I Can't Do It Anymore

[girbestestfriend]

For the longest time have always had this feeling that i was gay, or even bi. i played straight at school so i wouldn't get picked on or made fun of. now that i am in college i feel the need to be more open about it.

first, a friend of mine joked around about jerking off for money and for jerking off another guy. he asked me once if i ever would be interested in doing a circle jerk with him. i said sure why not and we never really did anything about it. then one night we were watching a movie and we ended up holding hands, then another time we held hands and made out, it was fun and i enjoyed it. we made out one other time and then had sex which i was excited for, i was really starting to like seeing him. he then told me that it was nice having a friend with benefits. that hurt, but we continued to fool around. before i left for school we hung out one last time and said that the whole thing was fun but, it was over. that hurt the most because i thought we were getting closer and might even have dated. but i got over (i think) and left for school.

now that i am in college, i met this guy on my team and we wanted to hang out sometime. he said he was gay which was cool and i really wanted to be his friend. we watched a movie at his house and played footsie, then we held hands which was so nice. he then hugged me and just held me, we kissed and it was the greatest thing i have experienced even with my other friend. we made out and i stayed over at his house, he held me all night and kept telling me how cute i was. he held me so tightly and it made me feel sooooo.....i guessed loved for lack of a better word.

i texted him a lot after that a little more than i suppose i should have, and i think i scared him and he told me that he just got out of a relationship and it was hard. which i was cool with, and he said he wanted to be really good friends. we have hung out since then but nothing like the first night.

all i think about is how amazing it felt to be with him, and knowing that i could be just another friend with benefits scares me so much because i think i really care for this guy.

PLEASE HELP ME:frown1:

 

[B_RedDude]

Not to be cold about your feelings around your most recent experience, but being at college is to have access to a treasure trove of guys, and one of them might just want what you're looking for, and want it with you.

Consider the excessive texting a lesson learned. It's understandable though since you're new at this. Try to chill a bit though.

You're a freshman at college, dude! Try to make the four years the best experience you can (and get good grades at the same time). I know I probably sound like some old fart, but just my two cents.

 

[canuck_pa]

We've all been there, in my case more than once. And it does hurt. Hopefully each day it hurts a little less. My suggestion to you would be to slow down and continue to be his friend. Once he gets over his passed relationship he may come around. If not he could still be a good friend.

 

[erratic]

Oh, dude, I'm sorry. I can relate...a lot. I could practically have written the same post when I started dating.

Like RedDude said, take the texting thing as a lesson learned. That's great advice on his part. What do you do about your situation? Move on. It's hard advice, I know, but this is how relationships work. You'll have more, and if you treat each one as a learning experience they'll get a lot better. And, one day, when you've learned enough, you'll meet the perfect guy for you (though you'll think you've met him many times before, all of a sudden you'll see how wrong you were). Things will click, and you two will still be holding hands when you're 80.

A warning, though: People aren't born perfect at relationships. That's Hollywood bullshit. If you don't learn anything from your boyfriends - especially from your mistakes with them - you'll end up in one unsatisfying relationship after another, after another, after another. You don't want that, none of us wants that for you; so do like RedDude said and take this as a lesson learned. Your next boyfriend will be grateful. And don't blame yourself for it! There's nothing wrong with being eager and honest about your feelings for someone.

Good luck, and have fun!

 

[girbestestfriend]

thank you all so much, i was thinking the same thing that all of you wrote i just wanted to make sure that i was on the right path.
thank you so much.
i appreciate it.

 

[D_Harry_Crax]

"all i think about is how amazing it felt to be with him, and knowing that i could be just another friend with benefits scares me so much because i think i really care for this guy."
These are not necessarily mutually exclusive. You can do everything with and for a "friend with benefits" other than falling in love.....

 

[tray22nc]

I agree with others who have posted before me. Take it easy with the over texting/calling or whatever. Others may find that a little pushy and shy away from you. I've learned that lesson the hard way. Also, take your time in this journey. Don't rush into anything and just have fun. I'm sure that you will find yourself meeting a lot of nice guys, so just enjoy your college years! Best of luck!

 

[B_thickjohnny]

I sympathize. I just met a great guy who looked me up after moving from the building where we both worked (separate companies). We spent last Sunday together and the whole time, while be attentive and talkative with me, He texted someone regularly. When I asked him who it was he said his girlfriend. Then smiled and told me he was not 100% straight (maybe 70% straight like the OP).

I'm really not into guys who don't have their shit together regarding their sexuality. At the end of the day, I told him I enjoyed the time and see you later.

He wants to see me again (weekends are apparently the only time he's free (?))and I'm just not sure of it. I'm thinking leaving it at friendship and not letting it develop into anything more. Why go through the hassle?

 

[Hockeytiger]

Oh, dude, I'm sorry. I can relate...a lot. I could practically have written the same post when I started dating.

Like RedDude said, take the texting thing as a lesson learned. That's great advice on his part. What do you do about your situation? Move on. It's hard advice, I know, but this is how relationships work. You'll have more, and if you treat each one as a learning experience they'll get a lot better. And, one day, when you've learned enough, you'll meet the perfect guy for you (though you'll think you've met him many times before, all of a sudden you'll see how wrong you were). Things will click, and you two will still be holding hands when you're 80.

A warning, though: People aren't born perfect at relationships. That's Hollywood bullshit. If you don't learn anything from your boyfriends - especially from your mistakes with them - you'll end up in one unsatisfying relationship after another, after another, after another. You don't want that, none of us wants that for you; so do like RedDude said and take this as a lesson learned. Your next boyfriend will be grateful. And don't blame yourself for it! There's nothing wrong with being eager and honest about your feelings for someone.

Good luck, and have fun!

Great advice.

You are young and still learning and dealing with your own sexuality. You are going to make a lot of mistakes. But if this is the worst thing you do, you are a saint! LOL

BTW, under no circumstances should you be fwb with this guy. Not because there's anything wrong with either of you, but because you have feelings for him. No sex without dating him!! I mean it. That's a disaster waiting to happen. You would be opening yourself up to being hurt. If you have feelings for someone, you can't (repeat: CAN'T) have sex with them without developing those feelings in a deeper way. That being said, since you are young, I'm willing to bet that's a lessen you will have to learn yourself and develop your own emotional scars.

Secondly, you stated that he is on your team. Be careful about that. While things can work out with those you "work" with, it can be very dangerous if things don't work out, and can destroy the "team dynamic". There's an old saying, "Don't shit where you eat".

Best of luck to you.

 

[Tense0000]

Everyone here has great advice and I agree with everyone but you have to keep your feelings in check also, especially at the beginning. Need to develop some human kevlar around that passionate heart of yours. You are at the beginning and you want to rush to the end. Take it slow. Live and learn. I so admire the passion your heart has. It comes through in the post. Good luck buddy.

For the longest time have always had this feeling that i was gay, or even bi. i played straight at school so i wouldn't get picked on or made fun of. now that i am in college i feel the need to be more open about it.

first, a friend of mine joked around about jerking off for money and for jerking off another guy. he asked me once if i ever would be interested in doing a circle jerk with him. i said sure why not and we never really did anything about it. then one night we were watching a movie and we ended up holding hands, then another time we held hands and made out, it was fun and i enjoyed it. we made out one other time and then had sex which i was excited for, i was really starting to like seeing him. he then told me that it was nice having a friend with benefits. that hurt, but we continued to fool around. before i left for school we hung out one last time and said that the whole thing was fun but, it was over. that hurt the most because i thought we were getting closer and might even have dated. but i got over (i think) and left for school.

now that i am in college, i met this guy on my team and we wanted to hang out sometime. he said he was gay which was cool and i really wanted to be his friend. we watched a movie at his house and played footsie, then we held hands which was so nice. he then hugged me and just held me, we kissed and it was the greatest thing i have experienced even with my other friend. we made out and i stayed over at his house, he held me all night and kept telling me how cute i was. he held me so tightly and it made me feel sooooo.....i guessed loved for lack of a better word.

i texted him a lot after that a little more than i suppose i should have, and i think i scared him and he told me that he just got out of a relationship and it was hard. which i was cool with, and he said he wanted to be really good friends. we have hung out since then but nothing like the first night.

all i think about is how amazing it felt to be with him, and knowing that i could be just another friend with benefits scares me so much because i think i really care for this guy.

PLEASE HELP ME:frown1:

 

[curioustitan]

Wow. This one really hit home for me as it smacked so much of my own personal experiences.
I've confessed my feelings towards two of my male friends with whom i had developed a strong attraction towards. Both had experimented before me with other guys and of the two of them, only the one had experimented with me... and then proceeded to make it perfectly clear that he wasn't a "fag" after i had poured my heart out to him. This was about 2004 and i am still currently single for fear of that same rejection. I think i understand your dilemma, in that for yourself, you develop an attraction and a bond that goes beyond simply the physical. You really put your heart out there.
This can be incredibly rewarding, however, it can also come with trials and tribulations of the heart. Unfortunately there may be quite a few bumps and bruises, emotionally speaking, for you as many young guys in college are only looking for 'hook-ups' and fwb... simply for the reason that they're also only just discovering their own sexual identities. While many of them probably won't have the intent of hurting you, it is unfortunate that you may end up being a casualty of love or 'supposed love' at least.
Process the advice given to you by many of the posts here carefully as you'll find that many people here have a collective fount of knowledge and emotional wisdom that (should you choose to heed it) will guide you through your particular situation relatively smoothly. That's not to say that things will be sunshine and roses.
But rather that you'll get through this and come out stronger for it. I really hope all goes well for you as i quite enjoy living vicariously through others, simply as a result of my own fears and insecurites. Good luck.