be totally straight, so, maybe help him discover this BUT not in a sexual way.
if you can help him come out, you don't have to be the sexy object to do it, instead be the "friend" and help him confront his curiosity, be there for him (fully clothed! lol)
seems like you are nice guy, don't go getting your feelings hurt, it's never worth it.
I've known a few guys like this. They are straight yes but have no problem being playful or being in the kind of behaviour that if sent in the direction of a female would be considered outright flirting aka stroking your hair,massaging your hair or caressing it, helping you adjust your clothing so it fits right, a kiss on the cheek or even the side of your lips when greeting you and so on and so on.
It can be really confusing especially if you are identified yourself as gay or bi and they know it and still do it, and in a way it is because in a bizarre sense, us being gay or bi has broken down that macho barrier that most men put up and so they feel they can just be themselves around us more than another purely 100 % heterosexual male.
Funnily enough, I think it is extremely lucky if two guys can be this open with each other and no have the fear of being labelled or even vilified by those around them for being able to touch each other and be close to one another that what 'normal' social norms allow in the normal circumstances. In a way, it can be a rare chance for most men to have the close type of friendship most women take for granted.
It can be really confusing especially if you are identified yourself as gay or bi and they know it and still do it, and in a way it is because in a bizarre sense, us being gay or bi has broken down that macho barrier that most men put up and so they feel they can just be themselves around us more than another purely 100 % heterosexual male.
Funnily enough, I think it is extremely lucky if two guys can be this open with each other and no have the fear of being labelled or even vilified by those around them for being able to touch each other and be close to one another that what 'normal' social norms allow in the normal circumstances. In a way, it can be a rare chance for most men to have the close type of friendship most women take for granted.
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