I don't get it.

AZNEWGUY

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Picture this, sitting in this beautiful resort having drinks with my buddy of 12 years. During a conversation he tells me, "I started going back to church". He continued "I'm going back so I won't sleep with men no more, it's wrong and feel guilty every time I do it." I just sat there almost laughing, immediate thought of it not working. That night we went into the room and had sex. Funny thing is, he initiated it. I wanted to make a smart ass response about it, but didn't.

Fast forward a few months later he tells me he met this girl and seemed excited about it. Guess this born again straight thing was working. Then I get nothing for a long time. Suddenly he blasted on Facebook how he is in a new relationship.

I want him to be happy and not be alone, this type of life can be lonely and it would be easier just to do the marriage thing and live straight. Growing up in a religious family I'm sure has put pressure on the guy. My problem is, he's taken me out of his life. I guess he would be nervous to have me around with his new girl. I know way too much about him. My question is, do you guys think its possible for this to end well with him ? This guy was hardcore fucking guys big time. All I can do is shake my head and wonder.
 

TaigaStar

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It'll either work or he'll have a breakdown of some sort. Wish him well and move on. Sadly, after a certain religious threshold, you'll become the enemy for his ideals.
 

Q Vee

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If he has found a true-love-soul-mate-for-life, yes things can work out.
Sounds like he may have been having a last farewell-fuck with you before moving on with his new life.
Kudos to him for sharing his intentions and not just cutting you off without a clue.
Sorry that you lost your good buddy and kudos to you for keeping your distance.
Wish all of you the best.
 

Stephenmass

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Can it work for him? Not if he has a conscience...on one level. Another would be it's quite possible he will surface again during his marriage and eventually get caught or suspected. If she knows, great, it can work. If she doesn't, doomed to fail.
 

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Can it work? Sure if everything he's saying is genuine. If he REALLY is into the woman in his life, and he ACTUALLY DOES enjoying his new straight lifestyle. But if it's all a sham to impress or live for someone else...it may not work. Don't try to ruin it for him though.

Him "abandoning" you may just be his attempt at living an honest life by his new girl. There are girls in my life I KNOW I can't associate with when i have a gf because the temptation to sneak off is TOO much...
 

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It can work, but it usually doesn't. Testimonials from most "cured" in this manner tell us that they still have attraction to men, but they ignore it, or sublimate it, and sometimes this works. He may be truly bi (as I'd identify), but that's a helluva "lifestyle" for want of a better term, to live. If you live as "bi" in many instances, you find yourself out of place in both the straight and gay world. But it can work if he really is attracted to the woman and pursues that. I have doubts that he shared with her his previous preference for men, so if he's not being honest, then that doesn't help (I know from experience).

You're a good friend to be concerned, and it's natural that you feel cut-off. Good for you for taking the high road, though. Maybe you're just left with memories of him, BUT there's also a good chance you'll hear from him again in the future.
 

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AZ, there is a big possibility that his new relationship will work if he's truly in love with his girlfriend. My ex bf and now my best friend has been married for more than five years and he's still in love with his wife. They have a wonderful kid which I am the godfather. His wife knows about his past and she accepted him whole heartedly. I guess my ex crossed that emotional connection by moving to the other team but I'm very happy for him. He's very happy and look forward to spending the rest if his life with his family. Sexuality indeed is fluid but ultimately, the one thing that matters is that emotional connection. Wish your friend well.
 

AZNEWGUY

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You guys are great and this was the only place I could think of to even discuss this. The girl he met is very religious (missionary) and I know there is no way she knows his past. I'm sure his past will never be discussed. I love the guy to death and will never do anything to hurt him. We have a very long history and will never throw that away. I'm just laying low and see where it may go. I think it will be hard for him since I'm close to his family as he is to mine. My father is the closest thing he had to a father since he lost his at a young age. He recently lost his mother which made my mother a person he became close to. I'm ready to let go and I know it will suck, but that's life. Native NYer I can handle it :)
 

AZNEWGUY

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Just message him and ask him about it. Tell him, "I'm alright if you no longer want to be friends with me, and I support your happiness and your new life, just let me know where I stand so we can go our seperate ways."

BTW out of all the replies I got, this one hit me the hardest. This idea has been running in my mind the most and know eventually I have to do it.
 

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This sounds like a journey he needs to make on his own while he tries to reconcile his faith and his sexuality. I think you're best option is to just find out where you stand, and then let him know you will always be there. If he wants to keep you at a distance, that's his choice, but someday he may find he needs you closer.
 

1Cody

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If he has found a true-love-soul-mate-for-life, yes things can work out.
Sounds like he may have been having a last farewell-fuck with you before moving on with his new life.
Kudos to him for sharing his intentions and not just cutting you off without a clue.
Sorry that you lost your good buddy and kudos to you for keeping your distance.
Wish all of you the best.

I agree with all of this and I will add that your friend don't need the temptation that your presence may bring. Plus he don't need to divide his affections/attention between you and his new mate. Yes, in our evolving society we have to be equal. His new mate wouldn't want an old girlfriend hanging around and likewise an old boyfriend shouldn't be either.

With regard to the religious thing, reconciling one's internal beliefs with one's behavior is a personal thing. In the end, we all have to live with ourselves.
 

dong-in-khakis

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like everyone else, yes it can work. The thing is, not that he'll turn back, but his desire for cock and men, especially that he was the hardcore guy you said he was, will not go away. Rest assured they won't. There will most likely come the time when with her he'll be on fire for male sexual companionship and will most likely embrace it again.

Homosexuality is not heterosexuality, but the natural, built in need and desire is just like it, and is as strong and natural feeling as heterosexuality. Not that it will automatically happen again, but look at what happened to King David, a man after God's own heart. He got close enough to it.. (Bathsheba) and fell quickly.

I sincerely hope he makes it, but as long as he's human and on this earth he's subject to fail as any of us are.

It's not a matter of putting anyone down, it's the truth. That's why we have Christ and forgiveness.
 

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I am pleased with the responses to this question. Generally, society applauds a man that goes from identifying straight to identifying gay. If a man goes the other way however, from identifying himself gay to straight, there's all sorts of boos and hisses going on that it's not right. This post is an obvious statement that it works both ways, and I'm glad to see that the people here are open-minded concerning this :)
 

Stephenmass

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Mateo888,

I actually agree with your post here. Most important for me was SHE KNOWS his past so he has nothing to hide. This CAN work!



AZ, there is a big possibility that his new relationship will work if he's truly in love with his girlfriend. My ex bf and now my best friend has been married for more than five years and he's still in love with his wife. They have a wonderful kid which I am the godfather. His wife knows about his past and she accepted him whole heartedly. I guess my ex crossed that emotional connection by moving to the other team but I'm very happy for him. He's very happy and look forward to spending the rest if his life with his family. Sexuality indeed is fluid but ultimately, the one thing that matters is that emotional connection. Wish your friend well.
 

xmarksbreakdownx

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BTW out of all the replies I got, this one hit me the hardest. This idea has been running in my mind the most and know eventually I have to do it.

I honestly think it's the best idea.

I went though something similar with my ex-best friend (Seems weird typing that. Lol!). I could feel him pulling away from me, and it bothered me.

Of course the friendship ended, and I'm over the hurt (Got a new best friend I can honestly say is a brother to me.), but I think I would've felt a lot better if I had just asked him what was up with our friendship.

Yes, it would have hurt to know he no longer wanted to be friends with me, but at least I wouldn't have had my hopes up anymore. I think closure is good in that way.

I'm not sure if I'm going off topic OP, I'm just trying to help...