I am evidence

[AlteredEgo]

So I feel a huge amount of sympathy, compassion and solidarity to the vast majority of victims who are female.

Then don't derail our conversations about it in what are supposed to be safe spaces for WOMEN'S ISSUES. This thread is not about male survivors.

 

[englad]

Then don't derail our conversations about it in what are supposed to be safe spaces for WOMEN'S ISSUES. This thread is not about male survivors.

I've already stopped. Difficult to lose the emotive lens on a topic like this, my particular group on this one has a particularly hefty amount of stigma attached to it, hence why it's difficult to write a separate thread about it. I'm happy to split the victims' groups, but I would appreciate a show of some general survivor solidarity in return.

https://www.lpsg.com/threads/male-sexual-assault-survivors.504890/

 

[deleted848353]

I've already stopped. Difficult to lose the emotive lens on a topic like this, my particular group on this one has a particularly hefty amount of stigma attached to it, hence why it's difficult to write a separate thread about it. I'm happy to split the victims' groups, but I would appreciate a show of some general survivor solidarity in return.

https://www.lpsg.com/threads/male-sexual-assault-survivors.504890/

Have no idea why you linked your thread considering you said and I quote "no ignorant heterosexual people will be allowed on my thread"

 

[englad]

Have no idea why you linked your thread considering you said and I quote "no ignorant heterosexual people will be allowed on my thread"

I was referring to two specific posters that kept requoting me, that frankly have both shown ignorance on LGBT topics recently. Not all straight people (though I must admit all of the dismissive reactions I personally received offline were also from straight people). Plus I was being brought up about male privilege (doesn't really have the same character/scope for a male sexual violence survivor, than it would for a male perpetrator) by a white, heterosexual, cisgendered male (that literally is the privilege jackpot). It's difficult to completely lose the emotional lens on a topic this sensitive and personal. Clued up (and compassionate) heterosexuals however are always welcome.

 

[693987]

I was referring to two specific posters that kept requoting me, that frankly have both shown ignorance on LGBT topics recently. Not all straight people (though I must admit all of the dismissive reactions I personally received offline were also from straight people). Plus I was being brought up about male privilege (doesn't really have the same character/scope for a male sexual violence survivor, than it would for a male perpetrator) by a white, heterosexual, cisgendered male (that literally is the privilege jackpot). It's difficult to completely lose the emotional lens on a topic this sensitive and personal.

@TexanStar isn't white. Heterosexual and cis-gender, yes, but you're making assumptions about race in his case, and some assumptions in general in this thread.

 

[englad]

@TexanStar isn't white. Heterosexual and cis-gender, yes, but you're making assumptions about race in his case, and some assumptions in general in this thread.

Fair cop. I've fessed up.

 

[XL_Lingam]

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts, feelings and experiences. I trust and hope that everyone who has posted in this thread has the support they need, but for those who may be reading the thread without posting and may be in need, here are some resources, via RAINN. To quote @LaFemme : I believe you. Furthermore, I hear you and you are not alone

• National Sexual Assault Hotline: National hotline, operated by RAINN, that serves people affected by sexual violence. It automatically routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search your local center here. Hotline: 800.656.HOPE
• National Sexual Violence Resource Center: This site offers a wide variety of information relating to sexual violence including a large legal resource library.
• National Organization for Victim Assistance: Founded in 1975, NOVA is the oldest national victim assistance organization of its type in the United States as the recognized leader in this noble cause.
• National Online Resource Center on Violence Against Women: VAWnet, a project of the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence hosts a resource library home of thousands of materials on violence against women and related issues, with particular attention to its intersections with various forms of oppression.
• U.S. Department of Justice: National Sex Offender Public Website: NSOPW is the only U.S. government Website that links public state, territorial, and tribal sex offender registries from one national search site.
• The National Center for Victims of Crime: The mission of the National Center for Victims of Crime is to forge a national commitment to help victims of crime rebuild their lives. They are dedicated to serving individuals, families, and communities harmed by crime.
• National Street Harassment Hotline: Created by Stop Street Harassment, Defend Yourself, and operated by RAINN, the National Street Harassment Hotline is a resource for those affected by gender-based street harassment. Support is available in English and Spanish: call 855.897.5910 or chat online.

Resources for Male Survivors of Sexual Assault:

• 1in6 (for men sexually abused as children): Provides educational information and resources for men, family and friends, and professionals. Also provides access to the online hotline.
• Jimhopper.com: This site has articles that discuss the effects of child sexual abuse on adult men and their loved ones.
• Malesurvivor.org: This site has information and a therapist search for male survivors of sexual violence.

LGBTQ Survivors:

• GLBTQ Domestic Violence Project: Website, information and hotline for GLBTQ victims of domestic violence and their families. Hotline: 800.832.1901
• the Network la Red: The Network/La Red hotline provides emotional support, information, and safety planning for lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer and/or transgender folks, as well as folks in the BDSM or Polyamorous communities who are being abused or have been abused by a partner. Support available in English and Spanish. Hotline: 617.742.4911
• National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs: A coalition of programs that document and advocate for victims of anti-LGBT and anti-HIV/AIDS violence/harassment, domestic violence, sexual assault, police misconduct and other forms of victimization. Site has a list of local anti-violence programs and publications. Hotline: 212.714.1141
• The Trevor Project: Help and suicide prevention for GBLTQ youth. Hotline: 866.488.7386
• GLBT National Hotline: Call center that refers to over 15,000 resources across the country that support LGBTQ individuals. Hotline: 888.THE.GLNH (843.4564)
• FORGE (For Ourselves: Reworking Gender Expression): Home to the Transgender Sexual Violence Project. Provides services and publishes research for transgender persons experiencing violence and their loved ones.
• Association for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Issues in Counseling: Directory of LGBT-friendly mental health specialists across the United States. Specialists listed are verified members of AGLBTIC, a division of the American Counseling Association.

Legal Resources:

• Womenslaw.org: Information about restraining orders and other legal protections for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault.
• The Laws in Your State: A database of state laws including mandatory reporting, confidentiality laws, HIV/AIDS testing of sexual offenders, termination of rapists' parental rights, and statutes of limitations for each state.
• Attorney Referral Line: Refers callers to attorneys in their geographic area who can represent them in their pursuit of civil claims and victim restitution. The referral line is not an anonymous service. Their website also gives information about civil lawsuits. Phone: 202.467.8716
• Take Back The Night Foundation: Legal support for survivors in every state. Referrals to counseling, support, legal aid, hospitals, and nearest TBTN Event Holders. Hotline: 866.966.9013
• It Happened to Alexa Foundation: The 'It Happened to Alexa Foundation’ supports rape survivors through the trauma of the criminal trial, in the hopes that more survivors will go through with the prosecution in order to put these perpetrators behind bars.
• U.S. Department of Justice, Civil Rights Division: Call or email to report sexual harassment in housing. 844.380.6178 or fairhousing@usdoj.gov.

Medical/Physical Health:

• Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner (SANE): The SANE/SART program offers sensitive, caring, and supportive care following a sexual assault. Their website provides a list of Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner (SANE) programs in each state. These specialists are registered nurses, who have advanced education in forensic examination of sexual assault victims.
• Healthcare Center Directory: The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services maintains a Healthcare Center Directory. This directory lists federally funded health centers that provide a variety of services even if the recipient does not have health insurance. Users pay a co-payment based on their income. These health centers generally provide primary care services. Phone: 877.464.4772
• The Center For Disease Control National Prevention Information Network (AIDS/HIV, STI Information): U.S. reference, referral, and distribution service for information on HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Hotline: 800.458.5231
• International Association of Forensic Nurses: An international membership organization comprised of forensic nurses working around the world and other professionals who support and complement the work of forensic nursing.
• Start Your Recovery: Substance abuse information that relates to a survivors's experience with seuxal assault.

More resources at the source: https://www.rainn.org/national-resources-sexual-assault-survivors-and-their-loved-ones

 

[286798]

Yet again, this is women's issues. Quit being so damn defensive and let people talk about women.

I get into this with another poster all the time... Just because you are gay does not mean that you are incapable of being oppressive. You are still male. And right now, you are being a male who is walking into a space that is designated in the title itself as a space for women and discussing the issues that affect them and you are smashing your caps lock button screaming over the women here, taking offense that they are having a discussion focused on women's experiences in a space on the forum set aside for women's issues.

Check your privilege or something. No one is discounting the horrible experiences that you may have had with sexual assault in your lifetime as a man, but you are aggressively pushing to change the topic away from women's issues. As LaFemme already told you politely and clearly, if you want to discuss the vulnerability and susceptibility of men to sexual assault you are very capable to hit the new post button and do it.

^^^ This is a prime example of why I always look forward to your posts ^^^

Thank you for being awesome!

 

[MickeyLee]

*gold puffy, glitter with a rainbow background sticker for @therainbowbody*

 

[blumboblumbyblumbo]

HBO did a documentary, “I Am Evidence” on the US backlog of untested rape kits. There are over 200,000 untested kits and the number is rising, with only 8 states with laws addressing the issue.

Several things jumped out at me while watching the documentary that I think affect us internationally. One is that police evaluated cases based on the “righteousness of the victim”. This means was the victim was white, upper/middle class, there was a weapon/violence used and was it a stranger rape. If the victim was of colour, poor, no weapon was used/no evidence of violence, or was familiar with the rapist - little or no investigation done. I see that happen here all the time.

“Not all men are rapists, but those who do, do it again and again.” This statement made me feel guilt for not reporting my assaults. Then again, I fell into that unrighteous victim category. But I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the last victim and I doubt anyone ever reported. And quite right, most men aren’t rapists.

How much courage it takes to report. I didn’t have it. And the women who did, could have saved other women, but the system let them down. Our system of justice just doesn’t get it. Not how rape works, not how victims react, and certainly not how to protect society.

It is true that the majority of rapists appear to be highly pathological repeat offenders with personality disorders who commit the crime repeatedly. It's not politically correct, but I think China's policy of sterilizing individuals with these personality disorders could go a long way in reducing the rates of rape in future generations. Don't feel guilt though, you didn't do anything wrong.

 

[XL_Lingam]

*gold puffy, glitter with a rainbow background sticker for @therainbowbody*

 

[XL_Lingam]

My apologies, by the way, for the U.S.-centric nature of the list I posted. I didn't have the energy to compile an international list. I still hope it will be helpful, though--if nothing else as a reminder that support is available.

 

[creek47]

I’m going to try and tread lightly here. First off to anyone who believes that a sexual assault victim will just easily come out and say what happened to them has never had to handle an interview. The guilt, the reasoning of why this occurred is very real and visible. They are starting to to develop PTSD.

As for law enforcement it is slowly changing. It takes a long time to see Law Enforcment make a change. It’s been over 20 years since Chief Gates and the brand of Law Enforcement left the LAPD after the LA riots and they are finally passionate about community policing. Namely because many of the dinosaurs finally retired. It’s this that is slowly changing in sexual assaults and law enforcement. Many of the ones who had terrible notions about sexual assault such as “she was wearing a tight skirt” “she was asking for it” “men can’t be sexually assault” are retiring and newer, better trained and more inclined to today’s society.

A would highly suggest Rape Aggression Defense or RAD to everyone. It is a non-profit self defense course. They offer different levels as well as a weapons class.

 

[creek47]

www.rad-systems.com/index.html

Highly recommend this non-profit. I do not make any money off of this program I just know that it works!

 

[creek47]

@LaFemme thanks for the likes

 

[deleted924715]

San Fermin. "La manada".

Everything that is wrong with the system, but a glowing example of why victims are reluctant to come forward.

I wonder if those judges were cornered by 5 men, stripped and forced to have sex while being filmed with a mobile phone (the footage callously shared on Whats App along with commentary) *that* would be considered rape. Because apparently an 18 year old girl suffering through that was not raped, she was sexually assaulted - the judges decided there was no 'violence or intimidation'. Seriously. One judge apparently argued the only charges the accused men should face was theft of her mobile phone.

My heart goes out to her. I despair.

 

[LaFemme]

San Fermin. "La manada".

Everything that is wrong with the system, but a glowing example of why victims are reluctant to come forward.

I wonder if those judges were cornered by 5 men, stripped and forced to have sex while being filmed with a mobile phone (the footage callously shared on Whats App along with commentary) *that* would be considered rape. Because apparently an 18 year old girl suffering through that was not raped, she was sexually assaulted - the judges decided there was no 'violence or intimidation'. Seriously. One judge apparently argued the only charges the accused men should face was theft of her mobile phone.

My heart goes out to her. I despair.

That...is beyond depressing.

 

[MickeyLee]

San Fermin. "La manada".

Everything that is wrong with the system, but a glowing example of why victims are reluctant to come forward.

I wonder if those judges were cornered by 5 men, stripped and forced to have sex while being filmed with a mobile phone (the footage callously shared on Whats App along with commentary) *that* would be considered rape. Because apparently an 18 year old girl suffering through that was not raped, she was sexually assaulted - the judges decided there was no 'violence or intimidation'. Seriously. One judge apparently argued the only charges the accused men should face was theft of her mobile phone.

My heart goes out to her. I despair.

Men as a social class are the worst.

 

[AlteredEgo]

San Fermin. "La manada".

Everything that is wrong with the system, but a glowing example of why victims are reluctant to come forward.

I wonder if those judges were cornered by 5 men, stripped and forced to have sex while being filmed with a mobile phone (the footage callously shared on Whats App along with commentary) *that* would be considered rape. Because apparently an 18 year old girl suffering through that was not raped, she was sexually assaulted - the judges decided there was no 'violence or intimidation'. Seriously. One judge apparently argued the only charges the accused men should face was theft of her mobile phone.

My heart goes out to her. I despair.

I'm going to vomit.

 

[AlteredEgo]

San Fermin. "La manada".

Everything that is wrong with the system, but a glowing example of why victims are reluctant to come forward.

I wonder if those judges were cornered by 5 men, stripped and forced to have sex while being filmed with a mobile phone (the footage callously shared on Whats App along with commentary) *that* would be considered rape. Because apparently an 18 year old girl suffering through that was not raped, she was sexually assaulted - the judges decided there was no 'violence or intimidation'. Seriously. One judge apparently argued the only charges the accused men should face was theft of her mobile phone.

My heart goes out to her. I despair.

So. When I was raped, it was NOTHING like that. But for some reason, reading your post, I had vivid flashbacks of my police interviews. I hadn't wanted to press charges in the first place. That was all my mother. And it was awful. I never want to feel like that again.