Husband loves me but won't be intimate in any way.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by New&Curious, Jan 22, 2009.

  1. New&Curious

    New&Curious New Member

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    Has anyone been in a simailar situation? My husband has been dealing with prostate issues for the past 8 years. He has not had sex with me in the last 6 or 7 years. I thought is was because his prostate causes him pain. Recently I found a box of porn and a fleshlight in the closet. So now I think he just doesn't want me. Is is possible that he still loves me and he just doesn't find me attractive? I don't think he is seeing anyone on the side.
     
  2. D_flibblekins

    D_flibblekins New Member

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    you two should be open with each other about the problem....seriously you should see a councelor/therapist about it...if he can still have sex and ejaculate...it is probably psychological..confront him and be accepting...if he doesn't want to work it out......
     
  3. B_R_I_E_F

    B_R_I_E_F Member

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    Talk to him about it.

    If porn and a fleshlight doesn't bother you, tell him, even better: show him.

    you both should express yourselves sexually. (the vows mean something "for better or worse")

    Don't go jumping to insecure conclusions.
     
  4. Charles Finn

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    talk to him ask him him whats going tell him how you feel.
    try not to sound angry or upset you need to find out whats going on
    a marrage with no sex is not something I could deal with
    I left my husband because it became one sided sex.
    I would get him off then go look for a playmate to get me off
    we did become good friends after a nasty break up.
    I wish you all the best
     
  5. msstuden

    msstuden New Member

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    Give me a ring, I will help you out. no need to bother him about sex, I can take care of that
     
  6. parchissi

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    I feel for you and your problem. Know that you have my support on this one. Working things out can be difficult for both sides - at least you seem to be pretty understanding at this stage. Your husband really needs to get some help I fell.
     
  7. Nala

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    Communicate would be my advice as well. I wish you all the best and want to add: welcome to lpsg.
     
  8. MarkLondon

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    Welcome to LPSG, New&Curious.

    It was straight porn, I presume? If it was muscle-mags and a dildo you'd found I'd be really worried, lol.

    But seriously, his sexual confidence may have been badly affected by his prostrate problems. Testosterone-blockers are often prescribed for prostate diseases and that would have seriously reduced his drive.
    Maybe he's been practicing "performing" in a way that he won't be humiliated by "failure".

    After so long without sex it's going to be difficult to re-start things, I would imagine. People are creatures of habit, after all. Try talking to him in a non-challenging way. Something tells me it would not be a good idea to confront him with your discovery of his stash.
     
  9. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    go put some lip lock on his tool, and don't take no for answer. throw some confidence back into him and his johnson. don't be critical if he doesn't perfom as he previously did, give him some head over the course of a few days, whatever it takes. tell him you need to be fucked. you'll have to make the first move.
     
  10. Steve26

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    I'd guess this is the most likely reason for his behavior. From what I've heard, prostate problems frequently go hand-in-hand with erectile dysfunction. If he can't reliably get or maintain an erection during sex, that's pretty powerful negative reinforcement. For a guy, there are few things more emasculating ... I can imagine many would just avoid sex altogether rather than running the risk of feeling embarrassed by this in front of a partner (even a loving, understanding partner).

    Do discuss things with him. If it turns out he's been avoiding sex because of ED, gently suggest that perhaps he could try Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, etc. Let him know that you enjoy and miss sex with him, which will boost his self-esteem. If he lacks sexual confidence, this approach may be enough to recharge things between the two of you.

    Good luck!

    Steve
     
  11. ZOS23xy

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    Pain in the prostate? Get him to a doctor. Could be something worse than impotence.
     
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