I feel like a totally horrible person for saying this

[braumeister]

I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather and the loss of your father.

It is pretty sick how American society tends to treat the terminally ill and keep them alive when many would rather be dead. There's nothing wrong with wanting him to die peacefully when he is in this condition.

One thing about calling your grandfather: when he's dead, you'll never get another chance to talk to him. Think carefully about whether or not you want to talk to him again. If you feel you can live without regretting not calling him again, then that's the right choice.

 

[Not_Punny]

Hello ThatGal -- my mom died three and a half years ago... I'm still not over it and I feel so bad because I didn't have a chance to say some things to her. (She died sooner than expected)

If you want to make that conversation your last CONVERSATION with him, cool. But you don't have to be "absent" for the rest of the time that he is alive.

Can I make a suggestion?

Write him a lovely letter remembering any good times you can remember. Tell him about some lessons you learned from him. Tell him that you love him and are thinking of him. Have your son draw him a picture and say some things too. Bake him some cookies (if he can eat them) and/or buy him a cute stuffed animal to be your "representative" to give him a big hug.

In other words, send "MESSENGERS" there (letters, cards, presents, etc.) every day that he's still alive, so that he knows you love him and are thinking of him even though you can't be there.

Just because you can't be there physically doesn't mean you can't "be there" at all. :wink:

 

[B_Think_Kink]

Please do not feel sad, as much as you love your grandfather it is better that he is not suffering. He knows that you love him and it is a good thing that the conversation ended on a positive note. I want to extend my thoughts and I will keep you in my mind while you go through this difficult time. Know that we are all here for you through this difficult time.

 

[MidwestGal]

Please do not feel sad, as much as you love your grandfather it is better that he is not suffering. He knows that you love him and it is a good thing that the conversation ended on a positive note. I want to extend my thoughts and I will keep you in my mind while you go through this difficult time. Know that we are all here for you through this difficult time.

thanks TK, I may try calling tomorrow again if I don't hear from my mom tonight. I think her sister arrived from Cali today and they went down to see him. I am sure I will physically feel when he passes. I have with all of my other grandparents and my father. I haven't had that feeling yet.

 

[MidwestGal]

I will probably call again tomorrow because it would take the letter to get there too many days. I hope to hear an update from my mom soon so I know how he is doing and how her and grandma are handling this.

Most of the grandchildren won't make it to the funeral either. Two just went back to college, I can't travel more than an hour from the hospital, and one cousin lives in North Dakota.

Grandpa understands that I am not allowed to travel right now and wouldn't tolerate the car ride without ending up in the hospital myself.

Hello ThatGal -- my mom died three and a half years ago... I'm still not over it and I feel so bad because I didn't have a chance to say some things to her. (She died sooner than expected)

If you want to make that conversation your last CONVERSATION with him, cool. But you don't have to be "absent" for the rest of the time that he is alive.

Can I make a suggestion?

Write him a lovely letter remembering any good times you can remember. Tell him about some lessons you learned from him. Tell him that you love him and are thinking of him. Have your son draw him a picture and say some things too. Bake him some cookies (if he can eat them) and/or buy him a cute stuffed animal to be your "representative" to give him a big hug.

In other words, send "MESSENGERS" there (letters, cards, presents, etc.) every day that he's still alive, so that he knows you love him and are thinking of him even though you can't be there.

Just because you can't be there physically doesn't mean you can't "be there" at all. :wink:

 

[MidwestGal]

He made his wishes clear a few months back that since the botox is not conrolling his cramps (from his stoke 6 years ago) that he doesn't want heroic measures taken. The have already reversed the CHF one time with lasix. He is 88 years old and suffering. His quality of life is not good and the whole family agrees that we don't want him to suffer and we will follow his wishes. It's his time to go, just hopefully peacefully with no pain.

I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through.

Are you sure that he has no chance of getting better? The reason I ask is because my father suffers from congestive heart failure as well and has been to the hospital thrice in the last 3 months. But he is doing well after his treatment and has returned to a somewhat "normal" life. I would hate for you to give up on your grandfather if he has a chance to return to a normal life. I just wanted to ask and caution you regarding this, because I had to go through the same touch and go a few months ago (although my dad is 60 and your gramps is 88- I don't know how much a factor age plays into all of this).

Know that I will have you and your grandfather in my prayers tonight and hope for best!

 

[MidwestGal]

thank you everyone who has had a chance to post and give their comments. I really appreciate the thoughts and prayers for our family through this difficult time.

Grandpa still has his mind, it's his body that has been failing him. I hope to get an update soon.

Thanks again!

 

[sdg475]

I think it is nothing but compassion and humanity, and it is no reason to be ashamed. I know it is a very difficult thing to think or say from experience. My grandfather is in the advanced stages of alzheimer's, for a year he has been unable to get out of bed. For the past few months he has only been able to communicate very faint "yes" and "no"s, everything else is an unintelligible gurgle. Recently he has began losing his ability to do even the simplest tasks, such as swallow. For as long as I've known his his mind has been faded and washed out by the disease, and I can't help but think how much better it would be for him if he would pass away. I believe in an afterlife, so I think it would be better for him to finally move on. I wish you the best in dealing with this situation, and I hope that whatever the outcome you can come away strong and take something positive from it.