I’m Dating A Celebrity But He’s Not Out...

bboy2212

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Hi guys. I’ve been cruising the forums here for some time now but have never really contributed. I feel like now might be as good of a time as ever because I could really use some solid advice.

To make a really long story (kinda) short... About 7 months ago I was in a coffee shop doing some work. My first coffee was empty so I went up to the counter for a refill. As I was waiting, I heard someone standing behind me in line. I turned around and I honest to god thought I was going crazy. Someone whom I have been a fan of for quite a long time, and have considered to be one of my “celebrity crushes” was standing right fucking behind me. For the sake of not writing a novel here... One thing lead to another, we got to talking, and he actually sat down with me and drank some of his coffee with me before he had to go. The conversation was super casual, but I was in disbelief that it was even happening. Before he left he asked is he could take down my number so we could have coffee again sometime. Again in complete disbelief, I gave it to him. Fast forward to 7 months later and we have now began seeing each other much more often and romantically. Of course, because anything this good always comes with a catch, he’s not out. Not only is he not out, but he does not plan to come out any time soon, and he has made that clear to me.

I’m now at a point where I am developing really strong feelings for this guy, and I want more than anything for this to continue. But I just don’t know if I can deal with the baggage that comes with it. I don’t know if I can handle having to keep everything so secretive, so private, so invisible. Trust me, as a gay man I know how hard it can be to come out for some people. I can’t even imagine what it must be like for someone like him. But I don’t know if I can deal with having to hide my feelings for this guy from everyone in my life, and be hidden from everyone in his. The thought of me being known to the public because of who he is honestly is not even something I care about - It doesn’t matter to me, at all. All I care about is having this great guy who I have such strong feelings for, and continuing what we have. But I just don’t know if I can do it like this.

Any advice, guys? I really just don’t know what the fuck to do, and I can’t turn to anyone I know. What do I do?
 

OnThirdRock

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I'd say to accept it for what it is and respect his feelings to keep it private. If you can't then it's probably not the lifestyle for you.

I similarly had the same with a fairly well known actor for over a year but ultimately had to respect his decision to keep it private and so we ended it.

He then dated a very well known female actress so who knows what is going through his mind!

My advice would be to enjoy it for what it is though.
 
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Ferguson1989

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I know of a similar case where a guy was seeing a English footballer and he stringed him along for a year next to been able to seen in public together and tell anyone.
My mate broke it off for his own sanity and self worth the footballer is no longer looking playing football and is still not out.

My advice is do the same he might be handsome and he he best person in the world but he’s denying you a real relationship where you both can be seen together:
 
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DX2069

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I mean you clearly like lucked out I get that you want to like show him off but if you do that then he’s gone and do you really want that? If I was in your situation I would ride this out as long a fucking possible and mayb if it goes on long enough he will come around just be patient
 
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focus0t

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Like others have said-if it's not the lifestyle YOU want then you should end it. The entertainment industry is a tricky business. Unfortunately there is still a lot of bias in the world, and if a casting director knows you're gay or bi then it will be very hard to book 'straight' roles, which is 90% of what is out there. Additionally, he may have to deal with loads of abuse from random gay-bashers in his DMs and if that is not something he wants to deal with at this time in his life than you have to respect that. Sounds like a really shitty situation but doesn't sound like you have many options.
 

mcw84

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Howdy, take the fame part out... do u think this man is worth sticking around for? Is it going well/better than any pervious relationships and does that out weigh the fact he’s not out? If yes, see where it goes! Sometimes all ‘we’ can do is give things time... 7 months isn’t nothing. Hope all works out
 

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Love is between two person, doesn’t mean the world need to know. Coming out is one of personal issue if someone not ready it not ready. Don’t mix it together. He coming out doesn’t guarantee your love going to last and he not coming out doesn’t mean your love going to end soon.

Understand each other that is the key of long relationship.
 

sfs324

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Just enjoy it and be patient. Maybe he has a change of heart and if his feelings for you develop the same way as yours, then he'll consider taking the relationship further.
 
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1107400

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i think you need to be clear on two things. the first would be how much of your life you are willing to sacrifice for a relationship that is likely not for the long-term. the second would be how likely is he to end the relationship if rumors start becoming public about his being gay. there's a lot of risk here, so i'd say guard your heart carefully.
 

doctorwholove

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Could you not still be an item but remain private? Is he out at all? Like do his family and friends know? Colleagues? If his family and friends know then what’s stopping you both from having a relationship but remaining private to the public?

I think you and him need to have a serious talk about your future together. He can remain in the limelight and keep his private life a secret without it necessarily being an actual secret.
 

focus0t

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Love is between two person, doesn’t mean the world need to know. Coming out is one of personal issue if someone not ready it not ready. Don’t mix it together. He coming out doesn’t guarantee your love going to last and he not coming out doesn’t mean your love going to end soon.

Understand each other that is the key of long relationship.

I agree with most of your comment except the first bit. I don't think many of us realize how exhausting it would be to constantly hide a significant other from the public. Think about it--it's not jut going to a place where your family and friends won't see you, but anywhere you go someone could snap a picture and post it to TMZ. Every date must be carefully arranged, you can never feature them in any of your photos on social media, when people ask if you're dating someone you constantly have to lie. I understand a frustration of leading a life like that. it's just up to the OP to determine if it's worth it.
 

B8BRO

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You are a secret and he has made it clear that you will be a secret for a while ... you literally ended your post with with you wanted to be with “a guy who you have strong feelings for” — now add on to that —- you are a secret — can you face yourself with those 2 things —- if so, carry on — if not —- break it off and quick — remember you are his secret —- he really isn’t yours ...
 

InTheNavy

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Hi guys. I’ve been cruising the forums here for some time now but have never really contributed. I feel like now might be as good of a time as ever because I could really use some solid advice.

To make a really long story (kinda) short... About 7 months ago I was in a coffee shop doing some work. My first coffee was empty so I went up to the counter for a refill. As I was waiting, I heard someone standing behind me in line. I turned around and I honest to god thought I was going crazy. Someone whom I have been a fan of for quite a long time, and have considered to be one of my “celebrity crushes” was standing right fucking behind me. For the sake of not writing a novel here... One thing lead to another, we got to talking, and he actually sat down with me and drank some of his coffee with me before he had to go. The conversation was super casual, but I was in disbelief that it was even happening. Before he left he asked is he could take down my number so we could have coffee again sometime. Again in complete disbelief, I gave it to him. Fast forward to 7 months later and we have now began seeing each other much more often and romantically. Of course, because anything this good always comes with a catch, he’s not out. Not only is he not out, but he does not plan to come out any time soon, and he has made that clear to me.

I’m now at a point where I am developing really strong feelings for this guy, and I want more than anything for this to continue. But I just don’t know if I can deal with the baggage that comes with it. I don’t know if I can handle having to keep everything so secretive, so private, so invisible. Trust me, as a gay man I know how hard it can be to come out for some people. I can’t even imagine what it must be like for someone like him. But I don’t know if I can deal with having to hide my feelings for this guy from everyone in my life, and be hidden from everyone in his. The thought of me being known to the public because of who he is honestly is not even something I care about - It doesn’t matter to me, at all. All I care about is having this great guy who I have such strong feelings for, and continuing what we have. But I just don’t know if I can do it like this.

Any advice, guys? I really just don’t know what the fuck to do, and I can’t turn to anyone I know. What do I do?

He's he a "Youtuber" Celebrity or Hollywood Celebrity? Either way, if you're not happy, I think you should move on.
 
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765798

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We've all been in those sort of dysfunctional relationships... sounds like he has all the power over you. Probably has guys all over the USA, one in every city. Cut your losses and move on, for your own sanity. Celebrities are proven narcissists, he most likely feels very little for you and his eye is on ly on the big prize... hollywood! Dump his ass!
 

sexy1234567

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If you love this person, don't bring his personal business to the internet, especially if his livelihood is dependent on the perception of being heterosexual...or just not "gay."

Some personality types can just accept their orientation and tell the world to deal with it. Others it is a deep and even lifelong struggle to accept. Some come from supporting family and social network. Others from ones downright hostile. Some people care what those groups think. Others don't.

Just love and support. Trust him to manage his life in a way that he can psychologically handle. If you think he is struggling and not doing well, encourage him to seek out professional counseling.

Love is between two person, doesn’t mean the world need to know. Coming out is one of personal issue if someone not ready it not ready. Don’t mix it together. He coming out doesn’t guarantee your love going to last and he not coming out doesn’t mean your love going to end soon.

Understand each other that is the key of long relationship.
 
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