I have an ejaculation problem

Discussion in 'The Healthy Penis' started by BlondeGuyJonah, Nov 30, 2005.

  1. BlondeGuyJonah

    BlondeGuyJonah New Member

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    First of all, I would just like to say that I have been a long time lurker of these forums ever since I began puberty and started exploring the internet to help me understand my sexuality and my body.

    I am currently 17, but will soon be 18 in late January. I have had a fairly average puberty, I am a normal height and weight, with a normal penis size and I have no major health problems. I have posted this same query to other websites, one of which is a teen health and sexuality website that wasn't able to offer anything more than expressions of sympathy and pity (still very grateful that they tried to help), the other site was a sexology website that I submitted my question to but it hasn't been registered or answered as of yet.

    So I turned to this website, I knew that the people here were the foremost experts of everything and anything to do with male genitals, and so I am really hoping that someone here will understand. So basically I will begin from the start;

    My problem is an inability to ejaculate or gain any pleasure from masturbation. Basically, I have no erotic sensation in my penis, it basically feels like I am rubbing my arm when I am rubbing it. This is only part of the problem though, even though I can sustain an erection, I can rub until I have friction burns on my hand (no I have never rubbed this long that that has happened, plus I use lubrivcation) but nothing will happen, no ejaculation, no orgasm.

    I do have wet dreams however, and have had them since age 13. This is quite embarassing for me because every couple of weeks I have about 3 wet dreams on consecutive nights (kind of like a male version of a period) and I am left to wake up feeling sticky, uncomfortable and rather ashamed. For this reason, whenever I sleep at a friends house, go on a camp or sleep away from home, I need to sleep with a wad of tissues down my underwear to make things a little easier to clean in the morning when I don't have access to a shower.

    On some occassions I have woken up while I am ejaculating from a wet dream and I have a horribly painful sensation in my penis, it is almost like my penis can't ejaculate properly and is trying its very best to squeeze it out, this is a slow and dull pain that can last for about 5 minutes after I have finished ejaculating.

    Now these aren't the only consequnces, because of my inability to have sexual release, I have been addicted to porn since I started puberty. I feel disgusting and degraded and desperate, but if I don't go and satisfy myself by looking at porn I become extremely stressed out, mentally and physically.

    It is awful having to do this, once my dad caught me looking at porn (I was looking at gay porn at the time) and he was furious. We had a talk about it (this was after he was furious at me for coming out as gay, I am not gay anymore, I am omnisexual) and I pormised never to do it again. But, of course I kept doing it and I still continue to do it, I feel guilty everytime I do.

    Last year, I was caught and my parents made me see a psychiatrist because of the porn and because of my sexuality (they still thought I was gay, and so did I). After all of the times I had spoke with my parents, I had explained my situation to them, they were unable to help. I went to the doctor, he couldn't help, so I was refered to a urologist.

    The urologist had no idea about what might be wrong, but he did notice I had a tight frenulum due to my semi-circumcision when I was born. I had a $700 operation to fix the frenulum and he also checked out my prostate, bladder and urethra to see if I had any problems. I was perfect, nothing wrong with any of my parts, I didn't have any kinds of cancer or cysts or growths, all my parts were perfect.

    He thought that the now loose frenulum would give me more foreskin (I have only got half a foreskin) to masturbate with and help with sensativity. This operation did stop the tightness of my erection and allowed me more skin to move, but still I had no success.

    He did suggest that maybe my body hadn't developed enough to be able to masturbate (which didn't make sense since I knew I had the ability to ejaculate and my penis and testes were the right size for my age) and he considered hormone injections. He said that they would have to wait until I was about 19 or 20, until he was sure I finished growing for sure. But this would be extremely time consuming and very expensive for a practice that may not yield the results I require and may have potentially advrse results.

    The psychiatrist I went to at the same time as the urologist found me to be fine, she thinks I may have OCD but only to a mild degree, nothing that would drastically affect me. I told her about my sexual problems and how they were affecting me mentally, she couldn't help me out with that, she said she didn't know what might be causing it.

    Now, a whole year later, I am still faced with the same problems, same addictions, same stuggles. I don't look at porn as much anymore (I used to go on 7 hour shifts when I was 14, I knew I had a problem then), but I still feel as hony as I used to.

    I don't know how many of you can empathise with my situation, but sometimes I break down because of it, I just want to be normal sometimes. I get very distressed about not being able to do what everyone else takes for granted, I feel like an outsider and an absolute misfit. I know that some other people have a similar condition, but not as severe as mine.

    I want to eventually be in a sexual relationship, but I don't want to discover that I can't do anything when it comes to the sexual act. I sometimes things that I am being stupid about all of this, that some people are starving to death while I am concerned about my sexual health, and I end up feeling selfish and guilty, and then I hate myself and become depressed over all of it.

    My life is filled with so many other things, I am active in so many other ways, but I feel my life will never be complete with all of these feelings still inside of me.

    I also suffer from pee shyness, and I know that the reasons concerning it are probably psychological in root, my OCD and other phobias I have are also psychological, and I have read that other people who suffer from 'retarded ejacualtion' (that isn't what I have, but it is the closest thing to it from what I have read) is also psychological in root. I am asking for some help on where I could find advice on how to cure my condition or at least ease it, maybe a sexual therapist or a website I could acsess to gain some information. Anything would be better than what I must live with now.

    I have also recently considered chemical castration, to stop my sex drive altogether and in some of my more destructively angry moods, I have considered having everything cut off altogether (I have even considered doing it myself).

    Please, I am begging for your help. I am at the end of my tether here, and I am becoming less able to cope, I know I cannot last any longer like this, maybe a few months but not another year, definately not for the rest of my life.

    Yours sincerely,
    Jonah.

    (My name is not really Jonah, I had to change it because my name is googled far too easily and I really don't need my friends accidentally discovering my problems.)
     
  2. GoneA

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    I really would like to know what you are talking about, but the post is rather long. Could you give me the spark notes version? Or does the title tell all?
     
  3. BlondeGuyJonah

    BlondeGuyJonah New Member

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    Basically, I can't manage to ejaculate no matter what. I could rub my dick for hours, but I have no sensation, it just feels like I am rubbing my arm or other non-erogeonous area.

    I have sought the opinion of a urologist and psychiatrist but neither could provide any solution. I even had an operation which caused minimal change.

    I am just in need of any known solution. Maybe even hypnotherapy, but I can't find anywhere in my city (its a capital city as well) where psychosexual hypnotherapy is performed.

    The rest of the information is in the main post. But if anyone requires more information, I am able to divulge anything you need to hear.
     
  4. Matthew

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    Wow, Jonah, that sounds like a really frustrating situation to say the least. We're obviously not doctors here (or most of us aren't), but I hope people will have some helpful suggestions. To help me understand better, I have a question for you: Since you reported not being able to ejaculate or orgasm when you try to masturbate, how does looking at porn "satisfy" you, as you put it?
     
  5. GoneA

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    this is very curious. i'm at my wits end.
     
  6. D_Roderick Beresford Stiffington IV

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    If the doctor cleared you, and its just masturbating there shouldn't be anything wrong psychologically...you're also young so I doubt its stress, I'm 20 and I know young people get stressed too, but usually not to the point it makes them sick like middle aged people. Not feeling any sensation while rubbing your penis (Feeling like rubbing your arm you said) sounds very physical to me.

    Err...some questions, which might have been answered but it was a long post so I perused...

    Are you circumsized? Being circumsized you lose some nerves...maybe it was botched? Which leads to my next question...I assume since you're only seeking help now that this is recent, and before this you had sensations in your penis? Which would mean my first question is irrelevant. Um...are you on any medication, do you drink, drugs, etc? Have you been doing anything weird to your penis (i.e. PE exercises, etc?). How long has it been like this?

    These are probably questions your doctors asked already, hopefully its just a temporary thing and not serious. Do you jerk off frequently too? I remember a few years ago I was in a frenzy doing it like 5+ times a day and it was definetly less intense than my normal 2-4 times a week I do now.
     
  7. rawbone8

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    I'm no expert, just a typical poster. It seems confusing to me, but don't do anything drastic that damages youself permanently. Hang in and continue to seek expert help.

    You may be on to something regarding the feelings of shame and humiliation you mention and the negative and hostile behaviour of your parents. They seem very confused and fearful too. Remember that their anger likely stems from fears they have, whether unjustified or not. Disgust is powerful attitude that you mention. Where does that come from?

    On a physical level, if your penis is feeling numb, what about other erogenous areas? your balls? your nipples? ass? prostate gland? hair? etc.
     
  8. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    Aside from unconscious stimulus, I.E., wet dreams, I think your problem may lie in not having enough conscious visual stimulus. Again, I.E., magazines, videos, or maybe even the thought of some girl you like at school enough to consider having sex with. You say you're 18 going on 19? Go and rent a video from your local video store when you're alone in your house, and play it.

    Picture yourself in those sex acts with the women, concentrate on their shapely attributes as well their genitalia, their pussies, and think of how it must be like to taste them, as well as suck on their tits and clits.

    and don't forget some kind of lube such as KY astroglide for your dick.

    Hey, got me going when I was young.
     
  9. BlondeGuyJonah

    BlondeGuyJonah New Member

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    Matthew -- The reason porn satisfys me, is more of a psychological release. It takes me far far longer to get this satisfaction (a few hours), and the satisfaction only feels temporary. I also fantasise (I have developed quite a good imagination from it) about sex when I daydream, and to try and get myself to sleep. I know that the fantasising part is rather normal, but I have imagined myself having sex with every guy and girl I ever get get attracted to. Now that I am on holidays, I have been spending 3 or 4 hours on the computer searching and downloading porn. It tends to also detract from my social life and wastes most of my summertime and free time.

    OrbitzXT -- I have a semi-circ, when flaccid I am half covered by foreskin on my head, the rim of my dick is covered. When hard, I used to expereince tightness, after the surgery and extension of my frenulum I now have some skin to move. I was circumcised soon after birth, so I have no idea what it was like to have a foreskin, well a complete one anyway. So I guess I don't fall into the cut or uncut side of things, I'm just in limbo. Apparantly when the procedure happened I cried a lot, my mum couldn't bear to see me in that much pain, so my younger brother never got the snip as she never wanted to see him be in as much pain as I apparantly was.

    I am allergic to cigarettes (tabacco) so I have never touched those, my parents don't smoke, neither does anyone around me. Having said that, I would never touch marijuana or anything potentially more harmful. So no to the drugs. Alcohol is something I started to drink when I was 16 and a half, I don't drink all that often, only socially at parties, but nothing that would be too much in excess. The problems began before mI started drinking anyway.

    No, I haven't done anything strange to my penis, but I do have a bad memory of someone grabbing my crotch when I was 9 when we were playing a game, I know the person (he was my age) did it accidentally, but I have never forgotten about, and made me feel really sick to the stomach when it happened.

    Considering it has been like this since I started puberty, I started puberty around age 13, so I guess you would say just about 6 years.

    Well, the probelm about frequency of jacking off, is that I have never been able to successfully finish. I rubbed for about 10 minutes one time, with stimulation and lube, but it still felt like I was rubbing my arm. It just got boring to me, and irritating to my dick after that time, so I stopped. I felt nothing sexual or sensual at all.

    rawbone8 -- I guess the disgust part comes from looking up porn, and wasting my time trying to get some satisfaction. When I got bored of porn I started to do some seedy stuff, like take naked photos and send them to people I don't know in return for their photos, and webcam with people, all the while being a minor. I used fake aliases in chatrooms and did stuff just for a quick realease. But I guess it mainly comes down to the fact that I know I am hurting my parents by doing all of this.

    My dad doesn't know that I still have feelings for guys, or that I still look up porn. If he did, it would hurt him so much, he just isn't ready to cope with that knowledge. As much as he doesn't understand a lot of what I am dealing with, I understand why he can't see my point of view. He loves me a lot, and I have only just gotten his trust back. I reveal it now that after all the money and time my parents spent on me trying to help me make all of this better, I have just been falling back into old habits.

    My parents are some of the best people in the world, and it isn't only just so that I can gain some sense of independance back for myself away from all of these problems, it is so that I don't have to keep being so underhanded and sneaky about what I am doing behind their backs.

    So, as you can understand, it puts me in a really difficult position to go and seek counselling away from the internet as they still pay most of my medical expenses and it would be difficult to go and find help outside the virtual world by myself.

    Thanks for the responses so far, I hope what I have just written will help you understand furthur. Thanks again.
     
  10. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Do you have any feeling at all in your frenulum?
     
  11. well_endowed

    well_endowed New Member

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    Man, that's awful

    For you that is. I'm fine

    Bye
     
  12. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    OK, you weren't just bragging now were you there, well endowed?
     
  13. well_endowed

    well_endowed New Member

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    You smashed my bedroom window by throwing stones at it
     
  14. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    Well, at least I gave some advice rather than gloat.
     
  15. well_endowed

    well_endowed New Member

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    You rode your tricycle into my garden and threw big rocks into my windows, then peddled away giggling
     
  16. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    I see, well, it's plain, if not obvious you don't take anything really serious here. But I'm here to offer help to another member, not entertain banter that makes no sense.
     
  17. well_endowed

    well_endowed New Member

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    Wel, yes, agreed, again, and, quite, possibly, you know?
     
  18. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    Seriously tho, to BlondeGuyJonah, I apologize for not reading the entire 1st post. Best I can offer beyond conventional solutions is hopeful for the best, or quite possibly seek out the professional help of not a pyschologist, but rather maybe a sex therapist.

    There is something that is inhibiting your ability to ejaculate, and I personally have no rational as to why. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't stop at searching for a solution. I would definitely try various search engines on this, inparticular sites that specialize in this field.
     
  19. well_endowed

    well_endowed New Member

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    Yes, I agree
     
  20. college22punk9

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    here's what you need to do: go to the doctor.. or go back, regardless. tell him EVERYTHING. then if that doctor can't tell you anything useful, you go to a DIFFERENT doctor. if they aren't doing some sort of tests, and they are just listening to your problems and say "thats interesting" they aren't being a good MD. Your medical records are confidential, so you shouldn't feel obligated to hold back when confiding in your DR. Too many people rely on the internet of all places to "Self diagnose" and it just isn't accurate, and often times they end up not treating something that a doctor can notice and treat immediately. You need to get answers, but not from a webgroup or internet homepage. you need medical answers. if you never have feeling there, its more than likely some sort of nerve problem. they will probably need to do an ultrasound and or mri of your pelvic area to see if there is any weird sort of tissue damage in the area, which may be interfering with your nerves, ect.

    about your other stuff in your post.... i dont see how looking at porn can be "satisfactory" if you can't jerk off. to me that would make the frustration worse. you shouldn't worry about what your parents think about your sexuality, and you shouldn't put so much emphasis on labeling yourself. you are old enough that its not necessarily their business who you find attractive.

    if and when you go to the doctor, you should update your thread when you know whats wrong. thanks.
     
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