I Dont Wanna Be Gay

[NYHoti]

You say you don't want to be gay. I feel the same way. I am 41 and in a 10 year relationship with a guy and I don't want to be gay anymore. When I picture my future - I see myself with a woman. I have always said I was bi but in the past year or so I am more and more attracted to women but there is still something inside me that still has the feelings for guys. I will tell you it is tough if you don't want to be gay but your mind is telling you that you are. I have checked out dating sites hoping to find somewhere a woman who would be ok with the fact that I have been in relationships with men for the past 20 years but most straight women don't want anything to do with a guy who is gay or bi. I have actually considered picking up and moving far away from NY to where no one knows me so that I could start a new life as a straight man and make up a fake "straight" relationship history. I really feel for you because it can be really tough to not want to be what God has made you to be. I do feel your sexuality is inborn even if you want something else. Good luck.

 

[cocktaste]

You say you don't want to be gay. I feel the same way. I am 41 and in a 10 year relationship with a guy and I don't want to be gay anymore. When I picture my future - I see myself with a woman. I have always said I was bi but in the past year or so I am more and more attracted to women but there is still something inside me that still has the feelings for guys. I will tell you it is tough if you don't want to be gay but your mind is telling you that you are. I have checked out dating sites hoping to find somewhere a woman who would be ok with the fact that I have been in relationships with men for the past 20 years but most straight women don't want anything to do with a guy who is gay or bi. I have actually considered picking up and moving far away from NY to where no one knows me so that I could start a new life as a straight man and make up a fake "straight" relationship history. I really feel for you because it can be really tough to not want to be what God has made you to be. I do feel your sexuality is inborn even if you want something else. Good luck.

Oh, dear. We now know who will be appearing on a talk show discussing how his wife found out that he was getting a blow job in a public restroom.

Dude, go see a shrink. You're gay. Deal with it. It's not going to change. Why would you want to live miserably? You can change THAT. You can't change your sexuality no matter how hard you try.

It's becoming apparent that some on here are not equipped to handle their sexual identity. This is why it's important to start a dialogue with people when they're young. Too many people put themselves into these homosexual deprogramming centers, which should be made illegal.

It's a travesty.

 

[NYHoti]

Cocktaste I agree with you. I am in a relationship with a guy but if I had a choice I would not be gay. I know that it is not a choice, this is the hand I was dealt and I am making the best of it. I know there are people who are gay and they don't want to be so they stay alone their whole lives because they don't want to deal with it. I want to be able to share my life with someone and I have accepted that but IF I had a choice that person would be a woman. I would love to be able to find a woman who I could be totally honest with about who I am and who I have dated in the past.
Actually the show I could see myself on would be one where my boyfriend finds out I am dating a woman on the side.

 

[badger2395]

Cocktaste I agree with you. I am in a relationship with a guy but if I had a choice I would not be gay. I know that it is not a choice, this is the hand I was dealt and I am making the best of it. I know there are people who are gay and they don't want to be so they stay alone their whole lives because they don't want to deal with it. I want to be able to share my life with someone and I have accepted that but IF I had a choice that person would be a woman. I would love to be able to find a woman who I could be totally honest with about who I am and who I have dated in the past.
Actually the show I could see myself on would be one where my boyfriend finds out I am dating a woman on the side.

Have you ever considered the possibility that you might be (gasp) bisexual?

 

[Tremaine]

Just have to accept that you are who you are and that needs no excuses.
If someone else has a problem with that then that is their problem and not yours.
Choke them if they can't take a f**k.

There is really nothing to deal with, just tell yourself that that is who you are and things could change overnight. If you don't like yourself, you can hardly expect others to like you. I am sure that you will find others around you who are into guys like you.
I have always known that I am gay and just carried on with life. You don't have to shout it from the rooftops - but then there is no reason to hide who you really are.

Also I am sure that if some dudes in your area found out what you have in your shorts that you would become mighty popular. Good luck with your life and enjoy it - whilst being safe.

 

[EmJay]

Cocktaste I agree with you. I am in a relationship with a guy but if I had a choice I would not be gay. I know that it is not a choice, this is the hand I was dealt and I am making the best of it. I know there are people who are gay and they don't want to be so they stay alone their whole lives because they don't want to deal with it. I want to be able to share my life with someone and I have accepted that but IF I had a choice that person would be a woman. I would love to be able to find a woman who I could be totally honest with about who I am and who I have dated in the past.
Actually the show I could see myself on would be one where my boyfriend finds out I am dating a woman on the side.

Why do you feel so strongly that you would want to be with a woman? Is it a fantasy you have been living with? have you ever been with a woman? Not just sex..but an actual relationship with one?..

Wouldn't you miss out sexually? Might be strange coming from a woman, but sometimes it looks like gay men have more fun sexually :redface:

There are women out there, but very few, who would even accept a love triangle relationship. But usually it involves you being very rich. :frown1:

Have you spoken about your desires with your boyfriend. Maybe he would understand that you need to fulfill that side of your needs as well? But is this just about sex or a true commitment?
Because maybe you are just Bi and have been living in a monogamous gay relationship for (too) long and now you would like to go for a monogamous relationship with a woman. Like Anne Heche has done (the other way around)..


And as far as attracting women goes. There are lots of women who do not have a problem with bi-sexuality. They have a fear for infidelity. The idea that you might be sneaking around her back to fulfill something she can't compete with whenever you might not be happy..(not saying its rational or fair)

Maybe you are just done with the relationship you are with and its just time to move on to something new. And you are projecting those feelings of 'crossing over' (for lack of a better word) onto your desire for women.

But it also could be my own personal disability to understand what goes on in the mind and heart of someone who is BI.

why is love so complicated sometimes..goodness. Or are we the ones that make it complex?

 

[guynmn]

What I would add is something that has been overlooked in the discussion. Grief and regret over the "lost" ideal life as str8. When you are gay or bi you realize you will not have the idealistic life and relationships culture feeds you. However, that does not mean it can not be a good life and certainly doesn't mean the idealized version would be better. It is like the grief people feel when they are unable to conceive the child they dreamed of having, end a relationship they believed would last forever, or have any sort of shift away from how they imagined their life going.
You have to realize you are comparing an imagined reality to your actuality. Nothing is perfect and even if you suddenly wake up to be str8 it would not match your expectations. I am sure there are many str8 people who can attest to pain, suffering, etc in street relationships. The GBLT community has not cornered the maker on hardship yet...even though sometime I like to portray it as so.

 

[NYHoti]

Badger, yes I am bisexual. I have always said that and my boyfriend hates that I am. I have always felt that you fall in love with a person, not just a part of their body. Being in love with somone is so much more then just sex.

Emjay, I have dated women and was engaged to a very special woman. I ended it because I realized back then that I might be bi and I guess it scared the heck out of me back then.
I have always been loyal to whomever I am with. I might look for something else but I would never act on anything before I would end a relationship. I do not cheat on a person - if you choose to be with 1 person, you should be adult and stay with that person, and if you want someone else then you should end it with the person you are with.
As for missing the sexual activity with a guy, the relationship I am in now - we have sex maybe 3-4 times a year. I have always been a top so there really isn't anything that I would be missing if I were to be with a woman.

I really appreciate the input from the people on this site but I had posted just to let the original poster know I know what it feels like to not want to be gay. I didn't want to take over his posting.

 

[EmJay]

Then follow your heart..and see where it takes you.Time is wasting people..
Stop denying yourself and your innerspirit for the beliefs of others.

If at first you don't succeed, you pick yourself up and try and try again..

 

[Bbucko]

The OP seriously needs to relocate to a more cosmopolitan place ASAP. He's being stifled with the negativity of being "other".

 

[D_Harry_Crax]

Hey guys.. so I'm attracted to masculine/straight acting guys. But growing up in South Georgia there are none in my vicinity. There are alot of guys in my class that I fantasize about, but my physical contact with them is just a minor hand shake. As of late, I've been feeling really depressed because I want to have a relationship and text cute little messages but I cant do any of that. But I'm getting side tracked, I just wanna know can I just stop being GAY/BI because its only pain and no pleasure (for me).

I second all the great advice and experience here re: being out, where to live, who to hang out with, etc. As for the "no pleasure" part, I would suck you anywhere, anytime, for as long and as often as you want..... :wink:

 

[ConstantComment]

----I am in a relationship with a guy but if I had a choice I would not be gay.----

Think about it. There are a lot of people who would like to switch the ehtnic group they belong to as well. One bf was Jewish and hated being so.

Please go with your natural tendencies. If you need to move town to find your crowd then do it. I had to leave the racist Midwest America.

I am a big supporter for Gay Rights and admittedly it is partly for selfish reasons. I would like all gays to feel comfortable being openly gay and not waste a woman's time trying to prove to himself that he's hetero. I dated a guy a few years and in hindsight (given his wierd ways in bed) I am convinced that he has not yet admitted to himself that he is gay. You guys make great friends; I part own a freehold with 3 gay men and it's a good business/ neighborly relationship.

But please don't try to date us to prove something to yourself.

 

[Nemo_Steampunk]

Hey guys.. so I'm attracted to masculine/straight acting guys. But growing up in South Georgia there are none in my vicinity. There are alot of guys in my class that I fantasize about, but my physical contact with them is just a minor hand shake. As of late, I've been feeling really depressed because I want to have a relationship and text cute little messages but I cant do any of that. But I'm getting side tracked, I just wanna know can I just stop being GAY/BI because its only pain and no pleasure (for me).

To answer your question a bit more specifically, the answer is yes... but no.

There are aversion "therapies" that will condition you in such a way that you will not respond, physically, to homoerotic stimulus. In other words, your body learns "hot guy" means "electric shock to my genitals." You would then be conditions to respond positively to heteroerotic stimulus, your body learning that "hot girl" means "no electric shock to my genitals."

Note that this doesn't actually change the way you are wired; your feelings for romantic and social attraction to men would still be there. So nothing about your situation would be changed (which is why so called "ex-gay" nonsense has a huge relapse rate).

A better question for you to think about is "Why?" Why don't you want to be gay? Your OP says you want to do the cute little text messages and that sort of thing. Would it be fair to say that you just, for lack of a better way of putting it, "want to be like everyone else your age?"

If so, guess what? You're not like everyone else your age. And neither is anyone else. The only person you're like is you. You're gay. That means accepting the fact that where you are right now isn't going to be the most comfortable place for you to be (it's a non sequitur to say the Big City is where you ought to be, too, so don't burn bridges at home so you can get some ass elsewhere). Life is about accepting that, in the words of the Rolling Stones, you can't always get what you want.

You're not going to be happy until you make the choice to embrace who you are and make the choice to accept that there are consequences to every single action. Remember, consequences aren't always negative in the long term, even if they are uncomfortable in the short term.

 

[nudeyorker]

Hey guys.. so I'm attracted to masculine/straight acting guys. But growing up in South Georgia there are none in my vicinity. There are alot of guys in my class that I fantasize about, but my physical contact with them is just a minor hand shake. As of late, I've been feeling really depressed because I want to have a relationship and text cute little messages but I cant do any of that. But I'm getting side tracked, I just wanna know can I just stop being GAY/BI because its only pain and no pleasure (for me).

Many people spend most of their lives trying to rewrite who they are; it's a futile exercise. I have spent a few minutes of my life wishing I was a gentile with straight black hair; I'm proud to be who I am and would not want to be anything else. I have never for a nano second wished I was not gay but I grew up in cities and went to school with people I was simpatico with both gay and straight.
The sooner you embrace yourself and what you are the happier the present and the future will be.
In terms of where you live you may have to think of it as a temporary situation while you are in school; but think about where you might like to relocate where you are free to be who you are and live your life among people who you are happy with.
Life does not get any easier as time goes by but it does get better if you are happy with who you are and know where you belong.
While you are in school think about forging some real friendships that don't have anything to do with your sexuality but rather who you are as a person and what you can offer as a friend.

 

[cocktaste]

----I am in a relationship with a guy but if I had a choice I would not be gay.----

Think about it. There are a lot of people who would like to switch the ehtnic group they belong to as well. One bf was Jewish and hated being so.

Well, Judaism isn't an ethnicity, except for one specific group of people. So, in fact, your boyfriend, if not a practicing Jew, could indeed change. haha.

 

[CuriousGuy]

Hey guys.. so I'm attracted to masculine/straight acting guys. But growing up in South Georgia there are none in my vicinity. There are alot of guys in my class that I fantasize about, but my physical contact with them is just a minor hand shake. As of late, I've been feeling really depressed because I want to have a relationship and text cute little messages but I cant do any of that. But I'm getting side tracked, I just wanna know can I just stop being GAY/BI because its only pain and no pleasure (for me).

Wow, it breaks my heart to hear you're feeling depressed over this, it brings back my younger years. Like many previous posters have said, once you get more comfortable in your skin and begin to extend your circle of friends who share the same feelings you do, you will become proud of who you are and what you are feeling. Just hang in there, you seem to be a very intelligent young man and you are certainly a very attractive man who will, no doubt, make some one very happy to call their own.

 

[avatarng]

would someone fuck his ass and give him x-mas present and welcome him to the family already.

 

[metastallion]

its not upto u to choose to b gay or nt. Let me help u...





I knw u stuk ur finger in ur ass last nite... Hehe u r gay boy.

Gays rules... Proud to b gay.

 

[scottredleter]

Hey guys.. so I'm attracted to masculine/straight acting guys. But growing up in South Georgia there are none in my vicinity. There are alot of guys in my class that I fantasize about, but my physical contact with them is just a minor hand shake. As of late, I've been feeling really depressed because I want to have a relationship and text cute little messages but I cant do any of that. But I'm getting side tracked, I just wanna know can I just stop being GAY/BI because its only pain and no pleasure (for me).

I lived in Southern GA for 12 years, and trust me... all those hot 'straight' guys are not always such. Go to Savannah. Start a bar called Blaines and talk to some people. They are out there.
There's pleasure to be had!

 

[silas5756]

Well, Judaism isn't an ethnicity, except for one specific group of people. So, in fact, your boyfriend, if not a practicing Jew, could indeed change. haha.

Judaism is totally an ethnicity. That's the whole basis of being Jewish, being part of the chosen people. Jewish converts are rarely considered "Jewish". So, no, the aforementioned person cannot change being Jewish.