How to tell your friend that you are bisexual...?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Dragon88, Sep 9, 2009.

  1. Dragon88

    Dragon88 New Member

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    I have a problem which I really don't know how to solve. I am bisexual and I want to tell my new best friend about my sexual orientation. But at the same time, I'm afraid I'll scare him away, because I suspect that he's pretty homophobic (and he has a girlfriend). I'm comfortable with him in any situation and we can easily talk about sex without getting embarrassed. From my side, we're very close, though we haven't known each other for more than 4 months. I think he's hot for sure, but I don't have any feelings for him, and I won't tell him that I wouldn't mind sucking his cock :biggrin1:

    We are going to travel some together during the next months and I want him to know me as good as possible. But the big question is how to tell him without him freaking out and scaring him away? Should I get him a bit drunk first or something? :tongue: Or just tell him and then say it was a joke if he reacts badly...?
     
  2. nudeyorker

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    I've said this in similar threads but it bears repeating. I don't think you have any obligation to tell anyone about your sex life except people you are having sex with. In time your friends may figure it out and then you may feel comfortable talking with them (but only if you want to) If someone stops being your friend based on your sexuality they are not a real friend.
     
  3. pablovian

    pablovian Member

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    Tell him you want to tell him something about yourself before you guys start traveling and that it has nothing to do with him (though if it sparks him, BONUS). But tell him that you are bi and you just wanted to let him know so you could feel free to pursue whoever you wanted to while you were traveling if the situation came up.
     
  4. bigbull29

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    Absolutely!

    A person's sexuality is a very private matter and never needs to shared with anyone for whatever reason (your partner to some degree, but not every single sexual thought). It's no one's business what turns you on sexually, just like it's no one's business who are sleeping with. And I just love it when people automatically assume you're gay when you won't answer the "Are you gay?" question. It's a very inappropriate answer to begin with.
     
  5. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    There's also nothing wrong with wanting to be voluntarily open with people either. I don't think anyone should feel forced to tell anyone anything about their sexuality, but I don't think they should feel inhibited by notions of propriety either.

    A good friend might be shocked or suprised at first, and that can make them seem freaked out but eventually they will be unconcerned about your sexuality and will be glad you trusted them enough that you felt you could be open with them. An arsehole will be unpleasant and judgemental.
     
  6. Countryguy63

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    I struggle with this myself. I think it depends on your personal feelings. On one hand y'all are right, it really is no one elses buisiness. However, sometimes it feels like a rock in your stomach. For me, if I'm close to someone, I don't feel like I'm completely honest with them, even if they haven't asked. It's just a feeeling of a barrier, even if it is self imposed.

    Dragon, if you just feel that you need to tell him for your peace of mind, I know how you feel. Unfortunately, there is no right answer that fit's all. What might break the ice with one person, may break the friendship with another.

    Maybe during one of your "sex" talks, steer the conversation in that direction.

    Good Luck whichever direction you chooose, and let us know how it goes.
     
  7. joeweekend

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    If you're going to do it, wade in slowly. Allude to having jerked off with friends when you were younger. See how he reacts. If he doesn't blink, then maybe you can start s discusson that goes further. If he blinks, you can stop there.

    But if you're going to stop there, just remember that your behavior has to stop there too. That's the tryanny of the closet.
     
  8. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    if you going to travel for a few months, someday soon it will be about sex, and just be honest that you just can have sex with both genders and that you feel comfterable enough to do it with both.
     
  9. DavidXL

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    Dragon - if I were you, I definititely would consider being casually open about it. It often seems to me that plenty of guys intentionally give off a homophobic vibe because they're afraid of reacting to same-sex impulses. And having a girlfriend doesn't necessarily mean anything. One of my regrets is that, as a mostly straight guy with a more-than-incidental interest in cocks, I was never really open with anyone about the broad spectrum of people I found attractive. Because of that, I am fully certain that I missed out on all sorts of opportunities to be with like-minded people. When I read my college alumni magazine, it always amazes that some hot guys I knew and would fantasize about when I jerked off, announce all of these years later that they are living in such and such a city with their partner and 2 children. I could have fooled around with some of these guys, but didn't have a chance, because I almost never gave any hints. If you met me, you would think I was totally straight. And I had many girlfriends. While I ended up where I would have anyway and where I want to be (i.e., married to a woman), I certainly do have the sense I missed out on some meaningful fun along the way. Go ahead and don't hide it. It's clear you have some feelings for him (you say he's hot, he's your best friend, and you wouldn't mind sucking his cock). If he reacts poorly, he's not really the kind of friend you want to have anyway.
     
  10. nakedwally

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    Only tell your friends what you are comfortable telling, it is not necassary for your friends to know who you fuck or don't fuck
     
  11. jermained

    jermained New Member

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    i would NEVER tell a guy friend that i'm not 100% str8. NEVER.
     
  12. YoungHungMachine

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    You should tell him on the first night you are travelling together

    With a gallon of lube and a few Roofies...

    :)
     
  13. lvsxy808

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    My view on the subject is that if YOU don't treat it like some big secret that needs revealing dramatically, then they won't either.

    Take it as read. Assume that they know, and act accordingly. If you don't act like it's a problem, then it's more likely that the other person will follow your lead and also react as if it's no problem.

    I am of the opposite view to bigbull and nudeyorker - I think sexuality should not be treated as something private, but as something that is a fact, entirely neutral. You are bisexual - that is simply the truth, and doesn't need to be made a big deal of. I never hesitate to mention my boyfriend in passing if the conversation calls for it - if the other person has a problem with it, then that's his problem, not mine, and it has no effect on how I'm going to live my life.

    The more people who act like it's nothing that needs revealing, but just something that is, then the more other people will come to think the same way.

    I wouldn't, on the other hand, try to hit on your friend. Once it's clear that you're bi, the ball's in his court, and if he wants to do anything, let him make the first move.
     
  14. samhung01

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    I have a hard time with this as well. I've been married for about a year, however my own wife doesn't know I am bi. I get turned on to things that she doesn't know about. I've never been in a gay relationship, and really don't plan on it, but I enjoy jerking to a guy from a locker room or a clip on the internet.
     
  15. Countryguy63

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    That's a very hard place to be Mr. Samhung. Been there done that. I don't envy you at all.
     
  16. SomeGuyOverThere

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    Agreed.

    I told my friends during a conversation about something else. They were surprised but I acted as if it wasn't at all important - of course it was quite important but by brushing it aside and continuing the conversation it wasn't much of a big deal. My best friend did find it quite shocking as he's as straight as it's possible to be, but he got over if after a couple of days and now we joke about it.

    If you think it's important that he knows or think it'd be important for you to tell him, I recommend bringing it up casually, almost offhand during another conversation, then pull the "I thought you knew? I don't hide it away." Obviously this takes some tact.... "I'm off to the shops, by the way, i'm bisexual" doesn't really wash, but say you're discussing a film with a hot actress in it, you could always comment that one of the actors in the same film is also hot, and that easily leads into "well I'm Bi, sorry I thought I'd mentioned" then if he gets agitated you can palm it off as saying you didn't think it was very important, from there he'll probably accept it, if some homophobia sets in, challenge it - "well, why should it be important? We're friends, not lovers, so my sexuality shouldn't be a part of the equation" etc. If he's a decent bloke, which I'm sure he is, he probably won't mind too much, if he does mind, challenge it and you might even change his mind. My best mate got pretty annoyed for a little while but I asked him why it was such a big deal and why he was so agitated about it, and the homophobia crumbled away.
     
    #16 SomeGuyOverThere, Sep 9, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2009
  17. Dragon88

    Dragon88 New Member

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    Ok, some split advice here... but thanks for everything guys! You're great and I got some new perspectives. I think I probably will tell him, because I feel it's the honest thing to do. And to be as open as possible from the beginning. Hope he doesn't get mad or scared or something... :confused:

    Last time I told my (former) best friend, he totally freaked out and now he hates me and won't talk to me. Maybe because I fell in love with him. I now understand that he wouldn't approve me for what I am, and that's really really really though when someone you love tell you that they don't want to talk to you and that they hate you.

    And one of you said that it's obvious that I have feelings for him... yes, I do, but not in love. I like him a lot and he's a great guy, and he makes me happier. :wink:
     
  18. islandman

    islandman New Member

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    Try being "the" secret.

    My family knows that I'm gay. (that's the life that I choose to live)

    My mate/roommate - is in the closet. (the hinges to that closet squeeeek very loudly)

    IF anybody works up the courage to ask me if I am bi/gay I tell them the truth. YES!
    I then thank them for asking me instead of speculating.

    Openly, you wouldn't really suspect that I'm bi/gay. My mate on the other hand is easier to peg.

    Do you need to inform him? No.
    On the other hand I do feel as though I am not being completely honest with my friends by withholding that tid bit of information.

    When the time is right, it will come about. Until then, don't sweat it.
     
  19. Dragon88

    Dragon88 New Member

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    And a special thanks to SomeGuyOverThere and DavidXL! The best advice! :wink:
     
  20. SomeGuyOverThere

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    No problem. :)

    If all else fails, remember you can choose your friends (but not your family :x) - telling my friends went off very easily, but most of them are very liberal "anything goes" people. Telling my family well... hahahah not any time soon.
     
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