I hate my lover

Osiris

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I think a lot of us are pretty much saying the same thing, really, that it isn't religion per se, but fundamentalist religion, that messes up people's minds about sex.

I grew up with this, too. Most of my family is still fundamentalist. It's kind of surprising that I'm as open about sex as I am, although I still have some shyness issues due to my upbringing (although you wouldn't know it from here! :biggrin1: )

VERY true. One fundamentalist family can cause the same thing. Thanks fro reminding the windbag of the detail he forgot. :34:

Good reminder, Osiris. There is a thread here, though I can't remember the title, where I express my views on how I feel about organized religion vs. faith. So many people take the word of those who preach the loudest, never stopping to think that there is a personal agenda and a monetary influence that influences what they sell to their followers. The never stop to develop, a personal relationship within their faith and often miss the path that is for them.

I swear we were cut from the same cloth or we were family in a past life. (Oops! Better not say that or I'll get another thread started on do you believe in past lives. BACK OFF MEM! :biggrin1: ). This is why I love you wldhoney, you are so intuitive and so gracious. :kiss:
 

Osiris

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thanks for the comments. Do you think I should be honest with my girlfriend and tell her about the way I feel? Wouldn't that be very disappointing if someone told you they felt disgusted with you however brief as that phase it may be? She always grabs my head and rests it on her chest after I cum. I feel terrible because obviously she's trying to be very intimate and I'm there feeling the exact opposite of how I should feeling at that moment. It's frustrating.

If she is devoted to you, she will help you through this. I think you should, but a female prospective might be better on this one.
 

vibratingfinger

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Vibrating finger, I could not believe it when I read your thread! I have had the same feelings as you. When having sex with girlfriend and also after masturbation (it'smostly guilt and total lack of interest in sex with masturbation). I also found it quite disturbing. I'm also used to it now aswell and I have actually put it down to as you say "refuelling". I heard most men want to go to sleep after sex and I suppose it's similar to this. I detgest cuddling after sex. Sorry girls. Any othern time is great. These feelingn of slight hatred and guilt also disappear quickly. That's why I put it down to sex hormones and "refuelling".

I don't think you need councelling unless it's really getting to you.

I'm sorry that you have the same problem. But at least it's good to know that I'm not alone. Like you said it's not a huge deal and if it wasn't for my girlfriend I wouldn't have cared as much. She's the first woman I have very deep feelings for, and I'd like for her to know how I feel at a time that she perceives to be very intimate.
 

vibratingfinger

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While all the responses above are true, there is also an important chemical aspect to keep in mind. Unlike women, during an orgasm, men are releasing a huge amount of testosterone. This weakens us both emotionally and physically, in some more than others.

The brief hormonal inbalance (as you stated, about 10 minutes) can manifest itself differently in men, ranging from depression to euphoria. The dramatic emotional change you outlined is normal.

On the other hand, the severe level of guilt and resentment you feel is abnormal for the average adult male. There seems to be some underlying guilt and resentment you've been harboring since childhood, as is sometimes the case in children of highly religious families.

Discussing this with an acredited therapist seems to be the overwhelming suggestion here. And it's a excellent recommendation. The insight you'll gain from therapy will not only aid you in more enjoyable sex but an overall better self image as well.

Good luck!

For once, I am going to have to take a stance against what I am seeing from people I usually agree with...

I found these two posts to be quite insightful. The information about hormonal inbalance is very helpful. Osiris, I appreciate you sharing your experience and also your support.

After reading all the responses I will definitely look into seeing a therapist. I would love to get past this once and for all.
 

wldhoney

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I swear we were cut from the same cloth or we were family in a past life. (Oops! Better not say that or I'll get another thread started on do you believe in past lives. BACK OFF MEM! :biggrin1: ). This is why I love you wldhoney, you are so intuitive and so gracious. :kiss:

Laugh....I agree. We seem to have had the same experiences and childhoods in many ways. You are awesome, as always!

thanks for the comments. Do you think I should be honest with my girlfriend and tell her about the way I feel? Wouldn't that be very disappointing if someone told you they felt disgusted with you however brief as that phase it may be? She always grabs my head and rests it on her chest after I cum. I feel terrible because obviously she's trying to be very intimate and I'm there feeling the exact opposite of how I should feeling at that moment. It's frustrating.

I think you should, VF. Women usually want to touch and remain close after sex, and we pick up on or read into the man's actions here. She probably realizes you are withdrawing from her and may think it is a rejection of her personally, which can be very hurtful. Be honest, tell her it is not about her at all, that you are trying to understand it. Logically you know it's something within you, emotionally you react. If this is someone you are developing a relationship with, she may be able to support you along the way and it will create a closer bond.
 

Principessa

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I found these two posts to be quite insightful. The information about hormonal inbalance is very helpful. Osiris, I appreciate you sharing your experience and also your support.

After reading all the responses I will definitely look into seeing a therapist. I would love to get past this once and for all.


You've received some great advice. I wish you and your girlfriend luck. Things like this take time but they can be worked through with patience and caring. It probably doesn't make you feel any better, but you are not alone. :redface:

Laugh....I agree. We seem to have had the same experiences and childhoods in many ways. You are awesome, as always!

I think you should, VF. Women usually want to touch and remain close after sex, and we pick up on or read into the man's actions here. She probably realizes you are withdrawing from her and may think it is a rejection of her personally, which can be very hurtful. Be honest, tell her it is not about her at all, that you are trying to understand it. Logically you know it's something within you, emotionally you react. If this is someone you are developing a relationship with, she may be able to support you along the way and it will create a closer bond.


I was raised in a strict Methodist home and was taught good girls did not have sex before marriage. . . :rolleyes: Theres that friggin' organized religion thing making people miserable. My ex-bf was a devout Catholic he honestly believed that sex was only for procreation! I can't tell you how long it took me to get him to just relax and enjoy; without muttering the mantra: don't get pregnant, please don't get pregnant, don't get pregnant. :redface: Given that I was on the pill and we were using condoms the mantra was overkill in my opinion and a bit of a mood killer. :tongue:


 

sbeBen

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vibratingfinger: I still feel sure that after sex with your gilfriend is to do with chemicals etc.(like mww stated). And yes you obviously have had a different upbringing than me as far as religion goes. I do hear the "men just want to roll over and go to sleep and women just want to cudle" often. I just think it's part of the recovery process. It says something that you recover from this state quickly though doesn't it?

I was wrong to not advise councelling though because it's really up to you and your upbringing could help to manifest these feelings.

I have also read and heard about feelings of guilt after masturbation. Makes sad thinking about it now. But again your body thinks you have just had intercourse and maybe (I hope) it's the chemical thing going on. I will do some research.
 

Ed69

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thanks for the comments. Do you think I should be honest with my girlfriend and tell her about the way I feel? Wouldn't that be very disappointing if someone told you they felt disgusted with you however brief as that phase it may be? She always grabs my head and rests it on her chest after I cum. I feel terrible because obviously she's trying to be very intimate and I'm there feeling the exact opposite of how I should feeling at that moment. It's frustrating.

Yes tell her it shows in your eyes and body language.I had the same problem,always felt guilty and ashamed after.I just !wanted to take my clothes and run.As if I was going to get caught doing something dirty and sinful.My wife right off knew something was up.Through her help and support plus a good therapist things have been great for 14 years.We've even been caught in the back yard by a neighbor!No guilt or shame,just quick thumbs up for a great show from him.:smile:
 

sbeBen

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As you said you feel hatred to yourself DURING masturbation and not just after, then I suppose there is probably something going on. I only feel like this when I am depressed. During the act you should feel good.

I am worried that if you go for councelling you could go down the road of "I have a problem" and therefore label yourself. This could do more harm than good. I know it's common in American society to see a "shrink" so the same stigma is not there as it would be where I'm from. (I don't know where you reside). Oh sorry, yes, us of jesus freaks, hehe!

I can really empathise with you. But I'd just like to say I don't worry about it now because; like you, I know it passes.
 

BurningVenus

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I can see how that can be preceived as insulting but you are unaware of the context. It's an old signature. It's not about any person in particular but rather something a person said. And the person who said this is not a woman at all. Or at least as far as I know. This man does not contribute to this site but frequents it. This troubled soul knows who he is and got the message. So I'll remove the signature.

Good for you. :smile: I'm so glad you didn't cry or whine at some criticism. There has been entirely too much crybaby behavior around here lately.
 

wldhoney

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You've received some great advice. I wish you and your girlfriend luck. Things like this take time but they can be worked through with patience and caring. It probably doesn't make you feel any better, but you are not alone. :redface:



I was raised in a strict Methodist home and was taught good girls did not have sex before marriage. . . :rolleyes: Theres that friggin' organized religion thing making people miserable. My ex-bf was a devout Catholic he honestly believed that sex was only for procreation! I can't tell you how long it took me to get him to just relax and enjoy; without muttering the mantra: don't get pregnant, please don't get pregnant, don't get pregnant. :redface: Given that I was on the pill and we were using condoms the mantra was overkill in my opinion and a bit of a mood killer. :tongue:


LMAO! :tongue: The irony of the religious conditioning to have sex only to make babies while praying to not become pregnant. You would think that would be birth control enough, but it just goes to show how strong the human desire to have sex is. Talk about having to work for an orgasm!