i cant believe it

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by idiotsavant, Dec 11, 2006.

  1. idiotsavant

    idiotsavant New Member

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    some of you may remember that i posted my problem a while back , it was about my wife and i not having sex at all.

    She's dropped a bombshell on me this morning.

    "Hunny" she says, " I'm depressed, i cant go on like this" i replied " Go on like what ? Whats the matter ?" To which she responded "We dont have sex its driving me crazy and im depressed cos you dont fit it causes too much pain"

    Shes thinking of leaving me over this, im in peices.

    Ive looked through the threads here comparing stories and my measurements and im not that big ive measured myself yet again width and length and im 8 inches dead on and my girth is 6.5 on the shaft and 7.2 near the base. Ive tried taking all advice thats been given but now im at a loss.
    How do i convince her to stay ?

    I know their is probably more to this but thats all the info shes given me.:worried:
     
  2. Lordpendragon

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    How long have you been married?

    How old are you both?

    Do you have any kids?
     
  3. idiotsavant

    idiotsavant New Member

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    im 27 shes 24,
    no kids ( never had full sex so impossible).
    and weve been married a year and a half and been together for 4 years.
     
  4. Lordpendragon

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    Well you are at make or break time.

    The prospect of never having sex is pretty daunting and ultimately if you can't work it out, I think you would have to respect the decision you come to. If you have tried all the advice that you were given before, then you may just have to admit to incompatibility. Has she seen her gynie for any advice?

    Really you have to sit down together and discuss what this will mean for you both and presumably the love that brought you together in the first place. i don't know if other people would agree but sometimes if you love someone you still have to let them go - actually because you love them. I have been there, it is heartbreaking, but you have to do it sometimes. I hope you don't have to.

    It's not a funny situation and i really wish you the best of luck.
     
  5. wifeofalargeman

    wifeofalargeman New Member

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    I am really sorry to hear what has happened. My man is not as big around as you but he is as long and it was hard at first but with lots of foreplay and lube great sex has been achieved. Is she relaxing? At first I was so tense about his size I had to have a couple glasses of wine and lots of kissing and loving the next thing I knew he was sliding on in there. He was also very patient and didnot make it all about penetration. I hope you are able to talk more with her about this. I will say she needs to also realize that this has not been any cake walk for you, sex, in my experience, is a very important part of a relationship, esp. for men and the fact you have been doing without is, well, selfish of her not to realize that you probably need that sexual release and closeness it brings even more so than her.
    She is not out that door yet and she has given you a heads up, women like to talk, ask her questions, listen, and go from there. Good luck.
     
  6. SoFla8

    SoFla8 New Member

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    That totally sucks, but consider it an opening door. You're still very young with most of your life before you.

    The hard truth: She's been thinking about this for some time and has prob worked up the courage to tell you. She's made up her mind in that time too.

    Together 4 years and just now she's realized this? Sounds like a load of bullshit to me. I'd bet cash there's some other reason(s). Cut your losses. (sorry to be so cynical/truthful)
     
  7. texjoe

    texjoe New Member

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    This reminds me of a scene from the movie "Kinsey" where, though the couple had been married for some time, were not able to have sex because of the extraordinary length of his penis. I'd suggest both of you meet with her gynecologist and discuss the issue. You may want to rent the DVD, watch it together, see the scene (about 20 minutes into the movie, just after the couple marries), and then use that to segue into an appointment.

    Not that I base my life on movies, but the scene was very realistic, and it made complete logical sense to discuss what essentially could be a simple gynecological problem (her vagina may possibly be too small to accomodate you) with a professional who may know exactly how to resolve it.
     
  8. D_Peacocke Rimplougher

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    I dated a girl for a year, I think we had sex about 2 times. She always refused sex because of my appendage, I don't think it's a physical thing, more of a mental thing.

    have you tried getting really drunk and lots of foreplay? I think that worked for us those two times. We broke up but you have more at stake, so beating down that physiological barrier is more important.

    On the foreplay tip, why not suggest going to a sex shop together? They often have "arousal" lotions and such like. The very idea might make her more relaxed and willing to try.

    If you can get a baby through there, I'm sure you can get your willy in there.
     
  9. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    Have you tried lying on your back and letting her mount you? That way, she can control the depth of penetration, the motion, the force, all of it. Also, she might buy different sized sex toys. Use them a lot on her until she stretches and moves to bigger toys. Then, maybe she can comfortably accommodate you. I hope it all works out for you bro.
     
  10. Knight Attrition

    Knight Attrition New Member

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    I think the gyno route is the best solution, my girlfriend's sister has a small vagina and apparently they have some kind of surgery to make it larger. If your married I think it would be worth a shot.
     
  11. IntoxicatingToxin

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    Have you thought about some kind of sex therapy? Or just a regular therapist? I think a sex therapist would be able to help more, though.
     
  12. MLEExEMILY

    MLEExEMILY New Member

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    go get a couple magazines of cosmo with the positions.. just to have amazing sex doesnt mean you have to go in all the way anyways. it works for me to fit someone big after laughing with them and joking around and stuff.. try new things or just do a lot of foreplay. tell her you want to experiment. maybe you can both look at cosmo together.. thats all the advice i got
     
  13. Principessa

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    My Advice:
    1) Talk to her, something else is going on here.
    2) Visiting her gynecologist together is a great place to start.
    3) Lube, go slow, lube, go slow, lube, go slow, lube, go slow, lube,
    4) Try dildos in gradually increasing sizes. Kinda the way some people prepare for anal sex the first time.
    5) Not sure a sex therapist would help or hinder the situation. I have heard too many stories of sex therapists breaking up marriages.

    This has to be physically as well as emotionally upsetting for you.
    Since you are thicker at the base, are either of you able to get any pleasure from partial penetration? Or has that just gotten old?




     
  14. OKFarmer

    OKFarmer Member

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    If she is already talking about getting a divorce, it may already be too late. Children without sex is NOT impossible. Our first child was conceived without much in the way of sex. We knew we loved each other strongly enough to bring him into the world. However, we couldn't have sex without her bleeding severly. I masturbated until the point that I was ready to ejaculate, then made a quick insertion and let go. We were lucky to get pregnant that night. However, the key is we had a strong relationship. I HOPE that if you are both still willing to work it out that you can. Good luck speaking to her gyno.

    She needs to understand that you aren't too big... you are perfect for you. Neither is she too small, because its a part of her. Yes you can be a mismatched set, but with time may be able to work it out. My wife and I have been working on it 5 years now. We see some easing, but not a lot.

    Bottom line, either you love one another enough to work it out or don't. If she decides to divorce you then take your time and find someone who can accept you for the man you are.
     
  15. idiotsavant

    idiotsavant New Member

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    well its to late, shes dumped me my bags are packed and im having to stay at my moms till i can get on my feet. im devestated hurt and as of now getting quite drunk. the headfuckk goes on tho. she wants to keep in contact not get a divorce and wants to see how she feels in a couple of months time. hedging her bets has come to mind aswell as the thought that it was all said to make things easier for me to leave.

    im not aggressive, never hit a woman try to treat her like shes my queen funds allowing and dont normally drink but am now, she admits to me ive been a great husband but shes depressed because of the sex situation.

    so off i go car paked to the hilt with my crap and some small glimmer of hope.

    its amazing how my life fits in a few bin bags, it makes you think!
     
  16. SoFla8

    SoFla8 New Member

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    Hey. It'll be ok. I've been there and felt just like you. I didn't eat for 3 days i was so crushed. I'm sorry you have to go through it.

    My advice would be to decide if you even WANT it to work now considering the sudden turn of events. Ask family and close friends what they think. I sure do wish I had. Would have saved me lots of grief and some of the monkeys I have on my back today.
     
  17. ONB

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    dude... i'm sorry for you. i've been there... but only with g/f's... i know its a lot tougher when you're married. best of luck.

    as for remaining friends.... blahblahblah. my advice... and i know its cynical, but move on. clearly if it hasn't worked after 4 years... it's not going to suddenly start happening and the communication opens up and the sex is possible. you need to find a woman that is willing to talk and work through it with you.
     
  18. BigA

    BigA New Member

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    man, she left you because your dick is too big? that sux. She knew about that when you married. Or did you wait?
     
  19. Elmer Gantry

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    I've been there to. I was in love with a girl some years ago but we split because she couldn't deal with my sex drive/size. I wanted sex more than once a week and she could barely cope with having sex once a week.

    This is going to sound really bad but now I look back on it, the whole thing was doomed. I've since found with successive girl friends that their is ways around it, but you've both got to want to do it.
     
  20. BobLeeSwagger

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    If she's the one who wants to end it, how come you're the one who had to leave the house?
     
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