how would you cope with your partner becoming obese?

[B_doogie888]

...

There must be certain circumstances in which you'd be more understanding and supportive, like pregnancy, depression, medication, etc., right?

Obviously pregnancy is an exception while pregnant, but if she doesn't get back to a healthy weight within a reasonable timeframe afterwards, I would be unhappy, and would probably only stay with her for the child's sake.

 

[helgaleena]

There is a reason why there is a line of manufactured sizes for 'misses' and for 'women' -- humans do thicken as they age and the digestion and bioflora are altered. I started my family late and had already begun to have womanly curves on me instead of bony ones, actually had something to put in an A-cup bra, but then children came and I grew C-D cups for the duration. And I put on pounds elsewhere too, I do not deny it. Now the struggle for me is to say goodbye to those breasts, as they seem to be the first part of me to slim down when I do lose anything. However I would not trade my children for a perfect body.

And I find all sorts of bodies beautiful.
When a person is on my list of beloveds, they stay there no matter how their body changes. That does not mean I don't have the urge to admire the bodies of others. Even a cat can look at a king.

 

[KTF40]

Depends on the context of the situation, but most likely I would leave them. If any of my previous partners became obese, I'd leave all of them except for this one girl. I think I'd still find her attractive even if she got real fat, but who knows for sure.

Ideally though, I'd do my best to avoid this kind of problem. If I intend to have a long term relationship with someone, I'll make it clear to them that if you get fat I will most likely look elsewhere. The details can be worked out, but no point in being with someone you are not physically attracted to.

 

[unzipped]

Generally, if you have heatlhy life styles....eat right, walk, hike, swim and fuck a lot there won't be a problem of getting fat.... so none issue for me...

 

[green26]

Great topic, when I meet my wife she was 5'4'' and 145 pounds, 38-26-44, curvy as hell and I loved it. She worked out and maintained her figure in the beginning. I was 6'1'' about 175. That was 12 years ago. I am now 245 but its mostly muscles, my stomach is bigger then I like but not terrible looking. My wife went up to 185 and it wasn't nice at all. I told her she had to lose weight because I didn't like it, and she started working out again, lose about 30 pounds and now everything is good again. I think it is important to cook and workout together and keep each other motivated to stay in shape. Of course as we grow older there will be an increase of pounds but if you try to maintain yourself it doesn't have to be a bad thing.

 

[fangirl]

im fine with a weight jump. nobody is perfect... and those who are close never stay that way.

but i would be concerned about health.

 

[oralslut464]

I weighed 185 when I got married 19 years ago and about 5 years later - I went from 185 to 350 in one year. I have a thryoid problem and it only works at 3 percent. I went to a thyroid specialist at Vanderbelt medical in Nashville and every med they put me on - I had an allergice reacion too. 3 of the meds put me in the hospital due to my heart. I actually had a light heart attack due to one of them. I am currently on an all liquid diet through the hospital and am still gaining weight. They can't remove the thyroid because there is nothing they can put me on to replace it. The Dr's are getting ready to take me off the liquid diet and put me on a reg diet of 1000 calories. No matter how much exercise I do, they can't seem to increase my metabolism due to the thryoid so the weight will not come off. My sex life is gone due to the HBP now and my wife had back surgery and now its her on top. I dont want to do anything that will hurt her. Keep me in your prayers. All the Dr's I have seen have not ever seen anything like mine. Thanks

 

[RumperRoom]

I weighed 185 when I got married 19 years ago and about 5 years later - I went from 185 to 350 in one year. I have a thryoid problem and it only works at 3 percent. I went to a thyroid specialist at Vanderbelt medical in Nashville and every med they put me on - I had an allergice reacion too. 3 of the meds put me in the hospital due to my heart. I actually had a light heart attack due to one of them. I am currently on an all liquid diet through the hospital and am still gaining weight. They can't remove the thyroid because there is nothing they can put me on to replace it. The Dr's are getting ready to take me off the liquid diet and put me on a reg diet of 1000 calories. No matter how much exercise I do, they can't seem to increase my metabolism due to the thryoid so the weight will not come off. My sex life is gone due to the HBP now and my wife had back surgery and now its her on top. I dont want to do anything that will hurt her. Keep me in your prayers. All the Dr's I have seen have not ever seen anything like mine. Thanks

What about gastric bypass for you. 600 calories a day.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I am not sure how fat my husband would have to get before I noticed, and if I noticed, I'm not sure how fat I would think he was. Last year, my husband gained a lot of weight. I'm not exactly sure how much, but he was 6'5.5", 265 pounds. When we married, he weighed 25 pounds less. I'm not sure when he started to gain weight. We're nudists, so I usually see him naked. We snuggle a lot, so I should have felt a difference. We take long walks, and so I think I'd have noticed if he slowed down. I saw nothing.

His job depends upon his ability to maintain a healthy weight, and his maximum allowed weight is 237 pounds. So, I put him on a diet when he told me how much he weighed, and bought him P90X. At first, he was eating too much (that is my fault since I planned his meals according to the P90X books). Then, he was gaining muscle and water weight. So, I reduced his fats and carbs, and had him not do any resistance. He made weigh-ins a week late, but early enough to avoid a negative mark on his health record. He has continued his weight loss, wanting to get back to his boot camp weight. I'd like to see that too. His boot camp body was hot.

Then again, he's hot now. He's always been really sexy to me, from the moment I first laid eyes on his sweet, shy face. Last week, I uploaded a bunch of old photos onto Facebook. That's when I finally saw all the weight he'd gained. He was fat, but I never noticed. He was just my sexy man, and I loved him very much, and wished we were having more sex.

I was a lot fatter too for a while, which he also didn't seem to notice. (His mother did. Oh my God did she ever. Despite her own rapidly expanding hips and ass, flapping arms, and jiggling jowls, she pointed out my weight gain every chance she got.) I showed him the pictures, and he was as stunned as I was about seeing his weight difference. He said, "Wow. I know you said you lost 25 pounds, but you looked the same to me until I saw this picture. Good job, Honey."

If he became morbidly obese, I assume I would notice. But he's always going to have those pink cheeks, and gorgeous, chocolaty eyes, and frankly, I love a big body anyway. He's never had a small body. He is my husband, and I love him. If maintaining his health and our lifestyle became an issue, or if he asked for my help like he did when he needed to make weigh-ins, I would find a way to help get the weight off of him. But, he's my man, and he can't get rid of me that easily.

 

[AlteredEgo]

What about gastric bypass for you. 600 calories a day.

A lot of times, surgery isn't an option because the person isn't healthy enough to survive the surgery. My friend's mother has that problem.

 

[michael_3165]

Answer to thw question... Badly...

I am 5ft7 138lb and work out. I am slim/toned with reasonable arms, chest n abs... I want someone who looks after himself. I don't want a greek god but I can't stand fatty blokes. People should make an effort for themselves but that's an opinion!

 

[B_Nicodemous]

...having lost 80 pounds in the year 2000 after some years of being obese, and then being healthy, fit, and having kept the weight off ever since: Nothing that you or anyone else says or does will make your partner lose the weight until he or she is ready to do it for themselves. If you push it, you're likely to get a grudging and short-term effort to change, and there's a good chance they'll resent you for it. They aren't clueless about their obesity and its ramifications, and if they aren't doing anything about it, it's because they haven't made up their mind to, for whatever their reasons.

You can tell the person in words of your choice that you're concerned about their health, and that while you don't love them any less, their obesity is affecting your desire for them, and that that saddens you, because you miss that part of the relationship. Depending on how the conversation goes, you can also add that it concerns and saddens you that they don't care more about their own health and appearance. Said in the right words and tone, in a non-threatening way, it's your best hope of planting a seed and maybe getting a dialogue going. If nothing happens, depending on how important this is to you, you may have some tough choices to make. Good luck. I know more than a few couples who have struggled with this.

I love this post. So true.

Or maybe they love their morbidly obese wives because those wives are just right for them and your definition of attractive means jack shit to them, not to mention that maybe they wouldn't touch you, or anyone else other than their wives, with a 10 foot pole. :smile:

...I think i am having a gay guy crush on you...

...she's put on a little weight but to me she's prettier now than when I met her! I just love her through and through. We've both committed ourselves to healthier eating and habits and we've already lost a considerable amount. It didnt matter what weight we were. We are getting healthy so I can see my grandkids some day. I want to live a long and healthy life and my old lifestyle just wasn't gonna cut it. In my humble opinion if your partner becomes overweight and yiu only care about thier appearance and not about what underlying issue has caused it, then you dont really care that much at all now do ya?

You are quickly becoming one of my favorite posters. I especially like the part I bolded...

You assume a straight man with a fat wife wants his cock sucked by a man. I assume they are together for a reason. We have different outlooks on life.



If you love someone you respect them, you support them, you don't judge them. There are many reasons a person becomes obese - it's complex and it cannot be fixed at the snap of the fingers. Eat less, move more is a very small part of it. As evidenced in Uncle B's post above a lot of it is psychological. Telling the vast majority of obese people to 'just' eat less and exercise more is like telling someone with depression to cheer up. Fucking pointless.

OK I have a full blown crush on you. I hope that's alright with you:biggrin1:

When I was younger (considerably so), despite having a crush on a chubby guy for about a year, I would come out with the same 'couldn't go for someone too fat' attitude. Then I fucked a fat guy and was shocked and pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed the feel and look of the bigger body during sex. It is, for me, an incredibly sensual thing. I've fooled around with a fat girl and felt the same. I don't expect everyone to find it so, but maybe don't knock it til you've tried it.

As for changes in a partner's appearence - HickBoy could gain a 100lb, lose a limb or two, go bald and turn fucking blue and I'd still be his woman. I love him. Whatever he is, I want.

Just perfect...:notworthy:

Course now i have a very odd mental picture of Hickboy as a chubby, double amputee, cueball smurf (though i think all smurfs were bald, so maybe it isn't that odd:tongue

I love someone because I love them. All of them, no matter what.

And this is why you are one of my favorite ladies, My Laidey:kiss:

I wouldn't cope with it or tolerate it at all. Personal fitness is really important to me. I'm not attracted to even slightly overweight women or men and if I had a partner who was gaining weight I'd say something about it and we'd work to correct it. Period.

And I agree that trying and failing to lose weight is exactly the same as not trying at all. It is so damned easy. I've done it myself. I had a shitty job that made me nuts and I didn't exercise much and slowly crept up to like 235-240 pounds of flab. Fat mess. Now I'm 165 and lean and I feel great.[/QUOTE]
Well goody gumdrops for you glad you lost the weight and got healthier. too bad you are an asshat for thinking that just becuase it's easy for you, it sgould be so for everyone. Thyroid issues, medications (atypical antipsychotics like Risperdal, Abilify and others, not to mention anti seizure meds) and a slew of other things can cause wieght gain and make weight loss difficult to impossible. I pray that any partner you have never suffers through any thing like that knowing how unsupportive you would be.

Let's reverse the situation. You start a relationship with a guy who is larger, Then there is a dramatic weight loss (Surgery, or an extreme diet) and the pounds start falling off.

Would the feeling be the same. I have a friend who is in this situation, Gastric Bypass has changed his life. His weigh is flying off and his "Other" is freaking out. Confiding in me that they do not think they can handle the change.

I am sure insecurities are a huge source of these issues. Take a look at the other side. Huge weight loss means incredible health benefits. The oposite is the other side.

I am in love with my other, Thick or thin, richer or poorer and in sickness or health. I am here to stay.

That's my feeling. I think i got it from my grandparents. My grandmother was a tiny southern belle when my grandfather married her. She gained weight from numerous medical issues and and he loved her still. She tried to loose weight for health rasons, and he supported her. She "failed" in the eyes of some here: he saw her trying and supported her while loveing who she was. To him it didn't matter, she was still his Lil, always would be. He was worried for her health, but that was due to her high BP. He wanted her around forever. But her looks, being heavy? He didn't see her as such. He saw the wonderful loving ans sexy gal she had alwas been to him. And it was more than a oh I love you but am not sexually interested in you. The had a very healthy sex life. I should know because when they had custody of me I was unfortunte enough to hear them going at it (who knew being loud was genetic?! lol) lets just say me and me headphones became great freinds lol I mean if hearing your parents is icky, it 100000000 times worse to hear you granparents! But he obviously still felt passionate love for her. I think that shaped my views, and for that, my little bit of eeewwww discomfort was worth it:smile:

There is a reason why there is a line of manufactured sizes for 'misses' and for 'women' -- humans do thicken as they age and the digestion and bioflora are altered. I started my family late and had already begun to have womanly curves on me instead of bony ones, actually had something to put in an A-cup bra, but then children came and I grew C-D cups for the duration. And I put on pounds elsewhere too, I do not deny it. Now the struggle for me is to say goodbye to those breasts, as they seem to be the first part of me to slim down when I do lose anything. However I would not trade my children for a perfect body.

And I find all sorts of bodies beautiful.
When a person is on my list of beloveds, they stay there no matter how their body changes. That does not mean I don't have the urge to admire the bodies of others. Even a cat can look at a king.[/QUOTE]
Helgaleena, how do I adore you, let me count the ways...:biggrin1:

Depends on the context of the situation, but most likely I would leave them. If any of my previous partners became obese, I'd leave all of them except for this one girl. I think I'd still find her attractive even if she got real fat, but who knows for sure.

Ideally though, I'd do my best to avoid this kind of problem. If I intend to have a long term relationship with someone, I'll make it clear to them that if you get fat I will most likely look elsewhere. The details can be worked out, but no point in being with someone you are not physically attracted to.

Yet another one whose partner better hope to God they never have any medical issues. "Sweetie, I no you broke your back, but the wieght you put on is just intolerable. I just don't find you sexy. Here are your walking papers..."

im fine with a weight jump. nobody is perfect... and those who are close never stay that way.

but i would be concerned about health.

A sensible take.

I weighed 185 when I got married 19 years ago and about 5 years later - I went from 185 to 350 in one year. I have a thryoid problem and it only works at 3 percent. I went to a thyroid specialist at Vanderbelt medical in Nashville and every med they put me on - I had an allergice reacion too. 3 of the meds put me in the hospital due to my heart. I actually had a light heart attack due to one of them. I am currently on an all liquid diet through the hospital and am still gaining weight. They can't remove the thyroid because there is nothing they can put me on to replace it. The Dr's are getting ready to take me off the liquid diet and put me on a reg diet of 1000 calories. No matter how much exercise I do, they can't seem to increase my metabolism due to the thryoid so the weight will not come off. My sex life is gone due to the HBP now and my wife had back surgery and now its her on top. I dont want to do anything that will hurt her. Keep me in your prayers. All the Dr's I have seen have not ever seen anything like mine. Thanks

And a perfect example. My preyers to you that you get some reilef. My Sis is at the opposite end :hyperactive thyroid, whuch yeah keeps her rthin but is wreeking havock with her boby. Look up Graves Disease, as that is what she has. So far has had allergic reactions to meds. They may need to burn it out but she is afraid she will have the type of allergic readtions to the new meds that she would then have to be on (as she would of course be hypothyrodic) All my best to you. PM me if you would like to talk.

I am not sure how fat my husband would have to get before I noticed, and if I noticed, I'm not sure how fat I would think he was. Last year, my husband gained a lot of weight. I'm not exactly sure how much, but he was 6'5.5", 265 pounds. When we married, he weighed 25 pounds less. I'm not sure when he started to gain weight. We're nudists, so I usually see him naked. We snuggle a lot, so I should have felt a difference. We take long walks, and so I think I'd have noticed if he slowed down. I saw nothing.

His job depends upon his ability to maintain a healthy weight, and his maximum allowed weight is 237 pounds. So, I put him on a diet when he told me how much he weighed, and bought him P90X. At first, he was eating too much (that is my fault since I planned his meals according to the P90X books). Then, he was gaining muscle and water weight. So, I reduced his fats and carbs, and had him not do any resistance. He made weigh-ins a week late, but early enough to avoid a negative mark on his health record. He has continued his weight loss, wanting to get back to his boot camp weight. I'd like to see that too. His boot camp body was hot.

Then again, he's hot now. He's always been really sexy to me, from the moment I first laid eyes on his sweet, shy face. Last week, I uploaded a bunch of old photos onto Facebook. That's when I finally saw all the weight he'd gained. He was fat, but I never noticed. He was just my sexy man, and I loved him very much, and wished we were having more sex.

I was a lot fatter too for a while, which he also didn't seem to notice. (His mother did. Oh my God did she ever. Despite her own rapidly expanding hips and ass, flapping arms, and jiggling jowls, she pointed out my weight gain every chance she got.) I showed him the pictures, and he was as stunned as I was about seeing his weight difference. He said, "Wow. I know you said you lost 25 pounds, but you looked the same to me until I saw this picture. Good job, Honey."

If he became morbidly obese, I assume I would notice. But he's always going to have those pink cheeks, and gorgeous, chocolaty eyes, and frankly, I love a big body anyway. He's never had a small body. He is my husband, and I love him. If maintaining his health and our lifestyle became an issue, or if he asked for my help like he did when he needed to make weigh-ins, I would find a way to help get the weight off of him. But, he's my man, and he can't get rid of me that easily.

Though we sometimes do not see exactly eye to eye, I think we are staring into each others eyes on this one, :kiss:

A lot of times, surgery isn't an option because the person isn't healthy enough to survive the surgery. My friend's mother has that problem.

Exactly. My friend (the one whose mom died), well his mom was in this boat forever. Wasn't healthy enough to survive life saving surgery.:frown1:

Answer to thw question... Badly...

I am 5ft7 138lb and work out. I am slim/toned with reasonable arms, chest n abs... I want someone who looks after himself. I don't want a greek god but I can't stand fatty blokes. People should make an effort for themselves but that's an opinion!

So you didn't read anything above you did you? So if your man happened to gain wieght due to sudden life changing ou of his control things, you would say hasta, and be gone? Wow. Hopefully you don't suffer the same, as whoever you end up with will most likely feel the same and dump your hypothetical fat ass for the newer, slimmer model....

 

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

You assume a straight man with a fat wife wants his cock sucked by a man. I assume they are together for a reason. We have different outlooks on life.



If you love someone you respect them, you support them, you don't judge them. There are many reasons a person becomes obese - it's complex and it cannot be fixed at the snap of the fingers. Eat less, move more is a very small part of it. As evidenced in Uncle B's post above a lot of it is psychological. Telling the vast majority of obese people to 'just' eat less and exercise more is like telling someone with depression to cheer up. Fucking pointless.

I might have just fallen in love with you.

 

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

As an obese woman I can assure you that MB is right when she says it's a very complex issue. Just to shed some light, I'll recount where my food issues started:

I was an early bloomer and was very curvy as a teen/college student. I was a little curvier than your average girl but I was in great shape. When I was in college someone very close to me committed suicide. We had been intimate the week before and I was falling in love with him so this obliterated my world. I went deep into depression. I couldn't sleep, wouldn't eat, I cried all the time...it made me nauseous if anyone even tried to touch me, that's how bad I was. I finally ended up with the mother of all migraines and was taken to the ER. I decided to talk to someone from mental health while I was there, telling them about my depression, anxiety attacks, fear, etc. Nothing came of it, as the intake worker didn't do a very good job (looking back), but I decided I had to start functioning again or I would just die. When I got home my mother made me a steak, which tasted amazing. Beyond amazing. For the first time since I had bottomed out, my happy button had been flipped. I didn't realize it then, but I recognize it now. That's when I started using food as a drug and I continued doing it for a great many years. All while this was going on I had a career, marriage and a child. It wasn't until 4 years ago when I started having painful spasms in my abdomen that this was all derailed. Three years worth of doctors, testing and procedures yielded nothing. I became incapable of holding down a job because the pain was debilitating. My sudden inability to function normally contributed to more weight gain. Finally in January 2010 I was diagnosed with a heart arrhythmia that could have killed me, quite frankly. At that point I had been going to school for a career change and I was put on beta blockers, which put me on my ass. I decided to take a semester off to get this under control and I was hit with a gynecological problem when I was about to return to school. I was ill for several months which ultimately resulted in my hysterectomy. This was last September. While at home healing I've reflected a lot. It's only in the last 9 months I've been able to heal a lot of these old hurts that drove these compulsions. In the past 2 months I've made major strides. I view food differently now, the compulsion to use food as a means of numbing the pain is very low and I find myself choosing healthier behaviors. I'm not perfect, but I'm very much improved. I've lost 20 lbs in the past 3 months and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. I finally feel like I've roped that bastard of an addiction and can start coping with it on my terms.

Now back to the question at hand. How would I cope with a partner becoming obese? Been on both sides of that fence. My husband and I talk freely about this and we don't get offended. Of course, it helps that we share the issue and it's more about what WE can do to help ourselves and each other without finger-pointing. My husband has also lost 20 lbs, as we're doing this together. You can't pull someone out of any addiction until they are ready. Until I pinpointed that very moment I started using food I wasn't ready. I had to deal with those emotions before I went forward and I have done so. I'm glad my husband never gave up on me and he easily could have with everything we've been through. We're taking this journey together, just like everything else. Obesity is definitely something to be concerned about, but it's not the worst thing that could happen. So how would I cope? Love. Support. Open Communication. Patience.

 

[D_Tam_Ponds]

Great topic, when I meet my wife she was 5'4'' and 145 pounds, 38-26-44, curvy as hell and I loved it. She worked out and maintained her figure in the beginning. I was 6'1'' about 175. That was 12 years ago. I am now 245 but its mostly muscles, my stomach is bigger then I like but not terrible looking. My wife went up to 185 and it wasn't nice at all. I told her she had to lose weight because I didn't like it, and she started working out again, lose about 30 pounds and now everything is good again. I think it is important to cook and workout together and keep each other motivated to stay in shape. Of course as we grow older there will be an increase of pounds but if you try to maintain yourself it doesn't have to be a bad thing.

You honestly believe your 70 pound weight gain is 'mostly muscles'?! You sir, are a judgemental hole. I hope your wife finds herself a real man who will love her in ways you are obviously uncapable of.:hitwithrock:

 

[B_Nicodemous]

I might have just fallen in love with you.

I have! lol join the we love Manly parade!

Of course after reading this post of yours, I think I have fallen for you:biggrin1:

As an obese woman I can assure you that MB is right when she says it's a very complex issue. Just to shed some light, I'll recount where my food issues started:

I was an early bloomer and was very curvy as a teen/college student. I was a little curvier than your average girl but I was in great shape. When I was in college someone very close to me committed suicide. We had been intimate the week before and I was falling in love with him so this obliterated my world. I went deep into depression. I couldn't sleep, wouldn't eat, I cried all the time...it made me nauseous if anyone even tried to touch me, that's how bad I was. I finally ended up with the mother of all migraines and was taken to the ER. I decided to talk to someone from mental health while I was there, telling them about my depression, anxiety attacks, fear, etc. Nothing came of it, as the intake worker didn't do a very good job (looking back), but I decided I had to start functioning again or I would just die. When I got home my mother made me a steak, which tasted amazing. Beyond amazing. For the first time since I had bottomed out, my happy button had been flipped. I didn't realize it then, but I recognize it now. That's when I started using food as a drug and I continued doing it for a great many years. All while this was going on I had a career, marriage and a child. It wasn't until 4 years ago when I started having painful spasms in my abdomen that this was all derailed. Three years worth of doctors, testing and procedures yielded nothing. I became incapable of holding down a job because the pain was debilitating. My sudden inability to function normally contributed to more weight gain. Finally in January 2010 I was diagnosed with a heart arrhythmia that could have killed me, quite frankly. At that point I had been going to school for a career change and I was put on beta blockers, which put me on my ass. I decided to take a semester off to get this under control and I was hit with a gynecological problem when I was about to return to school. I was ill for several months which ultimately resulted in my hysterectomy. This was last September. While at home healing I've reflected a lot. It's only in the last 9 months I've been able to heal a lot of these old hurts that drove these compulsions. In the past 2 months I've made major strides. I view food differently now, the compulsion to use food as a means of numbing the pain is very low and I find myself choosing healthier behaviors. I'm not perfect, but I'm very much improved. I've lost 20 lbs in the past 3 months and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. I finally feel like I've roped that bastard of an addiction and can start coping with it on my terms.

Now back to the question at hand. How would I cope with a partner becoming obese? Been on both sides of that fence. My husband and I talk freely about this and we don't get offended. Of course, it helps that we share the issue and it's more about what WE can do to help ourselves and each other without finger-pointing. My husband has also lost 20 lbs, as we're doing this together. You can't pull someone out of any addiction until they are ready. Until I pinpointed that very moment I started using food I wasn't ready. I had to deal with those emotions before I went forward and I have done so. I'm glad my husband never gave up on me and he easily could have with everything we've been through. We're taking this journey together, just like everything else. Obesity is definitely something to be concerned about, but it's not the worst thing that could happen. So how would I cope? Love. Support. Open Communication. Patience.

Yep, definately have fallen into deep gay guy crushing on awesome woman land:biggrin1:

 

[Intrigue]

As an obese woman I can assure you that MB is right when she says it's a very complex issue. Just to shed some light, I'll recount where my food issues started:

I was an early bloomer and was very curvy as a teen/college student. I was a little curvier than your average girl but I was in great shape. When I was in college someone very close to me committed suicide. We had been intimate the week before and I was falling in love with him so this obliterated my world. I went deep into depression. I couldn't sleep, wouldn't eat, I cried all the time...it made me nauseous if anyone even tried to touch me, that's how bad I was. I finally ended up with the mother of all migraines and was taken to the ER. I decided to talk to someone from mental health while I was there, telling them about my depression, anxiety attacks, fear, etc. Nothing came of it, as the intake worker didn't do a very good job (looking back), but I decided I had to start functioning again or I would just die. When I got home my mother made me a steak, which tasted amazing. Beyond amazing. For the first time since I had bottomed out, my happy button had been flipped. I didn't realize it then, but I recognize it now. That's when I started using food as a drug and I continued doing it for a great many years. All while this was going on I had a career, marriage and a child. It wasn't until 4 years ago when I started having painful spasms in my abdomen that this was all derailed. Three years worth of doctors, testing and procedures yielded nothing. I became incapable of holding down a job because the pain was debilitating. My sudden inability to function normally contributed to more weight gain. Finally in January 2010 I was diagnosed with a heart arrhythmia that could have killed me, quite frankly. At that point I had been going to school for a career change and I was put on beta blockers, which put me on my ass. I decided to take a semester off to get this under control and I was hit with a gynecological problem when I was about to return to school. I was ill for several months which ultimately resulted in my hysterectomy. This was last September. While at home healing I've reflected a lot. It's only in the last 9 months I've been able to heal a lot of these old hurts that drove these compulsions. In the past 2 months I've made major strides. I view food differently now, the compulsion to use food as a means of numbing the pain is very low and I find myself choosing healthier behaviors. I'm not perfect, but I'm very much improved. I've lost 20 lbs in the past 3 months and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. I finally feel like I've roped that bastard of an addiction and can start coping with it on my terms.

Now back to the question at hand. How would I cope with a partner becoming obese? Been on both sides of that fence. My husband and I talk freely about this and we don't get offended. Of course, it helps that we share the issue and it's more about what WE can do to help ourselves and each other without finger-pointing. My husband has also lost 20 lbs, as we're doing this together. You can't pull someone out of any addiction until they are ready. Until I pinpointed that very moment I started using food I wasn't ready. I had to deal with those emotions before I went forward and I have done so. I'm glad my husband never gave up on me and he easily could have with everything we've been through. We're taking this journey together, just like everything else. Obesity is definitely something to be concerned about, but it's not the worst thing that could happen. So how would I cope? Love. Support. Open Communication. Patience.

I do not understand how, without knowing you tht well, proud of you I am. I know you dont need anyone elses pride but I'm genuinely proud of a person such as yourself having the strength to realize what they were doing to themselves and having the sheer WILL to start to turn it around. You remind me of my love in this respect. She took years of abuse and mistreatment and uses it to guide her life in the direction of love and tolerance. Its unfucking believable how she's done it. We are both dealing with our own monsters together and conquering them and with it our health issues. Because to me, like MB stated before, she's my love. Whatever shape or form she takes I'm going to love her till I die, and if there is an after life nit a thing in this universe could keep me from her. Again i say to you how incredibly awesome you are and i wish you and your hubby the best in your healthy journey.

Side note: I'm not selling a godamned thing but me and the mrs started juicing our veggies to slam some nutrient into us and help put us on the healthy track, using a new nutritarian guideline instead of that hackneyed USDA crap, and choosing better foods for us instead of the processed American diet and lemme tell ya we are feeling awesome. I highly recommend watching the movie "fat, sick, and nearly dead". It isn't the only thing that motivated us, but it gave me and her a tool to use that for us, just works. And sometimes when your working so hard not to hate yourself, like i am, or learning to eat, like my love, it helps to have a loving hand to hold and an ideal to follow. We have those loving hands and that ideal to carry us through. I hope each of you who finds themselves in a place that they dont recognize as their life, also find a living hand to help guide you back to what you can call comfort and peace. Best of luck.

*And @ Nico : your one of my favs as well bub!

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Y'all have me total wrong... I'm a total cunt. Ask anyone! :smile:

:redface:

 

[B_Nicodemous]

Y'all have me total wrong... I'm a total cunt. Ask anyone! :smile:

:redface:

Wll seeing as how that is a refence to lady bits (derogatory yes but still...), if you are a TOTAL one (like that's all you are) and I am crushing on you..!!!!! OMG! I like lady bits! *runs to adjust percentages*:tongue:

Oh, and by the by, I won't be asking Anyone...that asshole lies a lot.:wink:

 

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

I do not understand how, without knowing you tht well, proud of you I am. I know you dont need anyone elses pride but I'm genuinely proud of a person such as yourself having the strength to realize what they were doing to themselves and having the sheer WILL to start to turn it around. You remind me of my love in this respect. She took years of abuse and mistreatment and uses it to guide her life in the direction of love and tolerance. Its unfucking believable how she's done it. We are both dealing with our own monsters together and conquering them and with it our health issues. Because to me, like MB stated before, she's my love. Whatever shape or form she takes I'm going to love her till I die, and if there is an after life nit a thing in this universe could keep me from her. Again i say to you how incredibly awesome you are and i wish you and your hubby the best in your healthy journey.

Side note: I'm not selling a godamned thing but me and the mrs started juicing our veggies to slam some nutrient into us and help put us on the healthy track, using a new nutritarian guideline instead of that hackneyed USDA crap, and choosing better foods for us instead of the processed American diet and lemme tell ya we are feeling awesome. I highly recommend watching the movie "fat, sick, and nearly dead". It isn't the only thing that motivated us, but it gave me and her a tool to use that for us, just works. And sometimes when your working so hard not to hate yourself, like i am, or learning to eat, like my love, it helps to have a loving hand to hold and an ideal to follow. We have those loving hands and that ideal to carry us through. I hope each of you who finds themselves in a place that they dont recognize as their life, also find a living hand to help guide you back to what you can call comfort and peace. Best of luck.

*And @ Nico : your one of my favs as well bub!

Thank you so much. I've struggled with this food issue for so long and I'm glad that I'm starting to turn it around. I'm only 5 lbs away from the weight I was before I got sick 4 years ago and it feels amazing. I feel like in some small way I am reclaiming myself and it gives me the confidence to keep moving forward.

We follow a diabetic diet now, as my husband was diagnosed a month ago. I do almost all the cooking in my house and six months ago I decided to remove all prepared foods from my kitchen. The only adjustment I had to make after his diagnosis was converting to low-carb, which hasn't affected the quality of our meals at all. I absolutely love to cook so I'm having a lot of fun experimenting with different foods I never cooked before. I don't feel deprived at all, which is probably the best part.