I don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Dominicanboy, Dec 4, 2008.

  1. Dominicanboy

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    I used to live most of my life in Argentina with my parents and I always wanted to move to the US when I finished High School. So well I did last summer and decided to take until Spring 09 to start college in the US. Meanwhile It couldn't be long until I fully started exploring my sexuality (Im bi omg) so I met a guy and we hit off really well, he's a dream, six pack, great chest and arms, good personality, just a dream. Over there, in Argentina, for men to have gay relationships it's a huuuge deal so we just met @ X, and went to a motel to have some fun, ^^ and it just kept getting better, until it turned for the worst... after about four time without any of us knowing my dad followed us.

    So when my and my ex were in the bed doing the nasty we get a call from the owner of the motel saying a guy with a gray car was looking for a blue car, I immediately knew it was my dad, my boy turned white, I knew my dad didn't see me get in the car so we dress up real quick, he gets me in the trunk of the car and I hid there he got on the car and sped like hell. There was no way my dad could possibly catch his car cause it was a lil bit prepared to run. While I was in the trunk I was hyperventilating and thinking my life is over, also getting a bunch of calls from home (which was mom calling obviously), after a lot of twists and turns we lost my dad and my boy got me out of the trunk of the car, then I told him to go to his house or wherever that we couldn't be caught together and he left me there, far away from home, with a tropical storm, in some random ave.

    I quickly went into damage control mode and call my then best friend who knew about my sexuality and told her to cover me just in case someone calls and say I was with her that night. Then got a Taxi, tossed my cellphone and came with the excuse that I didn't take any calls was because i lost my cellphone and that I was with my friend. I am a great actor and hid how horrible I felt. When I came home my mom was crying like I died or something and I was asking her what was wrong but she never told me anything and my dad came up with the excuse that someone called him from work and he had to go.

    I was supposed to go to the US 6 days after "The Event", during those days they were spying me and not letting me go anywhere unsupervised and asking me a bunch of questions about sexuality and hinting if I was gay. I was supposed to have a 'Get away party' but none of my friends showed up, I didn't have many friends but I didnt think no one was gonna come. I felt really bad so I went to the movie theater but I noticed my parents didn't leave me in the mall and left, my mom got out of the car as soon as I got up some stairs like I was some moronic idiot that wasn't gonna notice that they were there, I got sooo mad I could have killed someone that day. Thankfully the day after I flew to the US.

    I moved with my aunt, and a couple cousins. I do like hanging around with them and living as well but my aunt is going through a rough time, financially, and I don't really feel confortable in here cause I don't have my own space. I used to have a huge bedroom with it's own bathroom when I was in argentina, my house is 500 sqt meters, 2 stories, a really nice place, and I miss my comfort. I can't keep living without my own space and that's why I wanna be independent but I really can't afford everything cause I'm gonna be a full time student in a community college and i rent a room with just a part time.

    Also I am very overwhelmed with all the process I have to go through with applying for college, getting financial aid, finding out about in which 4year college Im gonna finish my last couple years and just starting life in general. I feel like all the sudden I'm on my own. Plus there was virtually no counselor in my high school so Im complete clueless and so were my parents for not finding out about college when I was starting high school and leaving me with all that and doing what people do in 3-4 years in just less than 3 months. =[


    Also I find out that my supposedly best friend TOLD EVERYONE MY DAD CAUGHT ME IN A MOTEL WITH A GUY to all the people I went to school with. I wanted to die when I found out but I denied it and only two people had the courage to talk to me on msn and say "is it true that blah blah blah?". So my reputation is ruined, and I was betrayed by that bitch. I'm so glad I never told him about my boy's identity (cause he asked me to) she would have ruined his life as well. He felt so bad for everything that happen, we even cried on webcam and feel like crap cause we can't see each other anymore. We're not dating anymore cause we're too far away but the feelings are still there, we still talk all the time and he's one of the 3 people I trust.

    So I'm left here with 3 options:


    1. Go back to Argentina, and go to college there. I'd be comfortable, with less things on my shoulder, and a lot less stress but I could turn into a hell if my parents start monitoring my life and try to humilliate me if they find out about "IT". And all the people could reject me and turn against me cause the college that I would go there if I go back is full of people from that school. Another plus from this option is that Im closer to my ex.


    2. Stay here with my aunt and try to take all this discomfort and keep myself in the closet until I finish college and I can support myself. I love the US culture and lifestyle and don't wanna go back

    3. Join the Army/Navy/Air Force and disappear from all my family. They pay well, and they would help me pay college as well but I put my life in danger and I'm against war but I could suck it up.

    So this is how I ruined my life in less that 4 months. Sorry for the huge wall of text but I had to let it out.

    Btw I do feel depressed and would easily end this with suicide but I don't wanna take the easy way out but Im suffering way too much. Oh, also I worry about being disinherited. And my brother is an $^^@*(! he can't take everything.

    Again sorry for the huge wall of text.
     
  2. JasonLane

    JasonLane New Member

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    Wow man I'm sorry.....

    It's best if you don't leave America, there's a lot more opportunity here and I have a feeling you'll be happier here.

    Yeah you've got someone back there but.... There will always be others yet... family and friends are family and friends. Don't burn bridges.

    Don't join the army. You'll get sent to Iraq/Iran/North Korea/Pakistan/Whatever country is next on the list... This is America, we're always thrown into war every few years. Getting shot at/killed/handicapped/paralyzed over money/oil/politics/etc... just isn't worth it.

    I'm pretty sure your parents know... Remember it's as big of a deal as you want it to be. Be a man, grow some balls, and maybe one day when you're ready just say it like it means nothing... "yeah i'm bi, so what,,"

    Or lie to your parents about it... say "I was young and stupid, and thought girls didn't like me so I thought i was gay and wanted to experiment. So I found a gay guy but after talking with him and hanging out I found out It just wasn't for me...I didn't want to do that" or make up some bullshit. Besides you're an individual, fuck it. It's none of anyone elses business anyway.
     
    #2 JasonLane, Dec 4, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2008
  3. Nala

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    If I'd be standing in your shoes, I'd go for option 2: a fresh start with opportunities (you moved to the US with a reason, right?)

    You'll have to make your own decision though, based on what you want, can or cannot handle and what you are willing to do to make the best of this situation.

    It may help to make a list with pros and contras of each option. Set your goal and go for it, make it work.

    :hug:
     
  4. teutonicos

    teutonicos Member

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    I agree with the fellows above,just want to add one thing.Don´t worry about being disinherited.-Your freedom and well-being is worth much more than any money in the world.And parents don´t disinherit their children just as easily as that,they can take a lot more than that.
     
  5. D_skeaflea

    D_skeaflea New Member

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    Ooo...

    Someone obviously has absolutely no idea what it's like to have crazy ethnic parents. lol I'll give you a hint: They will absolutely NOT tolerate their son or daughter dating someone they don't already know and trust, let alone a gay person. My family found out I was bi under unfortunate circumstances (they insist that i'm gay, but whatever), and they completely hate me for it and are trying to do everything in their power to prevent me from associating with another guy. It doesn't matter if you're 10 years old, or 40 years old; You live by THEIR rules, and they'll treat you the same way if you disrespect them, or yourself. Being gay is regarded as a very disrespectful thing in ethnic cultures, and is usually unforgivable. If you try to be with men, they'll go into extreme denial and try to get you married to girls.


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    I think the best option for you would be to stay in the US; If you have an opportunity to stay away from your crazy parents, don't throw it away! I'd kill to be in your situation right now, believe it or not. Stay here, get established, get some money together and stay in contact with your guy back home; Would it be out of the question to ask him to come and visit you? He'd be able to stay with you for a couple of months without having to apply for citizenship, or going through any legal problems or anything. I think that if you care about each other, it'd be worth a shot. . .if possible.
     
  6. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    My suggestion:

    Stay here in the US. Join the navy OR stick it out with your aunt until you finish your associate's degree. Joining the military means you will get citizenship, college help, and you won't be living at home. You'll learn good skills too. Once Obama gets into office the, "don't ask, don't tell" policy will be thrown out and gays will be able to be out in the military so you don't have to live a lie. You want independence, help with college expenses, American citizenship, and experience that looks great on a resume along with learning work skills, the military is an excellent way to do it and the navy are the guys least likely to be shot at. You'll get paid, have a place to live, free healthcare, and maybe even see a bit of the world. If I were you, that's the choice I would make even though it would represent the biggest change in your life, because it represents the best chance of you achieving everything you want. It truly sounds to me like you need to get out and make your own life. The navy would also be a steady job during a time when the economy sucks so badly the chances of you getting a good job are next to nothing.

    Good luck and let us know what you decide!
     
  7. Dominicanboy

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    @ JasonLane: In their mind it is their business. And they would be completely devastated. I wanna be free and not worry about what people think about my sexuality but right now is just not the right time to do all that, I just turned 18 the other day and if they stop supporting me if I tell them I would be going through a very rough path.

    @ Nala: I did make a list a while ago, cause this has been going on since last august, but I can't help but to worry if I'm going to ruin my life by making the wrong choice.

    @ teutonicos: You're right in a way. But what would you do if you just turned 18 got kicked out of home and had no money, huh? This is the real world and money makes the world go round. I know it shouldn't be the main reason for me making any decision but I have to be realistic.

    @Rck Astly: I know! The only advantages of being ethnic is the "exotic" look :p
    All the traditions are a pain in the @ss.

    He's already well stablished over there and runs his family business with his dad. He's gonna visit me when I get my own place :D, and there would finally be an opportunity for me to enjoy life again. He's 23 btw I wasn't dating anyone much older than me. I'd love to bring him here with me.

    @jason els: I'm already an american citizen. But yeah the navy is the fastest train to freedom but the price of the ticket could be my life.



    Thanks everyone ^^
     
  8. luchoarg

    luchoarg Member

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    hi doMbOY
    I sooooo understand your point. One reason is that I know what is living in this country and in this old society, where if you don`t go with the majority, you should b erased from the planet. Besides I also have family and siciety issues right now.
    YOur position is not easy, but surely you`ll find the way.
    What is real, is that too many things happened in a too short period of time. There was a huge storm that hasn`t finished yet.
    Time will settle the dust.
    Feel free to email me (better in spanish!) pampineco@hotmail.com

    Un abrazo y espero que todo mejore pronto
     
  9. JasonLane

    JasonLane New Member

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    True that. But I have a freind that's been thrown out of the house because she was bi. That was some crazy shit because I knew her parents... They went from a loving accepting family to ... "You are gay get the fuck out"! like it was the worst thing in the world...

    I'm glad i don't know what that's like... If I were gay and my parents reacted like that... Man oh Man, the things I would say... The Shear arguement that would ensue might just tear a whole in the freaken universe creating a black hole and destroying the world as we know it.... I respect the people but I'll argue with them to no end when I know I'm right. If they start to throw shit, I can throw shit too.
     
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