I cant believe I messed up this badly

[B_Hung Muscle]

Thanks Spork and Zora for the level-headedness.

 

[mordecai17]

:yourock: Thanks all of you guys for your replies. You've really made me feel a lot better.

 

[madame_zora]

Mordecail7, lessons learned early can have the greatest impact. You are wise for one so young, congratulate yourself for that, and buy lots of condoms! We all wish the best for you and your bravery at bringing this out for all of us to discuss has been invaluable. Maybe someone else will take it to heart and you have prevented some of your fellows from going through the same thing, or going through it again, we all owe you our thanks.

HungMuscle, I'm not ALWAYS an asshole, just on certain days. :evilgrin:

 

[B_Hung Muscle]

You crack me up. Behave, Zora.

Mordecai, you would far wiser to listen to the lady.

 

[lapdog2001]

Originally posted by madame_zora@Sep 16 2005, 05:34 PM
Also, once you are cleared from stds, I see no reason not to have protected sex afterward. Just make sure you have condoms easily available everywhere you go! Any time I've failed at using protection, it's been because of a heat of the moment thing and it was inconvenient or impossible to get one right then. Now I keep some in my purse, some at home, and often some in the glovebox of my car. No more excuses. I like my life too much for that.

[post=343872]Quoted post[/post]​

Take Jana's advice about 'stashing' condoms where you can get at them easily. I keep mine in the nightstand drawer next to my bed, and some in my gym bag in the toiletry kit in case I'd be staying over with her. You said you were in college and most students these days have knapsacks or courier bags. Toss a couple condoms in an inner pocket there too. If you get cold enough weather where you are that you will be wearing a coat, put a couple in the pocket.

This may seem like overkill, but I was in a relationship where we used condoms for birth control. She suggested using the withdrawal method if we were in a situation where we didn't have condoms, but I knew that was only asking for trouble. After not 'getting any' a few times, I made sure I had condoms with me, or near me whenever I was going to be in the vicinity of my girlfriend.

Best of luck with the tests, and play safe from now on. It doesn't matter if you 'know' the girl or not, or if she is on birth control or not, use condoms unless you are firmly into a long-term monogamous relationship.

LapDog

 

[BetterThanAverage]

Just wanted to add to everyone else's excellent advice that you should try to let go of being ashamed. Yes, you did a dumb thing. We've all done the same at one time or another (god, I remember sweating those tests myself - like Madame Z, I consider myself one of the lucky ones to have dodged the bullet), and we've all done many other dumb things. And will continue to do dumb things. Get tested, be careful, and learn from your mistake. That's what life is all about. Good luck, Mordecai. I applaud you for realizing you fucked up and for owning up to it.

 

[college22punk9]

Actually... if you get tested in a month (for HIV).... you shoud get RETESTED after 3 months. IF you are negative after a month, thats great, but the absolute "yes/no" is if you wait from 3-6months after your last "possible" exposure, becuase HIV develops at different speeds in different people.

Just thought I would share that... just cuz I dont want someone testing negative after one month, but really being positive, and then spreading it for whoever knows how long. More than likely in THIS thread... you didn't get HIV, and hopefully didn't get any other STD... but make sure you check back in 3 months just to make sure... not only for whoeevr you are with in the future, but yourself too!

 

[MsLulu]

I think, chances are, you're going to be just fine. The problem is, she may not know if she has something. Symptoms in women are harder to tell, I think. I could be wrong, but I remember reading that in a few different places.

Just hang in there. Man, I haven't dated in years and I'm amazed at how things have changed. I'm scared to get back on the wagon sometimes. And it's good that you respect your body that much. So many people just don't give a darn.

 

[thirdlegmeat]

Everyone seems to have good replies. Having said that, I agree with Pappy:

As far as pregnancy, always require PROOF. You have no idea how many other guys this girl may be sleeping with (most of which are probably less responsible than you).

As far as diseases, it's like driving without a seat-belt. You'll probably be okay in all likelyhood...you may not. Are you feeling lucky? I guess the point is that all people make mistakes. But the more mistakes you make, the more likely you are to wind up in a bad position. All you can do is hope for the best and take positive action to be more responsible in the future.

I would suggest--even though many advise against it--that you always carry a condom in your wallet. Let's face it, the wallet is a man's purse. Althought not ideal for condom storage, it's better than nothing. And if you're getting laid often enough, the condom isn't going to sit too long there anyhow. Also, I recommend that you always keep a 12-pack box of condoms in your residence, and a handful of condoms in the glovebox of your car. That's about the best you can do.

 

[steve319]

Originally posted by lapdog2001@Sep 17 2005, 03:30 AM
This may seem like overkill, but I was in a relationship where we used condoms for birth control.  ...After not 'getting any' a few times, I made sure I had condoms with me, or near me whenever I was going to be in the vicinity of my girlfriend.

[post=344014]Quoted post[/post]​

Not overkill at all, lapdog. It just makes sense.

I'm Mr. Overkill when it comes to protection (raging control freak here anyway), but that hasn't always been the case. During a period of serious substance abuse years ago, I made bad choices that resulted in life getting ugly for myself and those around me. Worse still, I really didn't give a damn till I started to clean up. Nothing like bad choices to help us learn and grow.

The good news here, Mordecai, is that you've gone through this experience conscientiously and are intensely aware of the risks and consequences. You are in a position to truly learn from this and make the kind of behavioral changes that will lead to a stronger and healthier future.

That's called wisdom, my friend, and it's often hard to come by.

Yeah, the coming weeks/months will be a particularly awful type of hell, but it sounds as if you're already punishing yourself full throttle for the misstep. So try to relax and forgive yourself, OK? The deed is done and all you can do now is take the appropriate steps to make sure you're clear and safe in the future (some fantastic advice offered so far). You can't live the next few months at this level of fear and self-loathing. By the same token, though, don't ever forget how this feels. Even at your most aroused and eager moments, know that you have control of your life through the choices you make.

So take a deep breath, buddy. Know that we're on your side here and keeping you in our thoughts. :hug:

(And think for a moment how much good you've done for others by bringing this out for discussion.)

 

[DC_DEEP]

Originally posted by Hung Muscle+Sep 16 2005, 08:48 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Hung Muscle &#064; Sep 16 2005, 08:48 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-DC_DEEP@Sep 16 2005, 06:47 AM
The sad thing is, all STDs could be completely eliminated in our lifetime, if people would be more careful and responsible.  It just simply does not happen. 

[post=343737]Quoted post[/post]​

Jeeez, give the guy a break. He knows he messed up and there are very few people here who haven&#39;t been in his situation.

Actually, the really sad thing here is that STDs will not be completely eliminated in our lifetime -- or any lifetime -- because people simply will not be "more careful." STDs, especially AIDS, will be eliminated only when donor governments, researchers, philanthropists and drug companies make a concerted effort to invest more funding into finding better diagnostics, preventive pharmaceutical products and cures. The piddly amount dedicated to research against these diseases pales in comparison to research dollars devoted to erectile dysfunction, hair loss and antidepressants.

Also, what&#39;s your message here, DC, when you tell him not to have even protected sex? Isn&#39;t that exactly the opposite of your advocacy to "be careful." Or, are you saying that HIV-positive people should not have sex even with condoms?

[post=343747]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b][/quote]
I was sympathizing, not castigating. And giving a little advice from my perspective. I can see that making elliptical statements is no longer an option, I will just simply have to write multi-page long posts, so there is no misinterpretation of my intent.

STDs COULD be eliminated in our lifetime. Parents need to get their heads out of the sand and stop believing that "if we don&#39;t educate them, they won&#39;t do it." The medical community needs to educate parents and educators. The government needs to stop pandering to the "head-in-the-sand" conservatives, REQUIRE sexual health education (complete education) and stop throwing money at stop-gap measures and find preventions but most especially CURES. A child&#39;s education in this area should start very early, and be reinforced and supplemented as the child matures and develops. By the time the child reaches puberty, he should be well-versed in the causes, pathologies, symptoms, treatments, and above all, CONSEQUENCES of STDs. Simply telling them "it&#39;s wrong, don&#39;t do it" is not enough.

As for the comment about abstinence while waiting, perhaps I should expound upon that, too. I was not the only one who advocated "abstain until you are cleared." While he could continue sexual activity until he knows for sure, there is only one ethical course - to tell a potential partner, "it is possible that I could be infected with a STD, but I&#39;ll wear a condom, so you are OK." Not the best approach for a college-age student. It is easier, safer, and less stigma-ridden simply to abstain. To go ahead, even with a condom, but not tell the potential partner, is immoral. There is a such thing as condom failure, or worse yet, improper use (once again, the education comes to mind.)

For those who are HIV positive, protected sex is fine - as long as it is accompanied by disclosure. There is simply no excuse not to. There are plenty of activities, very low risk, that can still provide great pleasure for both persons. To engage in high-risk behaviors with an unsuspecting partner is way beyond immoral.

If someone of college age or older cannot control their sexual urges until they know what they are dealing with (generally 6 months or so) then they have much much greater problems than a possible infection.