I dont want to have kids

B_blackkid

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I am for your not having children.

I am against your excuse.

If you don't want them just say "I don't want them."
The justification and blaming whomever is unneccessary.
 

Axcess

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I am for your not having children.

I am against your excuse.

If you don't want them just say "I don't want them."
The justification and blaming whomever is unneccessary.
What are you talking about ? I said clearly that I dont want kids. I just make a brief explanation of why.
 

Axcess

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A friend of mine once said that having children was the most selfish thing anyone could ever do because you're forcing your choice to have a child on some poor unsuspecting sprog who has no say in who its parents are. He's since gone on to produce two.

You never know who's going to be a good or bad parent until it's to late. I've seen some people who, on paper, should be disastrous parents doing a great job of it and raising healthy, well-behaved, happy kids in a loving, caring home. Some, who should have been wonderful parents have raised little monsters - maybe that's getting into the nature/nurture thing - and others have turned into complete tyrants and won't let their offspring say or do anything 'kid-like' such as have fun.

Whatever happens, don't decide to have kids or not have kids because of what someone else wants. If you're being responsible about it, it's something for you and your partner to decide (barring accidents), not your parents. Are they going to raise the kid? And going by what you say, you wouldn't want to let them even if they would! Sorry if I sound flippant, but it's either that or I give a sermon. It sometimes isn't your choice whether or not you have children. Accidents happen. Say one night a condom split and a couple of years later, you found out you had a child. Would you walk away? It certainly sounds like you've thought a lot about it, and, more importantly, it sounds as if you've thought about it from the point of view of the child's welfare, not your own. You never know, you might surprise yourself and turn out to be a great dad given half a chance.

Ideally, I'd like to have kids myself some day, but I can't see that happening somehow. Maybe it's the gay thing. My sister has kids anyway, so I'm off the hook from the genetics point of view and it's great to turn up now and again and spoil them and have fun, but the real plus point is to be able to say, "He needs changing," and walk away. Actually, aside from anything else, I don't feel grown-up enough to be a parent. I'm way too selfish and immature.

I hear ya . I will not have kids because I dont want to but if I get a girl pregnant I will take care of my child. I would never run of the responsability but I prefer that this never happen . Like you said accidents happen.
 

Viking_UK

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If you think that children are always too hard to raise, and they they don't sometimes, partially raise or watch themselves or their siblingsto be a "good" thing to encourage.[/b]

So you're advocating having loads of kids and leaving them to fend for themselves allowing their parents to breed a huge litter but freeing them off the responsibility? I was part of a large family as was my father and many of my cousins (my father was one of 14, the smallest family they produced was six children) and kids don't bring themselves up.

God might well have changed his mind since the Bible was written seeing what a mess we make of things - and who are you to speak for God anyway?

I'm with SP on this one. I come from a fairly large family and know other people from similar families. The Bible says, "Go forth and multiply," and, being a good religious man, my grandfather took that to mean on a logarithmic scale. I won't say how many kids he had, but suffice to say more than SP's grandparents had. Anyway, that's all besides the point. The whole go forth and mulitply command referred to a time when the tribe of Israel was just that, a large family and they needed the extra numbers. Times have changed a little since then and we've got far too many people as it is. I think it's very irresponsible of people to advocate unrestrained breeding - especially if they can't afford to raise their own kids without relying on everyone else to support them in their selfish choice.
 

B_blackkid

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What are you talking about ? I said clearly that I dont want kids. I just make a brief explanation of why.


The why is the problem guy. You cannot base your entire arguement, all your logic, every ounce of your being, off of someone else. It's bullshit.

I don't care if your dad raped you upside down whilst your mother tried to drown you in the toilet, your excuse of a reason is not rational.

All that's neccessary is I don't want children but then you have to enter into bullshit land and give some illogical validation like because mommy and daddy simply weren't the best.

First off it's bullshit because parenting ability is not genetic; kids who come out of the system, some turn into great parents, others horrible, others median. Some who come from the worst the same thing; regardless in all aspects it is a conscious choice.

The only arguements I can see making you blaming your parents logical are if you were domestically violent against your partners, if you had a substance abuse problem, and if you were a pedophile or pedophobic. If you're a pedophile that doesn't instantly make you a child molestor but stands as grounds not to have children ( and can be blamed supposedly on genetics ), if you're domestically violent ( which it would be interesting if only towards children ) it makes sense as you can pick that up from your parents, and substance abuse you can pick up only if they introduce you to it ( being born addicted isn't the same thing because you can be "waned and cured" for the most part with only a tendency latent instead of viable addicion ) so you blaming your parents makes no sense.

Your "Why" sucks.
 

Axcess

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The why is the problem guy. You cannot base your entire arguement, all your logic, every ounce of your being, off of someone else. It's bullshit.

I don't care if your dad raped you upside down whilst your mother tried to drown you in the toilet, your excuse of a reason is not rational.

All that's neccessary is I don't want children but then you have to enter into bullshit land and give some illogical validation like because mommy and daddy simply weren't the best.

First off it's bullshit because parenting ability is not genetic; kids who come out of the system, some turn into great parents, others horrible, others median. Some who come from the worst the same thing; regardless in all aspects it is a conscious choice.

The only arguements I can see making you blaming your parents logical are if you were domestically violent against your partners, if you had a substance abuse problem, and if you were a pedophile or pedophobic. If you're a pedophile that doesn't instantly make you a child molestor but stands as grounds not to have children ( and can be blamed supposedly on genetics ), if you're domestically violent ( which it would be interesting if only towards children ) it makes sense as you can pick that up from your parents, and substance abuse you can pick up only if they introduce you to it ( being born addicted isn't the same thing because you can be "waned and cured" for the most part with only a tendency latent instead of viable addicion ) so you blaming your parents makes no sense.

Your "Why" sucks.

You are saying that my why sucks when you dont have a clue of what happen to me in my life . I choose to make a brief general explanation because I dont want my private life being exposed here. Most members dont care about my private life and I dont want to talk in detail about it.
Is not bullshit . Parent ability isnt generic but is a fact that many adults repeat the same or similar mistakes of their parents to their kids without being aware of it.
 

B_blackkid

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UK Viking, for future reference, Logarithms go down.

Your grandpa had kids on an Exponential Scale.

I read that and laughed a little because according to you your grandfather was, with every pregnancy, smaller and smaller fractions of a child. From 1 > .5 > .35. > 000932 etc. Eventually your grandpa was having swatches of skin to show for reproductively.
 

B_blackkid

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You are saying that my why sucks when you dont have a clue of what happen to me in my life . I choose to make a brief general explanation because I dont want my private life being exposed here. Most members dont care about my private life and I dont want talk in detail about it.


Look, I really don't want all up into your life. I am saying that your "reasoning" which I read as follows:

I do not want children because my parents were terrible and I fear being like them.

Makes no sense. That is like blaming either parental figure for being poor no matter how good a job you get because being bad at spending money is "genetic". I am not against you not wanting kids, and it's fine that you don't, but it does both you, and everyone involved, a serious disservice and allows for undue hardship to live in fear of, and blame others for, your own rationale.

Scapegoats can keep people happy but only for so long; living in fear is the same thing. Don't have children, fine, but don't blame anyone else or cower at the idea solely based upon what happened to you and thus people who do not have a bearing on what you do.

In short: You aren't your parents.

Then again to each his own; it is my opinion only that it's rather sad to live that way. For the record I don't want kids either, and I used to do the same thing, blame my parents.
 

Axcess

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Look, I really don't want all up into your life. I am saying that your "reasoning" which I read as follows:

I do not want children because my parents were terrible and I fear being like them.

Makes no sense. That is like blaming either parental figure for being poor no matter how good a job you get because being bad at spending money is "genetic". I am not against you not wanting kids, and it's fine that you don't, but it does both you, and everyone involved, a serious disservice and allows for undue hardship to live in fear of, and blame others for, your own rationale.

Scapegoats can keep people happy but only for so long; living in fear is the same thing. Don't have children, fine, but don't blame anyone else or cower at the idea solely based upon what happened to you and thus people who do not have a bearing on what you do.

In short: You aren't your parents.

Then again to each his own; it is my opinion only that it's rather sad to live that way. For the record I don't want kids either, and I used to do the same thing, blame my parents.

I dont blame my parents of everything that happen to me in my life of course . We have to face our mistakes and we make wrong decisions or mistakes. The only way to understand why I said that is exposing my life here but I will not do that .
 

B_blackkid

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As I said I am not asking for your autobiography, nor am I saying you are blaming every activity and action in your life on someone else, but your own statements speak out against you. However I have found, in my two minutes of deliberation, that if this mentality keeps you content there is no reason for my person to act either for or against the mentality.

For you, I pray, your reasoning always stays true and no regret befalls you.
 

Axcess

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As I said I am not asking for your autobiography, nor am I saying you are blaming every activity and action in your life on someone else, but your own statements speak out against you. However I have found, in my two minutes of deliberation, that if this mentality keeps you content there is no reason for my person to act either for or against the mentality.

For you, I pray, your reasoning always stays true and no regret befalls you.

Thanks . I dont think that I will have regrets because I'm NOT hurting anyone with my decision . My decision of not having kids affects noneone.
 

B_Italian1

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My age is 27 and having kids is a very huge responsability . I dont think I was born to these huge task. Most people think that having kids is a game , to me isnt .

27 isn't that old. You may have a change of heart in your 30's, and people these days have kids in their 40's.

Currently I dont have a girlfriend but I make myself clear to all my past girlfriends that I dont want to have kids. I'm really honest in the relationships about that.

It's good to be honest. A woman you're involved with may really want children and you being upfront that you don't want any is very important. The only problem is when in the relationship do you tell her this? On the first date? If you wait until she's fallen head over heels in love with you, and then she tells you she wants kids, she may be devastated when you tell her "no way!"

I hear ya . I will not have kids because I dont want to but if I get a girl pregnant I will take care of my child. I would never run of the responsability but I prefer that this never happen . Like you said accidents happen.

You don't want to be a deadbeat dad. That is noble.

I dont blame my parents of everything that happen to me in my life of course . We have to face our mistakes and we make wrong decisions or mistakes. The only way to understand why I said that is exposing my life here but I will not do that .

That's understandable. It's private what went on between you and your parents, and how that influenced your decision to not want children.
 

Axcess

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Italian978 I tell my girlfriends that I dont want to have kids in the beginning of the relationship. So far not complaints or problems but I see how it could be a huge issue to woman that really want to have kids.
 

DC_DEEP

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Children are glad to come alive, after the fact, therefore, it must also be "good" to conceive them before the fact, else you have a logical inconsistancy.
You don't understand logic very well.
People really should try to consider God's perspective of the purpose of human life, and not just their own linear time selfishness. What of "destiny," "Manifest Destiny," or whatever?
I think manifest destiny is crap. It's an invention by unethical or evil people to justify their greed. By the way, when you justify your position by asserting that "it's what god wants," you lose any credibility at all. Some of us don't believe in a god, and those who do (honestly believe) will call you out when you claim to know god's will.
There's a very logical reason why world population tends to go on rising and rising.
A logical reason does not mean a good justification. The only logical reason that populations tend to grow is because people fuck and make more babies. It has nothing to do with "babies wanting to be conceived. That's just idiotic.
Because more and more people would be glad to live, a very practical and moral basis by which to opposed any suggestion of artificially-imposed, arbitrary population "control" on humans.
And your flawed assumption that everyone who is born is glad that they were is equally idiotic. Not everyone is glad to be alive.
Because sex should be a loving, life-giving act, not something profaned to only cater to people's carnal lusts.
So you are saying that people should not have sex when they feel lustful (even with a spouse) but should ONLY have sex when it crosses their minds, "Hmm, it's been a couple of months since I popped another baby into existence. Perhaps I should make another one." You should be in the top 5 troll list.
Each and every human life is sacred,
I don't disagree with that, but it doesn't mean that every person should try to conceive as many children as physically possible over a lifetime.
and the natural flow of human life from generation to generation should be unhindered. Encourage people to push out their babies naturally, and as the numbers of women of childbearing age throughout much of the world naturally rises, then more babies can be added faster, now that there's finally enough parents around to raise so many.
That is mind-numbingly, incredibly stupid.
 

snoozan

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There are plenty of children out there that need the cool uncle, or the cool teacher, or the cool parents' friend or whatever who can teach and influence them in ways their parents can't. You can still have a positive impact in a child or children's lives without being a parent, and if you like kids it's a good situation all around.

In other words, your decision is yours to make and no one else's.

I understand what blackkid is saying with his posts-- that at some point you can't put the onus of decisions you make on the shoulders of your parents. Too many people live fucked up lives and refuse to do well for themselves and then hate and blame their parents well into adulthood.

However, I also understand that you said that by way of an explanation. I don't know your situation so it may be either way-- just an explanation or part of a deeper psychological problem. I don't think any of us in the context of this thread can make that determination except for you.
 

HazelGod

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UK Viking, for future reference, Logarithms go down.

Your grandpa had kids on an Exponential Scale.

I read that and laughed a little because according to you your grandfather was, with every pregnancy, smaller and smaller fractions of a child. From 1 > .5 > .35. > 000932 etc. Eventually your grandpa was having swatches of skin to show for reproductively.

I read that and laughed because someone's due for a remedial math class...

FYI, both the exponential function and logarithmic function increase infinitely...neither "goes down."

That's an aside, because UKV mentioned the log scale, not the function. That scale...are you ready for this?...increases exponentially. So his reference was spot-on, and I thank you for the free chucks.

To the OP, I'll reiterate what others have wisely advised: have kids if you want, don't have them if you don't, and bugger anyone who thinks you owe them some explanation for either case.
 

earllogjam

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Sometimes members of my family question me because of my decision of not having kids. Like I said in other thread my parents were a disaster and I dont want history to repeat itself. What is the problem of not having kids ? What do you guys think ?

Unless you are part of some monarchy that needs blood heirs no one really cares if you have kids or not. It's always a personal decision or accident.

Is someone holding a gun to you head to reproduce?
 

whatireallywant

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I've never wanted kids either. I don't really have an "explanation" except that I am not mentally/emotionally able to handle it. I can't even really adequately take care of my cat! :eek: I also have no maternal instinct at all - never have had. I had my tubes tied in 1996 and it was the best thing I ever did. I no longer feel that I am a prisoner of my anatomy.