I don`t deal well with death

[B_theOtherJJ]

I thought I dealt with death in a relatively detach manner UNTIL the death of my partner of 22 years. I had always believed that children lose therir parents, and that "things happen for a reason". With those mantras in mind, I survived and handled the death of BOTH parents 6 months apart, other family members, and freinds, each time telling myself that this is how life operates, and there is some reason for all this.
There were the expected tears, and grieving process, but life goes on.
However, with the sudden and unexpected death of my younger partner, my stoic demeaner and teflon outlook were thrown for a loop. I was devastated, and to this day am struggling to find the reason, and understand the lesson I was supposed to have learned. I have still not come to terms with it, and the loss has changed my entire lifes path and outlook. I realize that I am NOT the person I had presented myself to be, and that I am capable of heart-wrenching pain and suffering.
Any loss is devastating, but I suppose it does teach you something about yourself. Life is precious and fragile, and of course it does go on. The only thing that changes is how you deal with it. Blessings to everyone that has suffered loss, and to those dear people they have lost. If this thread is any indication, death serves to bring people together in some strange way, and in togetherness there is strenght...

 

[ZOS23xy]

All I can add, not going though a list or how and why, but that death of loved ones causes some adjustment in my thinking. Showing gratitude, listening, helping someone, and sometimes I get a laser like flash of memory of the ones that are gone doing precisely that with me. It expends their memories and helps me be more open and less selfish.