How to tell your friend that you are bisexual...?

[Rugbypup]

Have found myself in a not to dissimilar situation.

I've chosen friendship of being feared.

Straight men are funny creatures and most have a homophobic mask where as really, they aren't to bothered by (non camp) bi and gay men.

There is just a different set of man friendship rules that seem to apply for bi gay men with straight friends, not all of course, I'm generalising.

When I was younger, I had a friend that over the few month we knew each other I had a crush for, though being young and naive, I just didn't know it or understand it. In the end I chose to purposely destroy our friendship, hurting us both, thinking it would be better to be hated for something I did, than loose this friendship because of what I think I might be.

Grown up a little since then, lol.

I've recently made a couple of straight friends, one I know, without a doubt would have nothing to do with me if he knew, be that insecurity, fear of association, whatever it is. I enjoy our friendship so have decided to keep quite and not disclose anything that wouldn't broaden our friendship.

There I agree that my sexuality is no ones business but my own.

The other, I think knows... he has oddly dominate, aggressive straight male tendencies and seems to know... scares me a little actually but of the two, I think he wouldn't the one who would really give a shit about it. I think if anything, he'd enjoy hitting on the women who I seem to attract. (Just thought about that... does that make me his pussy lure? lol) It's a time thing also, if we stay friends for a while, I may be honest about my sexuality, once he's had time to realise it simply doesn't apply to him in any way.

Like I said though, there is a different set of rule that seem to apply between bi, gay men and straight men... you're one of the guys, but you're not at the same time, if you're accepted. There are things straight guys do with, in each others company (completely innocent you dirty minded bunch) that they are uncomfortable doing with non straight guys around.

As such, I've also just chose to be quiet about my sexuality as I'm really enjoying being treated as an ordinary bloke and not 'the gay mate'.

Ultimately, if you have any issues with your sexuality, it's not worth compounding the matter. It's something, for me, that only my oldest and truest friends need know, once I'm ready to tell them.

 

[prepstudinsc]

I've said this in similar threads but it bears repeating. I don't think you have any obligation to tell anyone about your sex life except people you are having sex with. In time your friends may figure it out and then you may feel comfortable talking with them (but only if you want to) If someone stops being your friend based on your sexuality they are not a real friend.

Thank you. I don't see a need for people to go around announcing their sexuality. Who cares. I don't care if someone is straight, gay or in between. What I care about is if they are genuine, honest, caring, funny, etc. I don't care what race they are or what color their eyes are, and if it's a guy, I really don't care if he's cut or not. Who gives a rip. A person's sexuality is a small part of who they are and as Nudeyorker said no one needs to know orientation except that person's partner.

 

[deleted213967]

Start your confession with "...and that one time, at band camp..." to break the ice.

 

[Rugbypup]

Start your confession with "...and that one time, at band camp..." to break the ice.

I like it, lol.

 

[SomeGuyOverThere]

Thank you. I don't see a need for people to go around announcing their sexuality. Who cares. I don't care if someone is straight, gay or in between. What I care about is if they are genuine, honest, caring, funny, etc. I don't care what race they are or what color their eyes are, and if it's a guy, I really don't care if he's cut or not. Who gives a rip. A person's sexuality is a small part of who they are and as Nudeyorker said no one needs to know orientation except that person's partner.

I think there can be a need to though - because sometimes serious friends do want to talk about serious problems, and it might be at least polite to give them heads up that you're bi before telling them about the guy you pulled last night.

I also think it can get like a weight around a friendship if you are constantly censoring what you talk about.

An example from my own life. I met a guy at a bar who i knew from the internet, we got along ok, but it was obvious to me that things weren't going to take a sexual twist (and we had flirted pretty dirtily online). We got pretty drunk at the bar, and we got some food and then i made sure he got a lift home and was ok, and I walked home. Now I wanted to talk to somebody about that night's proceeedings and my disappointment with the whole thing. Now who the fuck am I supposed to talk to if my best friend doesn't know I'm bi?!

 

[D_Petherick_Poundlouder]

One of my longtime friends told me through text.

Not a good idea. But it wasn't a big deal to me, just the problem of saying it in text instead of face to face gets to me.

 

[bigguy4u]

I have a really good friend who I'm affraid to tell I'm bi. I'm almost 100% sure he is too but both of us are affraid to cross that line. We don't fool around together but have been in very sexual scenarios like showered together or sleep naked together in the same bed under the same sheets our dicks have even touched before and shared socks when cleaning up sometimes feeling eachothers mess. We play everything off as a joke but sometimes its so intense we end up at a fork in the road like uhhh what's next and change the subject and go to bed. I would hate to be wrong and kill our friendship.

 

[Torque8]

I have a really good friend who I'm affraid to tell I'm bi........

Man, can I identify with that. As I've stated before in a couple of other threads, my major workout bud and closest friend came out to me a few months ago. As he was telling me, I acted a bit upset yet not disapproving in any way and did my best to assure him that it didn't matter at all to me. I, jokingly, just told him to keep his hands off me at the time (I'm sure, however, thought that I was being serious). We hang together on weekends if my gf is on call or working. Seen each other nakid, dressed, undressed and showered (separately) at the same time at the gym, eat lunch together frequently and even gone out to sporting events together and sport bars despite the fact that I don't drink, etc. He's as macho as any of my married buds and is a real flirt around women. Both before and after coming out to me he's never once made overt suggestions, even in a teasing manner. The irony of this whole situation is I'd love to jump his bod and have presented myself as absolutely str8. For fear of losing him as a friend, I've refrained from even mentioning that I've had sex with other guys, vacuum pumped with a couple of other buds, or that I really gotten my rocks off more than a few times with other buds that are into muscle worship. I have no idea if he's also suppressing his feelings when around me. It's none of my business who or what he's doing sexually with other guys and I'm not even curious. The reality of the situation is that we seem to have a lot in common and respect for each other and that I value his friendship more than fucking it up for another bj or tight piece of ass.

 

[DavidXL]

I have a really good friend who I'm affraid to tell I'm bi. I'm almost 100% sure he is too but both of us are affraid to cross that line. . . . . . I would hate to be wrong and kill our friendship.

Hey, Bigguy - You should be afraid not to let him casually know. There are ways you can let him know that might be the stepping stone to something meaningful and more, without jeopardizing what you have (which, in afew years, after you move on with your separate lives) or will have - which will be regret. If you've slep naked under the sheets, that's as much as an open invitation as I could possibly imagaine. Good luck, whatever you elect to do.

 

[True_Blue]

i just came out to a friend of mine about two weeks ago. i found that what works for me is stressing how important the friendship is to me and that i felt he should know if we were to ever have a solid friendship. keep in mind, though, that the situation could go either way. give him time if he needs it, if he is a true friend he should come around. Good Luck.

 

[earllogjam]

What I care about is if they are genuine, honest, caring, funny, etc. I don't care what race they are or what color their eyes are, and if it's a guy, I really don't care if he's cut or not. Who gives a rip. A person's sexuality is a small part of who they are and as Nudeyorker said no one needs to know orientation except that person's partner.

What if the gay guy has a serious crush on you and starts making friendly advances toward you. Would you care then? What if you are afraid to be seen or associated with him because of the business you are in or the social circles you keep. Would you care then?

I've met so many straight guys who say gay men don't bother them but when it comes right down to it, they avoid gay men like the plague or at least politely disassociate themselves from any deep friendship or associations with them, especially if they are involved in certain homophobic social circles.

 

[GeniusOfLove]

Man, can I identify with that. As I've stated before in a couple of other threads, my major workout bud and closest friend came out to me a few months ago. As he was telling me, I acted a bit upset yet not disapproving in any way and did my best to assure him that it didn't matter at all to me. I, jokingly, just told him to keep his hands off me at the time (I'm sure, however, thought that I was being serious). We hang together on weekends if my gf is on call or working. Seen each other nakid, dressed, undressed and showered (separately) at the same time at the gym, eat lunch together frequently and even gone out to sporting events together and sport bars despite the fact that I don't drink, etc. He's as macho as any of my married buds and is a real flirt around women. Both before and after coming out to me he's never once made overt suggestions, even in a teasing manner. The irony of this whole situation is I'd love to jump his bod and have presented myself as absolutely str8. For fear of losing him as a friend, I've refrained from even mentioning that I've had sex with other guys, vacuum pumped with a couple of other buds, or that I really gotten my rocks off more than a few times with other buds that are into muscle worship. I have no idea if he's also suppressing his feelings when around me. It's none of my business who or what he's doing sexually with other guys and I'm not even curious. The reality of the situation is that we seem to have a lot in common and respect for each other and that I value his friendship more than fucking it up for another bj or tight piece of ass.

Torque-Perhaps you should come out as being bisexual. If you are gay or bisexual just come out and tell people about yourself it is not a big deal it's 2009.

 

[GeniusOfLove]

If someone stops being your friend based on your sexuality they are not a real friend.

Well said.

 

[Dragon88]

If someone stops being your friend based on your sexuality they are not a real friend.

I totally agree! My former best friend did not handle it at all, and told me he didn't want to talk to me anymore because I was bisexual. It was horrible, but now I understand that he was really judgmental, and now I'm mad at him because he wouldn't be my friend anymore. And somewhere deep inside me, that's the reason why I hold back a little bit this time, since I'm afraid it'll happen again... :frown1:

 

[lokican]

If you consider him a good friend, then by all means tell him. You have to be honest with your friends about who you are, that's the only way anyone can truly accept you. I had the same fears as you did, but when I told my friends the truth they were 100% cool about it. To be honest it was one of the most liberating experiences now that those close to me know.

If your friend is not comfortable with homosexuality, you may not want to throw it in his face or give to many details about your male on male hookups. They may accept who you are, but you do have to respect other people' s boundaries.