I cant believe I messed up this badly

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by mordecai17, Sep 14, 2005.

  1. mordecai17

    mordecai17 New Member

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    Okay guys, I just have to get this off my chest. I am not telling you this story for sympathy or condolences or anything like that, I have no strange intentions. I am a freshmen in college. Last night I made the biggest mistake of my life by far, I had unprotected sex with a girl I didn't know very well. Wait, Wait, okay, I know I'm the biggest fucking idiot on the planet, so you don't need to tell me that. She told she didn't have anything, but who knows? I don't know her that well. I pulled out, but the risk of pregnancy is still there. Now I'm scared to death of contracting an STD or even AIDS. I have an appointment tomorrow morning at the health clinic to get tested, but that won't neccesarily mean I'm clean this early in the game. Looking back, I can't believe I could do something so reckless with my body, it makes me sick. Its just that, I've never been very good with girls, and last night, here was this attractive girl who wanted to fuck me, my mind just turned off, I couldn't think of the consequences. I'm prepared to be a man and deal with whatever bad things may come of this. I just had to write this and let it out because I'm so ashamed and I don't know if I can tell anyone in person. Anyone else have a similar tale of regret?
     
  2. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    Oh, yeah. I'm getting tested this week for an unprotected encounter I had last month. Not much point in having it done before a month is up, from what I understand.

    Just gotta cover my monkey until I get negative test results, which means no sex for me.
     
  3. B_Hung Muscle

    B_Hung Muscle New Member

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    I feel for you, Mordecai, and understand the anxiety.

    There wouldn't be the high levels of STD (including HIV) transmission and unintended pregnancies if many of us haven't been in the same position. You're hardly alone. I think I'm better informed than most people about safe sex, but I have found myself on occasion thinking with my cock and not my brain. Safe sex requires lifelong adherence to sexual norms that are difficult for many of us to follow without mistakes.

    The wait for test results is horrible, but once you're all free and clear, you'll feel better. Is there a place you can get tested, and is she going to let you know that you're nobody's daddy?

    If it helps at all, I think you're awesome for being so young and so responsible for acknowledging your mistake.
     
  4. madame_zora

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    Thanks for being so brave to share your regret here, where it may actually do a lot of good!

    I doubt there are many amoung us who haven't been there, I know I have and it's no fun at all. Even though I consider myself to be one of the lucky ones (I was extoling condom use way back in the 70's before HIV was an issue) I have still had occasional slip-ups that have left me shaken and waiting for test results. Get tested for stds now, and HIV in a month or so. I'd also recommend following up with another HIV test in six months, just to be on the safe side. If this serves as a reminder to always keep a couple condoms in your wallet, it will be a good thing, I hope there will be no more serious consequences than that.
     
  5. mordecai17

    mordecai17 New Member

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    Thanks a lot guys for the kind and thoughtful responses. I'm actually getting tests done tomorrow, don't know how long they take to process, probably a couple of weeks I'm guessing. Yeah I talk to the girl so hopefully she will inform me on that situation.
     
  6. Pappy

    Pappy Member

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    If she tells you that you're a daddy insist on dna proof. I don't know you, but if she was just too eager to have sex with you that could indicate she was already pregnant and just picked you to pin it on. I know this sounds really distrusting but I think you should be leary of anyone that is overly eager to jump into the sack with you. You didn't say how long you had known this girl, if she's someone you've known for a long time then maybe my distrust is misplaced. Hopefully that is the case, but if this is someone that you have known for a short time then I would think long and hard before trusting her completely.
    For sure get tested for STD's and get HIV testing done per Madame Zora's instructions. Let us know how things turn out.
     
  7. dolf250

    dolf250 New Member

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    If you are on good terms and open with her perhaps she would tell if she was tested recently. It may make the wait a little more bearable. But still get tested- it’s your life and future. Pappy brings up a good point- pessimistic- but good and valid.
     
  8. Dorset

    Dorset New Member

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    There's not much you can do now about STD's other than pray but with regards to the pregnancy thing, do you have the 'morning after pill' in the US?

    It's not good to use as a normal method of contraception as it's only about 80% effective but it can be taken 76 hours after sex as I remember
     
  9. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    well, the fact that you're taking responsibility in this predicament is commendable, as well as being tested. Myself, if I don't know the girl that well, if at all, no glove no love, period. :nopity:
     
  10. txquis

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    on your side here, bud.
    we've all been there.
     
  11. Ericsson1228d

    Ericsson1228d Member

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    Time I was most disappointed with myself: let a girl "hop on" without a condom. Almost unbelievably : it was followed about 10 seconds later with me getting out from under her and saying: "I can't do this" --one of my "better" moments in life, by far. At that stage in the game, both diseases and pregnancy were on my mind.

    I agree to wait at least a week or two (abstain!) and then get your testing done.

    Also, I agree with a previous poster: if she claims you are her "baby daddy," make sure you get the DNA test. It seems cold at the time, but it happened to a friend of mine - and I am sure that on this board many people know that it HAS happened...

    Eric
     
  12. colleguy1

    colleguy1 New Member

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    Actually so you know the whole condom in the wallet thing isn't really that good of an idea. The latex that the condom is made out of tends to break down when it is exposed to hotter temps than normal, i.e. body heat. It is better than nothing but if possible keep the condoms in a place like a sock drawer.
     
  13. KinkGuy

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    Good idea, except that I so rarely have sex in my sock drawer.
     
  14. DC_DEEP

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    Thanks for putting this on the board for us. It never hurts to have a reminder.

    I really don't have anything to add to some of the advice already given, except that Mme Zora has it right on the mark... the bacterial STDs should be tested for immediately, and the viral ones in a month or so, and again six months down the road. Although HIV/AIDS is a lifelong reminder of a moment of careless pleasure, that does not mean that syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia are not serious. All, especially syph, can cause non-reversible nerve and brain damage, and all, especially chalmydia, can cause severe internal scarring.

    I hope the best for you, I hope all turns out negative. Unfortunately, if you are a responsible human being, this mean that you should not have sex - even "protected" sex, until you are certain you are not infected. This includes the "six-month-down-the-road" testing for HIV. No sexual contact with another person for six months.

    The sad thing is, all STDs could be completely eliminated in our lifetime, if people would be more careful and responsible. It just simply does not happen. I hope you did learn a valuable life lesson from this experience. Oh, and the thing about carrying a condom in your wallet - yes, that can lessen its effectiveness over a period of time. The thing is to keep the supply at home, and if you are going to be in a situation where you could possibly NEED one(for instance, going to a party), put 2 or 3 in your wallet. If you aren't going to need them (for instance, going to class) then take them out of your wallet and leave them at home.
     
  15. B_Hung Muscle

    B_Hung Muscle New Member

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    Jeeez, give the guy a break. He knows he messed up and there are very few people here who haven't been in his situation.

    Actually, the really sad thing here is that STDs will not be completely eliminated in our lifetime -- or any lifetime -- because people simply will not be "more careful." STDs, especially AIDS, will be eliminated only when donor governments, researchers, philanthropists and drug companies make a concerted effort to invest more funding into finding better diagnostics, preventive pharmaceutical products and cures. The piddly amount dedicated to research against these diseases pales in comparison to research dollars devoted to erectile dysfunction, hair loss and antidepressants.

    Also, what's your message here, DC, when you tell him not to have even protected sex? Isn't that exactly the opposite of your advocacy to "be careful." Or, are you saying that HIV-positive people should not have sex even with condoms?
     
  16. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    Do you have sex in your wallet or the glove compartment of your car? :wow: :silly:
     
  17. mordecai17

    mordecai17 New Member

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    I wasn't planning on being sexually active for quite a while. I don't want to endanger anyone else. Maybe a few months down the road after I've already been initially cleared (if thats the case) WITH protection, but honestly sex isn't very exciting to me right now. I'm wondering now about maybe asking the girl to take and HIV test. Thats the one thing that truly frightens me, and It will take so long to get an absolute free pass from that. I would pay for it for her to take, I'm just wondering how I should approach such a thing, would it be innapropriate?
     
  18. B_Hung Muscle

    B_Hung Muscle New Member

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    No need to ask her to do anything, except the pregnancy test -- which you can't catch but can have serious implications for you. Worry about yourself and your status.

    And, Mordecai, relax, dude.
     
  19. Spork

    Spork New Member

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    The chance of a man getting HIV from a single encounter with an HIV+ woman, unless he has an open injury on his penis is incredibly low, like one in several thousand. (The chances are larger for women and largest for gay men who receive anal.)

    Also, getting tested won't tell you anything for about a month. Keep it wrapped and wait until then.

    I'm all for safe sex, and I practice it myself. However, we've got people so wound up about the idea that a single unprotected encounter will KILL YOU...it's very unlikely. The stuff to be most worried about are the non-fatal classics like gonorrhea, herpes, warts, etc. -- they're much easier to transmit.

    Take a deep breath...you'll be OK.
     
  20. madame_zora

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    Gotta agree with Spork here. While I'm glad to see you're taking it as serious as your are, it is fairly unlikely that you'd contract HIV from a single encounter. That ISN'T to say it couldn't happen, just that the odds of you being okay are fairly high. If you are smart enough to let this guide your future decisions, that would be a good thing, but don't abuse yourself for being human and making a mistake. We have all been there and berating yourself will not help the situation.

    Also, once you are cleared from stds, I see no reason not to have protected sex afterward. Just make sure you have condoms easily available everywhere you go! Any time I've failed at using protection, it's been because of a heat of the moment thing and it was inconvenient or impossible to get one right then. Now I keep some in my purse, some at home, and often some in the glovebox of my car. No more excuses. I like my life too much for that.
     
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