How to tell if a girl is interested or not?

[sangheili90]

That's still ultimately about her being a bad person, not about you. It's kind of an unreasonable response to a familiar person asking for some of your free time over hot chocolates.

I can remember very few times when negative rumors went out over my little network of female friends. The very first one I remember was really awful and uncalled for, (and false, from what I can tell-- the rumor spreader is a pariah in our spheres now, but the subject is still a cherished friend 19+ years later) but I chalk it up to the immaturity of high school girls. The others were true, and the information was not shared with anyone who had not already dated the guy. It was gossip among a small number of women surprised to find out we'd been on terrible dates with the same men, and had drawn the same conclusion: No second date. The stories were shared with the men's identities secret, but when the details were all too familiar, the names were introduced to the conversation. The men lost nothing they had not already lost. In fact, my homegirl KNEW I was about to go out with a guy she'd already seen. She KNEW he was boring, self absorbed, too handsy, cheap, and a bad kisser. She let me find out for myself, and only asked me after I reported I was home how it went. She then asked me to confirm his name, and told me about her date with him. Nearly identical. The only difference was he'd picked her up in the car he wouldn't stop talking to me about, and I'd opted to drive myself to meet him. Who on Earth wants to discuss a Nissan Murano for 45 minutes?

Anyway, unless you were like that dude, and put your hands all over her even after she asked you to slow down, or kept calling for weeks after she told you it wasn't going to work out, or something equally appalling, what she (or they) did was childish, and gross. You didn't make her childish and gross, did you? So how can that be about you?

These were just girls I asked out and they flat out rejected me, there never was a date or any chance to do anything weird lol.

 

[sangheili90]

That's still ultimately about her being a bad person, not about you. It's kind of an unreasonable response to a familiar person asking for some of your free time over hot chocolates.

I can remember very few times when negative rumors went out over my little network of female friends. The very first one I remember was really awful and uncalled for, (and false, from what I can tell-- the rumor spreader is a pariah in our spheres now, but the subject is still a cherished friend 19+ years later) but I chalk it up to the immaturity of high school girls. The others were true, and the information was not shared with anyone who had not already dated the guy. It was gossip among a small number of women surprised to find out we'd been on terrible dates with the same men, and had drawn the same conclusion: No second date. The stories were shared with the men's identities secret, but when the details were all too familiar, the names were introduced to the conversation. The men lost nothing they had not already lost. In fact, my homegirl KNEW I was about to go out with a guy she'd already seen. She KNEW he was boring, self absorbed, too handsy, cheap, and a bad kisser. She let me find out for myself, and only asked me after I reported I was home how it went. She then asked me to confirm his name, and told me about her date with him. Nearly identical. The only difference was he'd picked her up in the car he wouldn't stop talking to me about, and I'd opted to drive myself to meet him. Who on Earth wants to discuss a Nissan Murano for 45 minutes?

Anyway, unless you were like that dude, and put your hands all over her even after she asked you to slow down, or kept calling for weeks after she told you it wasn't going to work out, or something equally appalling, what she (or they) did was childish, and gross. You didn't make her childish and gross, did you? So how can that be about you?

This is why I really believe people just don't like me, even though they don't know me at all, because I have yet to meet anyone who has had people literally go out of their way to make their life miserable.

 

[AlteredEgo]

This is why I really believe people just don't like me, even though they don't know me at all, because I have yet to meet anyone who has had people literally go out of their way to make their life miserable.

I have sometimes perceived you as combative. I feel like I've gotten to know you a bit better, and now I understand that's not the case. Any chance other people get the same first impression in person?

 

[sangheili90]

I have sometimes perceived you as combative. I feel like I've gotten to know you a bit better, and now I understand that's not the case. Any chance other people get the same first impression in person?

Well, when I said these individuals don't even know me at all I meant to say they have literally never had a single verbal interaction with me. As for the girls I asked out, our interaction was fairly brief and to the point.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Well, when I said these individuals don't even know me at all I meant to say they have literally never had a single verbal interaction with me. As for the girls I asked out, our interaction was fairly brief and to the point.

I don;t know that I'd ever go from zero to date with anyone. For me, a brief chat, an exchange of contact information, a more drawn out chat, a date is a more common trajectory. A lengthy conversation, an exchange of contact info, and brief exchange, a date is also pretty common, in my experience. "Hello, Complete Stranger, let's go somewhere together some time," might be off-putting. I don't know. I've never tried it that way, never had anyone try it that way with me. Is that what you're saying happened, or have I completely misunderstood?

 

[Phil Ayesho]

This reply reads more like a guy trying to win points as a "guy who gets it" than an honest response.

Of course conversation can't just focus on yourself. Anyone over the age of 23 knows that.

Of course, Your assumption of what everyone over 23 knows is entirely incorrect. Just ask any random group of women how often they have run across men of all ages who just dominate the conversation.

My advice was not for folks who know how to easily strike up conversation and seem to already have a "feel" for how to tell if a woman is interested, nor how to convey their own interest.

Its aimed at the fact that, based upon the OP, NOT all guys know how to do those things.

Some guys always end up in the frinedzone, and that's because they can't read women, or are unsure of themselves in their approach.


The fact that there ARE virgins over 23 who do not Want to be means that not all guys understand the basics.

 

[tiggerpoo]

I never think of this question. I charm ALL the ladies.
Some do. Some don't.
Some will. Some won't.
Keep it simple.
Enjoy it all.

 

[sangheili90]

I don;t know that I'd ever go from zero to date with anyone. For me, a brief chat, an exchange of contact information, a more drawn out chat, a date is a more common trajectory. A lengthy conversation, an exchange of contact info, and brief exchange, a date is also pretty common, in my experience. "Hello, Complete Stranger, let's go somewhere together some time," might be off-putting. I don't know. I've never tried it that way, never had anyone try it that way with me. Is that what you're saying happened, or have I completely misunderstood?

They weren't complete strangers, these were girls that were in my college classes so I did see them on a regular basis.

People don't like me, there isn't much I can do about that unless I am willing to become a fake tool lol.

 

[EquusAZ]

OK I'm surprised no one brought this up.

Has no one studied Psychology 101?

To look away and down is a submissive gesture.

To stare and give no response or outward sign is a sign of indifference (possibly forced).

Don't read too much into physical descriptors however as not everyone is the same. Some may be uncomfortable, some may be shy, some may have indigestion. You never know. Be yourself, and approach as you see fit. If you're getting the vibe to back off, you probably should. If it happens EVERY time --- -stop and re-evaluate why....

 

[sangheili90]

OK I'm surprised no one brought this up.

Has no one studied Psychology 101?

To look away and down is a submissive gesture.

To stare and give no response or outward sign is a sign of indifference (possibly forced).

Don't read too much into physical descriptors however as not everyone is the same. Some may be uncomfortable, some may be shy, some may have indigestion. You never know. Be yourself, and approach as you see fit. If you're getting the vibe to back off, you probably should. If it happens EVERY time --- -stop and re-evaluate why....

This is a great post, we would need to consider the context of the situation before over analyzing another's body language.