how to tell my long term monogamous BF that I need to have sex with other men?

fuckee

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I've been in a long term monogamous relationship for a decade. Our sex life is great, but I just need more sex, with different men. It's all I think about, all day, every day. I need threesomes, I need different body sizes, different roles, different age groups, I need all of it :oops:
My bf is a bit conservative and acts like he is a saint who's never seen a dick before we got together. At the same time, he follows thousands of Instagram hunks, so I don't believe he is blind and not interested in anyone else.
I'm sure he would either be offended if I told him how I feel, or he'd pretend to be more offended than he actually is.
I am not sure I can take it any longer, I just need promiscuity in my life :oops:
My serious is advice that you should just have some discreet action and don't tell your partner.You only live once and I can understand completely your needs. I have had sex with many different men: young blokes of twenties and hot daddies in their fifties, I like athletic and stocky men, smooth and hairy, blond and dark ones, I love to get fucked but it is great to fuck a tight asshole too. And threesomes are great.

I think that at the moment it is completely useless to tell your partner that you like an open relationship. Maybe his attitude will change, but don't ask for trouble if it is not necessary. But don't break with your partner when you feel fine with him. The fact that you have been together for a decade is a sign that you get on well together, even if you feel different about sex.
 

sgtrock

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There is a lot going on here…

Monogamous relationships are ones centered around a partnership and trust.
Looking at others or watching porn can be done together explore each other’s fantasies.

Cheating isn’t the answer either if you’re willing to do this then yes it’s time to move on.

Threesomes - I have done this twice. The first a Filipina and fellow Marine husband. In a very short time it was obvious this for him not for both and he was a prick. The other was a truly open relationship in CA and lasted a bout 18 months until I started a relationship. If it is truly open it can work but again it has to revolve around trust.

Ten years seems like a lot to throw away over just wanting to explore more sex. I hope you will both discuss this further.

The grass is always greener on the other side until you get on the other side and find weeds that you didn’t see before.
 

hzs3fg

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Ducks to avoid crossfire…….

“Monogamy is a medieval social construct by the church. I don’t believe that it fits well when it comes to man sex. We are biologically programmed to spread our semen as often and diversely as possible.”

IMHO you can LOVE someone, and still have much sex outside that loving relationship. Love and Orgasms are two totally different things.

It’s a short life. Be happy x

You can make that "it's biology" argument in regards to straight men driven to produce as many offspring as possible, but it does not apply to men who want to fuck without making babies and certainly not to gay sex where making babies is functionally impossible.
 

Wine0

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You can make that "it's biology" argument in regards to straight men driven to produce as many offspring as possible, but it does not apply to men who want to fuck without making babies and certainly not to gay sex where making babies is functionally impossible.
Thank you for your polite reply.

If we extrapolate that a little bit, I feel we get into the gray area of sexuality being a choice, which I think you already agree it is not. Men don’t fuck men to make babies, we fuck because we like to fuck.
 
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Resrla

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Have you ever discussed adding others to your relationship? I was in a loving long term relationship with a partner, but we had sex with other guys. We always did it together. We had our ground rules which worked well for us.
If your boyfriend does not want to open the relationship and you do it may not work.
Ten years is a long time. You must love something about him. Be honest and talk to him.
I hope you figure it out.
 

18wheeler

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why is it time to break up? i mean, sexual interest outside a non traditional hetero marriage is grounds for breaking up?
No. But sexual interests outside a MONOGAMOUS relationship is,…. If they’re supposedly monogamous and the OP wants a sexlife outside that agreement. Seems only fair to go their separate ways and enjoy life instead of hurting the other by having affairs… is that wrong?
 
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MoeMood

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To be in a relationship means to be responsible for the committment and the time it takes.

The idea that “ you are not enough for me” hurts a lot I don’t understand some people who want to imprison their lartner in such a bubble.

“ I want you mine but at the same time I wanna be free to do my own things and you have to accept me as I am.”

However, find out what is making you crave that.

Are you two having sex every day? Maybe you should have made sex between you two more of a surprise ane craved and waited for it than making it a daily job like how we eat and visit the toilet.

Also, how spicy is your sex life together.
A usual routine, like some job that needs to be done, finishes in less than an hour and that’s it?
I would think that either one of you ( i assume it is you) wants more during your physical contact and “he” is not able or “does not want to” engage in more than what the basic routine stuff.
And if so, I would blame you, you chose to be silent about not getting fullfilled from him for all that time and now you are complaining about it.

Relationships need chemistry between two people and being compatible in many things.
Two persons maybe very compatible in many many things, but perhaps not sexually. And while most would say at the beginning that it will be ok because relationships are not about sex all the time, it is still “not right” to engage in such a relationship in my own opinion ( depending on the level of sarifice each one of you is putting).

Be compatible with your partner in almost everything, otherwise breakit up and stop wasting your time and his.