I feel like a totally horrible person for saying this

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by MidwestGal, Aug 18, 2007.

  1. MidwestGal

    MidwestGal Member

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    but i hope my grandpa passes peacefully in his sleep this weekend. He has been in the hospital almost three weeks now is septic, has gone into congestive heart failure twice, and is simply suffering.

    He's 88 years old and he will never leave that hospital and his quality of life is gone.

    We talked earlier this week, it's probably the most peaceful conversation we have had. He is a very critical and a huge perfectionist. But, he actually told me he loved me, how proud he was with the way I am raising my son alone, and thank you for all the help I gave to him and grandma over the past year.

    I'm still not sure if I will call back and "say goodbye" because I would rather our last conversation being positive and loving. He knows I can't travel to see him. I would if I could and he just wants my health to improve.

    My heart is hanging very heavy this week. Monday was the anniversary of my dad's death, grandpa is going to die very soon, and next week is the anniversary of my dad's mom's death. I honestly wish August would disappear off the calender!

    So, if I have been off this week that is a good part of the reason. I wish I could be there for my mom and my grandma (they have been married for 64 years). But all I can do is offer support by phone. We are a very close family is why this is so hard.

    So, I am in one of those reflective type moods trying to remember all the good times I had with my loved ones, beating my stress out on the piano, and trying to deal with my own failing health. Fun times! I'm due for something to go right soon!!!
     
  2. Osiris

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    That isn't horrible. I watched my mother die slowly and painfully over two years. There comes a point where you pray that the person passes peacefully rather than suffer anymore.

    I know how you feel. *hugs*
     
  3. Principessa

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    Osiris is right. I was relieved when I got the call that my paternal great aunt had passed away in March, only 2.5 months after receiving a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. I had a maternal uncle who suffered with it for 6 months. It sucked royally watching him waste away and be in pain and know that there was nothing to do to help him. He had a morphine drip with remote control, which he hated hence the pain he was always in.
     
  4. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    aw... must agree, that's not horrible at all. If anything's horrible it's our culture that tells us it's unacceptable to ever let anyone die, ever. I know what you're going through, as my grandmother died from alzheimer's complications just last year. It was a very very long and drawn out process, and the last many years of her life she was completely miserable, depressed and confused all the time. When she finally passed it was a huge relief.
     
  5. Charles Finn

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    hugs sorry for your losses
    my grandmother had a stroke in 2000
    I made it to the hospital in time to kiss her goodbye.
    still not over her death.
    we talked by phone the week before she died.
    I last spent time with her thanksgiving of 1999 had to fight with my bf at the time and told him i am going home.
    was a very great thanksgiving
    we spent time going over pics and such
     
  6. MidwestGal

    MidwestGal Member

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    well when my dad died there was no warning. I felt it when he "died." I woke up at 7:02 AM in tears. I was 28 weeks pregnant and on bed rest at the time. I didn't get a call for another hour and a half to come to the hospital.

    I didn't even go back and see his body out of fear I would end up delivering. I totally shut myself down emotionally and focused on taking care of my mom.

    I didn't even allow myself to grieve for over a year and to this day I regret never having the chance to say a few things to him.

    Now, he is still around in spirit. I see him and feel his presence. My son never met him and can point him out in a picture. I think he sees and feels him too. Yes, I see ghost and feel spirits. Most of the time it's alarming and some of the time comforting.

    But the week my dad died, the grandpa that is going to pass soon had a massive stroke and almost died the day after my dad did. This is why I am so sensitive about this week.
     
  7. MidwestGal

    MidwestGal Member

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    thank you!
     
  8. MidwestGal

    MidwestGal Member

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    yes cancer is cruel. My grandpa suffers from cramps from the stroke he had 6 years ago. he gets no relief from pain meds even anymore. But seeing them suffer is the hardest part of all of this.

    thanks for the support
     
  9. MidwestGal

    MidwestGal Member

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    thanks for your imput Ryan. I am sorry about your grandmothers passing but glad that she is not suffering anymore. I hope you are doing well and enjoying your job!
     
  10. MidwestGal

    MidwestGal Member

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    thanks Charles, I don't think people ever totally get over the death of people they are close to. I think there is something wrong with them if they don't feel it for the rest of their life.
     
  11. Osiris

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    My mom was on 8 grains of morphine an hour and still did nothing for the pain. Tha's what tears at you. The helplessness of not being able to stop their pain.

    AMEN! I walked away from a full ride scholarship at Stanford to go home and care for mom so her passing would be on her terms and not some doctor's need to play God. People always ask if I regret doing that. I always reply...

    No. I have one mother and colleges are everywhere. I wouldn't change a thing I've done.

    The time I had with my mom was priceless and I'll always have that.

    Much love to you my friend, much love indeed.
     
  12. Aitch

    Aitch New Member

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    :hug: Dont be so hard on yourself Thatgal, how can wishing an end to someones pain be a bad thing?

    Thinking of you...
     
  13. DreamofJeannie

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  14. rich-9.8

    rich-9.8 New Member

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    There's nothing wrong with wanting to see someone's suffering end. I think it's terrible that so few people are allowed to die with dignity these days. I don't mean euthanasia, but just good end of life care to keep people symptom-free.

    Thatgal, I hope your grandfather's final moments are peaceful and that you always hold onto the good memories of happier times you shared.
     
  15. Meniscus

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    That's how my grandmother died, too. My grandfather, on the other hand, was sharp as a tack right up until he died, but his body was so frail he looked like a Holocaust victim. Both deaths were slow and miserable.

    My other grandmother's death was thankfully much quicker. She went into the hospital with heart failure and died in her sleep. Thatgal, I hope your grandpa goes as quickly and easily as possible. Blessings to you and your family.
     
  16. SpoiledPrincess

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    I think your choice not to see him again is a good one, whenever you see him one of the times will have to be the last one and it's much better for your last visit with him to have been one that will bring you good memories. I hope your life gets back on an even keel soon.
     
  17. AlteredEgo

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    Are there hospices in your area? Perhaps it can be arranged for him to be transfered to one of those. Those are often nicer to die in (existing for that purpose) and family members who might like to may sleep over. Also, since their focus in not on curing or treating, but instead on comfort, comfort is what you get.

    You're not a horrible person. You are humane.
     
  18. swordfishME

    swordfishME Member

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    I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through.

    Are you sure that he has no chance of getting better? The reason I ask is because my father suffers from congestive heart failure as well and has been to the hospital thrice in the last 3 months. But he is doing well after his treatment and has returned to a somewhat "normal" life. I would hate for you to give up on your grandfather if he has a chance to return to a normal life. I just wanted to ask and caution you regarding this, because I had to go through the same touch and go a few months ago (although my dad is 60 and your gramps is 88- I don't know how much a factor age plays into all of this).

    Know that I will have you and your grandfather in my prayers tonight and hope for best!
     
  19. ManiacalMadMan

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    Theres nothing wrong with hoping he goes peacefully in his sleep Ii is clear you love him and don't want to see him suffer I am sure many others myself included will hold you in our thoughts and hope for the best of outcomes for your grandfather either quick passing or a miraculous return to good health.
     
  20. Mem

    Mem
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    You would be horrible if you wanted him to stay around in pain.
    He's had a good life, it is time fo him to rest in peace.
     
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