Hurting your partner

jameshawket

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So this is kinda embarassing, but I needed to talk about it. I've already talked to my partner about it, and he feels really bad about it. I guess I just needed a soundboard to see if anyone else feels this way.

My partner very rarely bottoms, in fact, it's a very good night if we can do it without any problems. He came to my apartment after I got off of work, and we were just going to spend some time together and we got a bit hot and bothered and we started to make love.

I was rimming him and he got super horny over it and started teasing my dick against his hole so I started to go down on him and he tried to pull me inside of him. We ended up getting out the lube, lubed up, and I entered, but he started to get uncomfortable.

We switched positions twice and he ended up hurting pretty bad the last time so I pulled out. As soon as the words "Ow, ow, ow" came out of his mouth, my sex drive was GONE.

I couldn't even cum that's how gone it was.

This has happened before. I pysch myself out if I know that I'm going to top and I try to be really cautious, careful, considerate, and I let him take control of how far inside it goes, I don't thrust, I pretty much just stand like a board until he's comforbable. Any time he gets too ambitious and pulls to hard on me or adjusts me in a weird way and he says it hurts, I get more tense and if it really starts to hurt him, I'm done and I can't finish.

Like I said, I talked to him about it and he feels bad about it, and he said he'll work on loosening up so it doesn't hurt as much, but I was wondering how many of you other guys out there are the same? Like, if your partner, whether it be male or female, do you lose your sex drive if you hurt your partner, or am I just a wimp and I shouldn't be so upset by it?
 

Ra

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No dude, you are not alone.

Making love should be about mutual pleasure and I really cannot get any fulfillment when my partner is hurting. It can be really difficult in the heat of the moment to restrain myself but if she shows any sign of discomfort I have to slow down, or try something different.

Problem for me is that she sometimes doesn't tell me which makes me feel really bad :(
 

Fenris11

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You are not a wimp at all, it is very sweet that you care enough to stop when he says it hurts.
I have had this problem in the past with a now ex partner of mine. I am a passive lad, and he was/is a well endowed man. There are a few things you can try.

Firstly is is a case of it hurts due to your size or are there other issues down there for him?
I have known some men who wipe a lot or do not have solid poo's can get irritated skin, broken skin etc or even have irritation to certain lubes.

Ruling those things out, if it is a case of your size then-

-- You can try more warming up, rimming is a good idea, try doing it a little longer. Maybe a bit of fingering with it too

-- Plenty of lube, I know not everyone likes excess lube. But with the increased rimming and fingering this may help.

-- For the bottom to learn to take a deep breath in, and try to relax as you enter him. As anticipation of pain or discomfort can make your muscles, even in your bum, tense up and make penetration more difficult. Maybe after a few slow strokes he will ease into it.

-- Maybe even use a dildo, which is smaller than your cock to help warm him up before you enter. If it hurts with a smaller or average size dildo then there may be a problem down there for him. Maybe ask if he ever has problems or pain when he poos?

--It might also help if he gives you a long, sensual all-over massage before intercourse, which will turn you on and mellow you out.

-- When it comes down to actually doing the deed try positions where the bottom can control depth of penetration such as the bottom sat on top (cowboy style) Have him lie flat on his back and hover over him on your hands and knees while sliding him inside you. Move your hips in circular motions as you glide up and down, only going as deep as you can handle. Or, have him sit on a chair with no arms. Then simply straddle his lap, either facing toward him or away from him, and use your feet and thigh muscles to pump away.


Well I hope this helps a bit. Good luck dude! :smile:
 

Stephenmass

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James, if I am hurting my partner of course I stop. If it is really bad I'll pull out (on nights that I have to pull out we don't usually resume). If it's burning him I know to pull out. Instead of getting a bit frustrated with him or whatever what I would do is have you lie on your back (assuming u r the top) and have him "sit" at his own speed; plenty of lube, etc. After he gets warmed up (if he does and reaches no pain) from that point it should be easy to get off your back and have your way. It's as frustrating for him I am sure as it is for you. Patience will pay off unless you are or have a really giant dick. Or he simply may not be able to bottom (even if he really WANTS to).
 

fivesalive

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My current girlfriend gets really dizzy and sometimes a huge headache after she cums, enough that we'd have to stop even if I could still go (situations that generally made me feel great as a man with past partners as they would cum multiple times). So instead of feeling like a stud and having a totally satisfied gf, she's immobile on the bed in obvious discomfort, and I'm left feeling bad that I made her hurt.

After many many assurances from her that it wasn't that bad and that the sex was so good it was totally worth the discomfort afterwards, she is finally getting used to it, isn't as dizzy, can last longer, etc, so its working out.

Not the same I know, but given perseverance and dedication to someone, the possibility exists that you can work through the problem; I could have broken up with my gf months ago, or vice versa, but we stuck it out and are better off for it.

Good luck.
 

coffeemate

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I prep with a prolonged flush, and even stretch with lube and some long massive toys, but when my partner jacks my legs up, and holds me in with my knees close to shoulders, he hits a spot that makes him drive harder, and it's really painful and scares me. He's long and slightly curved and just gets "into his nut" as he says; I fight out of his hold and he loses interest. Before he gets into his violent pounding, he makes me cum with his curved penis; the head strokes my prostate, and I cum deliriously; all over my myself.

I tell him it hurts and he just rams harder. So you're one considerate lover.

Be patient!
 

jamesj

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Hey dude,

I am wondering if your partner has tried to take poppers. I see they haven´t been mentioned yet.

I remember one time trying to bottom for this guy with a whopper and I was in agony. I took a few sniffs of the poppers and then he could just slide right in. It was very enjoyable after that.

Just to note though that some people say that they can get headaches from poppers so this is a trade off you may have to face. For me it was only a head rush if anything.

In any case, I hope you can land on an answer that solves your situation.
 

duckthedon

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I remember when i fucked a lesbian. When i first entered and stroked she instantly screamed and during the sex she cried and said "oh my god". It was like a scene from a horror movie. Check out my pics. Im around 9 inches
 

Fenris11

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I remember when i fucked a lesbian. When i first entered and stroked she instantly screamed and during the sex she cried and said "oh my god". It was like a scene from a horror movie. Check out my pics. Im around 9 inches

No offense but if she if having sex with you I am pretty sure she was not a lesbian.
Just putting that out there