I hate myself for being gay.

erratic

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Wow you guys are so supportive! Thanks for all the kind words! I've been thinking about what you guys have said and now I see a new light! Love you guys !

You've received a lot of great advice on this thread. I'm really glad to hear it's helped you out.

And if you ever wonder if you can't be gay and manly, talk to Gareth Thomas and his many missing teeth. ;)
 

B_Nick8

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Wow you guys are so supportive! Thanks for all the kind words! I've been thinking about what you guys have said and now I see a new light! Love you guys !

Thank you for checking back in with us. I was beginning to get a little concerned. I'm very glad you're feeling better about yourself.
 

CUBE

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"A young adult in 2012 doesn't need to be told that it's okay to be gay and that he should love it and embrace it. He's heard that before. It's been a very popular cultural attitude for as long as he's been on this earth. Being presented with it a few more times here isn't going to magically change the outlook to "Oh, okay, I guess I'm happy now then, if people on LPSG said I should be." .[/QUOTE]

I don't agree with this statement. If one is not in a supportive envirnoment they do need to be told. Isolation happens in ways that negates changes in our culture that we assume everyone sees and understands. I work with people everyday that do not have families that support them. It is amazing because you think, "Yes, but there is all these media outlets that show change is here. How can one not see it and know they are OK." Because the culture of that individual does not allow the messages in to the person in a way they connect to.

Not trying to change the point of the thread. But when someone says they need help. And they come here to ask for help. To me it is most impressive that the guys here are trying to explain another view point and they speak from experience to help this person. They simply are saying that our little bro is not alone and he is worthy. He is worthy. Peace guys
 

BIGBULL29

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Wow you guys are so supportive! Thanks for all the kind words! I've been thinking about what you guys have said and now I see a new light! Love you guys !

We love you, too! We want to help you and make you see that there is a gorgeous light at the end of the tunnel. And by doing what you just did (posting this thread) brings you further down the tunnel towards the light,

Best of luck to you, buddy!!:smile:
 

7"24

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This thread is awesome for the fact that some many people can relate with op. I'm 24, and just started my first gay relationship in October. I had an experience As a child that made me question whether I was gay or if it was just something developed from the past. But I can honestly say I dated girls and told them I loved them. But I have never felt love like I have with my boyfriend.

And so now I am at 24 Im finally coming to terms with being gay. I hate that word, I almost just want to say bi because it doesn't feel like the word gay feels.

I have been an emotional wreck since we got together and I realized This is who I want to be with forever. But that has definitely not been easy to accept. I still can't, how do I tell my 3 brothers 21,18,17 years old. I mean I know it's not wrong, but I just became ok with it you know. How can I expect them to not judge etc. I am so straight appearing that it's easy to hide.

I can't say I hate myself for it, and definitely hope you don't. At the End of the day you have to remember that we didn't choose to be gay. I fully believe its a genetic trait or embedded somewhere. I am also ADD, and left handed. Lots of research could be put into linking these.

This thread has definitely helped me along my journey to self acceptance. This place has its idiots and creepers. But there are so many awesome genuine people here to help, I think you will be just fine :)
 

FRE

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7"24;3906324 said:
This thread is awesome for the fact that some many people can relate with op. I'm 24, and just started my first gay relationship in October. I had an experience As a child that made me question whether I was gay or if it was just something developed from the past. But I can honestly say I dated girls and told them I loved them. But I have never felt love like I have with my boyfriend.

And so now I am at 24 Im finally coming to terms with being gay. I hate that word, I almost just want to say bi because it doesn't feel like the word gay feels.

I have been an emotional wreck since we got together and I realized This is who I want to be with forever. But that has definitely not been easy to accept. I still can't, how do I tell my 3 brothers 21,18,17 years old. I mean I know it's not wrong, but I just became ok with it you know. How can I expect them to not judge etc. I am so straight appearing that it's easy to hide.

I can't say I hate myself for it, and definitely hope you don't. At the End of the day you have to remember that we didn't choose to be gay. I fully believe its a genetic trait or embedded somewhere. I am also ADD, and left handed. Lots of research could be put into linking these.

This thread has definitely helped me along my journey to self acceptance. This place has its idiots and creepers. But there are so many awesome genuine people here to help, I think you will be just fine :)

Probably you should tell you family, but there is no rush. First become comfortable with your situation then choose the right time and place to tell them.

Consider telling them by writing a letter. Some people would see that as too impersonal, but there are reasons for doing it that way. It would give you time to choose your words very carefully to ensure that you are saying exactly what you intend to say. It would also prevent your family members from expressing a knee-jerk reaction. It would provide them with some time to think about their response before responding.

After writing a letter, you may choose to tell them in person instead, but writing the letter first would help you to organize your thoughts so that you could express yourself more accurately when you do tell them in person.

You are in a better situation than we are to gauge your family's possible reaction. They may be entirely accepting, or they may be shocked and rejecting. If you are rejected, consider maintaining your distance from them for a while until things settle down. Rejection us usually temporary.
 
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concupisys

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at 32, after having my first homosexual experience at 23 and coming out at 26, there are still a lot of things about homosexuality that i'm trying to grasp.... i've managed to develop my own personal boundaries and preferences about a lot of things, though i will admit that even among other homosexuals i feel very much like an outsider in many ways.... alas, that's my problem, and i've altered my own way of life in a way that i can minimize whatever negativity i happen to feel through adversity....

to the OP: you are still very young and fresh to this scene, just becoming an adult and learning about the 'real' world (whatever that is).... for this reason, you have one very good thing on your side: TIME.... try not to jump the gun (no pun intended) on your feelings at this point as they and your life will change very fast over the next 5 years.... if your exploration of your sexuality requires discretion, i would suggest joining more sites like this.... a mobile dating app might also be good to have because you can see all the people close to you who share your lifestyle.... okcupid is particularly good, and it's not oversexualized like so many other apps out there....that's if you own a smartphone anyway.... most importantly though: just be yourself.... if that means you have brief episodes of flaming gay-ness, just go with it and be comfortable in your skin.... if you find people close to you pulling away, let them go and keep growing in to who you happen to be.... there is no point in faking who you are or holding on to people in your life who are making you feel bad for being yourself.... the ones who really care about you will come around, and the douchebags will move on just like you should be too.... there are lots of great people who will guide and support you on your path to self-discovery.... just let nature take its course and the real you - the one who is happy, strong, and confident as a human being of any sexual orientation - will take shape....

and goddammit: HAVE FUN!
 

D_Sal_Manilla

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I don't know if you'll read my comment but you have too look deep within yourself to see what makes you happy.

Do you believe that being gay is wrong?

if you know that your friends would not accept you if you told them. Are they really friends?

I don't know if you live in a big city but try to go to one. Check out the gay scene or not even, just go out and meet people and if this really becomes a problem. (you start having suicidal thoughts) see a therapist.
Not saying that you're crazy but I've had friends that killed themselves because they faced the same situation.

I'm sorry but loving yourself is something that you have to achieve on your own. and believe me that there are days that I hate who I am.

I wish you the best of luck.
 

Smallprivate

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Hey man, I'm in the same boat... The one thing that was helpful was taking a trip to a place where gay was normal. It's wild, like a total 180, there I could stop worrying and hating that part of myself. I think it's true how ur surroundings can feed the hate or in this case make it go away for awhile.
 

Mogluver

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To the OP, thanks so much for posing the question and starting the thread. So happy to read your thoughts, and your feeling better. Glad that others in the same situation have added to the discussion, it is all part of a positive community we all belong to, and support. Helping one another is part of the rent we all pay for living. What I read here makes me feel so good, I only wish a forum like this was around 40 years ago.
 

hairyversmuscle

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A lot of long posts here bud. Life it what you make of it. I really wanted a straight life, with a wedding, wife, kids, family trips, etc... but life doesn't give you stuff like that. There are always curve balls.

I remember being 19 and figuring out what was different about me finally. When I admitted it to myself (not to others) my life instantly got better! I stopped trying to be someone I wasn't.

I did have to set distance between myself and my family, a distance that was hard to make up but I did. It took many years but now, I am exactly who I want to be. No I don't have a wife and kids, but I enjoy being an uncle, have a partner, a great job, and feel so mentally strong because I had to tackle my identity at such a young age. Like you.

I know it is hard to think about parents and stuff, but, you are now an adult, just like they are. And although you have gone your whole life with them as an authority in your life, they no longer are. You are the only one in charge of your life. If you are having issues with hating life, you should stop getting high and drinking, it will only make the issues much worse. Trust me, been there done that. Feel free to write any time if you need help.

I am a very manly man. I am a semi-pro athlete, have almost all straight friends and am 100% completely out and proud.
 

heathandjake

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Stay true to YOURSELF; I'm not going to sugarcoat your future; there'll be moments when you'll need to dig deep inside yourself and tap into the will and strength to continue. There's a great future in store for you but dark moments will always be lingering in the shadows. Life does go on but you'll be the one that needs to take that first step.

I'm halfway through my 45th year of life and I still have an issue or two about being gay because I don't really fit into the stereotype (s). Being Latino doesn't make my sexuality any easier. In my world, you're either a man's man or a joto (faggot); you really can't be in-between. I've lost a few "friends" along the way and it hurts but in the long run I've come to realize they're the ones that really lose out. I'm a successful professional and I have a generous support network of family, friends and coworkers. Carry on my friend...
 

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A lot of long posts here bud. Life it what you make of it. I really wanted a straight life, with a wedding, wife, kids, family trips, etc... but life doesn't give you stuff like that. There are always curve balls.

I remember being 19 and figuring out what was different about me finally. When I admitted it to myself (not to others) my life instantly got better! I stopped trying to be someone I wasn't.

I did have to set distance between myself and my family, a distance that was hard to make up but I did. It took many years but now, I am exactly who I want to be. No I don't have a wife and kids, but I enjoy being an uncle, have a partner, a great job, and feel so mentally strong because I had to tackle my identity at such a young age. Like you.

I know it is hard to think about parents and stuff, but, you are now an adult, just like they are. And although you have gone your whole life with them as an authority in your life, they no longer are. You are the only one in charge of your life. If you are having issues with hating life, you should stop getting high and drinking, it will only make the issues much worse. Trust me, been there done that. Feel free to write any time if you need help.

I am a very manly man. I am a semi-pro athlete, have almost all straight friends and am 100% completely out and proud.

I am so proud of you, too. :smile:

I just hope the OP will follow in your footsteps (minus getting high and drinking).
 

B_bxmuscle

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One day you'll look back on this way of thinking and regret how much of your time, energy and potential for personal fulfillment and self-development was wasted on such ideas and feelings. Hopefully that'll be sooner rather than later.
 

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i used to consider being gay a punishment too, now i view it as a blessing, it places you outside of popular society, it let's you take a step back and take a good long hard look at that society. being gay means ur ostracised, means u have it harder than most people, and that my friend builds character. also, there is no god so don't worry

i'm more of a dude myself, i once tried to be like other gays but no matter how hard i tried it didn't work , now i embrace the fact that i'm not the kind of guy who's more feminine than most women are. talk to me bro