how would you cope with your partner becoming obese?

helgaleena

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This has been an issue in our home for years. We ahve been together for nearly 13 years. He weighed around one 190 when we met, he topped out at 240. Keep in mind he is only 5'8". He has always had image issues, way before we met. Our sizes are as different as black and white. I only weigh 150, 5'10" which is normal for me. With his weight gain, it had put a stop to our sexual relationship. I hate to say it, we have gone almost a year with no sex between us....:frown1: He has lost close to 15 pounds and is getting testosterone injections to help with his lack of desire and well being. He is feeling better about himself now and for the last month we have had sex 3 times ...I am a very happy guy....:tongue:
I have a huge sex drive. Always taking thing in my own hands and other places...lol Never once have I strayed, because our love is that strong. If your love your partner as much as I love mine, then all you can do is wait it out, and maybe things will change for the better.
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You are an inspiration--- especially to your love object. He most likely had some depression about getting fatter which helped his eating spiral out of control and helped damp down his libido. I truly believe in your love. :umbrella:
 

D_Alec_Baldtwins

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Look, most people do not have diabetes or any other medical conditions that would contribute to or cause obesity.

Those are the people I was referring to. Whether you use the genetic excuse or "I have a medical condition" excuse (valid though it may be), if you watch what you eat you willl not become morbidly obese if you eat and exercise well.

Diabetes and other conditions might make obesity more likely but it doesn't make it certain. You can counteract the effects of diabetes and other conditions with a healthy diet and regular exercise.

Also diabetes can be caused by and not a cause of obesity. But most people aren't fat because of diabetes. The rate of diabetes is about 1 in 10 at the most. That was the statistic I saw for America. Although that may be overly high because most Americans are overweight and that is probably the cause of the diabetes. (Rather than diabetes being the case of obesity)

Which seems to be the case since the diabetes rate in the UK is only about 5%.

But even if we say that "increased risk factors" such as diabetes etc are causes for obesity they could only be the cause in perhaps 10-20% of cases at the very most.

Which means 8/10 people who are fat are fat with no underlying medical reason.

This is because the biggest contributing factors to obesity are diet and exercise. 8/10 obese people are obese because they eat too much and don't exercise.

EDIT: Diabetes rate in the US is 6.3% according to this article but not sure how recent it is What is Diabetes? Facts About Diabetes

Your argument makes about as much sense as saying that airplane crashes are caused by gravity. It states the obvious without even beginning to address the problem, either societally or as posed by the OP. While I'll grant that there's no shortage of people who are overweight because they are lazy and self-indulgent, the issue is vastly more complex and difficult, and isn't going to be solved by simple-minded admonitions to "eat less and exercise more." Obesity is rooted, among other things, in people's psychiatric/psychological problems; vast societal and lifestyle changes, especially in how and where people work and what they have to do these days to earn a decent living; lack of education about nutrition; and politics of food and practices of the food industry.

Eat less and exercise more? Really? To people so sick with depression they can barely get out of bed? To children all but abandoned and left to fend for themselves by parents too busy with their careers, relationships, and other distractions to feed them properly, never mind teach them what and how to eat, or get them to exercise? To people working multiple jobs and ridiculous hours just to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table? Lots of other examples out there...
 
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ManlyBanisters

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Although that may be overly high because most Americans are overweight

How much time have you spent in the States? I spend a fair amount of time there (not enough for my liking) and I do not see a majority of overweight people. More than that I don't see that big a difference between Europe and the States. Am I more likely to see a very overweight person in the US? Yes, slightly more likely. Do I notice a marked difference in the overall proportion of overweight people to those who aren't? No, I can't say I do.

To say most Americans are overweight is ridiculous. But then you're already backpedaling on your earlier statement that the 'only' way to be obese is to be greedy and lazy. Which is pretty much as ignorant as saying all people with cirrhosis are alcoholics.

Try opening your closed little mind for a change.

Your argument makes about as much sense as saying that airplane crashes are caused by gravity. It states the obvious without even beginning to address the problem, either societally or as posed by the OP. While I'll grant that there's no shortage of people who are overweight because they are lazy and self-indulgent, the issue is vastly more complex and difficult, and isn't going to be solved by simple-minded admonitions to "eat less and exercise more." Obesity is rooted, among other things, in people's psychiatric/psychological problems; vast societal and lifestyle changes, especially in how and where people work and what they have to do these days to earn a decent living; lack of education about nutrition; and politics of food and practices of the food industry.

Eat less and exercise more? Really? To people so sick with depression they can barely get out of bed? To children all but abandoned and left to fend for themselves by parents too busy with their careers, relationships, and other distractions to feed them properly, never mind teach them what and how to eat, or get them to exercise? To people working multiple jobs and ridiculous hours just to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table? Lots of other examples out there...

QFT
 

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Question: I have heard you make mention of this before and am curious...was it more a he felt uncomfortable and stop initiating/responding to sexaul advances to/from you? I am kinda picking that up as if at 15 lbs lost from a max weight of 240 would be 225. It sounds as if it was his body image perception and declining sex drive that was more of the factor than anything from you quarter. That is what I am getting, though please correct me if I am wrong.

Either way I love this bolded (emphasis mine) part. :smile:

Oh and congrats on the sex! Hopefully this is a turning point in your lives! Because as you say you will take things in your own..whatever :)wink:) ..to satisfy your large sex drive, but I am sure you prefer the intimacy of being with your partner. I am glad you are finding that again. Best of luck bud :kiss:

I would have to say you are correct. After a while I stopped even trying to go there. I thought, why make us both feel bad... You know what I mean? Rejection hurts, and it has 2 sides. He has always had an image issue, which is not a problem for me. I like my man the way he is, I love him because of who he is, not for what he looks like. Although he is very handsome, with a mixture of American and Japanesse. Our love is a real deep LOVE. .... Thank You for your kind words.

I have been reading some of these post where some feel like it would be a deal breaker. The way I see it, they are not IN LOVE....if they were, it would not matter.
 

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You are an inspiration--- especially to your love object. He most likely had some depression about getting fatter which helped his eating spiral out of control and helped damp down his libido. I truly believe in your love. :umbrella:

Yes, he was in a depression, not only from weight, but also work . He is a very hard worker, I'm talking over 14 hours a day, some days longer, 5 days a week. Then he works from home on the weekends usually 7 hours each day. Oh and his mother lives with us..... and that make things difficult...that alone is another story. We have found a way to survive it all, being in more Love then ever before.

Thank you....:smile:
 

Incocknito

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Your argument makes about as much sense as saying that airplane crashes are caused by gravity. It states the obvious without even beginning to address the problem, either societally or as posed by the OP. While I'll grant that there's no shortage of people who are overweight because they are lazy and self-indulgent, the issue is vastly more complex and difficult, and isn't going to be solved by simple-minded admonitions to "eat less and exercise more." Obesity is rooted, among other things, in people's psychiatric/psychological problems; vast societal and lifestyle changes, especially in how and where people work and what they have to do these days to earn a decent living; lack of education about nutrition; and politics of food and practices of the food industry.

Eat less and exercise more? Really? To people so sick with depression they can barely get out of bed? To children all but abandoned and left to fend for themselves by parents too busy with their careers, relationships, and other distractions to feed them properly, never mind teach them what and how to eat, or get them to exercise? To people working multiple jobs and ridiculous hours just to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table? Lots of other examples out there...

You are missing the point. The bottom line is, in absolute terms that if you eat properly and exercise you will not become fat.

Whether you are depressed, "busy" or ignorant, if you eat healthily and exercise then the end result is the same. I never said it was easy.

As for the numbers:

Obesity Statistics - Worldometers

2/3 of Americans over age 20 being either overweight or obese seems like a lot to me.
 

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Well, I guess I'm just fucking blind then, because 2/3s of the people I see walking around in the cities I visit regularly do not look fat to me.

Maybe the survey was done during the Calvin Klein heroin chic look era when models turned sideways and seemed to vanish they were so thin and everybody applauded their 'great look'.

I've lived in the u.s. all my life (except vacations) and don't see majority of people that are overweight.
 

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From my experience, a lot of the bigger cities in America (where tourists are more likely to go) are usually some of the healthiest in the country, and especially some major college cities. The best two examples that I can think of from my personal experience are New York City and Boston.

I don't even see that many overweight people in Connecticut, really, so I was always a bit skeptical about 2/3 of the American people being obese. Then again, I read somewhere a while ago (or heard it somewhere, all the same) that the states in New England are some of the healthiest ones in America, while those in the South are some of the unhealthiest areas in America. So, I guess it really depends on where you go.
 

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Overweight includes people who are just half a pound overweight. That site says it is nearly 1/3 of American adults who are obese, and it is; but it's closer to 1/4 than to 1/3. It's more attention-grabbing to round up than to round down.

American Obesity Rates Have Hit Plateau, C.D.C. Data Suggest - NYTimes.com

"but the percentages have topped out at very high numbers. Nearly 34 percent of adults are obese, more than double the percentage 30 years ago. The share of obese children tripled during that time, to 17 percent."
 

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As for changes in a partner's appearence - HickBoy could gain a 100lb, lose a limb or two, go bald and turn fucking blue and I'd still be his woman. I love him. Whatever he is, I want.


I agree....when I love someone, I love someone. I'll worry about his health, but not his looks.

"Whatever he is, I want."
 

D_Alec_Baldtwins

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American Obesity Rates Have Hit Plateau, C.D.C. Data Suggest - NYTimes.com

"but the percentages have topped out at very high numbers. Nearly 34 percent of adults are obese, more than double the percentage 30 years ago. The share of obese children tripled during that time, to 17 percent."

That's good news for America, but this is an increasing problem worldwide, as "Western" foods and lifestyles take root and grow in other countries. This will be a difficult if not impossible trend to reverse.
 

HungThickProf

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I can't say that I'm shocked to see some of the ignorance and insensitivity that I have in this thread. I will say that I actually expected more and better from some of you. I'm not trying to redirect from personal blame, but a lot of us here in America try to make sure that we can make a life for ourselves and our families. I'm currently a university student, and before I decided to get back into school, I worked. And of course, one of the main goals of finding a job is to find a job that will pay you well. As companies work to compete with each other nationally and internationally, you'll see that a lot of these are sedentary positions, such as call-centers. There's not much movement involved, the pay is decent, and they're filled with stress. When you get off from work, more than likely, you just want to be left alone.

We're all told and encouraged to eat properly and exercise, but it really can seem as if there's not enough time in the day, especially for one to have to themselves. We all need a little stress release/relaxation, and we don't really get that, unfortunately. And as far as eating right goes, have you been to an American grocery store lately? We're starting to pay more for less in quantity and quality of food, and it's getting too damn expensive. We pay less for high fructose corn syrup, artificial flavors, and products made with white flour. I personally have spent over $20.00 just to prepare a decent healthy meal for myself when I could have spent the same amount at McDonalds, fed a family of four and gotten them all desserts.

You don't know what someone's life is like, and not all of us are born with the luxury of having naturally high metabolisms, or have the financial resources to always eat the healthiest and most natural foods. Some of us have to work damn hard just to be okay. So don't judge or be a dick about it. And if you truly love someone, don't just break it off because looking at their belly doesn't get your dick up or your pussy wet. You don't know what's going on internally. There are people with thyroid issues in this world who could drink nothing but water and eat nothing but salads and protein, workout 3-4 times a week and still gain weight. "Trying is not the same as succeeding." Well guess what, bitch. Perfection doesn't exist and neither does Santa Claus.

And I'll just go ahead and say this. Unless any of you have truly struggled with your weight or have been with someone who has, then you should probably keep your mouth shut. It's horrible to know that at times you eat because you're unhappy and you're unhappy because you eat. It seems like a continuous cycle you can't escape. And living in a world where image is everything makes it uncomfortable to go clothes shopping or even picking out clothes to wear for the day, because you're looking for clothes not to show off your curves, but to hide them. A bigger person could wake up on top of the world one day, and little bit of that happiness leaves them when they're looking at themselves in the mirror to make sure everything is fine.

So don't be an asshole.
 

AlteredEgo

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American Obesity Rates Have Hit Plateau, C.D.C. Data Suggest - NYTimes.com

"but the percentages have topped out at very high numbers. Nearly 34 percent of adults are obese, more than double the percentage 30 years ago. The share of obese children tripled during that time, to 17 percent."
Due to the NY Times reputation for plagiarism and outright fabrication, I went directly to the CDC website. The survey quoted in your 2010 article is from 2006. That does nothing to refute the information I posted, which is from 2009. In 2009, 26.5% of Americans were obese, according to a survey. A similar survey in 2010, according to the CDC website, puts American obesity at 26.7%. So. Can it be said that 1/3 of Americans are obese? Sure. Rounding up is more sensational sounding. But the truth is it is closer to 1/4 like I said before.
 
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KTF40

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I can't say that I'm shocked to see some of the ignorance and insensitivity that I have in this thread. I will say that I actually expected more and better from some of you. I'm not trying to redirect from personal blame, but a lot of us here in America try to make sure that we can make a life for ourselves and our families. I'm currently a university student, and before I decided to get back into school, I worked. And of course, one of the main goals of finding a job is to find a job that will pay you well. As companies work to compete with each other nationally and internationally, you'll see that a lot of these are sedentary positions, such as call-centers. There's not much movement involved, the pay is decent, and they're filled with stress. When you get off from work, more than likely, you just want to be left alone.

We're all told and encouraged to eat properly and exercise, but it really can seem as if there's not enough time in the day, especially for one to have to themselves. We all need a little stress release/relaxation, and we don't really get that, unfortunately. And as far as eating right goes, have you been to an American grocery store lately? We're starting to pay more for less in quantity and quality of food, and it's getting too damn expensive. We pay less for high fructose corn syrup, artificial flavors, and products made with white flour. I personally have spent over $20.00 just to prepare a decent healthy meal for myself when I could have spent the same amount at McDonalds, fed a family of four and gotten them all desserts.

In my opinion, a lot of this sounds extremely lazy. I spend 11 hours per day/ 5 days a week working/commuting where I spend my time for the most part on my butt all day and I still find time to work out 4 days a week for about an hour a session. And if you're spending over $20 bucks on a meal just so it is healthy that sounds like a huge waste of money. This might sound extremely harsh, but if you can't find the drive in you to exercise throughout the week and put some efforts into finding foods at your local grocery store that are both healthy and don't cost 20$ per meal, you can't blame your weight problems on anyone else but yourself.

I can't comment on medical conditions and what not, but I think we all know people who are fat due to those issues are by and large in the minority. You look at a country like South Korea and Japan, their obesity rates are under 5%. You take a look at the US, it is well over 30% and is the highest in the world. You can't blame all that on medical problems, the food, or a long day at work. A lot of it is just laziness and people who are perfectly content with being fat.
 
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