how would you cope with your partner becoming obese?

[TheRob]

whatever you choose.

that dosn't really make any sence
the two options are so different that even tho the same term is used they are totally different questions and should have different answers....

if she's 20% over the weight a textbook wants her to be that sounds good
if she's morbidly obese and going to have serious health problems then I would try to help her trim down

 

[earllogjam]

Or maybe they love their morbidly obese wives because those wives are just right for them and your definition of attractive means jack shit to them, not to mention that maybe they wouldn't touch you, or anyone else other than their wives, with a 10 foot pole. :smile:

A little touchy there, MB.

Those straight guys who enjoy having sex with morbidly obese women are a dime a dozen.

 

[TheRob]

As I mentioned on the health board, my guy is facing the possibility of going on high blood pressure and cholesterol meds. I would like to help him. HE says he eats healthily but I can the see cans and bottles of processed foods he eats. Even Weight Watchers stuff. HE has asked me to move in with him. Maybe that's my chance to get him to eat better.

As for me, I am 5'6" and weigh 164 pounds. I'd like to lose 15 or 20 pounds myself. I remember those days when I weighed 140 and had a 25" waist. People tell me I look great and don't need to lose weight so I don't talk about these things IRL. I don't want to look like I'm fishing for compliments.

it's kind of expected that women will do that
if you want to trim down some people here can probubly help with planning that

 

[TheRob]

Or maybe they love their morbidly obese wives because those wives are just right for them and your definition of attractive means jack shit to them, not to mention that maybe they wouldn't touch you, or anyone else other than their wives, with a 10 foot pole. :smile:

if you love someone that's a reason for you to want them to be MORE healthy, not LESS healthy...

 

[Intrigue]

This is actually a conversation in our home right now. We both quit smoking and have each put on about 10-15 pounds. I am stepping up my diet perimeters and my work out routine at the gym. I think if I ask my partner again when his due date is he will probably start taking some action. I simply said to him if you become obese and develop health problems because of that you are negating the reason we quit smoking.

Same here bub. We both quit smoking and have put on some extra weight on top of what we had already put on. I came out of the navy svelt, but now I'm kinda tubby heh. Its not too bad but I'm considered obese. I don't like it but she tells me all the time it doesnt matter to her. That lets me know that she loves me. Same goes for her, she's put on a little weight but to me she's prettier now than when I met her! I just love her through and through. We've both committed ourselves to healthier eating and habits and we've already lost a considerable amount. It didnt matter what weight we were. We are getting healthy so I can see my grandkids some day. I want to live a long and healthy life and my old lifestyle just wasn't gonna cut it. In my humble opinion if your partner becomes overweight and yiu only care about thier appearance and not about what underlying issue has caused it, then you dont really care that much at all now do ya?

 

[D_Alec_Baldtwins]

In my humble opinion if your partner becomes overweight and yiu only care about thier appearance and not about what underlying issue has caused it, then you dont really care that much at all now do ya?

This is very true, and it's the reason it's hard to advise the OP without more information. I wouldn't be the one to presume she doesn't care about anything else - I don't get the sense that's the case, but the reality is that there are many reasons that people overeat/don't exercise/become overweight. Without an honest assessment of what's going on in her partner's life and with their relationship, this is a tough nut to crack. This isn't about eating and food - that's usually just a symptom of other problems, unless the person is just outright lazy and self-indulgent, or has created a lifestyle for themselves that's just (in my opinion) terribly out of balance. And at the end of the day, her partner has to have the motivation, desire, and courage to make the change. In my case, that meant doing away with a job, a relationship, and other people and things in my life that weren't working. One of the best quotes I've ever heard, was: "I've never known an addicted person who wasn't trying to run from something."

 

[ManlyBanisters]

A little touchy there, MB.

Those straight guys who enjoy having sex with morbidly obese women are a dime a dozen.

You assume a straight man with a fat wife wants his cock sucked by a man. I assume they are together for a reason. We have different outlooks on life.

if you love someone that's a reason for you to want them to be MORE healthy, not LESS healthy...

If you love someone you respect them, you support them, you don't judge them. There are many reasons a person becomes obese - it's complex and it cannot be fixed at the snap of the fingers. Eat less, move more is a very small part of it. As evidenced in Uncle B's post above a lot of it is psychological. Telling the vast majority of obese people to 'just' eat less and exercise more is like telling someone with depression to cheer up. Fucking pointless.

 

[InsaneJester]

Shallow as it is....

Added weight? Not a big deal, but would be dishonest if I said it wasn't a concern. Not talking temporarily, but as a don't care, permanent issue.

Obese? Big deal (unless because of an uncontrollable medical issue)

Weight doesn't matter, I just favor someone that takes care of themselves. Like working out, watching what they eat, etc. Everyone has off days, but if they can force themselves to get off the couch and work on themselves, thats a really good sign to me.

I look at it as if you can't take care of yourself, how are you going to take care in the relationship/ any future children, etc.

But thats just me

 

[B_doogie888]

Can't stand fat people, they make me physically sick and angry to look at. So obviously I wouldn't put up with my girl getting fat, I'd drop her like 15 pounds of crap in a 10 pound bag and find someone else who has enough self-respect to not let themselves go like that, ever.

 

[dolfette]

it would matter to me.
chubby i can deal with, but obese is unsexy to me.
i get turned off very easily.
i would not have a sexual relationship with a person who i couldn't feel turned on with.

 

[Catharsis]

Can't stand fat people, they make me physically sick and angry to look at. So obviously I wouldn't put up with my girl getting fat, I'd drop her like 15 pounds of crap in a 10 pound bag and find someone else who has enough self-respect to not let themselves go like that, ever.

Ever?

Even if she's trying to lose the weight?

 

[B_RedDude]

If it's bad enough that you're embarrassed to be seen with them in public, and the situation is not going to change, you dump their ass.

 

[B_doogie888]

Ever?

Even if she's trying to lose the weight?

When it comes to losing weight, trying and failing is the same as not trying at all in my eyes.

 

[rawbone8]

I would feel disappointed, I have to admit. Aging holds many changes. I'm adapting and hopefully learning to accept them in myself and others.

To me, obese means really overweight. I'm attracted to a range of body shapes: slim, athletic, few extra pounds, larger with hourglass proportions. Obese isn't in the range. I'd definitely feel disappointed, because I know I would feel less sexually attracted to her. I'd feel anxious that her health was at risk.

If it's caused by a glandular condition, or depression, I'd be more accepting. If it's due to poor lifestyle choices, I'd try to be supportive and encourage changes to improve.

My preferences are for a healthy, slimmer shape, and I can't deny that reality.

 

[Catharsis]

When it comes to losing weight, trying and failing is the same as not trying at all in my eyes.

...

There must be certain circumstances in which you'd be more understanding and supportive, like pregnancy, depression, medication, etc., right?

 

[ManlyBanisters]

When I was younger (considerably so), despite having a crush on a chubby guy for about a year, I would come out with the same 'couldn't go for someone too fat' attitude. Then I fucked a fat guy and was shocked and pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed the feel and look of the bigger body during sex. It is, for me, an incredibly sensual thing. I've fooled around with a fat girl and felt the same. I don't expect everyone to find it so, but maybe don't knock it til you've tried it.

As for changes in a partner's appearence - HickBoy could gain a 100lb, lose a limb or two, go bald and turn fucking blue and I'd still be his woman. I love him. Whatever he is, I want.

 

[B_Hickboy]

I'm having my neural lace reactivated.

 

[HiddenLacey]

I love someone because I love them. All of them, no matter what.

 

[cdog204]

I wouldn't cope with it or tolerate it at all. Personal fitness is really important to me. I'm not attracted to even slightly overweight women or men and if I had a partner who was gaining weight I'd say something about it and we'd work to correct it. Period.

And I agree that trying and failing to lose weight is exactly the same as not trying at all. It is so damned easy. I've done it myself. I had a shitty job that made me nuts and I didn't exercise much and slowly crept up to like 235-240 pounds of flab. Fat mess. Now I'm 165 and lean and I feel great.

 

[RumperRoom]

Let's reverse the situation. You start a relationship with a guy who is larger, Then there is a dramatic weight loss (Surgery, or an extreme diet) and the pounds start falling off.

Would the feeling be the same. I have a friend who is in this situation, Gastric Bypass has changed his life. His weigh is flying off and his "Other" is freaking out. Confiding in me that they do not think they can handle the change.

I am sure insecurities are a huge source of these issues. Take a look at the other side. Huge weight loss means incredible health benefits. The oposite is the other side.

I am in love with my other, Thick or thin, richer or poorer and in sickness or health. I am here to stay.