I fuck up everything...

[B_Castello]

Last friday was the day of my life... Well I lost my virginity yeahhh well that's cool, I finaly did it. Actualy, it wasn't a big deal, it kinda hurt, I dont know if I will ever do it again anyway. But it's not where I fuck up things.

Ok, I didn't see my kinda boyfriend on friday (he had something to do) so I decide to go out with my best ''straight'' friend. Anyway we when out and got drunk. So he say I go to stay at your house, but before that, I told him that I'm still see the guy, which he didn't like, and I told him if I was still a virgin (among many talks)... anyhow, so back when we arrived home, we drank some more, and talk some more, and he start crying and said that I was he's best friend and he loved me... blablabla (my hart was upside down of such hapiness) we end up in bed, nude... and we start kissing. Fuck, it was wonderfull to be able to kiss the guy wich I loved all my life. So he end up taking my virginity, but honnestly, that was not the best sex, and I was a bit deceived. In the morning the door knock, it's Gabriel So he comes to surprise me, but I didn't expect him. So we kinda speak in the entrance, he find me weird and ask if everything is OK, I said yeah I just got drank last night. But then, my best friend (last night lover) comes out naked, and Gabriel looks at him, then he just come in the back of me and hold me... So Gabriel, just look at me like I have never anyone looking at me like that and left.

So I tell Louis, why the fuck you did that for, he just laugh and said that he doesn't like the guy. Anyway, he then take a shower, I'm all fuck up in my head, cause I didn't want to hurt Gabriel, and then Louis comes out of the shower and just go after. So I try to call Gabriel and no answer. For the day, the day after and so on Sunday I go see him at his work, and he told me to get the fuck out, and he have is eyes full of water. I get out, I'm about to cry myself. I call Louis, wich also didn't answer me for two days. I talk to him, he's cold and said he is with is GF and he will call me back. But doesn't. So finaly I see him today, and I say what the fuck, you dont answer me, dont talk to me... He said, hey man, I'm not your BF, I was just drunk. I said, you told me that you wanted to take my virginity and be the one to do so. He said yeah, so, with a fucking arrongance and I dont even recognice my best friend wich I loved for so long, and withen a second, he doesn't mean anything to me. I said so, well, you were not, actualy Gabriel did it (it was a lie) He said you lied to me, I said yeah, and man he can fuck, you dont come close to his ankle. He then insult me and told me he dont want to see me anymore.

I fuck up everything. And what goods come out of my comming out... I know it's part of my fault and I miss Gabriel so much, and it's all because of me. But I will not called neither of them ever again.

 

[B_dxjnorto]

Sorry about your bad experience Castello. It's life. If you read here what happens when you mess with straight guys, you can't be too surprised. Anyway, you got what you wanted, sort of. See if you can patch things up. You didn't have to encourage Louis to buttfuck you. You could have kissed and jerked each other and been happier. It doesn't seem very common, but quite a few men have or have had a jerk off buddy. But Louis may have responded the same way to that anyway.

You didn't do anything that hasn't been done before. But sexuality is usually a really big deal to people your age because they are just figuring it out. I think you are kind of courageous anyway. I would never have done anything like that when I was your age.

Obviously sex is never completely safe--too many big decisions that may have big consequences. Keep it as safe as you can.

 

[bstexas]

Castello - whether you are 20 or 50, what you did would seem to be a fuck up. What I mean by that is you went behind your "kinda boyfriend's" back and fucked around with your long time best friend. I'm not even going to discuss the whole virginity stuff. I'm more concentrating on the fact that you cheated on Gabriel. If you and he had an "understanding" that it was ok to date other people, then there should not be a problem; however, if you two were seeing each other exclusively, then what you did with Louis, no matter how much you wanted it (having sex with him) to happen, it was not right. And then again, it was not right for Gabriel to be an ass and walk into your doorway, hug you and ruin the conversation/relationship with Gabriel.

This is a difficult place to be ... will Gabriel ever speak to you? Will Louis? It is something they both have to decide for themselves. YOu can try to speak to Gabriel and see if he will talk to you. What will you say ... OMG, I was drunk, I am sorry, etc. Will he be able to overlook it and trust you again? You will need to see. Maybe if you pursue him enough he will realize you really are sorry for what happened. And Louis? Well, sounds like he does care for you (as a str8/bi friend) but certainly doesn't want a relationship with you. Sounds like he needs to deal with his emotions/sexuality.

If neither will meet you half way then as much as it hurts, it may be time for you to move on. Some people can overlook these types of transgressions and others cannot. It just depends on what those two guys can or cannot deal with. I have a feeling Louis will still be your friend (since you have been for years) but for someone who may gave been falling in love with you (Gabriel), it might be more difficult.

Best of luck however it ends up.

 

[B_dxjnorto]

I would go with Louis. He's been your best friend since grade school. He doesn't like Gabriel. He knows you and his instinct may be correct. Although it doesn't sound like anybody's instinct is very good right now, except the sexual instinct. :spank:

 

[karldergrosse]

My advice? (free, and maybe worth just that much): Tell Louis to fuck off (be sure to note that "off"). What he did was inexcusably malicious, egotistic, and intentionally hurtful. If he should later want to be friends with you again, let him apologize, and prove that he is sincere about it.

 

[Fredro]

Ha - Louis fucked up your relationship by letting your boyfriend find out. Now, you need to let him know how it feels. His girlfriend out to get a call letting her know how upset you are that Louis doesn't want anything to do with you since he fucked you. Revenge can be sweet.

BTW - Then next time you have a boyfriend you want to remain with, keep your clothes on when he's not around. One could say you brought this on yourself.

 

[B_Hamadim]

I am sorry for what happened Castello, what I know is that you are a nice person and deserve a beautiful life, I would sacrifice my life to give it to you...

 

[Brick7]

I don't think you've heard the last from either guy.
Louis does have feelings for you (sexual and otherwise) but seems very afraid to admit it. That's why he retreated to his girlfriend (and to his heterosexuality) and why he is treating you so poorly. He's trying to prove to himself that he's straight and doesn't need you. I'd recommend staying away from him for awhile. He will come back into your life when he needs you more than his need to be perceived as straight.
As for Gabriel, if he means anything to you, apologize to him and also, leave him alone. If you mean anything to him, he will come back into your life of his own accord.
If neither man comes back into your life, do as suggested by bstexas, and move on. Time will heal your heart.

 

[Wish-4-8]

On the bright side, you got laid twice in 3 days!!! When all this blows over, you will say that to yourself.

 

[greatdickismydrug]

Honey, don't be so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes like this at one point in our lives. Your emotions for Louis were too strong to be adding alcohol and nudity into the mix. But how many members on this forum can say they are not guilty of this especially, during their youth?

Painful as the experience was, I think that in the long run it was inevitable though.

I am angry with Louis for playing with your emotions. He is not the friend you considered him to be.

The situation with you and Gabriel needs a cooling off period and then a heart to heart talk.

It will all be ok. You are young. Do not be so hard on yourself. Love, sex, and dating can be a real bumpy ride especially during youth. None of us who embark down the path of intimacy with other's leave unscathed.

But the alternative is a life alone devoid of all passion and the pleasure it can bring.

Hang in there, honey.... I'm sending you a BIG HUG!!!

 

[B_Nick8]

Cast, this was a train wreck waiting to happen. I told you from day one that Louis didn't "want" you but didn't want to let you go either. This manipulative emotional game is entirely in character.

I know you're hurt and I know you're in pain. I know you're confused I know you feel responsible and so, to some extent, you are.

The most important thing to do right now is to be honest. Honest with yourself and honest with both Louis and Gabriel.

It may not be too late if you can reach Gabriel and by that I mean get through to him. Trust me, he always knew Louis would be a problem and he knew how which is why he's doubly upset now. You need to explain exactly what you're feeling to him, why you did what you did, and that it won't happen again. As long as it won't.

The only way you can hope to make this right is to own it and to hope that Gabriel will trust you in the future. Personally, I would find that difficult, but that doesn't mean you can't do it if you're being genuine and sincere.

You haven't "fucked this up" any more than the human heart fucks anything up. Forgive yourself and hope that Gabriel will forgive you. That's the best you can hope for.

In the end, you've learned a lot of lessons here. Profit from them.

xxoo

 

[Stephenmass]

My two cents for what it's worth. You probably won't like what I will say either. But YOU fucked up. Big time. If you cared for your b/f as much as you seem to here you would not have been fucking around with your "straight" friend. Your straight friend on the other hand "get a clue" isn't all straight either. I think he intentionally fucked it up on you. But even if he didn't fuck around with you that night and you went out with your almost b/f again how would you have felt? What ever happened to conscience?

 

[B_Castello]

Thanks for all your comments, that I have read and appreciate.

The story for Louis and Gabriel is over for me. Louis had played with me, fine, now the game is over. As for Gabriel, he should have pick up the phone when I called him, and he's reaction when I went to see him, didn't give me a chance to explain my self, not that there is a lot to explain, but anyway at least tell him I'm sorry if I fuck it up.
If there is no chance for explanation, this chapter is close for me.

I wonder what I had find so hot about Louis all those years... He's commun after all :rolleyes2: and he's not so hot in bed lol

Do you remember the girl that was always after me, fallowing me? Anyway I say her, and she turn her head and ignored me. So I when to see her, cause I hurted her and I felt sorry. So I told her that I was sorry, I didn't want to hurt her and I hope that would forgive me if I did. She smile and said, of course, it was my fault So I guest nothing arrived for nothing. Should I fuck her? lol just kidding.

Dont worrie guys, I'm a tough guy, I'm no sisi lol and as fare as ''straight'' men, been there, done that and dont care for it anymore. :Flush:

 

[B_Castello]

My two cents for what it's worth. You probably won't like what I will say either. But YOU fucked up. Big time. If you cared for your b/f as much as you seem to here you would not have been fucking around with your "straight" friend. Your straight friend on the other hand "get a clue" isn't all straight either. I think he intentionally fucked it up on you. But even if he didn't fuck around with you that night and you went out with your almost b/f again how would you have felt? What ever happened to conscience?

As fare as conscience, I do have one, but when with alcool, we kinda loose it. And that is my fault.

As fare as BF, we were not ''officialy'' boyfriend, and will not be neither in the future.

 

[B_Castello]

In the end, you've learned a lot of lessons here. Profit from them.

xxoo

Indeed I did... I learned that why fucking 2 guys at the same time, while you can do a 4 some... lol just kidding

 

[greatdickismydrug]

Should I fuck her? lol just kidding.

No, No, No!!!! Honey, you need to be on a "time-out."

 

[B_Castello]

I was just kidding... but I did think about for a second, just to make her day. But then, she will fall in love, you know woman, so nahhhhh lol

 

[B_Castello]

I am sorry for what happened Castello, what I know is that you are a nice person and deserve a beautiful life, I would sacrifice my life to give it to you...

You are sweet, and what magnificient eye you have... but your are straight, I dont go there anymore lol xxx

 

[B_Nick8]

Cast, neither bitterness, arrogance nor feigned world-weariness are becoming. Stop it.

 

[B_Castello]

I put back the picture of Louis, the men I thought was the most beautiful men on earth. On the other end, I dont have picture of Gabriel, but is not that beautifull physicaly, I mean he have the best smile, and in my eye he is, but for your guys because you dont know him, he's not your typical beautifull men.

I said I'm though, but I'm hurt if I think about him too much... But I'll get over that dont worry.