I can't quit him

[B_thickjohnny]

Well, the therapist today says that there is an underlying cause to my reason for not disconnecting. Something unresolved from my past. WTF? I said I didn't see it but she continued... something where I lost control to someone else and gave into it. Someone who also may have hurt me. I have no clue but she asked me to think about so I will. The only thing I can think of is my first REAL love. A guy from high school. I was truly, madly, deeply in love and when he broke up with me I was completely devastated. He had met someone else - a much older doctor (we were 17 at the time and the dr was probably 30something).

Anyway, I don't see the connection but who knows? I'll go back next week to explore more of it.

 

[erratic]

Well, the therapist today says that there is an underlying cause to my reason for not disconnecting. Something unresolved from my past. WTF? I said I didn't see it but she continued... something where I lost control to someone else and gave into it. Someone who also may have hurt me. I have no clue but she asked me to think about so I will. The only thing I can think of is my first REAL love. A guy from high school. I was truly, madly, deeply in love and when he broke up with me I was completely devastated. He had met someone else - a much older doctor (we were 17 at the time and the dr was probably 30something).

Anyway, I don't see the connection but who knows? I'll go back next week to explore more of it.

That's classic psychoanalysis. It's very introspective and retrospective. Some people get a great deal out of psychoanalysis, so if you feel a therapeutic connection with her then go for it. Some people don't get much out of it. In modern psychotherapy psychoanalysis is a bit controversial for reasons I won't get in to because I absolutely do not want to undermine the therapy you've started when it may end up being very helpful for you. Also, the most important element of therapy is the relationship between the client and the therapist - so if you guys can work together that's more important than any other issue. She may be exactly right, and you may just be reacting to it because that can be fucking scary. But, if you're a more here-and-now action-oriented type guy and after a few sessions you're not feeling it with your therapist, you might prefer someone who practices cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). Again, I say that not to poo-poo your current therapist, who knows you better than I do and who may very well be a fabulous counsellor, but because you expressed a negative reaction to her conclusions.

I'm with the posters who are kind of moderate about the "suck it up and move on" message you've been getting. Yes, you do need to do that, but. You just ended a long term relationship on shitty, shitty terms. Seeking help, seeking support, and being unsure of what to do are all perfectly fine. You are a human being and human beings' emotional lives are messy and sticky. It's important to recognise that, and I think you are.

 

[Mogluver]

I'm with the posters who are kind of moderate about the "suck it up and move on" message you've been getting. Yes, you do need to do that, but. You just ended a long term relationship on shitty, shitty terms. Seeking help, seeking support, and being unsure of what to do are all perfectly fine. You are a human being and human beings' emotional lives are messy and sticky. It's important to recognise that, and I think you are.

I agree, you might want to see an additional therapist. Perhaps it is making peace with oneself that counts. I was in an LTR for many years that went sour, both parties were responsible. At the end I decided what I wanted, and worked through the steps to achieve that goal. In my case, I desired happiness, and daily worked to achieve that goal. I found it amazing, that once I decided what I wanted, the other pieces fell into place and I was able to make progress and move on. The previous partner has expressed sorrow over the break up, and we both have recognized that one changes and can never go back into any relationship. This was very difficult to do on my part, but I do feel stronger and had a good therapist to visit, which helped in the healing process.

Think about deciding what you want, putting a plan together, and making progress. I have noticed that people who don't solve their own personal issues tend to seek new partners that were copies of the previous disaster. They run from one poor situation to another, never finding that ideal. I hope this helps a bit.... and btw how's that PA of yours doing?

 

[B_thickjohnny]

Well, I did something I've never done. He called me to ask me if I wanted to have dinner tonight. I told him I had a date. It's not true but I thought that's the best approach. Let him "feel" that I'm moving on. I hung up and felt like a wanted to cry, however.

The PA is doing fine. Thanks for asking!

 

[Hoss]

Well, I did something I've never done. He called me to ask me if I wanted to have dinner tonight. I told him I had a date. It's not true but I thought that's the best approach. Let him "feel" that I'm moving on. I hung up and felt like a wanted to cry, however.

The PA is doing fine. Thanks for asking!

You'll make it through. Breakups are hard and even harder when the person is constantly in the areas that you are. Just stay strong, give it time, and cry as much as you need and want to, after a while you'll be crying less:smile:.

 

[helgaleena]

Well, I did something I've never done. He called me to ask me if I wanted to have dinner tonight. I told him I had a date. It's not true but I thought that's the best approach. Let him "feel" that I'm moving on. I hung up and felt like a wanted to cry, however.

The PA is doing fine. Thanks for asking!

:arms: Can you quit him? Yes you can! :arms: :240: