I found a half brother who doesn't know I exist

[Dave NoCal]

To silvertriumph2
What a sweet story. I hope it all works out wonderfully!
Dave

 

[petite]

Thank you for keeping us updated. I hope that after he has time to process everything that everything goes well. I have my fingers crossed for you.

 

[nudeyorker]

Thanks for the update. It sounds very positive. You were wise to give him some time and space.

 

[D_Harvey Schmeckel]

Thanks for sharing the unfolding story with us, and congratulations for reaching out. I have a similar situation but have always decided against tracking down/making contact. Here's the story: a cousin who has since died told me that my father, between his two marriages, had an affair with and impregnated a married woman whose husband ran a particular restaurant in Norfolk. This resonated with me immediately because I remembered being taken to that restaurant by my father at about age 8 and being fawned over by the nice lady behind the counter! Soon thereafter he left the area, remarried a woman with several kids, and had two more. I know my "legitimate" half- and step-siblings as well as I know my full brother. But the thought of figuring out who this restaurant-owner's "son" is, and claiming kinship, keeps crossing my mind. As much as I'd love to find a new half-sibling, this would entail informing him that the person he considered his dad was a cuckold and his real dad is someone he presumably never heard of. Based purely on the say-so of my cousin. And also informing him that his mom was an adulterous slut. So I have left this half-sibling mystery unexplored because of the pain that might result from my seeking him out. But have never forgotten the story.

Apparently, your half-bro has no such issues of marital infidelity to deal with and nothing much to lose by finding you-- and a lot to gain. I hope this turns out to be an emotionally rewarding connection for both of you.

 

[B_curiousme01]

Dave, I think you are courageous and thoughtful. You have handled this situation with grace, care and an open mind. I think your siblings are going to discover a blessing in disguise.

Peace

 

[erratic]

We actually talked about an hour and have exchanged about a dozen e-mail messages. I think he needs time to process this and that I need to be patient while he considers the possibility that the history he was given is missing a few chapters.
Dave

I think you're absolutely right, and that you're starting your relationship out honourably. Congratulations, and I hope it all works out for you both.

 

[DavidXL]

Dave - congratulations and best wishes on making contact! I hope it all works out and that you end up having whatever relationship you wish to have. This being LPSG and all, I guess you'll have to start a thread that asks, "Do I tell the long lost half brother I'm hung?" :wink:

(Silvertriumph - wow, what an amazing story!)

 

[B_crackoff]

A friend of mine found out a few years ago that he had a FULL brother, who had recently contacted his mother for the 1st time aged 36. That was pretty weird for him!

They get on OK, look very similar, but have quite different experiences as the product of their upbringing. Fortunately, the mother welcomed him back into the fold.

As you wisely have said, you recognise the shock, & bizarre emotions your potential sibling is having - he'd obviously liked to have discussed stuff with your mother, but that's impossible.

From what I've witnessed, everything should progress slowly. You haven't mentioned whether or not you have a strong relationship with your adoptive family, or whether you have their support - whatever happens, they're the people who shared their life with you - you're literally a stranger to this other guy - & suddenly he finds out that he shared a mother, & she wasn't wholly truthful with him, which will completely alter his perception of her.

I genuinely wish all the best for you. You'll be full of a desire to find out as much as you can about your mother, but that might be a little overwhelming for your brother, so just concentrate on talking about your own lives as a way of information manifesting itself, & building a relationship together.

I hope you get on, but sometimes these things don't work out at all. I know one guy, adopted at 3, who met his mother 20 years on, was overwhelmed, moved back in, then moved back out in a week, & has never spoken to her or his siblings since.

You've done all the right things, but try to keep your expectations low, for your own sake.

Good luck.

 

[424365]

I genially hope this works out well for you. If I were in the same position I would want to know where I come from and my roots

 

[Dave NoCal]

Thanks guys. I don't want to say too much about what is going on due to others' privacy. However, I will say that there are incosistencies that have not been, and may never be, cleared up. However, we are still exchanging e-mails and information.
Dave

 

[helgaleena]

Thanks guys. I don't want to say too much about what is going on due to others' privacy. However, I will say that there are incosistencies that have not been, and may never be, cleared up. However, we are still exchanging e-mails and information.
Dave

All the best, whatever happens!

 

[Dave NoCal]

On a more interesting note, my birthmother, or the woman from whom an identity was borrowed, lived next door to famous author William S. Borroughs. However, he moved there two months after my conception so, for that and other reasons, he is not a likely birth father to me. That's just as well as he was a drunk, a junkie, and most likely a sociopath.
Regardless, this story is becoming increasingly movie-like!
Dave

 

[silvertriumph2]

I still hope all will work out well...are you still in contact and on good terms with the brother?

 

[Dave NoCal]

Seemingly.

 

[Dave NoCal]

Well, it seems that we are talking about two different people. The physical descriptions don't match. My father describes my birth mother as a 5'5" brunette while my new friend describes his mother as a 5'3" redhead. My documents list my mother as living NEXT DOOR to the building his parents lived in, in a foreign capital. So what are the odds that two women, of approximately the same age, with the same uncommon maiden name, idential first and middle names, from the same area of the same state here in the U.S. will wind up living next door to each other overseas. It may be that his father causally knew my birth mother, living next door and attending the same small college. Now that, seemingly, we are talking about two different people, perhaps he will ask his father about her but I can't ask him to.
Dave

 

[BigDallasDick8x6]

DNA testing is pretty cheap nowadays. I and a cousin had DNA testing done for genealogical purposes. I had my Y-DNA and mitochondrial DNA done and she had the mitochondrial only (since she's a girl and doesn't have a Y chromosome of course).

We learned that we are from a haplogroup which was Danish Vikings that moved to Scotland. Moreover, they matched us with other people with the same Y-DNA mutations and we are all comparing family trees to find the MRCA (most recent common ancestor). We never knew our last name was even Scottish but sure enough there is a Clan with our last name.

Gets even more interesting re my cousin's mitochondrial DNA (she's my paternal cousin so we have different mitochondrial DNA -- if she were my maternal cousin it would be the same). Turns out she has the markers for a haplogroup that is descended from one of 4 women who all Askenazi Jews are descended from. Wow. I told my boss I'm going to need all the Jewish holidays off once I figure out what they are. The only one I know is Tupac Shakur. :wink:

Anyway, if you both have your Y-DNA tested that would clear up the mystery. Y-DNA tests don't cost much. You can offer to reimburse him and of course his results will be mailed to him not you, so he might agree to it.

 

[helgaleena]

Well, it seems that we are talking about two different people. The physical descriptions don't match. My father describes my birth mother as a 5'5" brunette while my new friend describes his mother as a 5'3" redhead. My documents list my mother as living NEXT DOOR to the building his parents lived in, in a foreign capital. So what are the odds that two women, of approximately the same age, with the same uncommon maiden name, idential first and middle names, from the same area of the same state here in the U.S. will wind up living next door to each other overseas. It may be that his father causally knew my birth mother, living next door and attending the same small college. Now that, seemingly, we are talking about two different people, perhaps he will ask his father about her but I can't ask him to.
Dave

Height and hair color can change. DNA can't; that is good advice to go with the inexpensive Y-test. I know my own mother lost two inches from osteoporosis, and red is a popular color to dye when a brunette begins to grey.

 

[rbkwp]

Thanks for sharing Dave

I am intrigued and find such true life experiences Real intriguing, feel sure your handling it all as best you can.
Agree with your initial thought, place it out there and if he follows up, nothing could be finer, i think.
With the updates, i would assume he is more than keen to find out a lot of info for his own needs, hopefully he passes such on to you.

Just an aside note, i helped my Bi partner of the time (mid 80s) bring up a baby from birth, he was the product of my mates sister, the type of woman who had about 5 kids, from 5 fathers
Mate had enuf of his sis, so claimed a child legally, guts of it all
Mid 80,s Gay couple bringing up a child in NZ, well fck em all (he is a succesful young man in a relationship with a woman)
When Matt was 6 or so we had decided he was really in need of a Mother and i helped mate to secure his real? calling, haha he is well and truly married with 3 kids of his own
Matt as far as i know has not found a need to pursue his birth Mums info, (they remain in touch, be it almost as strangers) geuss the way it is with all our differing occurences in life

All the VERY BEST to you Dave
with Sincerity
enz

 

[Dave NoCal]

I have thought about DNA testing but have not brought it up. It does turn out that the birth date on the document regarding my birth mother and his mother's birthdate are the same. I have thought but not pointed out that the difference in description is a couple of inches of height and hair color, characteristics alterable to the casual observer with hair dye and heels. It seems to me that he still needs the ambiguity and I'm fine with the wait.
Dave

 

[B_BENDERBOY]

Yeah go ahead and get in touch, he might be a goodlooking fucker up for a bit of who's, sorry how's your father. Write back and tell us all the juicy details.