I fucked up.

7"24

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Talked yesterday all is good. :) unfortunately we both have busy weeks this week hopefully well see each other soon.
 

FuzzyKen

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7"24;3747157 said:
Was texting my boyfriend and he asked If I wanted to chill for a little bit and buy his friends some alcohol. I basically text him saying why I couldn't and that it was fucked up he only wanted to chill so I could buy his friends alcohol. We only get to see each other a couple days a week and it was how I was feeling at the moment. He proceeded to argue and say not to nice things. He is jealous of my female roommate I'm bi and anytime we fight he'll be like go fuck your "girlfriend". Anyways he said I have made him second guess out relationship. Which pissed me off we never fight. So I wrote back and said "I want to know why I made him second guess our relationship" and he said "were not breaking up, chill. I just need sometime.". He has had a hard time accepting liking guys as have I when we're together it's electric. When we're apart it sucks. Any advice on strained relationships, I love him. Ending things is out of the question.


Based on this and another posting you are by legal definition an adult. You were being asked to purchase alcohol and the way this is phrased it would tend to imply that you were purchasing for individuals not legally of age to purchase it themselves or consume it. In some States this is a felony so you turning him down on that was not a bad decision. In addition if you purchase some jurisdictions now prosecute also under "contributing to the delinquency of a minor" based on who was consuming what you bought. This would mean that if you bought a 6 pack, and six different people were caught consuming that six pack that you could be charged with 6 counts of contributing.

I am now in my late 50's and I myself lived in the Los Angeles area when I was your age. I missed as a young one myself getting nailed on this and I was not even aware that a couple of guys had brought a couple of girls who were not of age to a party I was having. They were rather "stacked" and looked older than they were. Well I had the Pasadena Police Department visit my condo and I nearly got nailed. The only thing that saved my rear end was that the couple of girls who were under aged defended me and said that they had never met me before and that I was unaware. I got off, but the two boyfriends dating them did not. They were busted and it was a really bad deal for them.

You made the right decision on the booze purchase, and the best thing to do is to simply overlook the rest and put it to pasture.

My impression would be that your boyfriend is younger than yourself based on the underaged status of the friends and the request. There is for many a large transition in mental maturity between the ages of 18-25. At 18 you still have the "party animal" who wants to call the shots at times. At 25 you have started to see and experience the responsibility of the decisions you make and their consequences.

I see the request he made of you as one without much thought for the consequences, but because most of my consumption of alcohol took place before I was of age as well, I guess that even after nearly 30 years it is still somewhat of a "right of passage" to go through a period of incomplete thinking. I did it too at that age, so I cannot fault only look at my own mistakes for reference.

I think personally I would just tend to forget the whole thing and internally blow it off. The request was an impulse for and a desire for a little partying. It was not well thought out and just needs to be buried and allowed to die. Give the benefit of the doubt and when things are at a decent time down the road talk about the risks and damage you could experience for that decision and that if he truly cared and loved you he would not ask you to risk your future so much for so little in importance.
 

B_jeepguy2

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Hey man I don't think you fucked up at all. When I was a gradstudent in my mid 20s I had several friends who were still underaged who pressured me to buy them booze. A few times I did it thinking "well, they are almost 21" or "what the hell someone else will buy it for them if I don't." One time I remember telling a couple of them "Don't you guys drink this damn stuff and get behind the wheel" and one of them sarcasticly responded "Yes Daddy."

Then one weekend there was a horrible car crash a couple miles from campus caused by a drunk 18 year old kid who tried to pass on a couble yellow. The driver of the car he hit head on at 70 mph was one of my best buds who was the designated driver for a bunch of his friends who had been to a party. My buddy died at the scene, as did the guy in the passenger seat. The 18 year old driver of the other car died instantly but somehow the passenger in his Camero miraculously walked away without a scratch. My bud's roomates who were in the back seat of his car survived but they were all badly injured and hospitalized for weeks.

A few days later this friend of mine (from church of all places) that I had bought beer for in the past came by my apartment with a list of what he wanted from the beer cooler at the supermarket and asked if I could "hook him up." I said "No, I can't" He said "Dude that is so uncool, WTF is the matter with you." I just completely lost it and started sobbing, I picked up the newspaper with my buddy's obituary (and his picture) that was lying on the table and handed it to him and said, "Here is what is wrong with me dude, he was one of my best friends and now he is dead because some guy who was driving drunk killed him. Don't ever ask me to buy you beer again, and if you find someone else to buy it for you, STAY THE FUCK OFF THE ROAD!"

He said "OMG I heard about that crash, I am so sorry man". Then he tried to change the subject by asking "so what have you got going on this weekend? I said "I am going to his visitation tonight and his funeral tomorrow." He stood there silently for a few minutes and then he said quietly "Hey man I would like to go with you if thats cool." As we walked out of the funeral home tears were streaming down his face and he didn't even know the guy. I suspect that the sight of that handsome young guy lying in a casket dead, and his parents who were completely inconsolable at the loss of their only child is something that will be with him as long as he lives. I know it will be for me.

Someone supplied the alcohol to that teenage kid, more than likely it was one of his friends or family members. The cops were unable to find out where he got the booze but I am sure the person that bought it for him knows, and they will have to live with that for the rest of their life. If that person has any conscience at all, knowing that they are responsible for getting him and two other people killed is probably much worse than anything the criminal justice system could do to them. I honestly am not sure I could live with that...I would probably commit suicide.
 
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shard38

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Let's forget about the alcohol. Of course you don't buy underaged alcohol (although from my point of view as a European the American laws on alcohol are ridiculous), but I think the argument came from your boyfriend wanting you to hang out with him and his friends and you refused.

He has come out because of you, he has been brave enough to acknowledge his relationship with you, he's ready to introduce you to his friends. Have you done the same? I think this is the issue, not the alcohol.
 

7"24

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He has not come out. And I have met a couple of his friends, the point was he only wanted to hang for an hour and I felt it was mainly to buy him the alcohol.
 

monel

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...although from my point of view as a European the American laws on alcohol are ridiculous...

From my point of view as an American, the American laws on alcohol are ridiculous. Of course it could be worse. This is the country that gave us Prohibition.
 

rbkwp

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jeepguy2 #24

THANKs for one of the most heart rending stories i have read on lpsg jeepguy2
bloods worth bottling for relaying this happening
enz
 

shard38

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7"24

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Telling 5 people isn't coming out. He acts straight and gets upset and hates when people are talking rumors about him. He had told no one he told a few close Friends like i did. His parents also don't know.
 

youngstud33

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The horror that is high school.... teenagers running around making fun of others because of their own insecurities with themselves.....

I personally consider telling any single person is considered coming out. As a homosexual, you do not just come out once.... all throughout your life you will have to come out to people that do not immediately know you are gay, unless you fit in the gay stereotypes that society has made. Granted, I am not out, at all; I am not in place where I can be fully out, so I choose to not be out at all. In any case, everyone suspects and thinks I am gay, but I just make light of the situation.

It seems that your bf is hurting or struggling more since having one foot out of the closet. From your posts a few weeks ago I really thought he was more in control and headed in the right direction with momentum of coming out.... I have in the past two months turned to gay channels on youtube and came across some great people that have really shed light on situations. It feels weird to say, but having struggled with my sexuality for so long, it is only in the past 3 months or so that I have fully accepted who I am and am just waiting to come out (damn dad...).
 

D_Rufus_D_Dufus

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In my opinion and I don't want to be rude... But I honestly don't think the two of you are ready for a relationship. I think you both need to work on your own insecurities and finding out who each of you are before you can put 100% into a relationship.

You being older need to give him his space to figure it out on his own. You seem to hover over him a bit and it seems to the point of being obsessive/posessive. He's still a teenager so let him act like one before he resents you.
 
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