I caught my wife having sex with another man

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Shurik, Oct 31, 2009.

  1. Shurik

    Shurik New Member

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    My wife and I were staying with a friend in a town we used to live in. One day I walked in on them having sex. He was fucking her standing up from behind.

    My wife confessed to a 5 year long affair when we lived in that town and that she has had sex with him the two other times she had visited the town after we moved.

    She tells me that she loves me and that she has been very conflicted from the beginning, but that she hasn't been able to refuse him.

    To top it all off, we have been having the best sex of our lives since then.

    I really believe that she loves me and that she was just under his power for some reason while they were together.

    She told me that her lover and I have about the same size cock, but that he has incredible stamina....but that he isn't very tender in bed.

    What is crazy is that I have had problems with premature ejaculation my entire life, but since then I have been able to last a long time and to satisfy her regularly with my cock

    I do love her and want to forgive her

    Am I crazy?
     
  2. drac

    drac New Member

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    sounds to me that things just got better for you, go with it.
     
  3. Rommette

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    Whether or not you forgive her depends on multiple things. Ho long ya'll have been together, children, love, will it happen again, what now....

    If I were you I would think hard about forgiveness. She said she hasn't been able to refuse him. What make you think she will have the willpower to do so now?

    Also, it depends on what she wants. You may accuse her of cheating often after what you have learned. Do you think you can put yourself through this? Do you think she wants to go through this? Think long and hard. Maybe marriage counseling will work
     
  4. psidom

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    firstly let me say that when a person fucks with
    my sense of faith in them...i lose almost 99% of my respect for them.
    I see that as someone mentally abusing you.
    i find i do not believe a word they say after that moment ever again.
    anything that they tell me is a potential lie.

    with that all said i would fuck her...and then cheat on her
    with a woman who "just had some sort of power over me."

    it is a total get out of jail free card!

    (What does that make me a bad guy?)
     
  5. Shurik

    Shurik New Member

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    psidom, I have to admit that thought has totally occured to me
     
  6. jnj4play

    jnj4play New Member

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    this is waaaay to touchy to try and tell u what to do, even an opinion might steer u to make a choice. so instead i'll give u a few things to think about

    what would she do if you had been the one to cheat?

    what if she does it again?

    can you trust her the same from now on?

    can you know for sure this is the only guy she's cheated with?

    who else mightve known and not said anything?

    if there are kids involved, how would a break up affect them?

    if there are kids involved, how would it affect them to live in a what could potentially be a broken household?

    can you truly let go of it? or would it be a thorn in the back of your mind from this point on?


    think about it, A LOT. if possible put some distance between you and her till your head clears, then make your choice. im sorry to hear that this happened and i hope one way or another you come out of it ok.

    peace
     
  7. jockmaestro

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    You should forgive her. PLenty of people cheat and it doesn't mean anything about their emotional connection with their spouse. In some countries ( I just read an article about this) it's not considered the end of the world. Monogamy is highly questionable. Just talk with her, keep the connection , and fuck as much as you can.
     
  8. D_Sigmund Fockbuddy

    D_Sigmund Fockbuddy Account Disabled

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    You have now an unofficial OK to fool around yourself...
     
  9. B_bi_mmf

    B_bi_mmf New Member

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    How do you feel about a sexually non-exclusive relationship with no lies but you still the center of each other's life? Is that possible for you?
     
  10. King_ding_a_ling

    King_ding_a_ling New Member

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    If you can still look her right in the eyes and tell her you love her, mean it, and want to be the center of her world... Then why get some kind of misguided revenge?

    On the other hand it took walking in on them for you to find out.

    I would talk to her about it and tell her how you feel and talk about where to go from here.

    Hope my advice helps
     
  11. Shurik

    Shurik New Member

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    thanks for all of the advice guys. all of this gives me a lot to think about
     
  12. molotovmuffin

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    I'm sorry but if it were me I tell her to pack her bags and go. This has been going on for how many years? It's not like she told you about it you had to walk in and find out. How do you know that she doesn't have another one at home? Once a liar and cheat always a liar and cheat.
     
  13. CALAMBO

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    sorry bud,.,,,,a shock for sure...that being now exposed....what DO you expect?...things back to normal?...are u better off with or with out her?...is she?....this is not the end of your life and love...Have you ever strayed?...think long and hard....And do you know this man?....is he a good guy just keepin her happy?....are you doing your home work?...AND MOST OF ALL..DO YOU LOVE HER ENOUGH TO LET THIS GO?.....GOOD LUCK....
     
  14. kurios

    kurios Member

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    Play along if that suits you but a 5 year plus deception is pretty heavy emotional baggage so bang her but don't trust her.
     
  15. danimal32

    danimal32 Member

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    Shurik - you've been given some great advice above, but please go back and read what jnj4play had to say. Very thought provoking. Read it more than once if you need to.

    I have some additional questions for you:

    How will you handle it if anything odd happens, for example, you are away and call home, only to find your wife not at home and she doesn't answer her cell?

    Everytime the phone rings and she answers and you don't know who it is, will you be able to accept that you don't know who she's talking to and not automatically think it's him?
     
  16. invisibleman

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    Maybe there should be a "fuck everyone else" clause in the marriage vows. Fuck the "Forsake all others" clause. The paradigm doesn't work for everyone.
     
  17. dolfette

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    don't listen to us.
    don't stay or go just because people say you should or can't forgive.
    you know her and, know when things are working and you know when things aren't.
    some people can fix it. some can't. there's no universal solution.
    do what feels right for you.
     
  18. Dicklicker1

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    No you are not crazy.
    Premature ejac can be fixed.
    Don't laugh and I'm not making fun.
    Go to your doc and ask for low dose of Zoloff (Sample).
    The side effect when I've used that med was that it took longer to cum than normal.
    I did tell my doctor about the side effect.....
     
  19. Ramsey

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    Yes, lies and deceptions like that means she's been playing with you for awhile. It's natural to not trust her now.
    BUT.
    DON'T get your mind and your heart wrapped around that. It can really screw you up something fierce. If she TRULY cared about your feeling she never would have done this. So you have to look out for your feelings now. She obviously doesn't.

    And I also tell you something. DON'T have "revenge sex" and go screw someone else, saying "you were justified". That's bullshit. Would you want to lower yourself to her level? Act like a small child? "She did it first". That's fucking bullshit. If you love her, you will feel like a piece of shit, because now YOU have done that to HER. "getting back" feels satisfying for a short bit, but it's false, because it will not help anything.

    Tell her this is a huge breach of trust for you. Her sexual satisfaction or not, if you two agree monogamy is important to you (and for most people it is) then this is unacceptable. If she wants to be with you, she needs to come clean on her act, and work hard at it.
     
  20. sexplease

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    no, you are not crazy.
    Humans like to have sex, but have the obnoxious habit of thinking they own someone and their monogamy, (which makes it often difficult to separate love and sex) when in actuality, monogamy is a chosen endeavor and rarely, if ever, works when [en]forced on others.
    Follow your hearts, walk side-by-side, taking turns leading and revel in the joy your friends and lovers experience on their paths of life.

    It's most certainly how you'd like to be treated.