I hate myself for being gay.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by mymilkshakez, Jan 11, 2012.

  1. mymilkshakez

    mymilkshakez New Member

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    I can't even admit to myself that I am gay. None of my friends, family, or anyone I know is gay and they all treat it like it is a disease. It's wrong and I've been fed this my whole life and right now I cannot cope with it. Every time I get drunk, high, I am afraid I'll slip so I cannot even really enjoy myself when I get out. I am naturally a manly man but inside I know I am still attracted to older men but even somedays I will be attracted to woman. Some days I just pray for hours and think about my life if I wasn't gay. I hate myself right now. I really do.
     
  2. Woody110

    Woody110 Active Member

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    You should make some gay friends. Start spending time around people who are happy, well-adjusted, successful and yet gay. You need to balance out that negativity and start making up your own mind about what it means to be gay.
     
  3. salter

    salter Active Member

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    I think the best thing is just to hold on for awhile longer. You'll spend more time here, you'll find other sites, you'll meet other manly gay men and it will slowly begin to get better. Many of us here (particularly older men like me) went through this. But it's easier now. Good luck.
     
  4. sykray

    sykray Active Member

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    I can understand how and why you are self-hating and have problems accepting that you are mainly gay. However:

    We choose what to think. We choose what to believe. We choose what we feel. You describe yourself as more gay than straight. So, make your choices - are you going to continue to be miserable as a self-hating gay man or will you prefer to be a happy homosexual man?

    If you choose the latter - to be happy and fulfilled as a predominantly gay man - then plan how you reconcile this with your religious, family or societal values.

    Some people choose to be celibate; some choose to keep their sexuality secret from their friends and family; some choose to join a christian church or group that honours their religious beliefs but accepts that it's OK to be gay, too. There are several other choices available to to you.
     
  5. dude_007

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    It is hard. You are at a tough age, and I hope you know there are people in the world who will love you for who you are. If your thoughts get really bad, the most important thing you can do is reach out to someone.
     
  6. sexplease

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    Try not to be so hard on yourself or others. Your road ahead is filled with friends, love, companionship, learning and so many many wonderful events and places. It's a world rich in textures and sounds, in sights and feelings.
    As you recognize the feelings you are currently experiencing, know that it is because you care and love deeply that you also feel anxiety and frustrations deeply too.
    Life offers us all a great deal to work with and plenty of time to do so.
    As you grow, you will learn many wonderful things about others by learning about yourself.
    To find solutions to the challenges that life tosses at you will help you express the unique person you are.
    No one else, of seven billion! people on this beautiful world can be, nor ever will be, as good at being you but you.
    Right now you are testing the waters so to speak. You are asserting the powerful, thoughtful and loving person who lives deep in your heart,mind and soul.
    It can be frustrating at times as this happens, especially in your young adult years, because your coping skills and patience is a little green.
    In time, and with the love of the friends and family you choose, you will shine.
    We all have moments when some of the things or places, people and family (yes family) are not resonating with what lives within ourselves. One thing about family: they are a collective of people you share a common heritage with and they are also filled with many who love you for who you are. Perhaps one feels this way or that about things that may or may not pertain to you, and so it is with all peoples on earth.
    Do the best you can with what is in your heart and know there are countless people, family too, who will be there to catch you when you fall, laugh with you, cry with you and love with you.
    Life IS good. I hope I live another lifetime and remember it all!
     
    #6 sexplease, Jan 11, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2012
  7. DV8

    DV8
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    First of all, handsome, I have to say this. You've already admitted that you're gay.
    And the fact that you know this is your first step, and for that, I'm proud of you. This is not something that's easy for you, I know this. It wasn't easy for me either, and I was 14. Thirteen years later, and I can tell you- I'm happy! And you can be as well. Your family- that's definitely a hard one, and they don't have to know until you're ready. It's your business, not theirs. I do have an issue with the friends part though, because your friends are the family that you get to choose, and anyone you choose to call a friend should love you for you, no matter what.

    I'm not a religious person, but I do believe in a higher being, and I promise you- God's listening, and you are the way he/she wants you to be. You didn't ask to be gay, and something that I can promise you is that you're never given anything that you can't handle. Yesterday morning, I couldn't sleep and I was facebooking and I saw this video that a friend posted on her page. I didn't know why I sat there and watched it, but I believe that I watched it because you're meant to see this.

    A Real Message to Real Peopleon Bishop Jim Swilley - live streaming video powered by Livestream

    You're going to make it, and you're going to succeed. You'll never truly be happy until you learn to love you. Some people believe we're deviants, but a deviation is merely a step away from the mean, the norm. And everyone society tries to fit in a perfect mold that doesn't exist. We are who we are, and if you're a good person and treat others with the respect you'd want someone to give you, then that's what matters. So, please, watch the video. And if you need to talk, feel free to message me- you can never be a bother.

    I wish you the best of luck,

    Dante'
     
  8. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    -You are an incredibly beautiful man physically. I suspect you are also an incredibly beautiful man emotionally You need to let these doubts subside and let your true, beautiful nature come through. No matter who or how you turn out to be, you will be wonderful. I suspect you'll be gay, but whether or not that's true, you'll be you and that's all you ever need to be. Never let your "friends" or your family determine who you are. Only you know that and often that evolves as you do. No matter what you may have been bred to believe, they are not the boss of you and only you can decide what is right. For you.

    Move on. Grow up. Grow. Life is in your hands, if you take it.

    Best of luck.

    xxx
     
    #8 B_Nick8, Jan 11, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2012
  9. tiggerpoo

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    My heart goes out to you. I'm dreadfully sad that you hate yourself for being who and what you are. You're 19, and from your pics you appear to have a beautiful body and, no doubt a beautiful mind.

    At 19 I was truly hung up about my small penis and tiny physically weak body. Perhaps I even hated myself. How I envied strong well endowed guys. The years taught me to accept and be comfortable myself with all my limitations and faults.

    I encourage you to accept and be yourself as a beautiful person, completely entitled to be who you are.
     
  10. Charles Finn

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    life is too short to hate one self life is for loving to live to laugh and to love you are 19 stop the hate distance yourself from the hate right now surround yourself with people that love and accept you for you
     
  11. Charles Finn

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    you are your own person let the hate stop with you we are put here to love not hate
     
  12. D_Otis_Criblecoblis

    D_Otis_Criblecoblis Account Disabled

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    Good luck man. Life is tough but you can get through this. Nothing wrong in being gay. It does not define you as a person. Your family will still love you and if your friends dont understand then they really arent your friends. Stay strong and if need be please talk to someone.... Peace
     
  13. chuck216

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    I've been in the same situation when younger, even though I had fooled with other guys as a teen, I figured it was just a phase, just being a horny teen. I even lied to myself and tried dating women, with utter failure. I spent my 20's as pretty much a loner until I met a guy online, when i was 35 or so we eventually got together and fell in love. We were together several years, but something weird happened, he introduced me to a friend of his and somehow the friend and I fell in love, but the previous boyfriend had no problem with this as we were drifting apart emotionally, though still good friends, so good in fact that my current BF and I share a house with my Ex and his current boyfriend. But the fact is I denied my being gay for all those years because I didn't fit the standard "gay" stereotype. I still don't, and you wouldn't know I'm a cocksucker and love being fucked, and to fuck to look at me. Yes I came out to my family after I met my first boyfriend and they accepted it. I don't hide the fact I'm gay from others but then again I don't advertise it, if someone asks, I'm honest but if they don't ask I can't help if their assumptions are wrong. Just be proud of who you are we're people and that's all that matters.
     
  14. tncentaur

    tncentaur Well-Known Member

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    You need to take some quick, practical steps:
    1.) Your immediate social and family context doesn't support you:
    even if it's a phone call to a support line, or to a gay community-sponsored
    coming out group--get there, at least for an hour a week. Self-hatred
    for any reason is wrong, wrong, wrong.
    2.) If you are really religious, find a congregation that accepts you--sounds like you may have to travel to do so. If God hears you pray (and I believe that to be so), maybe He hasn't 'changed you back' because He values and loves you the way you are.
    3.) Stay away from the drugs and the alcohol you mention. Get to a gym, build that body, mind and spirit there to change things. I have met many positive-minded gay men at they gym who are now good friends.
    4.) If you need to talk to someone who's been through this, write me back. Since I've been where you are (I am 65), I would be glad to correspond or talk with you.
    5.) You have to fight for yourself--you are just fine. I wouldn't be any other way than what I am now--loved and accepted, in love with a really masculine man with whom I have been for forty years, and happy! Be with people who value you for everything you are, for who you really are. Back off from the self hatred and self pity and get moving.
     
  15. drabman

    drabman Member

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    That is so sad. There is NOTHING wrong in being gay. Homosexuality is completely normal, exists throughout nature and was accepted in many of the great civilisations that we base much of our political and social values on and which ironically many of the scumbag homophobes claim to admire. Indeed in some it was even encouraged in a few - for example in ancient Greece.

    Homophobia is entirely a cultural phenomenon - in the West it seems to be largely due to the perversion of the message of Christianity. As a straight Catholic (from a VERY devout and sadly a little homophobic family) I can say this without having an agenda. If you ask me, when Jesus comes back his first targets will be the racists and homophobes of the established churches.

    Many great men and women throughout history were gay - a further delicious irony is the fact that a number of historical figures beloved of right-wing homophobes were rampant homosexuals. Outside the Palace Of Westminster (aka the Houses Of Parliament) here in my home town, is a famous statue of Richard (I) the Lionheart, revered Plantagent Warrior King of England (even though he could have cared less about our country and thought of himself as French/Angevin) and more importantly a firm Friend Of Dorothy - as were a number of other English Kings, such as William (Rufus) II, Edward II, Richard the III and James I. It's fairly well-known among those with an ear to the ground that a prominent current member of the UK Royal Family is gay, even though he's married with a child. (I have no wish to experience a spell in the Tower or to get the site in trouble, so I won't name him. I'm sure there are a number of fellow Brits who know who I'm talking about).

    You're in good company. Be proud and strong.

    If it wasn't for the hateful prejudice, I sometimes think I'd prefer to be gay - at least I understand men!
     
    #15 drabman, Jan 11, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2012
  16. D_Jacqueline_Boozann

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    Please don't feel that way: you are, who you are. If you are gay; then, that is what it is: if you aren't gay -- that's OK, too.

    Now, you may be going through a phase...you might be Bi-curious, which is just fine.
     
  17. avg_joe

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    Just face the reality and be proud of who you are. You might also want to move to gay friendly environment.
     
  18. D_Char_D_Naye

    D_Char_D_Naye New Member

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    I can see why uou love TinyPrincess !
     
  19. Pierced1953

    Pierced1953 New Member

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    If your gay you can still be manly or bi which seems to be what I'm thinking you are. Get out there and experiment and find who you are. Be proud of who you are. What I hate is people who think they can judge.
     
  20. DV8

    DV8
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    ...and what the fuck is wrong with you?
     
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