I get attached too quickly

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Rommette, Dec 15, 2009.

  1. Rommette

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    Ok, I'm ok if I have a one night stand.....even if I have sex with the same person twice but when I start having sex often with the same person I get attached. For example, the last fuck buddy (yes, the disrespectful one) had me very attached to him. I said I wasn't but I was. I would try to party and take pics with boys (to put on facebook) as to prove I wasn't jealous and so that he could see them. I don't know how men and alot of women do it. How can you have sex with someone for a while without feeling attached?" After the first few times I feel like i've bonded with them or something through sex. I don't want it to be this way. I need advice on how to handle this the next time i'm in this situation. Next semester I'm going to be looking for a new fuck buddy and I need to not get attached. Guys drop females like its nothing and never look back. I can't do that. I don't know why i'm like this. I think with my last fuck buddy it also had to do with the fact we were having unprotected sex (I know we shouldn't have). Unprotected sex seems much more intimate than sex with a condom in my opinion. Either way, no matter how hard I try to not bond and get attached it still happens. So any advice from any of you? How do/did you do so?
     
  2. Principessa

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    I don't think you get attached too quickly. :no: I think your reactions to these situations are normal. :yup: I know, because I am the same way. That's why I no longer accept fuckbuddy situations when offered. I can go as long as 3 months, but after that I fancy myself in love. :redface:

    Allegedly, it is easier for men than women to have feelings free, physical release only sex. However, there are many women on this site and in the real world who have no trouble with this.

    Sex is in my opinion, more intimate for a woman anyway because you are taking him into you. Add the no condom thing and it's not just intimate but primal. It's easy to mentally disconnect from condom sex.

    Silly as it sounds some people can and some people can't. I can't. Worse I feel empty inside afterwards. When I was your age though, late teens, early 20's it was a piece of cake.

     
  3. WifeNeedsGurth

    WifeNeedsGurth New Member

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    Now this is just my opinion....I'm sure many women would not agree with it, but that's OK.

    In my mind, sex and intimacy are two completely different things. Sure, sometime intimacy can be an aspect of sex, but for me, it doesn't HAVE to be.

    Your use of the term "fuck buddies", to me, means that you desire sex without strings and/or without commitment....and I think that's just fine. What seems to be conflicting to you is that you become attached after sex because you EQUATE the act with some form of intimacy.

    You may want to try to relate to sex on a more physical and less emotional level.

    Often times, I look at sex as a solely physical act. Something that is completely physically enjoyable, not unlike going out to dinner and having a great meal, or the feeling one might get having a great workout (only WAY WAY better :smile:).

    If you can change your attitude on sex and turn it into a solely physical act (when appropriate), you may have a better chance at NOT becoming too attached to someone who you want only as a fuck buddy.

    Good Luck
     
  4. Not_Punny

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    This is my opinion, and I don't mean it as an offense, but if I were you, I'd listen to what your feelings are telling you.

    I think that you NEED to have an intimate relationship, and that your emotions are telling you that these FB situations are poor substitutes for what you want in your heart of hearts.

    So, the question begs to be asked: Why are you pursuing FB relationships?
     
  5. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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    CONDOM FAIRY SAYS: ALWAYS USE A CONDOM!!!

    girl, you gotta be safe and look out for yourself. who cares if it "feels good" without a condom? everyone agrees to that. however, unless you are exclusive with a person, you should never think about NOT using a condom. who knows where the dude has been? the last thing anyone would want to find is an surprise on their nether regions!

    second, getting attached too quickly is something that happens to all people. it happens to men too, not just women in general.

    if you want to be able to pursue friends-with-benefits relationships, the first thing you have to understand is that it's nothing more than sex. if you become attached too quickly your feelings are going to get hurt. emotions of intimacy and closeness can't be involved in friends-with-benefits relationships because you're clearly using each other. that's it. a person has to be able to separate those types of feelings from the sexual conquest.

    it seems like you would be much happier in a comitted and exclusive relationship where you can share those emotions of intimacy with someone who can reciprocate them as well. your life would be more a lot more satisfied and fulfilled if you waited to find the right person. that's not to say you should totally give up friends-with-benefits relationships. you just have to understand thoroughly that it can't be more than friends.
     
  6. D_Ellerby Eatsprick

    D_Ellerby Eatsprick New Member

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    Obviously if you think you are getting attached to quickly, maybe deep down inside and subconsciously you do want a relationship.

    But if you just want a fuck buddy, then maybe you and him need to set some rules. Not sure what would constitute as rules for a fuck relationship to exist.
     
  7. Serial Kisser

    Serial Kisser Well-Known Member

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    Maybe you shouldn't be looking for a new fuck buddy. You said it yourself that you can't just drop someone like a guy can. You can't not get attatched. I think you should be waiting to meet someone you have a connection with and might be able to stick around long term so that getting attatched won't be an issue. If you can't have a fuck buddy without getting attatched, stop having fuck buddies. That's what I had to do and it's been over two years.
     
  8. Ganieda

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    I agree with Serial Kisser. You shouldn't be looking for a FB, but need to look for a guy with whom you can have a relationship.
     
  9. Rommette

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    Ok, the whole fucky buddy agreement was supposed to be until one of us found someone else worthy of a relationship but once it was going on for over a year it seemed like we tried to not get into relationships to keep the fucky buddy situation going. CondomFairy I know I should have used a condom but it happened once by accident and he said it felt so much better so before you know it we were barebacking permanently. He was always scared as shit afterward telling me I was going to get pregnant.

    NJ.......oops, I mean Principessa I totally agree. Being that women are taking the guy into her it creates a level or intimacy. I wish I wasn't so emotionally invested in fuck buddy agreements.

    Honestly, I do want a relationship but just can't find the right (white) guy. There are nice guys here....there are but it seems like the good guys are always taken. I don't want someone elses man.

    I have so many problems to be in my early 20's..........
     
  10. Mrmaxwell

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    Easier said than done.

    From my experience, women who get attached quickly are women with no goals or ambitions (not saying you don't). They would rather find a man they find attractive, and adopt his dreams and goals (not saying this is you). That is not a good relationship. Also, fuck friends are just that. I have one that I'm not attracted to at all. With that said, I avoid her when I'm not horny (no I seriously make a effort to stay out of her view). The good thing about it is that if shit goes wrong, I can forget about her easily. Which all means that you have to find someone that likes you for you and not for what you have between your legs. How to do that you ask? Well theres no perfect blue print...just date, when you see TWO warning signs or have a bad feeling (the initial feeling is always right), end the relationship and try again.
     
  11. Serial Kisser

    Serial Kisser Well-Known Member

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    OF COURSE it's easier said than done! I don't know if you caught my post, but this used to happen to me, and I stopped the whole friends with benefits thing over two years ago. Within those two years - I've had sex TWICE. Once with a guy I was dating. And once with an old friend I hadn't seen in two years. And I regretted that time. It's so hard. I've never had a boyfriend before. And it sucks waiting. I'd love to go call someone I've been with before when I feel horny, but I don't because I know how it will make me feel afterward.
     
  12. eyescream

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    Choose the right sex buddy. Choose someone who you're only sexually attracted to and when you feel yourself falling for this person, stop seeing him.

    I wouldn't add a sex buddy on my facebook friends list but if the guy is an FWB guy then I'd treat him the same way, sort of stop seeing him if I'm developing feelings beyond friendship and just sex.

    This happens often with women so it's definitely a dangerous game. Maybe casual NSA sex isn't for you.
     
  13. D_Methamphetamine Blowvein

    D_Methamphetamine Blowvein Account Disabled

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    I do the same thing...don't feel bad. It's so hard not to get attached. But FB relationships are bad emotionally....and somewhat toxic. It's hard to disconnect...but, it's not a good thing to have a relationship with a FB. TRUST ME. I married one...it's not worth it. Real relationships deserve time, energy and commitment. Good luck!!!
     
  14. Rommette

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    We were facebook friends (and friends in real life) for 2 years before we had sex.
    I want a relationship but I feel as though a fuck buddy or friends with benefits situation can temporarily fill the void. The problem is I like well that void is filled and I don't want to stop it. Thats when I get attached.
     
  15. Mrmaxwell

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    I understand.
     
  16. voidout

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    +11111111
     
  17. Ganieda

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    This sounds like something I wrote in my early 20's.
    Heck, I may need to write it again in my late 20's..
    :smile:
     
  18. Rommette

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    lol
     
  19. Daisy

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    Of COURSE you get attached. Sex is not casual for women. We are not programmed to "fuck" casually and not care. Men have testosterone and are wired differently than we are. They can do it, we can't. I'm sure there are exceptions but most women do want intimacy when they have sex. I know sex for me is 1000 times better with someone I love, and yes I have had FWB in the past. What you want is a relationship, but you're settling for a fuck buddy. I would really suggest that you stop..take a step back..decide what it is you really want in a man, and DO NOT SETTLE for anything less!! Please don't just give yourself to Mr. Right Now while you're waiting for Mr. Right. If you do that you're likely to miss a good thing when it comes along. Sex is good, but it's not worth your self esteem and sense of well being (not to mention safety). Love usually comes along when and where you least expect it so slow down and wait for the right guy to come along.
    JMO :)
     
  20. WifeNeedsGurth

    WifeNeedsGurth New Member

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    I don't think I agree with you at all on this. I don't believe most women are "programmed" or "wired" to not "fuck casually" and not care. If this were the case, then it would stand to reason that "exceptions" like myself are either more evolved or less evolved than the rest of the women out there. I'm not buying it.

    I think that environment or situation has much more to do with a woman's attitude towards sex. I think "society" tell us what is appropriate for a woman to feel in regards to sex.

    I also do not agree with your advice to the OP. If she desires and becomes able to (at times) separate intimacy from the act of sex, that does not mean she is "SETTLING". To me, it means that she is freeing herself from the restraints that we as women are shackled with.

    I am not "advocating" my type of lifestyle nor am I in any way belittling any woman who chooses to continue to equate sex with intimacy. What I AM saying is that if the OP has a desire for sex without intimacy, it does not make her any less of a woman and it does not mean she is settling for anything less than what you might consider a satisfying life as far as her sexuality.

    If one chooses to have casual sex, it is not necessarily an indictment on their self esteem.

    All that being said...OP, USE CONDOMS
     
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