1. Wake up. Rub out your morning wood if you have to, but do it alone. Straight guys don't need help jacking off. 2. Go to the bathroom. You can either shower, brush your teeth, or comb your hair but you can't do all three. Straight guys just don't have time for all that bullshit, there are pussies that need tending to! 3. Grab your phone. Send your friends a final gay text cuz after this, phones are to be used for emergency purposes only, NOT for asking Gabby, Mark, Terrell, Tasha, Lauren, and Trevor 'wat u doin.' Next, dial your most recent man-crush. They one you're not sure about that keeps sending you signals that make you wonder. The one who wears those Calvin Kleins that make his bulge....nevermind. If he doesn't answer, even better, you get one last temper tantrum. Throw the phone against the wall, stomp over to the computer and sign on to yahoo. Send him 3 buzzes and wait. If he doesn't respond in the time it takes you to flip your hair and sigh with frustration, grab your phone and send him a text to call you RIGHT AWAY. 4. Wait an agonizing, life-threatening, 3 minutes for him to call. After you've exchanged formalities, pleasantries, and passed the obligatory awkward silence, say "You know I'm straight right?":tongue: Just kidding, have fun, BE YOURSELF.