I feel like going into isolation

lafever

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I thought babies breathed through their umbilical cord... how did a cord around his neck kill him?

Your right, but the cord was so tight that it cut off the blood supply along with everything else. The more my son grew the tighter the embilical cord got.

lafever
 

mickswim

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I`m so sad that my soul hurts, i`m to the point that i`ve considered dropping off the face of the earth for good.
I cremated my son and now he sits on my mantle in a small black ern.
I can`t even smile anymore, when i do it`s fake and has no warmth or feelings.
I`m afraid that i will make others miserable because of my grieving and i feel everyone is better off not knowing me or talking to me for their own sake.

lafever

anytime you wanna just yak on line 1:1, give me a hit -
it will take time, but time is what it will take ...
 

sdbg

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I just read every post in this thread. I'm sorry to learn of this tragedy, Lafever. I wish you and your wife strength in the days ahead. As horrible as life seems right now, there will be happy days in the future for you both. The best of luck getting through this most difficult time.
 

biguy2738

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Lafever...

I'm sorry for having missed this thread. My heartfelt condolences to you and Shani. I completely understand what the two of you are going through as my wife and I went through something similar about three years ago; She was told that she'd never fall pregnant, about two months later she did and three months later we lost our little one.

I understand your pain and I am with you in it. The bad news is that pain doesn't discriminate, it chooses anyone that it likes (my way of reminding the two of you that it is neither your nor Shani's fault and that there's nothing that you could have done to alter this devastating course of events - it's sometimes easy to fall into the web of "Is it me? Is it something that I did?") the good news is that since it doesn't discriminate, it offers you the opportunity to come as you are. That really is all that you can and need to do in order to move forward - to be with the pain, whether it mean that you draw upon those around you and bring them closer to your lives or not. All that you need to do is to be and to allow yourselves to mourn your loss.

You may or still may find that a lot of loved ones are uncomfortable to see the two of you hurting so much and they will try to run away from it by advising you to stop crying. DON'T LISTEN to them. Let it out as much and as often as you need to...if you don't it will be like a poison that infects your spirit. You're entitled to your tears and to mourn...born or unborn, it was your child - flesh of your flesh, bone of your bone.

One bit of advice that we received (a real killer) served to be our lifesaver, and that was to surround yourselves with children. I know, I know and I feel your pain when you hear this...but you NEED to. If you try to isolate yourselves from kiddies, you will find that it will not only hamper your healing process, but it may also make it even more difficult to be around them at a later stage.

And from one man to another...don't try to be strong for Shani. In the sense that, in my case, I kept a lot of pain to myself and kept my tears inside in an attempt to shelter my wife from it. Bad idea. She was over most of her pain within about two months whereas it took me about eight months to get over mine because I had shut it out. It also created a distance between us.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Shani and your little one. I too enter your circle of love and offer you my utmost care and support.

Be gentle with yourselves.
 

B_New End

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Your right, but the cord was so tight that it cut off the blood supply along with everything else. The more my son grew the tighter the embilical cord got.

lafever

wow... i didn't know that happened.. allthough it sounds like something that could be fairly common.
 

lafever

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One minute were happy and the next min. were crying, one minute were horny and the next were ready to run out the door, it`s an emotional rollercoaster from hell.
We just hope and pray that we can go through the emotions without losing it.
We have yet to self medicate, no booze, drugs, or prescriptions, were going through the feelings head on so we can gain strength from this.
We`ve been keeping up with all your posts and we`re thankfull that so many hearts are with us.

lafever and shani
 

biguy2738

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Please See Me Through My Tears


by Kelly Osmont


You asked, "How am I doing?"
As I told you, tears came to my eyes...
and you looked away and quickly began to talk again.
All the attention you had given me drained away.
"How am I doing?"...I do better when people listen,
though I may shed a tear or two.
This pain is indescribable.
If you've never known it you cannot fully understand.
Yet I need you.
When you look away,
When I'm ignored,
I am again alone with it
Your attention means more than you can ever know.
Really, tears are not a bad sign, you know!
They're nature's way of helping me to heal...
They relieve some of the stress of sadness.
I know you fear that asking how I'm doing brings me sadness
...but you're wrong.
The memory of my loved one's death will always be with me,
Only a thought away.
My tears make my pain more visible to you, but you did not
give me the pain...it was already there.
When I cry, could it be that you feel helpless, not knowing
what to do?
You are not helpless,
And you don't need to do a thing but be there.
When I feel your permission to allow my tears to flow,
you've helped me
You need not speak. Your silence as I cry is all I need.
Be patient...do not fear.
Listening with your heart to "how I am doing"
relieves the pain,
for when the tears can freely come and go, I feel lighter.
Talking to you releases what I've been wanting to say aloud,
clearing space
for a touch of joy in my life.
I'll cry for a minute or two...
and then I'll wipe my eyes,
and sometimes you'll even find I'm laughing later.
When I hold back the tears, my throat grows tight,
my chest aches, my stomach knots...
because I'm trying to protect you from my tears.
Then we both hurt...me, because my pain is held inside,
a shield against our closeness...and you,
because suddenly we're distant.
So please, take my hand and see me through my tears...
then we can be close again.
 

naughty

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Lafaver,

I am just now reading this thread and I am floored. I am so very sorry for the loss of your infant son. I know that you and Shani were so looking forward to having him as a part of your lives. Please dont let this drive the two of you apart. I can not imagine the pain you must be feeling right now but I will be praying for the two of you at this time. I am so glad you came to your LPSG family to let us share some love with you. Know that our words are genuine.
 

Mr. Snakey

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I`m so sad that my soul hurts, i`m to the point that i`ve considered dropping off the face of the earth for good.
I cremated my son and now he sits on my mantle in a small black ern.
I can`t even smile anymore, when i do it`s fake and has no warmth or feelings.
I`m afraid that i will make others miserable because of my grieving and i feel everyone is better off not knowing me or talking to me for their own sake.

lafever
Im so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine the pain you and your wife are feeling. Now is the time when you need eachother the most. Stay strong together.
 

silvertriumph2

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Lafever and Shani...
My heart hurts so bad for you and your loss. Although I want to say something comforting and helpful, at times like this I am at a loss for words. So many before me have said much that I believe you will find comforting, but I do want to add mine to theirs.

Since I joined lpsg, I have become familiar with your user name, avatar, photos, and of course some of your postings. I might not have interacted directly with you, and you might not know me, but you and I are LPSG Brothers, and members of this unusual but large family. Please know, that as a member of this extended family, we all grieve with you and Shani.

We may not understand the trials and tribulations that life sometimes brings to us, but I sincerely believe that there is a reason and a purpose for all things. Time heals.

Be strong for each other, love each other without bounds of any kind, and let your tears and grief wash away the sorrow. Never forget the love that you have for your son and keep him as a smile in your hearts and souls
forever. There will be a day soon when the sun will come out and shine warmly on you and you will see and feel happiness again.

Know that your family here loves you and is praying for you all.