i have a problem...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by dolfette, Mar 19, 2008.

  1. dolfette

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    the problem is this...
    i LOVE to see him with other women. i love to see pics, to hear stories, to watch the videos.
    i love the idea that he's had fun sexually.
    i want to watch him, i want him to take it when he wants it.
    he's happy with this.

    but...
    he would like the same for me...and i'm just not interested.
    i've no desire to let anyone else touch me but him.
    he says he wants to see me being pleasured by other men.
    i know i wouldn't be pleasured at all...sex without love creeps me out.

    i don't think there's a solution.
    i'm not going to do anything i don't want.
    but he feels guilty that he plays and i don't.

    i guess this is just a vent *sigh*

    {no safe sex rants please. he rubbers up.}
     
  2. B_dumbcow

    B_dumbcow New Member

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    It should be fine if he understands that you only love him and don't want other men to be with you, in fact he should be honoured.

    I don't really have much advice on this situation, but good luck and I hope you work things out :smile:
     
  3. lucky8

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    i see no problem...lol i wish i could find a girl like you
     
  4. dolfette

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    he understands that...
    it's just really hard knowing he has desires that i'm not satisfying.

    thanks
     
  5. Kiks121

    Kiks121 New Member

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    if sex without love creeps you out, why are you happy for your bf to have loveless sex with other women?
     
  6. Gonzo3

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    "Good luck" hun..........
     
  7. B_lilylabia

    B_lilylabia New Member

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    This is a no-win situation.

    You're both feeling "guilty" about something that neither of you have any desire to change.

    You either just accept that and continue in the relationship trying to ignore those guilty feelings and just focus on the bits that make you both happy in the hope that the fulfilment outweighs the guilt, or call it a day and endeavour to find another partner with whom you can be yourself with no pressure to be somebody you're not.

    I wouldn't like to be in your shoes, Dolfette, it must be very distressing. I hope you work it out.

    Lily:34:
     
  8. dolfette

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    creeps me out for me.
    i can't stand to be touched by someone i'm not close to.
    when he does it both people are enjoying it, so it's not creepy.
    exactly...
    he can't change his desires and i can't change my limits.
    sux. :frown1:
     
  9. Jovial

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    The best advice I can give is to tell him you may want to do it in the future, like if you have a change of heart. Lots of people feel differently years later. Maybe he won't feel as guilty now knowing that you have the option to do it in the future.
     
  10. Phil Ayesho

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    another minefield.

    If you eventually DO do the other guy thing, because of what you have expressed, he will suspect you "love" this other guy...
    that could cause a problem...


    You may want to try and transition this into more of a swap'n'share... that is, instead of him hooking up with random other women, and you going solo...

    A compromise would be to find 1 or two other couples whom you BOTH are attracted to and see if you both can develop the feeling that would make it comfortable for you.

    Kind of a compromise... a close couple you can both 'love'.. that nevertheless limits the number of people in the mix.


    I would rather share my woman with people I feel close to and care about than with some random stranger.
     
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