I feel like going into isolation

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by lafever, Dec 7, 2007.

  1. lafever

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    I`m so sad that my soul hurts, i`m to the point that i`ve considered dropping off the face of the earth for good.
    I cremated my son and now he sits on my mantle in a small black ern.
    I can`t even smile anymore, when i do it`s fake and has no warmth or feelings.
    I`m afraid that i will make others miserable because of my grieving and i feel everyone is better off not knowing me or talking to me for their own sake.

    lafever
     
  2. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    What happened lafever?
     
  3. Principessa

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    You had a boy . . . God Lafever, I am so very sorry you lost your son! I have no words to share that will take you and Shani's pain away, if I did I would use them. Losing a child is the absolute worst thing that can happen to a parent. You have every right to feel the way you do.

    Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you both right now.

     
  4. HazelGod

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    Grieve. Without thought for how anyone else in the world might perceive you, grieve.

    It's necessary. It should remind you that you are human, that only those with the capacity to truly connect with others in a meaningful way can feel the sort of pain you're experiencing now.

    The only persons you should care anything about right now are yourself and your wife...because right now, she's the only person in the world who knows the depth of the agony you feel. Because she's living it, too...and you're the only one who understands her pain as well. Cling to one another...grieve together...time will take care of all else.
     
  5. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Oh man.

    I just can't imagine. I'm very sorry for you both. By all means, grieve freely and openly. I am so sorry for your loss.
     
  6. lafever

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    My son died from the embilical cord being wrapped around his neck at 17 weeks.

    Thank you, what really upsets shani and i the most is that my son looked just like me.
     
  7. D_Geffarde Phartsmeller

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    Don't go into isolation for our sakes. The people in your life WANT to help you grieve and cope with this loss. That's what friends and family are for. They provide support and care when you need it most and right now, you need it. I've had alot of loss in my life, too, and have always been tempted into isolation because that's just my nature. If you need personal time to deal that's fine but don't do it because you're afraid of being a burden to those that love you. Lean on them because i'm sure you'd provide the same selfless help if the situation was reversed.
     
  8. lafever

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    Those are inspiring words from someone that i once mocked, you must truly be a caring person, please forgive my rudness in the past, i obviously had no idea who i was talking too.

    lafever
     
  9. ActionBuddy

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    Lafever, please, please, please! Call someone that loves you and your wife, and ask if they can come over and spend time with you, or better, spend the night, the day or the week.

    Do not isolate... it will drown you in sorrow. Grieving needs to be shared as a process of getting through it. Others are grieving with you. They want to hold you and let you cry. Join them. They love you and want to be there for you.

    Please take care of yourself, right now. You are not alone in your feelings of sorrow.

    Onan

    P.S. Good quality time with your cute cat and bird will help.
     
  10. lafever

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    When i first joined lpsg i was full of spirit, love and compassion, i felt like i had come home and that lpsg was my family, i was attacked to the point that it hardened me, i was called an attention getter, so i went from welcoming the newcommer and being overly compassionate to being a ghost who jumpes in occasionaly.
    I`m not even sure how many friends i have on lpsg, at times i felt like i was just alienating people so i backed off.
    I`m afraid now to talk about how i feel for fear of the same riddicule i recieved when i first joined lpsg, that`s what inspires me to isolate.

    lafever
     
  11. jason_els

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    You have friends here lafever. Listen to hugo. He's a wise man. You need to be with people who love you. They can comfort both of you and help you through this dreadful time.
     
  12. lafever

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    I`ve added four society finches and two bronze winged mannikans and a boyfriend for precious but i feel like i`m trying to feel a void. As far as friends go, the people we have in our lives have full schedules, shanis parents and mine just throw money at us, they don`t know how to act.

    We`re basically on our own, x-mass is going to f***ing blow this year, our house is full of stuff we bought for the baby,(bassinett, playpin, cloths, jumper)it`s depressing as hell.

    lafever
     
  13. cookiesweet83

    cookiesweet83 New Member

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    Hello lafever. I'm sorry for your loss. Although I haven't experienced such a thing as losing someone you really love, just the thought of losing either of my parents brings tears to my eyes to where I can barely even fathom the idea.

    It's hard when you lose someone and you expect them to be around for a long time. But you shouldn't shut yourself up and away from those that love you and you also shouldn't bottle up your feelings.

    Things happen unexpectedly and often sometimes for a reason, so don't dwell on the fact that your son is lost, b/c hes still with you in the sense of his spirit and your love for him. Talk with those you love b/c they will keep you focused and remind you that you have a purpose, that you are wanted and needed and loved.


    And by all means, the people on lpsg, we're here for you if want to talk, everyone needs to share their stories and have someone tell them its ok to feel how they feel and that even though it seems that you feel you won't make it you will.

    So from me to you, keep your head up and your heart open. Imagine the good that would have happened for your son. Picture those memories your hopes and dreams for him and hold on to them.
     
  14. Drifterwood

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    Don't take this site to heart Lafever. We're a bunch of screwballs with too much spare time on our hands.

    When the hard reality of life's pain kicks, we wake up and realise what is truly important.

    I have found that grief is like a stab to the heart. It heals, but leaves a scar, and for better or worse what we experience makes us the people we are and become.

    I wish you and your wife the ability to comfort each other in this time of pain.
     
  15. lafever

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    Thank you for the kind words.

    I guess i can start with listening to my wife, she`s been telling me i need to get some sleep, i`ve got one more day before the weekend and if i go to sleep now i`ll get 3 hours of rest, i`ll get back on here this weekend.
    To all those out there praying for our sanity, thank you, hanging on by a thread is still hanging on. I love everyone here, even though i hadn`t said it in awhile that`s how i`ve always felt, i know sometimes come across as a grouch.

    lafever
     
  16. 36DD

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    Oh lafever, I am so sorry. I wish I could take it all away for you, I really do. I know what your loss is and I can only say I am truly sorry and will keep you and your family in my prayers. I have been there. Just take each day as it comes and don't be brave for anyone else (easier said than done). Just hold your family close to you and comfort one another. Grief is different for everyone and there is no time line so just be kind and gentle to yourself, don't put expectations on anything...there is nothing worse than what you are going through and I really, really wish I could take it away. I am so sorry.
     
  17. Osiris

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    I am so sorry for you and Shani's loss. Both of you and your son are in our prayers.

    As for dropping off the face of the earth, this shall pass. You are grieveing and as friend HazelGod said, grieve. Don't worry about what peoplpe will think. You have people that will be there to support you and you on your own wil get through this even though you are doubting it right now.

    You and Shani have so much more life left to live and what is to say you will not be given this chance again?

    I choose to think you will and when you are given the chance, you both will embrace it and be wonderful parents.
     
  18. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    I'm sorry for your loss. Words probably can't describe the pain that you are in right now but know that we are thinking of you in this hard time. It is important to grieve and let those emotions out.
     
  19. earllogjam

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    I'm sorry for your loss and my deep regret over loosing your son. No words can console such sorrow. They all seem empty at a time like this.

    Although it may seem like there are no tomorrows, tomorrow will surely come but grieve today as we all grieve with you.

    Take care of yourself and your loved ones Lafever. You are in my thoughts.

    Big hug to you.

    Earl
     
  20. viking1

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    I am very sorry to hear this. Wishing you all comfort through this bad time.
     
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