I feel weird about what I like?

Black_torch15

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Hi!

I need to get this out of my chest... Am I a side? Let me explain, my anal experience (I'm a "bottom") hasn't been great... It's not that I don't like bottoming, it's just annoying to prepare for it so it's just easier not doing anal. And here's the thing, I feel absolutely NO pleasure AT ALL by bottoming. I don't understand this bottoms on Twitter (or literally all bottoms, on grindr etc) that love it and enjoy it? I WISH was like that too because I feel terrible about myself.

The problem with bottoming is that it's extremely uncomfortable, it doesn't feel good like for example would feel for a women and her clit, it's more... painful I would say, very uncomfortable and I cannot last more than 5 min getting fucked (doesn't matter the size), and I only feel pleasure if I'm wanking at the same time (feels very good and I could cum in literally 30 seconds) but If I don't touch it, it's just very uncomfortable inside and I just want it to stop.

I don't know if I'm a side maybe? I feel very weird about myself... It's strange, it's not like I don't like anal, it's just that I absolutely don't mind If I skip it tbh... I have had anal sex that I enjoyed, but maybe 2 times out of literally 8,000 fucks, not exaggerating.

People who bottom, do you REALLY get pleasure? I see people using dildos and stuff and it's just HOW?! Yes I can use a dildo on myself too (and a penis) but it doesn't make me feel anything, just mild pain (again, unless I touch myself).

I have been through this weird sexual journey, sometimes I kinda enjoy it, and 99% of the time I don't enjoy it, so I don't know if I'm a side, or what? It's very frustrating, I consider myself a bottom and also like being submissive, but I don't think I would be the kind of boyfriend that would bottom every single day, I just couldn't, maybe once a week, I don't mind it, and I would actually kinda like it from time to time, just not 24/7.

And this is a very painful thing to go through being gay, at least in my case, because on grindr or even in a gay club, If I meet someone, they WILL want to top me (I know for a fact) and I just get so extremely anxious because I know I will feel pain and not pleasure, that's what I want, pleasure just like a woman gets (talking in general, might be some woman that don't get pleasure and blah blah but you know what I mean).

Am I doomed? Am I a side? Am I a half baked bottom? I don't know... I think about it and I don't think I'm a side because anal attracts me a lot, but then when I do it it's not very pleasant so I end up thinking I might be a Side, so I don't really know. I really want to bottom, I absolutely love the idea of it, and having a man top me, the problem is when I'm actually doing it, I just want it to end after 5 min if not less.

I know there are tops that are very bad at it... trust me... but it's not the case, even when people that are good, I felt the same, I'm just going crazy and I feel so depressed that I cannot enjoy sex fully, just because of whatever's wrong with me.

Any advise? Ideas? :(


Thank you!
 

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You are not a side. Sides have no desire to fuck / be fucked. You have a desire but you just don't seem to feel much pleasure.

In the same way many women go their whole life never having an orgasm, gay bottoms can go their whole lives not enjoying penetration.

Most of the time, it's because you need to spend more time learning how your body works, how much lube to use and how often to reapply, where your prostate is and how to use it, etc etc.

The answer to this is to spend time adding anal play to your masturbating sessions and figure out what works for you. If you don't know, then I can promise you that a top will have even less idea!
 

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Anal pleasure really can be a discovery process. If you are keen, self exploration is a great way to get in touch with your body (nothing wrong with taking it off the menu either - it wont make you a 'bad gay' to not be into it).

This is a great toy as well for that. It's totally ergonomic and you actually use it by doing kegal movements rather than inserting it and moving it around like a dildo.

Aneros Official Site - Prostate Massagers and Stimulators
 

Black_torch15

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Anal pleasure really can be a discovery process. If you are keen, self exploration is a great way to get in touch with your body (nothing wrong with taking it off the menu either - it wont make you a 'bad gay' to not be into it).

This is a great toy as well for that. It's totally ergonomic and you actually use it by doing kegal movements rather than inserting it and moving it around like a dildo.

Aneros Official Site - Prostate Massagers and Stimulators

You are not a side. Sides have no desire to fuck / be fucked. You have a desire but you just don't seem to feel much pleasure.

In the same way many women go their whole life never having an orgasm, gay bottoms can go their whole lives not enjoying penetration.

Most of the time, it's because you need to spend more time learning how your body works, how much lube to use and how often to reapply, where your prostate is and how to use it, etc etc.

The answer to this is to spend time adding anal play to your masturbating sessions and figure out what works for you. If you don't know, then I can promise you that a top will have even less idea!

I have tried toys and dildos, I just do not like it, I hate the feeling in my rectum, it's very uncomfortable and painful sometimes, it's just not enjoyable for me. I can take a dick up my ass, but a toy never, I hate them (weird I know).

I don't like fingering myself or getting fingered, there's 0 pleasure on that. I'm very worried about my sex life, I feel like I'm dead inside, see I love sex but I don't enjoy anal and I want to, because I have the desire to get fucked, it's very complicated... I feel so horrible about myself it's taking a toll on me.

It is already extremely hard to find a partner, then a partner that is a top... To find someone who doesn't care much about anal, because I love a masculine dominant man, to want to fuck me, to feel submissive in sex etc...

I think something is wrong with my brain, it's not normal what's happening to me. A bottom that doesn't enjoy bottoming. This is crazy. :pensive:
 

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I have tried toys and dildos, I just do not like it, I hate the feeling in my rectum, it's very uncomfortable and painful sometimes, it's just not enjoyable for me. I can take a dick up my ass, but a toy never, I hate them (weird I know).

I don't like fingering myself or getting fingered, there's 0 pleasure on that. I'm very worried about my sex life, I feel like I'm dead inside, see I love sex but I don't enjoy anal and I want to, because I have the desire to get fucked, it's very complicated... I feel so horrible about myself it's taking a toll on me.

It is already extremely hard to find a partner, then a partner that is a top... To find someone who doesn't care much about anal, because I love a masculine dominant man, to want to fuck me, to feel submissive in sex etc...

I think something is wrong with my brain, it's not normal what's happening to me. A bottom that doesn't enjoy bottoming. This is crazy. :pensive:
Perhaps you should live the life of a side for a while and you may come to realize you can be happy submissive without it.

tumblr_nec4qkxiS31qi8re5o1_500.gif
 

Black_torch15

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Perhaps you should live the life of a side for a while and you may come to realize you can be happy submissive without it.

View attachment 112038261
I tried. I wouldn’t be happy, I would actually be very unhappy and feel like something is missing from my life.

I have been thinking that probably I need a connection to the person I’m having anal with, something absolutely impossible with being gay, the community and grindr.

I hate being gay. It’s the worst thing that happened to me, a horrible curse. I wish I was born straight.
 
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Brodie888

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I tried. I wouldn’t be happy, I would actually be very unhappy and feel like something is missing from my life.

I have been thinking that probably I need a connection to the person I’m having anal with, something absolutely impossible with being gay, the community and grindr.

I hate being gay. It’s the worst thing that happened to me, a horrible curse. I wish I was born straight.
Perhaps the issue is medical. Have you considered that you may have internal haemorrhoids or polyps?

Or you have a moderate latex allergy or reaction to the type of lube you are using?

Some lubes contain a warming ingredient that is more for vaginal sex in in your bum may be adding to the inflammation.
 

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Hi!

I need to get this out of my chest... Am I a side? Let me explain, my anal experience (I'm a "bottom") hasn't been great... It's not that I don't like bottoming, it's just annoying to prepare for it so it's just easier not doing anal. And here's the thing, I feel absolutely NO pleasure AT ALL by bottoming. I don't understand this bottoms on Twitter (or literally all bottoms, on grindr etc) that love it and enjoy it? I WISH was like that too because I feel terrible about myself.

The problem with bottoming is that it's extremely uncomfortable, it doesn't feel good like for example would feel for a women and her clit, it's more... painful I would say, very uncomfortable and I cannot last more than 5 min getting fucked (doesn't matter the size), and I only feel pleasure if I'm wanking at the same time (feels very good and I could cum in literally 30 seconds) but If I don't touch it, it's just very uncomfortable inside and I just want it to stop.

I don't know if I'm a side maybe? I feel very weird about myself... It's strange, it's not like I don't like anal, it's just that I absolutely don't mind If I skip it tbh... I have had anal sex that I enjoyed, but maybe 2 times out of literally 8,000 fucks, not exaggerating.

People who bottom, do you REALLY get pleasure? I see people using dildos and stuff and it's just HOW?! Yes I can use a dildo on myself too (and a penis) but it doesn't make me feel anything, just mild pain (again, unless I touch myself).

I have been through this weird sexual journey, sometimes I kinda enjoy it, and 99% of the time I don't enjoy it, so I don't know if I'm a side, or what? It's very frustrating, I consider myself a bottom and also like being submissive, but I don't think I would be the kind of boyfriend that would bottom every single day, I just couldn't, maybe once a week, I don't mind it, and I would actually kinda like it from time to time, just not 24/7.

And this is a very painful thing to go through being gay, at least in my case, because on grindr or even in a gay club, If I meet someone, they WILL want to top me (I know for a fact) and I just get so extremely anxious because I know I will feel pain and not pleasure, that's what I want, pleasure just like a woman gets (talking in general, might be some woman that don't get pleasure and blah blah but you know what I mean).

Am I doomed? Am I a side? Am I a half baked bottom? I don't know... I think about it and I don't think I'm a side because anal attracts me a lot, but then when I do it it's not very pleasant so I end up thinking I might be a Side, so I don't really know. I really want to bottom, I absolutely love the idea of it, and having a man top me, the problem is when I'm actually doing it, I just want it to end after 5 min if not less.

I know there are tops that are very bad at it... trust me... but it's not the case, even when people that are good, I felt the same, I'm just going crazy and I feel so depressed that I cannot enjoy sex fully, just because of whatever's wrong with me.

Any advise? Ideas? :(


Thank you!

Anal sex is harder for some guys. I think some guys assholes are just more tight and not as cooperative about having cocks inserted in, nonmatter how appealing being fucked is to the person attached to that asshole. In my opinion anal sex is hot, but so is non-anal gay sex. Instead of being so focused on this one act that you are currently having difficulty with, I suggest forget about anal for now and just enjoy the wide range of activities you can do with a man. For me personally my favorite thing is just to have my face near a man's cock and balls and ass. It's heavenly to have balls in your face. Have a guy fuck you face. Lie side by side and have him thrust in your mouth. I do this all the time with my boyfriend and it's amazing. That is one of my favorite activities. Unlike having your ass fucked, when your face is being fucked you can luxuriate in the aromas and flavors of cock.
 

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I hate being gay. It’s the worst thing that happened to me, a horrible curse. I wish I was born straight.

Being gay is much easier now than in the past. You gotta just chill and not obsesses on negative stuff. I do think the apps are a poor substitute for going out and meeting people. I suggest find and join a gay hiking group or something similar.
 

Black_torch15

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Perhaps the issue is medical. Have you considered that you may have internal haemorrhoids or polyps?

Or you have a moderate latex allergy or reaction to the type of lube you are using?

Some lubes contain a warming ingredient that is more for vaginal sex in in your bum may be adding to the inflammation.
I haven't considered it. How would I know if I have polyps? With my finger I don't feel anything "weird", but I'm not a doctor tho.

Which lube would you recommend? I use a water based one called Lubido (other people told me water based ones are better? some people also said coconut oil is the best? I really don't know...)
 

Black_torch15

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Anal sex is harder for some guys. I think some guys assholes are just more tight and not as cooperative about having cocks inserted in, nonmatter how appealing being fucked is to the person attached to that asshole. In my opinion anal sex is hot, but so is non-anal gay sex. Instead of being so focused on this one act that you are currently having difficulty with, I suggest forget about anal for now and just enjoy the wide range of activities you can do with a man. For me personally my favorite thing is just to have my face near a man's cock and balls and ass. It's heavenly to have balls in your face. Have a guy fuck you face. Lie side by side and have him thrust in your mouth. I do this all the time with my boyfriend and it's amazing. That is one of my favorite activities. Unlike having your ass fucked, when your face is being fucked you can luxuriate in the aromas and flavors of cock.
Yes I love giving head, it's my favourite thing but I so desire anal and for me sex wouldn't be complete without anal (for me).
My issue is not the asshole, it's the "pipe", the rectum (specially the end of it, feels like a wall is there and the tip of the cock just absolutely KILLS me when it hits there, so painful)
 

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I haven't considered it. How would I know if I have polyps? With my finger I don't feel anything "weird", but I'm not a doctor tho.

Which lube would you recommend? I use a water based one called Lubido (other people told me water based ones are better? some people also said coconut oil is the best? I really don't know...)
While there is Dr Google, it's best to speak to a real doctor.

Water based lubes get absorbed very quickly by tge lining of your rectum. So not surprised you get chaffing within 5 mins.

The issue may be with a particular brand too, so if it's not from lack of reapplication, it may be with the ingredients.

If you are having sex with condoms, then you want to avoid oil based lubes. Go with a silicone based lube instead which lasts longer before yoy need to reapply.

If not using condoms, coconut oil is a good lubricant.
 

Black_torch15

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While there is Dr Google, it's best to speak to a real doctor.

Water based lubes get absorbed very quickly by tge lining of your rectum. So not surprised you get chaffing within 5 mins.

The issue may be with a particular brand too, so if it's not from lack of reapplication, it may be with the ingredients.

If you are having sex with condoms, then you want to avoid oil based lubes. Go with a silicone based lube instead which lasts longer before yoy need to reapply.

If not using condoms, coconut oil is a good lubricant.
Thank you, will try with the coconut oil.

do you recommend douching? Everything I've done it it feels horrible, my rectum feels like swollen and just dead and not ready for action. But then again if I don't douche... well you know (even after going to the bathroom there's always something)
 

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Thank you, will try with the coconut oil.

do you recommend douching? Everything I've done it it feels horrible, my rectum feels like swollen and just dead and not ready for action. But then again if I don't douche... well you know (even after going to the bathroom there's always something)
Well, that's another problem. Obviously you are doing something to irritate your bowel before you even start.

My recommendation is to have a shower with a removable hand held showerhead on it. So when you need to douche, you unscrew the shower held, turn the water on and hold the end of the hose to your butt hole.

There is no need to insert it, the water pressure should be enough to let water in. Only let about a cup of water in at a time before purging.

If you can't do this, you can go to the hardware store and buy an plastic attachment for the bath. It's for showering babies. In this case, just cut off the end with the shower head on it.

The reason why you feel bad is because you are taking in too much water and it actually triggers your bowel to spasm. You only need to clean your rectum, not your colon.
 

Black_torch15

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Well, that's another problem. Obviously you are doing something to irritate your bowel before you even start.

My recommendation is to have a shower with a removable hand held showerhead on it. So when you need to douche, you unscrew the shower held, turn the water on and hold the end of the hose to your butt hole.

There is no need to insert it, the water pressure should be enough to let water in. Only let about a cup of water in at a time before purging.

If you can't do this, you can go to the hardware store and buy an plastic attachment for the bath. It's for showering babies. In this case, just cut off the end with the shower head on it.

The reason why you feel bad is because you are taking in too much water and it actually triggers your bowel to spasm. You only need to clean your rectum, not your colon.
I do that with the shower, but yes, I think I put in too much water, it's a real mess if you know what I mean... It's horrible, and just feel like not having sex AT ALL.

I am taking fiber supplements, psyllium husk, and it helps with vowel movement, although when I go it's a bit messy and not the beautiful log that comes out that will keep you from even douching (that would be AMAZING).

I think I'm the worst bottom on Earth.
 
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I do that with the shower, but yes, I think I put in too much water, it's a real mess if you know what I mean... It's horrible, and just feel like not having sex AT ALL.

I am taking fiber supplements, psyllium husk, and it helps with vowel movement, although when I go it's a bit messy and not the beautiful log that comes out that will keep you from even douching (that would be AMAZING).

I think I'm the worst bottom on Earth.
No, you just need more experience and persistence to learn the craft.

Possibly you think sex is like what you see in porn. A lot of it is acting and editing.

I think once you are in a relationship you will be able to figure it out. You'll get there.
 

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Being gay is much easier now than in the past. You gotta just chill and not obsesses on negative stuff. I do think the apps are a poor substitute for going out and meeting people. I suggest find and join a gay hiking group or something similar.
i agree
 
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I'm sorry but I'm a bit confused. You say you want anal sex but hate it. Do you want anal sex because you think you're supposed to?

Others have said it, but here's my two cents: We all possess errogenous areas on our bodies; places that turn us on. For some guys (not me) it's their nipples. For others it's their feet (again, pass). And yet others love having their armpits licked (maybe). If you don't enjoy having your anus touched and/or penetrated then don't. But before you give up completely, here are some suggestions:

Lay on your bed and relax. Do some deep breathing. Have some warm massage oil next to you. When you're ready, drizzle some of the oil on your chest and abdomen. Using both hands gently massage it in, slowly. Concentrate on how your body feels. Slowly move to your legs, but don't touch your penis or balls yet. More oil and rub your thighs and shins and feet. Make yourself feel good and relaxed.

Next move on to your cock and balls, not with the intention of jerking off but with the intention of discovering them. Then reach under your balls to your taint (the area between your balls and your anus). Your prostate is located here. Rub gently in circles with slight pressure. Then allow one of your fingertips to brush over your anus, very gently. Circle around the perimeter, but don't penetrate it. Keep doing this for as long as you can.

The next time follow the same steps, getting used to having your anus stimulated for longer periods of time. Then introduce a finger just inside the anus, but not too deep. Etc. etc.

My personal experience is that, when you are brought to a high level of arousal and your anus is properly prepared, you will actually need to have your partner penetrate you. Think if it like an itch; you know the kind you get that just HAS to be scratched and then the feeling of (almost) relief when it is. There is nothing better than feeling a man slide the most precious part of his body inside of yours, joining your bodies together.

Hope this helps.
 

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Hi!

I need to get this out of my chest... Am I a side? Let me explain, my anal experience (I'm a "bottom") hasn't been great... It's not that I don't like bottoming, it's just annoying to prepare for it so it's just easier not doing anal. And here's the thing, I feel absolutely NO pleasure AT ALL by bottoming. I don't understand this bottoms on Twitter (or literally all bottoms, on grindr etc) that love it and enjoy it? I WISH was like that too because I feel terrible about myself.

The problem with bottoming is that it's extremely uncomfortable, it doesn't feel good like for example would feel for a women and her clit, it's more... painful I would say, very uncomfortable and I cannot last more than 5 min getting fucked (doesn't matter the size), and I only feel pleasure if I'm wanking at the same time (feels very good and I could cum in literally 30 seconds) but If I don't touch it, it's just very uncomfortable inside and I just want it to stop.

I don't know if I'm a side maybe? I feel very weird about myself... It's strange, it's not like I don't like anal, it's just that I absolutely don't mind If I skip it tbh... I have had anal sex that I enjoyed, but maybe 2 times out of literally 8,000 fucks, not exaggerating.

People who bottom, do you REALLY get pleasure? I see people using dildos and stuff and it's just HOW?! Yes I can use a dildo on myself too (and a penis) but it doesn't make me feel anything, just mild pain (again, unless I touch myself).

I have been through this weird sexual journey, sometimes I kinda enjoy it, and 99% of the time I don't enjoy it, so I don't know if I'm a side, or what? It's very frustrating, I consider myself a bottom and also like being submissive, but I don't think I would be the kind of boyfriend that would bottom every single day, I just couldn't, maybe once a week, I don't mind it, and I would actually kinda like it from time to time, just not 24/7.

And this is a very painful thing to go through being gay, at least in my case, because on grindr or even in a gay club, If I meet someone, they WILL want to top me (I know for a fact) and I just get so extremely anxious because I know I will feel pain and not pleasure, that's what I want, pleasure just like a woman gets (talking in general, might be some woman that don't get pleasure and blah blah but you know what I mean).

Am I doomed? Am I a side? Am I a half baked bottom? I don't know... I think about it and I don't think I'm a side because anal attracts me a lot, but then when I do it it's not very pleasant so I end up thinking I might be a Side, so I don't really know. I really want to bottom, I absolutely love the idea of it, and having a man top me, the problem is when I'm actually doing it, I just want it to end after 5 min if not less.

I know there are tops that are very bad at it... trust me... but it's not the case, even when people that are good, I felt the same, I'm just going crazy and I feel so depressed that I cannot enjoy sex fully, just because of whatever's wrong with me.

Any advise? Ideas? :(


Thank you!
I play with anal toys and have come accustom to the feeling but in saying that have learned to take my time and feel it, enjoy it and sometimes almost cum from it. The best time for me is after I deficate and shower as theres nothing in me at that point so when I do play I'm pretty much empty in the lower region. Used to play with thinner dildos then graduate up, good lube is important, never can have enough! I always use some kind of visual when I'm doing this also, it's great to feel the toy sliding in and out and once I get a rhythm I can feel my ass muscles tighten up with the feeling being unbelievable! As I said I have almost cum and am working toward that goal!