I have an ejaculation problem

well_endowed

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college22punk9 said:
here's what you need to do: go to the doctor.. or go back, regardless. tell him EVERYTHING. then if that doctor can't tell you anything useful, you go to a DIFFERENT doctor. if they aren't doing some sort of tests, and they are just listening to your problems and say "thats interesting" they aren't being a good MD. Your medical records are confidential, so you shouldn't feel obligated to hold back when confiding in your DR. Too many people rely on the internet of all places to "Self diagnose" and it just isn't accurate, and often times they end up not treating something that a doctor can notice and treat immediately. You need to get answers, but not from a webgroup or internet homepage. you need medical answers. if you never have feeling there, its more than likely some sort of nerve problem. they will probably need to do an ultrasound and or mri of your pelvic area to see if there is any weird sort of tissue damage in the area, which may be interfering with your nerves, ect.

about your other stuff in your post.... i dont see how looking at porn can be "satisfactory" if you can't jerk off. to me that would make the frustration worse. you shouldn't worry about what your parents think about your sexuality, and you shouldn't put so much emphasis on labeling yourself. you are old enough that its not necessarily their business who you find attractive.

if and when you go to the doctor, you should update your thread when you know whats wrong. thanks.


No, I disagree
 

Joh

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Get a second opinion from a different urologist and do not be afraid to ask the urologist about his educational background. You are hiring him for his professional help. Think more than twice before you let anyone go snipping or cutting anything near, around or about your cock. Our cocks are extremely important to us then to let a stranger to be messing about with or experimenting.:cool:
 

Matthew

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Jonah - the advice you are getting about seeing a specialist is sound and that's what you should follow. You may get some interesting anecdotes here, but we won't be able to truly diagnose or help you more than that. There are two separate issues here - the physiological problems that you need an MD/urologist for, and the psychological issues of guilt and shame around your sexuality and porn use. A therapist is the way to go for that.

As someone else said, if you get another "professional" that says "I can't help you", keep looking until you find one. Any therapist worth their weight in salt should be able to help you with the porn/sexuality stuff. You should pick one who you feel comfortable talking to.
 

madame_zora

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Well, he has done a lot of doctor visiting. Jonah, what I'm seeing you repeat is feelings of shame and self loathing, along with your parent's disapproval of your being gay. Gayness is not a disease, therefore it cannot be cured. You simply don't decide to change your sexual orientation to please someone else, invaribly it just causes depression and frustration. I can't help believe that this is at least part of the problem. I'm wondering if the lack of sensation you feel is in any way related to the guilt you feel over the kind of porn you are viewing?

Your parents might be very loving people who care about you a great deal, and still be WRONG! You don't need to be "fixed" as far as your sexual orientation goes, hell you may not even know for sure yourself at that age. A lot of us feel attraction to both genders to some degree, it isn't really until you begin to HAVE sex that you'll really know what turns you on the most. Omnisexual is a nice word, but I hope you aren't trying to tell yourself something that isn't true so you'll feel better about yourself in light of your parent's views. In the end, we simply cannot define ourselves by other people's definitions, even people we love very much.

Don't feel selfish about having a sucky sexual situation, sex is a large part of anyone's being. If it's not working properly, it WILL cause problems. The good news is that at your age now, you will probably be moving out on your own soon and won't have your parents involved in your every move as much as you do now. I don't know many parents that would be very good about their children looking at porn, parents don't like to think of their children as sexual beings, but that changes nothing. Your parents are not looking at this rationally, but rather emotionally. The fact that this situation has not been resolved is a shame, I hope you will try new doctors as has been suggested, and hold them accountable for coming up with some results! If they can't find the problem, they should at least be able to help you manage the symptoms.
 

BlondeGuyJonah

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Thanks again to everyone who has provided me with advice in this thread. I will otry to find another urologist soon, but I don't know how long it will take, the one I went to see was the only one in the area, so I may have to go interstate to find one. I will also try to find a registered psychosexual therapist to help as well.

Thanks to all of you again, Jonah.
 

rogue_mj

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Jonah

Medical Doc here.

My thoughts are that you are suffering from a psychological problem. It seems to me that you are too focussed on the problem instead of just allowing nature to take its course. You say you jack off for like 10 minutes and then give up. It sometimes takes MUCH longer than 10 minutes. I think you are giving up way to soon. Dont jack off so hard your hand gets tired. Dont jack off with th intention of cumming, but rather grab your cock and stroke it gently, feel your penis, rub it and play with it, rub your balls, squeeze them gently, just enjoy the feeling. Dont try to actually reach orgasm with a mission, if you just keep stroking and playing with it you will eventually relax and you will probably be able to cum.

Sometimes when we are not totally turned on physically it can take 1/2 an hour or more, sometimes even an hour. Once you totally just give in to your body and relax, you will find that you will actually learn how to reach an orgasm and you will then be able to cum quicker. Most of you Problem is probably in your head.

I wonder if you are on an antidepressant? You mentioned OCD somewhere in one of your quotes. Often with OCD the treatment is an SSRi antidepressant, and the major side-effect of the SSRIs are DELAYED ORGASM. If that is the case you may need to jack off for an hour or more to reach a climax!!! THAT IS NORMAL in patients on an SSRI. Are you on one?

The key here is to stop worrying, play with yourself with one goal in mind, just to have fun and feel good... NOT TO REACH AN ORGASM... if you do that you may well shock yourslef and blow a good load!

The second is to stop worrying.... it seems all your emotions including your "gay thoughts" and your sexual questioning and your "addiction" are just a normal phase most of us go through at some point in our lives.

Feel free to e-mail me if you want.

Rogue.
 

b1988

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Jonah,
I was touched by your anxiety. I think that it has a lot to do with your problem. I am concerned that this will get worse as you obsess over it.
Your Dad's response to the gay porn incident was unfortunate. It couldn't have helped matters.
I am going to go out on a limb and tell you that sex with a guy that you find attractive, both physically and emmotionally, might be a very good thing for you. It may sound a little nervy to suggest this, but I think that sharing an intimate sexual experience with someone might help you find your natural sexuality.
Best of luck. w
 

SomeGuyOverThere

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Hmmm...

This is a bit of a different approach which you may find worth following:

You say that you have no special sensation in your penis? Well, have you been diagnosed for any possible nerve problems?

My sister suffers from Cerebal Palsy, which IIRC, caused her to not feel things correctly for a long time, it had to be a very strong sensation, like a bristly brush being rubbed down her arm, for her nerves to kick in. For a long time, we had to basically run down her arms, legs, hands and feet with a sort of half-spounge, half brush thing, every day, and over time it helped her nerves so she now has better nerve signals from the extremities of her body.

I think, it's more likely that you are experienceing signal problems, that the feeling of pleasure just isn't getting from your cock to your brain, so your brain isn't triggering the right chemical releases for an orgasm and ejaculation to occur. This is why you're "Addicted to porn" because your brain is desperatly looking for some sort of release from the sexual tension and not receiveing the proper physical stimulation from your cock.

I think this based on the fact that your cock has been checked out and your mind has been checked out, and both are fine, so perhaps its a problem with the two communicating, as ejactulation is to do with both.

Obviously, remember that I'm just an opinionated internet person, I am not a certified medical professional so I'm not automagically right, this is just a theory I have based on my very limited knowledge in the area.


Whatever happens, I'd just like to add my sympathey to your ever-growing pile. :( That sounds like a living hell man. Also remember that although pople are worse off than you, your sexual health is an important part of your over-all wellbeing, so it is important in it's own right.
 

Rikter8

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I agree with MadamZora..

I think that there are other underlying issues which may be In ADDITION to a physical issue, if one exists.

I too was in the exact same situation you were in, however I could ejaculate. But it took effort.

Depression, and loathing of no self worth really kills any erection or ejaculation abilities.

It may be just that making you feel numb - whereas your mind is thinking of other things rather then sensing the pleasure.

Porn is porn - rather it be gay/straight whatever. It all has dicks, or pussies...but its made for exactly what you are using it for - jack off material.

I would not let your parents force you into being someone you are not.
I did the same thing...saw a therapist to be "Cured".
I ended up quitting, after he wanted to prescribe "Pills" that will clear my sexuality.

Just use your better judgement, dont worry about your sexual orientation right now, and focus on getting better.
SOmeguy and the others are right - Were not doctors.

See a different Urologist, and get a second opinion.
Have all your tests, history etc etc sent from the other Dr.
This is normal procedure, and the second doctor should have the history.
(I'd have it sent over After he sees you. Let him make his own prognosis, then see what else has been done)
 

ThaitAss

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Hi Jonah,
As always at this board, some wonderful suggestions have been made. I wanted to expand on what Madame Zora, Doctor Rogue and SomeGuyOverThere had to say.

It sounds to me like you may have been taught to view masturbation as a sin, never mind if you're looking at gay or straight porn. The added stress from thinking there's something wrong with you for being aroused by other men is making it impossible for you to have any enjoyment at all.

Masturbation and sexual release are selfish things - things you do for yourself. Yes, I hold selfishness to be a virtue (Objectivist here.)

You need to give yourself permission to enjoy your body, to be aroused by whatever it is you're aroused by (well, clearly if you're aroused by violence or sex with kids, then you would need therapy.) But attraction to men, to women, to men & women at the same time are normal. Perhaps you like to watch others having sex? How do you feel if anyone sees your penis? Ashamed? You've been taught to feel that. You can get out from under that teaching, but you have to give yourself permission to break with what you were taught. You have to accept that your parents or whoever it was that taught you to feel shame about your body - were wrong. But before you make that an issue to feel guilty about, remember that they were taught those things, and have been feeling guilty all their lives. Break the cycle.

Acknowledge that your feelings of shame were taught to you, and that the teaching is wrong, not your desire to enjoy sex. It is NOT wrong to enjoy the feelings your body is built to provide to you (sex is meant to be enjoyable so people will be motivated to procreate, lol, but I have no kids and I enjoy plenty of sex, both with my husband and on my own!)

You've already said that you've tried thinking of all sorts of people to whom you feel attracted and looking at pictures and even reading porn. I have a new suggestion for you.

Write your own stories. Have you tried writing pornographic stories yourself? You expressed yourself well in your opening post (which I read in its entirety), and I think it would be very exciting for you to try writing a hot story or two.

I have found it works for me. It is only recently I began writing graphic sexual stories. I'm female, and do enjoy writing stories about sex with men I'm attracted to whom I've seen on TV. But I also found I became extremely horny writing about men masturbating and being attracted to one another, and giving each other blowjobs! You don't know where your writing may take you, but I think it will help you to discover what it is that really turns you on.

Perhaps you will find that your fantasy sex includes a man & a woman in a mini-orgy! Who knows? If your parents discover you masturbating again, and try to give you grief over whatever it is that has proven successful, you need to stand up for your right to be an individual, different from them. Don't let them make you feel guilt & shame.
 

regularguy

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Hey dude, you may have a pudendal nerve entrapment, otherwise known as PNE. It's so rarely diagnosed correctly that people normally take 7 to 20 years to find the right doctor. There are four doctors in the world who specialize in the pudendal nerve. Type in Pudendal Info on google, and there are forums for this. Many members report symptoms similar to yours--numbness, inability to ejaculate. If you are an avid cycler or weightlifter, that increases your chances.

One doctor's name is Stanley Antolak, and he's at the Center for Urologic and Pelvic pain in Minnesota. Another guy is in Houston texas, then there's one in France and one in Egypt.
 

suaige

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I have a bit of a different recommendation than some same as others.

The 2nd opnion is good. when ever my belly button is pulled, for what ever reason i have a sharp pain that shoots into my gut and then down the lower 1/3 or so of my penis. went to 2 urologists for it - no clue. Went to one years later for something else and asked him. He said oh yeah its your eurachus (sp?) like it was the most commonly known thing in the world.

My old roomy is similar though not as extreme as you. He says a good orgasm is like popping a knuckle and only has sensation on his penis on the back edge of his glans ridge, what ever that is called. But he had no problems having a kid.

As for looking at the porn. Well I perhaps a loner here, don't think its a good thing. Especially given the emotional reasons you are doing it for and what you are getting out of it. I was molested for 4 years and looked at it for a while as a result and became rather addicted. It was depressing, and spiritually destructive. The reasons I was looking at it were completely invalid and were not satiated to it did me zero good and a bunch of harm. Though a lot of peope find it OK. to me it seems like it is trying to cure and it with a poison oak salve. Making your problems worse not better. Avoiding it as much as possible will probably help.

Also after being molested, I found a counselor who can not help with your particular problem is nearly totally useless.

the best of wishes. The idea of exploring other causes might have been a good one.
 

BlondeGuyJonah

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Hey thanks for the replies everyone. I will post a bigger reply later, the huge reply I had ready didn't post and so I have lost it to the deep recesses of the internet. Thanks again. - Jonah
 

ledroit

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Jonah, that was a moving post and a good discussion. Your honesty really connected with a lot of people. It is good to check out the medical angles, medication and nerves, but you might also need to get away from your folks to experience a little more freedom and peace before you come fully into your own.

It's clear you are intelligent and sensitive, and your parents' bad reaction to porn (gay or straight doesn't matter) would do a number on anybody. But gay porn has more shame for people who are superstitious about sexual IQ.

I agree that relaxing is a big part of letting your body teach you how it likes to play, and engaging with others if you get the chance will also help. Your body may respond to them in ways that will surprise your mind. Good experiences of beauty will help to reassure your body, and feeling yourself physically awakened by the presence of another, real or imagined or live or in a photo or a memory is also healing. Be kind to your penis too. If it gets tired, maybe you can stimulate your prostrate with a finger inside or a dildo and learn to feel pleasure that way. Some people can do that easier than others. Depends on how your prostate is wired I guess, or how relaxed you can get. There is nothing straight or gay about the prostate.

Orgasms are funny, like shy people or thoughts. I don't know if you've ever tried to make yourself inspired, or force yourself to have a thought. It's hard to force that since the causality is complex, just like arousal or pleasure. But when you feel things strongly, or get really engaged in something or someone, and excited, suddenly there it is, without any bidding--your whole system starts to leap, and do things on its own. You're sort of along for the ride, just like you are when sports get really good, or music, or dancing.

Thanks for taking the risk and putting something so personal out there. That is the kind of thing ultimately that is going to lead to good sex, and nice, intimate, personal experiences. The rest, the orgasms and such, is small potatoes compared to that in my book. The way you express yourself is beautiful, I think, and I suspect that is why you got such good responses, and so many. Good luck in a good journey. People have many different and suprising talents for becoming engaged and aroused, with others or just thinking about them. Discovering your body is also about discovering those talents, and thinking broadly about them when you play with the beautiful parts of your body and your life. You are going to have some wonderful experiences when you do the same with others.
 

morph2020

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Jonah,

I didn't read through all the stuff on this thread, so I don't know if this is original. You should check into general hormonal levels like thyroxine, testosterone, etc. I have had a similar experience to yours. Sometimes people get benign tumors in the pituitary gland at the base of the brain. When that happens you drop into Hormone Hell and your sex life starts to have symptoms sort of like what you described.

Talk to an endocrinologist. Good ones are hard to find, IMO.
 

UniDude

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I agree with seeing a doctor. Also, remember that the brain is the most powerful sex organ we have. If you have had a traumatic incident (being chastised for being gay) it could be the cause of your problems. If you feel guilt or shame it could be a factor. This happens with male impotance patients. 99% of the time it is not a physical problem, but a mental one.