I don`t deal well with death

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by luka82, Nov 13, 2009.

  1. luka82

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    Yes, I know, u guys will say, who does?
    Today we lost a young soul, whom i have never talked to, but it just hurt...
    It reminded me of losing Matness....and when i hear that someone died, I somehow remember all the souls I have lost that meant to me so much in my real life...
    So I get overwhelmed with emotions and it just hurts my soul...
     
  2. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    I know just how you feel.
     
  3. iian1972

    iian1972 Active Member

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    Death wow the hardest thing we have to deal with in our lives I believe, I never really understood it until a few years ago as it had not really happened in my life, then my best friend and cousin took his life for reason we will never no 22 years old, one week later my mum was told she had cancer and it ripped my parents life apart, I moved back into there house to help out mum and dad and do the best i could, I watched my poor mum go through so much pain and also watched mum dad go through the same with a different kind of pain it was heart breaking, mum passed away one morning whilst I was collecting my sis from the airport and we did not get back in time to say goodbye, my dad of 55 never got over losing mum in the way he did, he was so heart broken I decided to stay in the family house to try and get him through what had happened to him. After 2 months I thought he was doing well and moved back into my house, the night I left I said I would come and see him the next day, I called him that morning to see how he was doing and the phone just rang, but that was normal as he was not good with his phone, so I went round that evening and found him gone, he had taken his life and left me a note on the end of his bed. I think about what happened each and ever day and its hard, but one year later my son was born and that gave me a reason to live, these terrible times happen but time is a great healer, we lose are friend and family but we will never forget you.xxx.
    To the young man that has lost his fight today, myself and my family wish you peace.
     
  4. iian1972

    iian1972 Active Member

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    Sorry my sentences and spelling where terrible, that was not easy to write.
     
  5. crescendo69

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    It is always a tragedy.
     
  6. luka82

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    Ian I am so sorry u went threw all that pain...
    Btw, nice having u back, i saw your galery, and now i remembered u were one of the first people i met in chat!
     
  7. B_Hamadim

    B_Hamadim New Member

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    After all, Death is certained for everyone, No exception.

    Perhaps you could feel better If you think that the beloved one went to a better place.
     
  8. iian1972

    iian1972 Active Member

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    Thanks Luka, my life is good now, we all have pain in our lives, and there are many many people with so much pain in there lives that we will never understand. I have a lovely wife and a wonderful son, so really I fell blessed for what I have. We learn and grow from the experiences life gives us and become better people.
     
  9. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    The magnitude of your loss and pain is staggering. My heart goes out to you.

    I'm so happy you are able to take comfort in your son's birth and the continuing cycle of life.
     
  10. ghb69

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    Twenty years ago I lost my brother 32 and my mother 63 within two weeks of each other. Five years ago I lost my sister and her husband both 48 at the hands of their own son. Who then tried to get rid of the bodies with a chainsaw. So I live my life for my wife and daughter and my surviving niece and nephew. Who will always have a brother in prison but no parents to share the rest of there lives with. We all face death, but it is the rememberance of those lives that carry us forward.
     
  11. iian1972

    iian1972 Active Member

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    Thanks Nick, kind words, cheers
     
  12. luka82

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    Guys, please, don`t expect my responses, I am the OP starter, I will read your posts, I just don`t feel like commenting...
    Cause when I am in pain, I only need somone to listen to me, not comment...
     
  13. B_Stronzo

    B_Stronzo New Member

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    Luka82?

    I'd be worried for you if you dealt with death well.

    I'm going through a personal loss at the moment that, added to those previous, is beyond heinous and (at least to me) dreadfully unfair. A loyal and close friend is dying from a terminal illness and leaving us in increments.

    I haven't experienced death in quite this way before. It's a long drawn out process which, should I stand back and critique it, seems pointless. I've often thought that were it me in the condition I find my good friend I'd have a friend take me out to the barn and put a gun to my temple.

    I'm at an age when many valued relatives are gone and those who are left seem superfluous (not all but some). Making sense around the randomness of who dies and who does not is an exercise in pure futility.

    Feeling as you do tells me but one thing; you're human.

    That's the problem with life. It's terminal.

    sage words
     
    #13 B_Stronzo, Nov 13, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2009
  14. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    Maybe reading selected poetry would help you cope better with death. Here's a short poem by John Donne:

    No man is an island,
    Entire of itself.
    Each is a piece of the continent,
    A part of the main.
    If a clod be washed away by the sea,
    Europe is the less.
    As well as if a promontory were.
    As well as if a manner of thine own
    Or of thine friend's were.
    Each man's death diminishes me,
    For I am involved in mankind.
    Therefore, send not to know
    For whom the bell tolls,
    It tolls for thee.


    PS. Ghb, you have all my sympathies for those tragedies in your family. You give us an example of how to overcome...
     
  15. Sergeant_Torpedo

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    Death is a fact of life. It can be tragic, sad, untimely, and sometimes as a releasing blessing. Recently I heard someone say that you have to witness birth and death before the mystery of life is made known to you. Our ignorant peasant ancestors of the middle ages respected death, we fear it and disrespect the dead. We are the only species, apart maybe from elephants who have a remembrance of past friends, kin, colleagues, neighbours. keep that and keep your humanity. The following is translated from the Russian:

    When we think of those companions
    who travelled by our side down life's road,
    let us not say with sadness
    that they left us behind,
    but rather say with gratitude
    that they once were with us.
     
  16. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    Interesting how this thread is becoming sort of poetical.

    I want to add something. I think death is closely related to love. You only love those special persons in our life, because we know that one day, sooner or later, no matter what we do, we are going to lose them.

    I would like to dedicate these words to a very special person I have recently "met".
     
  17. Drifterwood

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    My Queen once famously said, "Grief, is the price you pay for love."

    The more you love, the greater the price you pay. It seems to me, the greater the price, the more it is worth paying.
     
  18. B_mitchymo

    B_mitchymo New Member

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    I don't deal with it well either but i'm not sure in which way it effects you personally. For me i have only ever lost one person through death. That person was my older sister four years ago and my response was very different to that of my younger sister and my mum. While they were in tears saying their last goodbyes before her life support was switched off i was just vacant. I had no tears and can't even remember if i was expressively sad. I felt ashamed in the days and weeks that followed because i feared that my family would think i was uncaring. By the time the funeral came along i was able to cry during the ceremony and shed a few tears when i was lieing in bed the next couple of nights.

    It varies from person to person and my mum developed depression and my younger sister was so sad even though she was in constant arguments with her sister yet seemed to be hit much harder than me.

    Some people i have since learned after taking a test are harder hit than others because in the same way that people vary in intelligence, people vary in emotional state too. I was not surprised to learn that i have a low emotional level.
     
  19. B_Stronzo

    B_Stronzo New Member

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    Grieving is an evitable part of life and if one pays careful attention much can be learned from the loss of a dear friend of close relative.

    I deal with death as inevitable. But I deal with it as it happens. I don't anticipate and I don't withdraw. Much can be learned from aiding someone as he goes through the process of leaving this life.

    In my view the sanctity of death ought to be revered as overtly as the national fuss over childbirth... what I'm saying is the exit ought to be as solemn and respectful as the entry is joyous and celebrated.

    She's an astute woman. I love that quote.

    Today's news featured an aging Queen Elizabeth I taking the Underground with but one body guard. She appeared frail and very changed. I suspect it's why we're hearing rumors of her handing over power to Prince William.
     
    #19 B_Stronzo, Dec 17, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2009
  20. bigbull29

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    Sorry to learn this happened to you and your family.

    People deal differently with grief. There is no "one" way. But no matter what, we can't repress what we feel. If we do, then we are bound to suffer even more.

    Peace and love to you:smile:
     
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