I’m Looking For Some Advice...i’m In Love With My Straight Best Friend

Zachattack1123

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I wasn’t sure where to post this but I’m just looking for some advice from others who might have gone through a similar situation in their lives or are currently.

I’ve been in love with my best friend for almost a year and the last few months have taken a toll on me physically and emotionally and I’m just sort of at a loss for what I should do. We’re both very close friends, and because we have so much in common, it makes it harder to try and not develop even deeper feelings.

About 3 weeks ago or so, I introduced him to an acquaintance of mine and he told me he thought she was cute. Fast forward to a couple days ago, and they’ve already gone on 4 dates and have fucked around, and things are just sort of a sudden train wreck in my mind. I’m sure it’s not as bad looking from the outside in, but Jesus Christ, how do you not feel completely heartbroken when you spend so long emotionally wasting yourself for someone who is never going to love you in the way you love them, and to only see them go on and be happy with other people...whom you introduced no doubt?

Is it terrible I hope she fucks him over? There is a part of me that wants him to get hurt by her somehow, but I know that can’t be healthy for me to think.

What does someone do in this situation? Do I slowly detach myself from the friendship? Stop responding as much/ helping him?

Any advice would be wonderful.
 
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ohiorod

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I feel your pain as I read this post, but to be honest, in order to give you a sound opinion, there is just too little information. By looking at your previous posts, I think I can assume that you are gay or bi, but I am not sure of how long you have been friends, whether this was ever a solid friendship or one always one based on you being sexually attracted to him.

From what I have read, this is not a healthy friendship. It sounds like you have had an ulterior motivation for being a friend for awhile and because that is not working out, you are suffering. Please know that I am not
making light of the emotional pain in your life, but it appears that this pain is being caused much more by your expectations for an entirely different relationship.

While LPSG members can offer a wide range of advice, I think that this situation has progressed to the point of of you needing some professional guidance to help you evaluate the friendship and where it fits in your life and emotional well being. A professional therapist could assist with that. Your other posts are extremely short and I’m just not certain anyone can give you the guidance to understand, learn from the experience and eventually grow as a person. From my point of view, with very limited info, you are headed for more disappointment and unhappiness in your current pursuits.

Good luck to you.
 

Lynx

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Many guys here will understand your situation & feelings. You will need to be honest with yourself and accept the fact that you've created an imagined connection to your friend which is more than just platonic. You will have to learn how to have a friendship based on solely friendship without additional sexual undertones. This type of behaviour will not serve you well and can only lead to disappointment and loss of friends. I agree that you may want to speak to a professional. Concerning this specific situation, my suggestion would be to be a true friend to your friend and not interfere with his relationship.
 

shard38

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I agree, more info would be nice. I know what you are going through and it’s extremely painful. The only advice I can give you is to either break off the friendship or try to fall out of love with him. It’s both pretty difficult and not the kind of advice you want to read right now. Because at the back of your mind there’s probably the persistent fantasy that the two of you can be happy together. But it’s a fantasy you need to let go off. You can always PM me if you want to talk some more.
 

deano-uk

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Hi my friend, it sounds like you have created this ideal relationship in your head, from a mixture of friendship, lust and desire of your friend. Your introduction to your female friend had likely shown that he sees your friendship as just that. As hard as it may be, you have two choices really. Break the friendship completely, which he and she will find strange and may be more difficult to have a double loss in your life - or - be happy for them, be their friend, knowing it will not be anything more, but knowing through your kindness you have introduced these two into a relationship that you should feel proud of. As far as they are concerned, (provided you can control your desires and jealousy) you will always be their special friend that introduced them. So please think hard and long (always something nice to visualise lol ) about how you want your friendship to go.
You will find your idea man, who will return your interest and want to form a relationship with you. Take care
 
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Sometimes love is unrequited. It sucks when that happens. Being gay, straight, bi, pan, whatever doesn't matter for this. Anyone can fall in love with someone who may not return the feelings. Rather than sit around and hope they will suddenly love you, I suggest living your life. Loving one person doesn't mean you can't meet someone who would be a match for you and who would love you.

And yes, it is shitty for you to hope the woman fucks him over.
 

Brian S

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I agree with @Fade in that love or lust is often unrequited, regardless of sexuality. I've been exactly where you are, and multiple times. I don't know how old you are, but trust me when I say the feeling will eventually pass. (The feeling of being in love with men who are unattainable, I mean.) At least, it should. When I was younger, I fell head over heals for many straight boys. Some I managed to fuck around with, despite knowing they would never give me their full selves as I wanted. And I ruined a lot of friendships that way. Some are upsetting, some would have ended anyway, in retrospect. But the point is, don't ruin your friendship with lustful feelings. If it's to end, it's to end. But you don't want to be the reason for driving him away, because of your sexual attraction to him. That's the worst feeling for all involved.

It is shitty to hope your friend fucks him over; I once understood that emotion but yes, it's a bad feeling to have. Like others have mentioned, I don't know the exact specifics of your friendship. But I can make some generalities.

1) Let his relationship with your other friend run its course, no matter what that course brings. No matter if they break up tomorrow or get married eventually; you can not meddle. You'll risk losing 2 friends that way.
2) Know that there are plenty of other, fully attainable men out there. Personally, I would say that it would be best if you can move beyond your crush on your friend. You could stay friends, hopefully move on, and it shows the most character. If that's not possible...
3) Whatever happens, prevent it from getting messy. If you're certain he'll never return your affections, then it's best to either move past your crush, or distance yourself in a clean, non-dramatic way. There's no need for an epic confrontation in the pouring rain while you explain your unrequited crush to him. (I'm keeping it lighthearted, but really.) Since you said you're best friends, I would hate to see you distance yourself from him permanently. Which will also more or less ensure you never see your other friend too. But maybe you need a minute. It seems like you probably hang out a lot, so start filling some of those times with other activities. Join a group of some sort, or find a hobby; go on dates with other guys...you don't have to end it all, but see if maybe a bit of distance will help put things into perspective without quitting the friendship altogether.

Do you think your friend would suspect you have a crush on him? How do you think he'd react?