How Would You Feel If Your Boyfriend/husband Told You He Was Bi?

Haze89

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Would it cause you relationship problems? Or would it not make a difference at all?
 
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For me, it would be a big fucking deal. I know I have emotional baggage about this. I know it and I acknowledge it, but that doesn't make it magically go away. I have an ex who cheated on me, in spite of repeated checking in on my part to make sure our relationship parameters suited him. He didn't use safe sex practices. He exposed me to serious health risks, because we were fluid bound.

I don't do sudden revelations about sexual orientation. Someone disclosing it prior to getting serious is one thing. Disclosing it years into a relationship? What else have they lied to me about? At this point I'm in my 30s. I'm in a location that is very liberal leaning. To me, there's no reason for anyone to NOT disclose their sexual orientation to me, if they intend to get serious with me. There is little to zero risk of violence for being LGBTQ+ out here. I know some families might not be accepting still, but their family is one thing. A potential serious romantic partner is a different thing entirely. I would think people in their 30s should have a pretty fucking solid grasp of what their sexual orientation is like too, at this phase of their life. Especially given how accepting this area is of it as a whole.

So. To me, a sudden revelation about sexual orientation translates to them lying to me, and I would likely drop them like something distasteful left on my front porch getting dropped into a trash bin. I have pretty much a zero tolerance policy for dishonesty from a partner. I do bold, blunt truth. Lies or even game playing? Keep on keeping on, I am not the person for you.
 

Haze89

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For me, it would be a big fucking deal. I know I have emotional baggage about this. I know it and I acknowledge it, but that doesn't make it magically go away. I have an ex who cheated on me, in spite of repeated checking in on my part to make sure our relationship parameters suited him. He didn't use safe sex practices. He exposed me to serious health risks, because we were fluid bound.

I don't do sudden revelations about sexual orientation. Someone disclosing it prior to getting serious is one thing. Disclosing it years into a relationship? What else have they lied to me about? At this point I'm in my 30s. I'm in a location that is very liberal leaning. To me, there's no reason for anyone to NOT disclose their sexual orientation to me, if they intend to get serious with me. There is little to zero risk of violence for being LGBTQ+ out here. I know some families might not be accepting still, but their family is one thing. A potential serious romantic partner is a different thing entirely. I would think people in their 30s should have a pretty fucking solid grasp of what their sexual orientation is like too, at this phase of their life. Especially given how accepting this area is of it as a whole.

So. To me, a sudden revelation about sexual orientation translates to them lying to me, and I would likely drop them like something distasteful left on my front porch getting dropped into a trash bin. I have pretty much a zero tolerance policy for dishonesty from a partner. I do bold, blunt truth. Lies or even game playing? Keep on keeping on, I am not the person for you.
It makes total sense if there's history which puts you against the idea!
Definitely understand it!
It's a real shame that happened to you but everything in life is a lesson I suppose!
 

MickeyLee

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I like girls more than I like boys.. *shrug* who am I to judge.

Fucking around on me once fucking around has been taken off the table will be met with swift and violent removal of an asshole from my life.

I mention fucking around, not because I believe bi-dudes are more likely to cheat. I think men are more likely to cheat and use their sexuality as an excuse.
 

LaFemme

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If we were already in a relationship, it wouldn’t change much. I would still expect monogamy. On the inside, I’d be quite emotionally distressed. I have had very poor experiences with bisexual men.

Look at the thread here:

Married men who use a cocksucker

What the actual fuck? What does that tell you? Really disturbing. Pages and pages of unfaithful, lying bisexual men. Doesn’t bode well for relationships with them, does it?
 

Haze89

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If we were already in a relationship, it wouldn’t change much. I would still expect monogamy. On the inside, I’d be quite emotionally distressed. I have had very poor experiences with bisexual men.

Look at the thread here:

Married men who use a cocksucker

What the actual fuck? What does that tell you? Really disturbing. Pages and pages of unfaithful, lying bisexual men. Doesn’t bode well for relationships with them, does it?

I genuinely can't believe what I've read on that post. Surely the best thing to do would be communicate with your partner? If you want a man to suck your dick then tell your wife. If she's happy to compromise then perfect. If she doesn't suck enough or well enough then they should tell her and work on it. Nobody should stoop as low as cheating on their partner for sexual gratification!
I love the thought of sucking a dick! But only if my girlfriend was doing it with me!
 

LaFemme

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I genuinely can't believe what I've read on that post. Surely the best thing to do would be communicate with your partner? If you want a man to suck your dick then tell your wife. If she's happy to compromise then perfect. If she doesn't suck enough or well enough then they should tell her and work on it. Nobody should stoop as low as cheating on their partner for sexual gratification!
I love the thought of sucking a dick! But only if my girlfriend was doing it with me!
Apparently, lots of men disagree with you. They would rather slip out on the sly and meet up with a man. The men who cheated on me with other men had nothing lacking sexually at home except a penis on my behalf. I’m a little put off.
 
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693987

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I want to add that I've been involved with pansexual, queer, and bisexual people in the past, not just my one experience with a cheating ex. All of those people made their orientation clear to me from the beginning.

None of those relationships were monogamous. I didn't have any concerns based off my bad past experience/the amount of cheaters I see on here. There was no expectation of monogamy, it was clear from the get go that wasn't the style of relationship we would have. So. Disclose at the beginning, especially with a non-monogamous relationship? We're fine. Disclose years later/after we're serious? It's a problem.
 

Spartan727

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Very recent thread covering a similar topic

Why Don’t Women Date Or Accept Bi Men?

Older threads:

Would you date a bi male?

Female reactions to bi-guys

Bi Male Cock Sucker

bi gay do you feel ok with it

would you have sex with a bi sexual man?[/QUOTE


I am not a person that judges anyone by their sexual Orientation. I observe people everyday of my life. I was molested when I was younger, after that I did everything in my power to not draw attention from the opposite sex. For a long time more than half my life I had no interest in any sex.
I lost my ability to conceive during the abortion (from being molested). The act that took my virginity was the molestation it wasn’t pleasant it was forced. So sex was not something I had any
Interest in. Actually honestly I have many male & female friends that are bi. I’ve been begged by a bi male to have sex. I had no interest.
Trust - honor - honesty are areas where I have no
Flexibility. I would with out a second thought give my life to save yours.
If I’m going to share that part of me with you, you dam well better be honest. To me lying is worse than admitting you are bi, There are a lot of factors: like doing something that would endanger my health. That should be addressed. In a committed relationship there should normally be communication & open communication.
I would wonder if I’m enough, that’s not a good place for anyone to be.
Knowing that I would move on, no I wouldn’t.
 
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693987

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This is Ask a Woman. Only the original poster and women can post here.
 
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693987

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In threads about kinks or various other topics, I point out I'm a blunt, brutal honesty kind of person. I don't just magically only spew that shit in regards to sexual orientation. It is a long established part of my personality.

I know that isn't everyone's way, and those who don't like it? Guess what! We wouldn't be compatible. And that is perfectly okay. I'm sure plenty of people don't like me for all kinds of reasons. Great! Good for you! I wouldn't be in a relationship with them. Other people can choose to do what I view as lying or hiding in their relationship with whoever. Just don't pull that crap with me. So, uh, I'm quite comfy with everything I said. Including speaking for just myself (crazy, I know), my personal experiences, and acknowledgement of having baggage.

Knowing someone's orientation before getting into a serious relationship is a must for me. I don't expect everyone to run around announcing all their details to the planet. Before getting serious with someone, though? Yeah, I for damn sure want to know the major details and opinions on specific topics before committing to monogamy, maybe living together, introducing someone to my family, etc. Like, hey, no, we don't want to raise a family. Hey, my orientation is x. No, I'm not religious and going to want you to participate in my faith with me. Hey, I don't believe in marriage. Whatever. Y'know, the important major shit people should talk about before getting serious.
 

Lammergier

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It depends on the context. If the revelation were to open the doors to infidelity, yes, big fucking problem. If it's an open marriage/relationship and has been discussed and mutually agreed to, then not a problem, as long as he was safe. If he doesn't want to fuck around and wants to experiment with toys, gay porn etc.. im all for it.

I have no problem with how my partner swings, they should have no problem with the way I swing. Communication and trust are more important than genitalia in a relationship imho.

Then again.. lie to me or deceive me I get real nasty. Real. Nasty.
 

rtg

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It depends on the context. If the revelation were to open the doors to infidelity, yes, big fucking problem. If it's an open marriage/relationship and has been discussed and mutually agreed to, then not a problem, as long as he was safe. If he doesn't want to fuck around and wants to experiment with toys, gay porn etc.. im all for it.

I have no problem with how my partner swings, they should have no problem with the way I swing. Communication and trust are more important than genitalia in a relationship imho.

Then again.. lie to me or deceive me I get real nasty. Real. Nasty.
+1
 
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Brianne_24

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Some of the posts ITT are also kind of interesting imo, but won't get into that.

Anywho, focusing solely on sexuality (since bisexuality is a sexuality) - I do get it. Sometimes it can be a tell that your parnter is saying they don't want to be monogomous, that they're on the low, etc. And honestly being pansexual, I myself can't help but feel restricted in monogamous relationships sometimes. You're saying I can only date one gender or sex? Kinda boring after a while, honestly. I tend to peak the most when engaging w/ multiple partners of varying genders, sexes, perspectives. This is why I prefer open relationships for the most part. that said imo it's important to keep in mind though that there are bisexual and pansexual people who aren't toxic and do in fact like being monogamous too.
 

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If we were already in a relationship, it wouldn’t change much. I would still expect monogamy. On the inside, I’d be quite emotionally distressed. I have had very poor experiences with bisexual men.

Look at the thread here:

Married men who use a cocksucker

What the actual fuck? What does that tell you? Really disturbing. Pages and pages of unfaithful, lying bisexual men. Doesn’t bode well for relationships with them, does it?

I get where you're coming from, and that thread is definitely cringey, but isn't your take here a bit dismissive to bisexual people who aren't into those toxic relationships considering many have nothing to do with the those lifestyles displayed in that one little toxic social bubble of a thread on a relatively obscure internet sex forum?
 
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deleted848353

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I get where you're coming from, and that thread is definitely cringey, but isn't your take here a bit dismissive to bisexual people who aren't into those toxic relationships considering many have nothing to do with the those lifestyles displayed in that one little toxic social bubble of a thread on a relatively obscure internet sex forum?

Since your new I'll forgive your being naive of others experiences.

I don't think @LaFemme is being dismissive of anyone at all she's going off personal experience. I'm the same I don't think I could entertain a relationship with a bi guy because of my experience with them
 

LaFemme

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I get where you're coming from, and that thread is definitely cringey, but isn't your take here a bit dismissive to bisexual people who aren't into those toxic relationships considering many have nothing to do with the those lifestyles displayed in that one little toxic social bubble of a thread on a relatively obscure internet sex forum?
Again, it’s based on my experience.

I have not had good experiences with bisexual men. And reading that thread makes me think twice. This site isn’t quite as obscure as you might think.

Personally, I would expect my partner to disclose their sexual orientation to me prior to any commitment. I don’t doubt that people of any orientation can be monogamous - I’m just saying, my experience with bisexual men has made me a little gun-shy with them.