I am gay and recently met a guy at tennis. I didnt know if he was gay or straight but he never seem to mind me touching his hands or shoulders whenever we talked. I was pretty sure that he knew I am interested in him. He did mention he is separating from his wife. He sent me a text yesterday and asked if I like to join him for a swim at the pool and use sauna later. I immediately thought he wanted to get intimate. Once in the sauna, I put my hand on his thigh and he didnt seem to mind. When I reached for his inner thigh, he said no, he is not that way, and he said he just want me to be a friend.
I felt awful for making a move on him. Even worse, potentially losing him as a friend....
I get it, sounds like you crushed hard on this dude and despite knowing he’d been married to a chick, you read his reaching out as a potential openness because thats what you hoped for (when in reality its more likely he was looking for swim buddy.)
Its safe to say, I think he just wants to be friends. If you’re interested in that (and, lets be honest, *able* to behave yourself, then here’s what I suggest: Next time you see him in person, apologize and say you totally misread the situation, that you take responsibility for it and never want to make him uncomfortable. And that you hope you can stay friends. Listen to what he says. If he’s down with it, great.
Then—BE A GOOD FRIEND TO HIM. Don’t look for any openings in the future, treat him like you would a brother. Don’t cancel on him or leave him hanging, as he’d just feel like you were punishing him for not being down for s
If he is ever curious, he knows that you’d be a safe person to do so with, but that has to be 100% him and 0% you in terms of initiating, and I would absolutely NOT count on that reality playing out.
All that said, if you aren’t able to JUST be his friend, it’d be better to move on and keep your distance.