I came on to a straight man and felt terrible....

[uluulu]

I am gay and recently met a guy at tennis. I didnt know if he was gay or straight but he never seem to mind me touching his hands or shoulders whenever we talked. I was pretty sure that he knew I am interested in him. He did mention he is separating from his wife. He sent me a text yesterday and asked if I like to join him for a swim at the pool and use sauna later. I immediately thought he wanted to get intimate. Once in the sauna, I put my hand on his thigh and he didnt seem to mind. When I reached for his inner thigh, he said no, he is not that way, and he said he just want me to be a friend.
I felt awful for making a move on him. Even worse, potentially losing him as a friend....

 

[oliver360]

what happened after?

 

[dojoman]

Maybe he is thinking if he should or should not mess with a guy. Sounds like that happened when you felt his thigh. But I would not pressure him or make assumptions. Just be honest and upfront with him and if he says no it’s no, respect his decision.

 

[ThatOneGuyOverThere]

Just explain that you misunderstood and ask for his forgiveness.

 

[vickythetuck]

I’m not sure why I got a warning for asking on this thread.

 

[cofrader]

I am gay and recently met a guy at tennis. I didnt know if he was gay or straight but he never seem to mind me touching his hands or shoulders whenever we talked. I was pretty sure that he knew I am interested in him. He did mention he is separating from his wife. He sent me a text yesterday and asked if I like to join him for a swim at the pool and use sauna later. I immediately thought he wanted to get intimate. Once in the sauna, I put my hand on his thigh and he didnt seem to mind. When I reached for his inner thigh, he said no, he is not that way, and he said he just want me to be a friend.
I felt awful for making a move on him. Even worse, potentially losing him as a friend....

Ecto gammat , since you are on ask straight think about it if you were straight and he was a woman could be ok to grab a boob out of the blue and surprise she didn’t like that, and then you go forget the boob grab let’s be friends.
There are people who touches too much, given that context I’ll assume it’s a touchy person.
You are a men and he is straight he is not expecting any sexual activity with a men, it’s hard enough to pick hints from woman.
No is no, you have a language use it.

https://imgur.com/a/88O6Q

 

[Frozen Heart]

He said "no". That is it. The best thing you may say is: "I apologize for my behavior. I didn't act right. I hope we can still be friends."

He is straight AND is divorcing his wife. Probably not the best time to make a move.

 

[Lance V]

No harm no foul. He now knows your sexual leaning. It's his move. If he refuses to remain a friend then you have avoided a potential problem in the future.

If he remains a friend then it's up to you that you can put aside any attractions you might have toward him.

And who knows? In the future he may be enlightened.

 

[uluulu]

Thank you all for your feedback and advice. I did apologize to him the next day. He said it is all good. I guess only time will tell if we can remain as friends. My sexual attraction for him is too intense, I would not trust myself to be in the same room with him. Perhaps it is best we avoid seeing each other.

 

[14600801]

It should be fine, don't feel bad.

 

[uluulu]

It should be fine, don't feel bad.

Thanks. I have not felt like this for a long long time. It is painful.

 

[Shefffff]

Thanks. I have not felt like this for a long long time. It is painful.

I'm sorry but i don't agree with most people here, i don't get why people are taking it so serious, everybody is like he said no, no is no, like it's not that serious in this case, you put your hand on his tight and he was okay with it, maybe he is thinking about it and it's not 100% sure, i personally, now that he seems to know that you are interested in him, you could apologize again and tell him that you feel alone or stuff like that, and if he would be okay with cuddling as friends, this is my opinion at least, keep us updated I'm interested to know, if it's all good between y'all right now and if you saw him again after apologizing

 

[Assman1]

I had a guy hit on me 20+ years ago. At the time, wasn't interested in any man on man sex. If it happened today?

I wouldn't be here posting, him and I would be cumming!

 

[22somnolent]

I am gay and recently met a guy at tennis. I didnt know if he was gay or straight but he never seem to mind me touching his hands or shoulders whenever we talked. I was pretty sure that he knew I am interested in him. He did mention he is separating from his wife. He sent me a text yesterday and asked if I like to join him for a swim at the pool and use sauna later. I immediately thought he wanted to get intimate. Once in the sauna, I put my hand on his thigh and he didnt seem to mind. When I reached for his inner thigh, he said no, he is not that way, and he said he just want me to be a friend.
I felt awful for making a move on him. Even worse, potentially losing him as a friend....

you should have waited he did say he broke up with his wife

 

[BPLCA]

I am gay and recently met a guy at tennis. I didnt know if he was gay or straight but he never seem to mind me touching his hands or shoulders whenever we talked. I was pretty sure that he knew I am interested in him. He did mention he is separating from his wife. He sent me a text yesterday and asked if I like to join him for a swim at the pool and use sauna later. I immediately thought he wanted to get intimate. Once in the sauna, I put my hand on his thigh and he didnt seem to mind. When I reached for his inner thigh, he said no, he is not that way, and he said he just want me to be a friend.
I felt awful for making a move on him. Even worse, potentially losing him as a friend....

So your entire rationale was that he didn't seem to mind you touching his hands and shoulders, and that he invited you for a swim and sauna? Maybe next time look for actual signs of interest instead of just assigning meaning to meaningless things. And show a little more respect for people by not feeling them up on their hands, shoulders and thighs when they're just talking to you.

 

[ay26q9587]

I am gay and recently met a guy at tennis. I didnt know if he was gay or straight but he never seem to mind me touching his hands or shoulders whenever we talked. I was pretty sure that he knew I am interested in him. He did mention he is separating from his wife. He sent me a text yesterday and asked if I like to join him for a swim at the pool and use sauna later. I immediately thought he wanted to get intimate. Once in the sauna, I put my hand on his thigh and he didnt seem to mind. When I reached for his inner thigh, he said no, he is not that way, and he said he just want me to be a friend.
I felt awful for making a move on him. Even worse, potentially losing him as a friend....

I get it, sounds like you crushed hard on this dude and despite knowing he’d been married to a chick, you read his reaching out as a potential openness because thats what you hoped for (when in reality its more likely he was looking for swim buddy.)

Its safe to say, I think he just wants to be friends. If you’re interested in that (and, lets be honest, *able* to behave yourself, then here’s what I suggest: Next time you see him in person, apologize and say you totally misread the situation, that you take responsibility for it and never want to make him uncomfortable. And that you hope you can stay friends. Listen to what he says. If he’s down with it, great.

Then—BE A GOOD FRIEND TO HIM. Don’t look for any openings in the future, treat him like you would a brother. Don’t cancel on him or leave him hanging, as he’d just feel like you were punishing him for not being down for s

If he is ever curious, he knows that you’d be a safe person to do so with, but that has to be 100% him and 0% you in terms of initiating, and I would absolutely NOT count on that reality playing out.

All that said, if you aren’t able to JUST be his friend, it’d be better to move on and keep your distance.

 

[Arrivied]

Nothing to be ashamed of. You made a move, he said no, you stopped. You did nothing wrong.

Also, if you're attracted to him, it would be hard to be friends anyway.

 

[tompg]

I would just leave the ball in his court.

You may have misread signals but he might have been unsure himself. Even if he's not looking for anything intimate, he is clearly looking for someone to hang out with.

 

[uluulu]

Yes, the ball is in his court now. I can only hope that he will talk to me again. Still, I appreciate all your comments, thoughts and advice.