First off, Lisa and Ed, please forgive my ignorance? I didn't realise that you guys are married. :redface:
Secondly, and most importantly, you guys are such a beautiful and amazing couple. Thank you for allowing us to bear witness to your relationship, it's a heartwarming privilege.
Lisa:
I don't think that it's necessary for you to apologise for the vagueness of your original post. I sensed that you were writing with your heart and not from your head ie you were writing from your emotions and not from a place that dispensed facts. That's a gift, actually because you offered us the gift of your emotions and vulnerability. Soooooooo LOL :wink:
I don't think that we're always aware of the exchange of gifts that takes place in our interpersonal relationships with others. I'll use you and Ed as an example. You're aware of the gifts that Ed gives you on a daily basis...but have you considered that when you receive his gifts, you are gifting him in return? (and vice versa). Not only does your willingness to accept his gifts affirm the pride of place that you have given him in his life, but you're gifting him with feelings of happiness and satisfaction through allowing him to be a bearer of gifts (and vice versa). I think that if you explore what his (or your) experience would be if such moments of gifting were to be denied, you'd get the gist of what I am on about.
The way that you came under attack was foolish. How can someone draw conclusions about you and your approach in your marriage when your post was vague? I suspect that it was nothing more than projection; that they were talking about themselves or their own personal experiences but it was projected on you. Not your problem...
When it comes to your mentioning the Manic Depression and High Anxiety... The area that I will touch on will be the High Anxiety that you're dealing with. I think that the first thing that you need to be aware of, is that it's been part of your reality for 22 years...so it will take about 22 years to move beyond it fully. Don't be overwhelmed by what I'm saying because you'll get over the worst before it...just don't place unrealistic expectations on yourself or put yourself under undue pressure because it will only add to your anxiety.
You may want to consider having an "Anxiety Journal". Everytime that you have an anxiety attack, to record the experience (either immediately if possible, or as soon as possible). Go into as much detail as possible (in the instance of you recording the experience after the fact, you may want to include how you responded to/dealt with the situation/experience...but to include questions like: "Where is this coming from? What has triggered it? Have there been other times where it's been triggered by the same thing?" (Now you'll be able to identify if there are specific triggers...which will help you to deal with things). From there, the following questions are important because they will encourage you to move from taking things at face value, to digging beneath the surface until you identify the root cause: "Why am I experiencing anxiety? Why has this situation etc triggered this reaction? etc" Ask as many "why" questions as possible. From there, the last question would be "Is there anything else?" Then try to answer these questions in as much detail as possible. Write the first things that come to mind...before trying to intellectualise them or understand your answers.
It's tedious and I think that you'll want to get hold of me and bitchslap me into next week....BUT.... LOL. The reason why I'm making this suggestion is twofold: Firstly, not only will it enable you to explore the experience and attempt to better understand where it's coming from, but you will be processing the experience twice...in your mind and then in writing. Once things are integrated into our awareness, we are empowered to approach things differently. The second reason is because it will force you to stop and evaluate things before you react to it. Your normal response has become a habit to some degree, so it's a way of challenging that habit. Ultimately, you'll be training your mind to process and approach the situation differently, but in a way that will leave you with a sense of being empowered to make informed choices on how you're going to respond to the experience.
From now on, when you refer to the High Anxiety, try to express it in this way: "I am getting my high anxiety under control" or "I am in the process of overcoming high anxiety". (repeat after me LOL :biggrin1
The premise is slightly different...but the affirmation is worlds apart. It's all about subconscious affirmations...it will be more constructive to affirm your ability to overcome it as opposed to affirm it's presence in your life.
I may be speaking out of turn (because I'm making assumptions) and if I am, please forgive me? I'm sorry to hear that your going to counselors in the past has been a waste of time. I'm not suggesting that you haven't done this or that you're unaware of it...I'm just saying it to make sure that you are aware of it... I don't think that patients are aware of just how much power they have, when it comes to therapy or counselling. There's the tendency to find a therapist/counselor without considering that he/she is entitled to interview their prospective therapist. Don't be afraid to phone their rooms and ask to speak to him/her. As "him" about his experience, do the majority of his patients see him "full term" etc. Note how you feel when you talk to him. Do you feel at ease or uncomfortable etc.? If you do decide to see him, treat your first session as the final part of the interview process. What kind of approach did he have? Did you feel as if you're in a safe and non-judgemental environment? Do you see him as a "doctor" or as a friend/objective sounding board? Pay attention to your emotions throughout the session. Note the way that you relate with him. At the end of your session, did you feel as if he "got" you; did you feel accepted and understood? ...because within the first 15-20 minutes, you ought to have an impression of being understood, if he is best suited for you. (note that I was lazy and just talked about "he" as opposed to "he/she")
Be gentle with yourself because the more that you brood over stuff or become frustrated over things, the more anxious you'll become.
Ed:
Just one thing: I don't think that your patience and understanding is admirable. Once again, I think that the two of you make a wonderful couple. (as you can see, I don't have much input to offer you. :smile
All in all, the two of you remind me of this poem:
The Invitation
All of the best!
