JustAsking
Sexy Member
Now I see what what you are worrying about. You are worried about being a competent wife or girlfriend in practical matters, such as cooking and working, etc, so your husband/boyfriend doesn't get disappointed in you and lose interest or cheat on you. Is that right?
It does seem like a woman would have to be Martha Stewart and a great mom at the same time to live up to the image of today's supermom in this complicated world we live in. The truth is, though, is the very few woman can live up to those expectations, a lot more don't even try, and finally, the lucky ones realize that the whole thing is a crock.
One thing I can say is that it seems as if your view of a relationship is not complete. It is based on the idea that men and women are only looking for a mate to perform essential functions and make their lives easier. Or, even worse, it is based on a very unbalanced view that the important thing in a relationship is that the man gets what he needs out of it from a long list of items that make his life easier, increase his social standing, and boost his ego.
In fact, it is true that there are plenty of self-centered men out there who might think this way. Its also true that its very easy for a woman to end up thinking that all men think this way. The good news is that not only is it not true, but any relationship with a man who is like this is doomed to misery or failure. Let me say this again. The good news is that all men do not think this way, and furthermore, a relationship with a man like that is doomed to failure whether you are Martha Stewart or Crissy.
No one deserves a life of that kind of misery, where you are paired up with some selfish, uncommunicative man, whose main preoccupation in the relationship is evaluating your performance as to household chores, job status, and boosting his ego. This is not a man, this is a grown up spoiled 12 year old child.
So not only do not all men think this way, but there are as many men as women who are worried about the same thing. In fact, job status and income, sexual performance, etc., from a traditional point of view is a huge concern for a man, who thinks that this sort of thing is the only thing that would attract a woman. So don't forget that most men are also worried about being suitable for marriage from that point of view.
What is incomplete about all of this, in your mind, Crissy, is that you have taken this value system of personal competence in wifely duties and projected it out to the world as if it is a fact that everyone shares this and only this kind of value system. What is missing from this world view is people who marry each other for all kinds of other reasons, such as intellectual compatibility, shared interests in adventure, deeply caring for each other, etc.
What is also missing is the mature component of a relationship where a man and a woman care deeply for each other come hell or high water. In a relationship like this, the husband cares deeply about his wife's interests no matter what they are. If she wants to become a good cook, he encourages and participates in that activity. If instead she wants to have a career or go back to school, he sacrifices things in his career or alters his work schedule to help with childcare and other household practical matters. And in turn, she does the same thing for him, when the time is right. Even better, both the husband and the wife make these kinds of decisions as a team of two people who are mutually interested in each other's wellbeing.
This is the kind of mature relationship that can endure all kinds of hardship, and embrace all kinds of situations from the early lean years when you are both struggling financially, to the problems and maybe even tragedies when raising children, to the empty nest years when all the kids are off on their own, and you both need to redefine your lives once again.
Don't forget that both of you will be awake in the middle of the night with your first screaming baby who just won't sleep for more than a few hours a night and wants to sleep all day. Who do you want to be looking at across the room during those moments: a man who might cheat on you because you burnt the omelettes or a man who would go through hell and back with you because you and he love each other and you and each would give up your life for each other? Suppose the child is deathly ill, or has a disability that makes life difficult for the child and the parents financially or practically. Or, suppose get seriously ill or disabled in the same way. Don't you deserve a husband who would go through these kinds of hardships with you? The answer is yes, not only do you deserve it, but you should not settle for anything less.
Allow yourself to entertain the idea that what you really deserve and what you really should look for is a man who would love you in a way that includes how he might love his beloved sister. In other words, amidst the husband/wife relationship is that component of love where you and he see each other as more related than you do to your own families, and are as loyal and supportive to each other as you would be to them.
This is what you deserve and this is what you should look for in a man. Let the rest of the men, who don't live up to these standards, go off and live their miserable selfish lives.
