How to tell...?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Jaxence, Dec 12, 2010.

  1. Jaxence

    Jaxence Member

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    I know this has probably been discussed/asked a million times already but here goes...

    Usually i'm a pretty confident guy when it comes to dating and making moves, guys and girls alike. But there's this one guy at work, he's cool, funny, hot as fuck and all the rest. It's one of those where you don't wanna fuck things up. I've felt like that about girls before, but not guys. I'm bi, so i fuck them no problem. But i'm kinda really into this dude. Only thing is, i don't even know if theres a chance with him?

    We've only been able a chat a few times, but he's pretty full on with the eye contact and convo flows pretty well. Chances are he'll just end up being an awesome bud, but if theres a chance i can take it further, im there. Says he has a gf so i can at least hope he's bi. Question is, how can i know if he's into me or into guys even without blowin it? Usually i'd just ask point blank so everyone knows where they stand but this guy's diff.

    Responses much appreciated guys.
     
  2. nudeyorker

    Gold Member

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    My advice since you work with him... don't go there; but if you insist on ignoring me and going ahead anyway, see if he wants to go for a drink or cup of coffee after work sometime with a few other people at work. Start slow and see how things develop over time.
     
  3. B_mitchymo

    B_mitchymo New Member

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    As he has a g/f, there is a good chance that even if he was bi, he may well be in love. If that is the case then he may not be interested even if he was, if ya know what i mean.
    Pay him a compliment somehow, see what his reaction is, but ya know, don't let that compliment be blatant flirting. Don't tell him he smells good or anything.
     
  4. avg_joe

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    I am in the same situation.
     
  5. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

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    I'm sort on these lines. If you work together you need to tread lightly. You don't want to ruin a good work relationship nor do you want to ruin a potential (straight-ish) bromance either.

    Go out with co-workers then ease into just the two of you going out for a few one Friday evening... remembering that the GF might take a precedence. If he chooses a Friday with you you might have a better chance at getting him to stay over one drunken Friday night. :wink: But even then keep it platonic!!
     
  6. XSILVER

    XSILVER Well-Known Member

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    I agree with nudeyorker on this one. BUT if you want to go and see where things "CAN" go, take the approach that he and mitchymo suggested. Beat around the bush and find out if he is dating anyone first. If he is well that's the end of it. if not than tackel it as it comes. PLEASE lets us know :D
     
  7. rayray

    rayray Active Member

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    Well you dont's say how long you've known him from your work place except for that you have spoken to him a few times..Good eye contact and conversation flow is good. I dont think going out with the gang after work will help a whole lot. I think a little patients and get to know him a little better at work. Sounds as if you had good vibes when talking to him..If your conversations ever get on a level where your comfortable about asking about the GF who he lives with or if he lives alone etc....see if he is on Facebook, if he is check out his friends and his interests their.If you ever have the chance toward the end of the work day, just say i'm goin to stop at so and so for a beer before headin home would you like to join me?? If that works go from there. By then you should know something..
     
  8. erratic

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    Yeah, he's got a girlfriend and he's your coworker. Alarm bells, dude.

    However, if you're dead set on finding out whether he's bi try making friends with him outside of work and being open about your bisexuality. I've found that a little bit of honesty goes a long way.
    Good luck!
     
  9. cgttown

    cgttown Member

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    Well, I have to disagree with several who have given you the "Danger, Will Robinson!" mantra. First, if this were a girl, many people would say there was no problem with a dating relationship. Since it's a same-sex thing, automatically warning bells go off. Oh no, what if they find out at work you like guys AND girls?! So, unless you think there will be some negative effects if that got out (ones you couldn't handle), then I think it's cool to pursue something just as you would if you were pursuing a girl.

    Secondly, I suggest instead of going for drinks, which is cool, try asking him to grab lunch with you several times. Seems to me you want to see what kind of vibes you get and you want to start with a friendship anyway, right? So ask him to go to lunch with you a few times and get the conversation going. You want to see how you connect as people, first.

    I strongly feel that as the relationship develops, you'll know more. You can LISTEN to him and how he talks about the GF. Does he use her name? Does he complain about her bitchiness or think she walks on water? Pick up on the vibes, give him positive affirmation, and, maybe mention as you get to know him better, that you've dated men and women both. Not obviously, but when you talk about relationships, casually say, "Yeah, I used to date a guy who was a real prick, but he was fun to be with." Or drop, "Well, this one woman I dated was great in bed but couldn't carry on a conversation."

    I think honest communication, building a relationship, and going with the signals you pick up from him are your best bet. This is assuming you don't just want some nsa sex but are really looking for a potential date. If you're after the sex, then the getting him drunk on a Friday night and having him stay over is probably a better way. :)
     
  10. tight

    tight New Member

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    Been there done that. I agree with nudeyorker, don't go there. It is fraut with land mines you can't even imagine. If you and this guy do hook up you're going to be the guy on the side, not the main course. Then someone is going to get paranoid about the whole thing and start panicing and that's just the good part. Go find another sand box to play in.
     
  11. erratic

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    Not I. For the record, regardless of gender, it's my opinion that:

    1) Dating a colleague can make work uncomfortable not only for you, but for everyone around you. And if the relationship fails (which, frankly, most relationships do) everyone suffers.

    2) Trying to pick up someone who is already in a relationship is not cool.
     
  12. claty111

    claty111 New Member

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    Did you grab lunch yet?
     
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