Hurting the ones you love.

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by sassy Lisa, Nov 6, 2009.

  1. sassy Lisa

    sassy Lisa New Member

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    I am currently suffering from a high anxiouty and all the trappings that go with it. I just wanted to know if anyone else has ever had to deal with this.

    I have the most devoted man a gal could ever ask for and I feel like I demand to much of him. He keeps me from loosing my mind, He helps me focus on the here and now. I know I am not giving him nearly enough emotional support as he gives me.

    If anyone has been in a similar situation or has any constructive suggest please let me know.
     
  2. Drifterwood

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    I find that when people are consciously trying to be supportive, it can come across as being insincere somewhat. There is nothing wrong or unusual IMO for one partner to be the rock in a relationship, or for there simply to be an imbalance due to people's natures.

    What really matters is that you step up to the mark when he really needs you. In the meantime there are other ways to show how much you value him. nudge nudge :wink: :wink:
     
    #2 Drifterwood, Nov 6, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2009
  3. sassy Lisa

    sassy Lisa New Member

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    Truely that is one of my failings I don't show him how much I value him. The sad part is he has told me what he needs but I keep over complicating it. And totally miss what he has told me in the first place.
     
  4. Principessa

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    :grumpy: Grrrr, you don't deserve him. :no: Why do women like you always get the good men? :irked:
     
  5. Ed69

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    Because she has stuck bye me,life or death.I smoke I drink and gues what.She sticks with me and I with her.Yes she's crazy,but she is mine and I won't give her up!:smile:
     
  6. sassy Lisa

    sassy Lisa New Member

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    I am sorry you feel this way, but he is my life and I thank my lucky stars that he came into my life.:bigeyes:

    :hug: I will always stick with you babe, I just hope I don't drive you to sleep on the roof. Yes I am crazy!
     
  7. dolfette

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    if some poor bastard is actually coming to me for support then then must be truly desperate. so i give it.
     
  8. D_Amyntas Lillydong

    D_Amyntas Lillydong Account Disabled

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    my ocd and anxiety are high right now. i have feelings of hopelessness too. i also have no logical reason to be this way. i'm just burned out from my life right now and i will also be taking some time off soon. a lot of it has to do with the time of year, holidays, etc. we're all adults here and if a person makes a decision to unselfishly help support you in your time of need you are truly blessed. the longer i live the more i realize we need to be less judgmental of other people and try to accept them unconditionally. can i get off my soap box now? haha.
     
  9. Pitbull

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    I was going to say show him what you wrote here.
    Guess you did or he peeked.
    Just keep trying.

    Bet she does deserve him. :rolleyes:
    NJ we know it has been a rough few weeks but no reason to piss on someone's parade.

    Time to ditch the anger. (Bye bye to Mr. Grumpy :grumpy:)
    Instead of being jealous of the success of others, go out and make your own. :smile:
     
  10. beachbum1971

    beachbum1971 Member

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    There was one perfect person and they crucified him. Keep up the good efforts and the communication. A lot of anxiety issues are hormonal. Talk to your doctor if you feel out of control with it.
     
  11. D_Kaye Throttlebottom

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    He's hanging in there b/c he loves you, but he's also used to your dysfunction - even if he says he's not - he's had to carry someone before in his life...somewhere. For whatever reason thinks what he is doing is nurturing and is passive-aggressively tolerating it.

    If you recognize you're mistreating him it's on you to rectify it or go somewhere else to get help and take some of the burden off him to keep you together.

    Just my thoughts.
     
  12. D_Kaye Throttlebottom

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    and I continue to be impressed with some forum members understanding of "constructive." :rolleyes:
     
    #12 D_Kaye Throttlebottom, Nov 10, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2009
  13. BobLeeSwagger

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    You're joking, right?
     
  14. sassy Lisa

    sassy Lisa New Member

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    Passive-aggressive: Pertaining to behavior in which feelings of aggression are expressed in passive ways as, for example, by stubbornness, sullenness, procrastination, or intentional inefficiency. (medicine net.com)

    Okay having posted that, you stating I have married a man who is abusive and being passive aggressive. Because yes I went to a medical site to fine the what the hell you were talking about. They had this under the are you being abused section.

    Based on what your saying I am an abusive wife because I am making him carry my burden. So which is it, he is abusing me because he is passive aggressive or I am I abusing him due to my disfunction.

    Stop jumping to conclusion and if you don't have any REAL advise, don't bother.
     
  15. sassy Lisa

    sassy Lisa New Member

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    And you THINK you are being constructive by accusing and making assumption.:mad:
     
  16. D_Kaye Throttlebottom

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    huh???? I was being constructive... passive-aggressive isn't just used in an abusive context... it's also used to tolerate someone when we don't feel like it. For example when one *me* is going through a depressive episode, friends, family support us *me* passive-aggressively.

    You are way out of context with my comment ... and from my experience, it is better that *I* take responsibility for my depressive episodes instead of burdening my family, friends, hot cyber-dudes, talking nerdy to me, etc. with my troubles. I feel guilty when I burden them after ward.

    Your post was talking about how the guy in your life is shouldering your load for you and he tells you what he needs, but you're tuning him out. You asked for an opinion from someone who can relate - notice, I'm not the jackass bitching at you that all the good men go to the bad ones. Seriously you're pissed off at my comment versus some of the others comments on this thread?

    Seriously?

    No, really, seriously?
     
    #16 D_Kaye Throttlebottom, Nov 11, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2009
  17. dolfette

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    NOBODY is perfect, nobody gives their partner everything they should, nobody is completely selfless.

    recognising your own failings in the relationship like this? it just shows how much it means to you, that you do think about your role critically and realistically.

    like i say, you can't be perfect. but you can make the effort, compensate for what you do badly by doing other things, accept his frustration as reasonable.
    ...and it sounds like you're trying to do just that.

    you two are so obviously 'working' as a couple.
    i say, well done you!
     
  18. biguy2738

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    Lisa, I'm sorry to hear that you're dealing with high anxiety issues right now. To be honest with you, it's hard to offer you any kind of input because everything that you've shared is rather vague.

    If you're comfortable with it, you may want to share a bit more about what's been going on or why you have identified a need to start this thread, because I think that you stand to get more input from members who stand to reply to you in the future.

    Why do you feel as if you don't show him how much you value him?
    How are you overcomplicating things?

    It's soooo obvious that you love him dearly. :wink:

    Zoe...if you have a look at my posting history, you'll see that it's not in my nature or part of my approach to flame people...so this is said with gentleness and sincerity: Either you don't know what you're talking about or you're expressing yourself incorrectly, beeeeeg time! :eek::smile:

    Passive-aggression is NOT constructive, nor is it helpful. It is a harsh and cruel way of treating others because it tends to destablilize. More times than not, it's used to punish others...but in a deceptive way because it's not upfront and blatant. The subtlety to it is what's so destablilizing because the receiver of this kind of treatment doesn't know what's going on, if they've done something wrong etc. They are left second guessing themselves and the situation that they are confronted with. So there's NOTHING positive about this.

    The fact that aggression is being mentioned ought to tell you what it's all about. Bear in mind that there's a big difference between being assertive and being aggressive.

    ...I'm just saying....
     
  19. ManlyBanisters

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    I also think Zoe might be using the term incorrectly - she says above that her familly support her 'passive-agressively' - there is no such thing as passive-aggressive support. They may be supporting her passively, keeping quiet, allowing her to come to them - and that may well be what Ed is doing with Lisa - but there is no aggression in there whatsoever.

    Having posted on this forum with Ed for a number of years I can certainly say, about his internet persona at least, there is nothing passive about his aggression. When he wants to tell someone he's unhappy he's extremely active about it - I mean that in a good way, he's upfront and honest. I strongly suspect he's the same in person.

    In Zoe's defence though, reading her second post, her intentions in her first post were good.
     
  20. biguy2738

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    Agreed. I meant to mention it and I forgot, so thanks for raising that point. :smile: I have no doubt that Zoe meant well, it was her use of "passive aggression" that tripped her up.

    Whatever would I do without you, oh Smart and Sexeh One? :rolleyes:
     
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